Joy

There are so many things I want to write this evening. But I erase each sentence I begin because it somehow just doesn't seem the right timing.

So I'll simply say...

This journey I've been taking has covered every emotion I knew and a few I didn't. And today the Lord has nudged my heart to lift up my head in expectant joy and remember:

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
~Psalm 27:12-14

You do it, God.

When Is a Vacation a Vacation?

When you get to rest.

Our vacation was pretty packed with fun stuff, as you've seen, but I also really enjoyed the moments that were just...restful. Granted, traveling with a five year old and two year old doesn't really lend itself to rest, but there were a few moments....

One afternoon, while Kaylah took her nap, Hannah and I did a little craft project together. We salvaged the foam beads not lost or chewed beyond recognition by Kaylah, and we made bracelets. Here I am sporting mine - and a fresh tan!!
Feel free to let me know next time you have a formal event to attend. I'd love to let you borrow the jewelry....


Since I so lovingly spared you the beach pictures, I thought I would at least let you see the hot tub picture. This tub, as you can see (and will see again a few pictures down) has a mirror behind it. ON THE ENTIRE WALL. Oh and there's a shower head in it, too. What on earth is relaxing about taking a shower in front of a full wall mirror?

One afternoon, we had a rain shower for a couple of hours. It was actually the day we'd been to the pool in the morning, so we were all exhausted. The girls napped, I forget what Faith did, and I read and journaled...and slept a bit, too.

After the rain, Hannah and Kaylah asked to go to the playground, but everything was soaked, of course, so we went for a walk instead. Kaylah wanted to "pick flowers" - which meant a giant clover bouquet!

Love these pictures!

More of our walk.

Did I mention I was the official vacation chef? This day was baked spaghetti day - complete with garlic bread and homemade croutons! This was another way Faith and I made the vacation affordable. We did our own cooking while we were there! I do love to cook, so it was fun for me.

And we had a little patio table for our dining atmosphere.....

HERE is the hot tub. This is bigger than my entire BATHROOM!! And if you look in the mirror, you can see that shower head.

Don't mess with me while I'm blogging!!

After the munchkins went to bed each night, Faith and I found our respective couch spots (which in reality were much farther apart than this photo opp would make you think) and spent the evening catching up on the online world. Oh and we uploaded pictures too. We would swap camera cards and count how many we'd each taken that day. Although we deleted some, our grand total (combined) for the duration of our vacation topped FIVE HUNDRED. Don't judge us. We scrap.

And to prove once again that toys are just optional...the girls declared themselves to be cats....

...who were very thirsty.

Randomness

There's not even a way to neatly blend all this, but that's okay as long as I say up front it's random. :)

1. Near Disaster. This morning I rushed around to get ready, largely the result of spending the first 45 minutes of my day attempting to argue with the Lord. Now why do I do things like that? I know I'm not going to win! In my rushing and clock-watching, I very nearly mixed up the bottles of eye makeup remover and nail polish remover. In case you're wondering, I was after the eye bottle. This would not have been a pleasant mix-up. Fortunately I caught the impending mistake in time.

2. Book News. I received an email this morning from the company publishing my book, and it has been sent to the printer! Looks like sometime around the first to middle of July, it will be available for purchase! I am very excited - and very nervous!

3. Free Lunch. A work friend and I went to lunch today - to Bob Evans. Haven't been there forever. By the way, Bob Evans sells the world's best honey mustard. I buy it by the jar. Anyway, we ordered and started chatting - and realized that we were 40 minutes into our lunch hour with no food on our table! She asked the hostess if we could get it to go since we were out of time to eat, and we found out our order didn't get put in correctly. Our waiter was new - and you could tell he felt terrible about the mix-up. So our lunch was free and we tried to be extra nice to the poor guy!

4. Great Quote. I think I've told you before that my devotional book for this year is Streams in the Desert. Wanted to share with you this quote, which is just part of today's devo:

Perhaps you are undergoing some trial as God's child, and you are saying to Him, 'O God, it is raining very hard on me tonight and this test seems beyond my power to endure. Disappointments are pouring in, washing away, and utterly defeating my chosen plans. My trembling heart is grieved and is cowering at the intensity of my suffering. Surely the rains of affliction are beating down upon my soul.'

Dear friend, you are completely mistaken. God is not raining rain on you - He is raining blessings. If you will only believe your Father's Word, you will realize that springing up beneath the pounding rain are spiritual flowers. And they are more beautiful and fragrant than those that ever grew before in your stormless and suffering-free life.

Amen to THAT. Jesus...find me faithful.

Miniature Golf Mayhem!

The resort where we stayed on vacation had a miniature golf course. Faith is quite good at putt-putt and neither Hannah nor Kaylah had ever been to a course...so....Faith put that on the agenda.

Please let the record show that although I love playing putt-put, I stink at it. I mean I truly stink. Normally if I'm no good at something, I hate participating (because face it...who likes losing?). But I really do like doing this as long as my fellow participants aren't gloaters.

Once, several years ago, Faith and I had a good friend get married and we were both bridesmaids in her wedding. After the rehearsal and dinner, all the girls went go-carting and putt-putting. Everyone in the entire wedding party got a hole in one EXCEPT ME. So we have pictures of everyone celebrating their hole in one...and me pouting because I didn't get one.

Some things never change.

These pictures are in a very random order because I'm journaling and folding laundry and watching HGTV and realizing I should be in bed...all while posting this.

It was an 18 hole course, but the two munchkins only had 9 holes of an attention span. So this was taken after we quit halfway through. Kaylah thought the club made a great snack....


The one rule we did manage to teach them that night was this: STAY OFF THE GREEN!!!!

Hannah learned her technique from her Mom. Lots safer than learning it from me. :)

And when she got tired of the technique she learned...she made up her own. She had a method of golfing that greatly resembled the mysterious Olympic sport of curling....

Okay so "Get off the green!!!" wasn't always well understood....

When you can't win...just pose with the features.

Hannah assisted Kaylah in this hole by holding back the stupid swinging pole that was in the way. She did the same for Faith. When my turn rolled around, that little stinker let it go right when my ball got to the hole!!

You can't say my inability to putt-putt is due to lack of concentration...

My nemesis. That stupid barn had a little windmill thing inside. I had to get down on my hands and knees and push the ball through. Stupid barn.

Yes, I feel that way too!!!!

We didn't keep score (THANK THE LORD!!) but we did have a lot of fun.

My favorite moment was the next day when Hannah and I were talking alone. She looked at me with all seriousness and said, "My favorite thing was when we went clubbing." I looked at her with a combination of surprise and horror. CLUBBING?? Then I realized...golf clubs. Oh yeah.

This is What it Means to be Held...

Back in September, when my little nephew would have celebrated his 21st birthday, I had a granite heart etched with the lyrics to Natalie Grant's song "Held." I wanted to take something to his grave that would serve as a testimony of what his life did in mine. I was only ten when he was stillborn, and it was the first time in my life that I had to hit real life head-on and learn just how God went about working amid tragedy.

I have this picture hanging on my freezer door, and this afternoon when I got some ice, i took a good look at it. (You know how it goes with fridge clutter...you see it so often you forget to see it.)

Yesterday, as I wrote in my post, unglued me. And after work, I decided I couldn't go home. Needed to be out somewhere. Anywhere. So I shopped (unsuccessfully,I might add) for a while and then went to a friend's house.

Had a complete meltdown about two hours into my visit. No warning. Just kind of a flash flood sort of situation. I knew I'd be fine. I always am. I cry it out for a few minutes and then I move on. But something totally unexpected happened during that meltdown.

I was held.

Literal arms wrapped around me until I was cradled like a baby, and then I was gently rocked back and forth while I cried. Snot everywhere. Mascara everywhere. Sobbing that turned so labor intensive that it eventually mixed with sweat and became impossible to distinguish between the two. It really wasn't pretty. And yet the tight hold of a hug did not let go until I no longer gasped for air.

When I looked at the picture today, it seemed more real than just words etched in stone. It wasn't some abstract thing. It was real. With arms. I love it when God sends arms.

He Hideth My Soul...

I was raised on hymns. Hated them for several years in my teens because I was raised on them and preferred other (hipper) music. But lately hymns have become my refuge again. Last night the song "He Hideth My Soul" popped in my head, so I found it on YouTube and listened to it as I fell asleep.

This morning, God did a beautiful thing for me in reassuring me of His Presence in my life and I was so excited about it that I literally ran in the door at work in an attempt to be on time after taking the time to journal what He'd done.

I might have known that would bring about a test of some sort.

How very much I wish I could give you the details, because these stories are always better in detail. You can feel what I feel when I can give you a detail. But out of respect for those involved who aren't me, I have to stay vague.

But I have to tell you that right now, my heart is breaking in TWO. I'm on my lunch hour right now and while the rest of the office is eating together in the break room, I'm sitting at my desk with my good friend Puffs Plus with Lotion, hoping to goodness a student doesn't walk in until I get this little tear-fest under control.

God has me in this desert and He's refining me and I am so grateful.

And I am so hurt.

I do not understand what He's asking of me this day. I mean I do understand WHAT He's asking. I do not understand why. Why, when I want to help...when I can help...does He ask me to sit still and wait for Him? He's God and I've learned that while I'm allowed to question His ways without Him hating me, I truly can't question His ways because He's God and He owes me no explanation.

I'm gritting my teeth (literally...you should see my jaw right now) and resolving to obey. The other day when He and I chatted about the verses regarding seeking Him first...and delighting myself in Him...He told me that if I will obey Him in this thing He asks, that tells Him I'm seeking Him first. And that delights Him.

So right now, I'm clinging desperately to the life-long knowledge that He knows what He's doing. He is too wise to be mistaken and too good to be unkind, as the song says. So when I don't understand and can't see His plan...when I can't trace His hand, I must trust His heart.

He hideth my life in the depths of His love and covers me there with His hand.

Water, Water Everywhere!

Sorry - we're back to vacation! :)

Y'all know I love water. It's so peaceful to me!

So when I was in Tennessee, I was excited to find out they had a beach that was on Faith's agenda. There are, in fact, photos of me at the beach. You will not see them, and you are welcome.

Basically, I sat on a little lawn chair and worked on my sunburn again while the kids played. I spent much time journaling, much time praying, and despite two applications of brand new sunscreen, much time burning. Oh well. It's a lovely tan now.

The kids had sand pails and shovels, so of course...building castles was the first order of business!

Then it was time to brave the water. (Why are these thighs cute on a two year old and Heaven-help-us on me?)

Sisters...

Probably also some sisters in this picture. :)

Hannah and Kaylah working hard together. This was shortly before the thunder began and we got out before we got wet!

Loved the beach. I felt guilty for about two seconds that I didn't get in the water to play with the kids or stand with Faith, but I really just loved sitting on the side and soaking up the joy of the beach. So I let go of the guilt. (After all...not my kids!)

The next day, we ventured out again...this time to one of the pools. I wasn't feeling very well that day, so I didn't get in the water there either. I sat on the side, and literally BAKED. There weren't any lounge chairs with umbrellas and by the time I decided sitting at a table was better than roasting, there also weren't any unclaimed tables.

So I kept busy taking pictures. It's really too bad these two have no personality....

Yep - no personality at all.

Aren't those pigtails just something else??

Both days, we were pretty tired when we were done at the water. It can wear a person OUT! But I do have a pretty good tan - especially for it only being the beginning of June. Bring THAT on!

We Interrupt This Vacation Journal...

...to bring you an update from the world of writing!

I am both excited and nervous to tell you that just a few hours ago, I signed the final form to send my book to print!




The publisher has been reviewing it these past few weeks to make the changes to the cover (that they suggested) and the changes to the interior (that I requested). I received the second set of proofs this past weekend and have been looking over them to make sure all is as I hoped.

I cannot wait to show you the cover!

This book was born out of a desire to know Jesus better. It came forth during a Christmas season when my heart needed to connect with His and I couldn't find a book to lead me through the Advent season. As a result...I studied the Scriptures myself and in writing what I learned, the book made its way onto paper. (Well...screen. Then paper.)

When Christmas rolls around this year, it will have been three years since the project began, and God is still not done using it in my life. As I scanned through portions of it again today, sentences seemed to place themselves in bold font on my screen and I felt God nudging me through my own words. That tells me they were never mine. They were His.

And so...I'm excited to see what other plans God has for this book. What other nudges He might have for those who choose to read it.

Playgrounds and Creepy McCreeperson

Confession: I am not a big fan of playgrounds. I have to pull the "it all goes back to my childhood" card. Growing up, per my father's wishes, I wore skirts every day. And those of us who wore skirts to school were banned from most playground equipment. (Yes, even in first grade, boys thought it was fun to lay under the equipment and look up skirts. As a result - we just couldn't play on it.) So I was never one of those kids who thought the greatest thing in life was sliding and crossing the ever daunting monkey bars.


Though I don't have kids, I fear my lack of playground enthusiasm makes me a very poor aunt. Faith, on the other hand, loves playgrounds, and there just so happened to be a little "park" as the kids called it at the end of the road where our condo was, so we made a couple of trips down there for fun.

Of course there are the swings. Swings are the one piece of playground equipment I love. I did actually sit on one for a while! (No picture to prove it, but it did happen.)


Hannah had fun with this little thing. I would have broken my neck on it, but she had fun.

Kaylah LOVED the bouncy bridge. And if you'll look to the right of the picture (under the slide) you'll see the best shot I got of Creepy McCreeperson. I wanted to just take a picture, but I was afraid he'd think I was interested in some way and I did not want to make that mistake. Creepy was a rather interesting (aka frightening) individual who lurked at the playground with his fanny pack firmly fastened and his camera in hand. He gave us both the creeps. Glad we never saw him again.

I did NOT participate in the tire swing. I have zero coordination and could only envision a "totally Bekah" moment taking place had I tried. Faith and Hannah both love flying high, spinning around, and all things fun. Kaylah, as you can see - not so much. I so feel her pain. That's why I was behind the camera and not on the swing.

Hey, I wasn't a total party pooper! I did help with the "push me high!" requests.

Hannah worked hard on her monkey bar skills and did pretty well. I have a feeling that even if I couldn't have copped the skirt excuse as a kid, I would not have had what it took to master the monkey bars. Unfortunate but true.

Loved this picture. Hopefully in a different way from how Creepy McCreeperson loved the ones he was taking. Ick.

What is it with children's insatiable desires to climb UP the slide?

Though I'm not a huge playground fan, it was fun to watch them having fun, and it was really nice that they had the whole place to themselves both times we went down to play. Kind of made it feel like the whole place belonged just to us!

Build a Bear!

I said in yesterday's post that it was so odd to be the passenger in a car...and that's true. It was also odd to be a passenger on vacation! Not since I was in high school have I gone on a vacation when someone else planned all of it. Kind of refreshing!


Faith and I left home this past Thursday morning and arrived in Louisville, Kentucky around lunch time. After feasting (don't even think I'm kidding!) at the precious Sonic, we had our first official vacation adventure.

Build A Bear.

I cracked up when Faith told Hannah about it. I could tell that Faith was about to burst with excitement and stopped herself several times from telling Hannah about our first vacation surprise. So when, at last, at the Sonic picnic table, Faith smiled widely and said, "Hannah, we are going to Build a Bear!!!!!" - I watched Hannah's reaction carefully.

She stared for a minute and said, "I don't know what that is." Now that was a crack-me-up moment.


But when we pulled up in front of the store, she decided it looked like a lot of fun! And because I'm just an overgrown kid at heart - I agreed!


I'd never been in a Build-A-Bear before, and you can know I was not leaving that place without my very own bear. Hello! It's vacation! I talked Faith into getting one too. Bears all around! And because the child of a scrapper who also is the "niece" of a scrapper is nothing more than a scrapper in training, we got this picture. Slightly blurry, but she'll learn. (My camera is complex. I was impressed she did this well!) Anyway. Here are Faith and I with our empty bears.



If you've never been to a Build-A-Bear before, welcome to my virtual tour. :) The first item of business, once you've chosen your bear (and those are all the choices there on the wall in the background!), is to stuff the bear. Annie, the lovely worker bee, hooked our little bears onto the tube in the stuffing machine, and we pressed the pedal until the bear was filled right up!

And then - we had to give our bears big hugs to make sure they were stuffed just right. (This sounds like a children's story doesn't it?)

Some of us were more fond of the sound of the stuffing machine than others. Hannah did manage to press the pedal for her own bear's stuffing, as long as she kept her ears good and plugged. Kaylah, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with it.

We chose a heart out of the little basket of hearts and Miss Annie put those hearts inside and sewed our bears right up. (Side note - Chonda Pierce tells a story...I tried to find it on YouTube and couldn't...about going to a Build-A-Bear while she was in rehab for depression. You've GOT to find that story and listen to her tell it. Hysterical - and moving all at the same time.) Anyway, I thought of her as we put our hearts in our bears.

Miss Annie was kind enough to take a picture of all of us with our bears before we moved on to the next part of the fun!

The next station was the "washing" station. Air, which sounds like water and did NOT amuse Kaylah, comes out of the shower heads, and there are little brushes to use on the bears. Once we convinced Kaylah that the shower heads were not going to make any more sound, she joined in the fun of brushing and sprucing up her bear.

Let the shopping begin! Can't leave without an outfit!And there are, as you can see, many options. Boy outfits, girl outfits, summer, winter, day, night, sporty, formal, jammies, swimming, anything you can think of - right down to wedding dresses and tuxes. Kaylah may be young, but she's got the shopping for clothes thing DOWN.

They have little dressing rooms complete with mirrors (and stacks of underwear if you look right in front of the mirror). Hannah and I shared a dressing room for our bears. (Hers received a Tinkerbell looking costume - complete with magic wand.)

My bear's outfit was selected based entirely on the shoes. They were just too cute and I could not pass them up. So I found the coordinating dress and that completed my shopping experience! At least for this trip. If I ever get to go back to a Build-A-Bear, I'll probably buy her a little change of clothes. :)

Final stop in the experience is the birth certificate station - where you can name your bear. Because it felt appropriate for this stage in my life journey, I named her Hope. Please meet Miss Hope. (Side note - I had no idea how appropriate that name would become as the vacation went on. More on that later.)

And Faith, who has also been walking quite a journey of her own, named her bear Grace.

While Faith and I paid Miss Annie for our bears, Kaylah found a gift card and got to work swiping. Seriously! Shopper in training!

And that completed our Build-A-Bear experience. I really had a lot of fun. Would love to go back someday with another kiddo (or just me - for more clothes!) to have more fun. Don't know if Build-A-Bear employees everywhere are so great, but Annie was an exceptional helper. She really made our visit the best start to vacation EVER!

So if you haven't ever been...and you ever get the chance to go....I say GO BUILD A BEAR!!