An A-Ha! Moment - Day Nine

I received a comment on yesterday's post about giving myself credit for taking on this project...positive reinforcement. A very appropriate comment, I think, because last night after I went to bed, I thought back over the past 8 days of this experiment and realized all I'd talked about was how hard it was and how much I fell short of the goal.

So this morning, as I considered the next part of the chapter - love does not envy - I found myself drawn back into the patience and kindness couplet again. Perhaps it would not kill me to extend this chapter toward myself. I'm not sure how that works out when I get to the part about "love is not self seeking" - but I'll worry about that later.

In truth, the verse in Matthew that says "...and love your neighbor as yourself" has always bothered me. I hope it's not too disrespectful to say that about Scripture. Because the truth of the matter is, I treat my neighbors a whole lot better than I treat myself. The positive self-esteem line of thinking has never been my forte, and because of that, I constantly set very high expectations for myself and do not show myself any mercy when I fail to achieve what I think I should. I've gotten into trouble for that on more than one occasion with my friends who hate it when I cut myself down. I don't do it intentionally - I don't do it to get compliments in the other direction - I do it because...I just do. I just always have.

Perhaps this is part of the Great Love Assignment. Perhaps part of it is about learning to love myself and learning to be kind to myself and learning to allow myself more than 30 days to transform from the Witch of Wal Mart into a loving person.

Jaena, I'm sorry I didn't have time to put the way-to-go-post-its into practice today. I needed the Post Its for notes on my files! :) But I appreciate you calling me on that because I needed to hear it. This is a big task, and I have done some things right. Perhaps I'd be more spurred on to keep sticking with it (although sheer principle will keep me on the path because I'm just that stubborn) if I were more congratulatory about my accomplishments.

Having said that, I will reserve further thought and comment on "love does not envy" for tomorrow. It works out better anyway, because I'm still thinking. :)