Today the whole experiment has seemed little more than a dreadful curse that has settled over me and spread to those around me as well. However, I do not like to use the word "curse" when discussing the teaching I'm receiving from God, so I will say that this must be a blessing on the way that only seems like a curse right now.
After what I read yesterday, I kept repeating to myself, "Don't be nothing. Don't be nothing. Be full of love." I tried to see each person I met with and talked with on the phone as a child of God. I tried to remind myself that each one is only trying to make an easier path for her child or a better life for himself. It was a challenge that I have to admit I did not meet with grace each time. I did slam a door. Granted it slammed a little harder than I intended - but to intend at all made it a "nothing" moment. I did have one small moment of parking lot rage in the Wal-Mart parking lot - against a driver who was probably only trying to get home for lunch. How was she to know I was on a strict schedule to purchase five copper flower pots at the Dollar Tree?
And as I sat down to read verse 3 tonight, I found this: If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Well, being the pain-hating packrat that I am, I was fairly certain that this verse had little bearing on my life. It must be there for someone else taking the pastor's challenge.
Then I noticed that this verse is about doing things. I've read about speaking and knowing - but this is about doing. I'm a Martha to the max. I'm a do-er. I'm a card-making, scrapbook-compiling, yard-mowing, cooking, errand-running, cat-feeding, baby-sitting, taxi-driving (okay not for a job, but you know what I mean) frenzied fanatic. Doing is what I do. Need someone to pick up your mail while you go on vacation? I'd be happy to. Need a batch of brownies for the board meeting? I'll make sure they arrive on time. Need a place to crash when you pass through from out of town? My guest room will be awaiting your arrival.
But if I don't do in love - there's no point.
And you know the scary part? This is doing season at work. I can so feel experiment central permeating my office tomorrow. I need a masseuse.
2 comments:
I'm enjoying your "love" diary. There's a new entry each day!!! Keep it up - sounds like you are really trying to take the pastor's challenge to heart.
Deb - Well I'm not really sure that I can take the credit for TRYING to change - but God sure is pushing me into it!! I know it's good for me though. I hadn't realized how unloving I was at heart!!! Not a pretty revelation, but apparently a necessary one.
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