The Saturday Six

One.

Source

Tis the season to being hunting for the perfect Christmas card photo shoot poses...no, seriously! It's less than 100 days until Christmas, people!! I was hunting around online for some ideas and happened upon this article with some samples of pictures taken of a couple over the course of their marriage. While I in NO WAY want to speed along our life, I do look forward to someday looking back and seeing our history of photos over the years!

Two.

Source

Earlier this week, I had curled up on the living room floor to pray and seek the Lord over some areas where my heart wrestled. I happened upon this prayer by Rachel Wojo, and it was so perfectly timed for what was happening in my jumbled mind. I am sure I'm not the only one with a jumbled mind, so if you have it too - these words might comfort you as well.

Three.

 Source

 I made many friends in my time at the station...and one of them was Don Otis, a publicist who took time to get to know me as a person, not just a producer. He just completed a HUGE accomplishment: he hiked all 66 mountains in the lower 48 states that have peaks of 14,000 feet or greater. I cannot even imagine the effort put into that kind of goal, and I'm so proud of him for hiking to the last summit just recently. Check out this article he wrote about his journey...and CONGRATULATIONS, Don!

Four. 

Just in case you are behind on the happenings of David Phelps, this is his rendition of We Shall Behold Him. I dare you to not get goose bumps.  

Five.

 Source

YOU GUYS!! Did you see this one? A couple had their engagement pictures taken by recreating some scenes from 101 Dalmations. Stinking adorable. Check out the link at the end of the article for more pictures. I can't handle the cuteness!!! 

Six.

Source

Earlier this week, I told you about Kristen Strong's new book called Girl Meets Change...which is a fabulous read for any of you facing a season of change {of ANY kind} right now. I wanted to also let you know that she has a companion small group study guide available that you can get free if you purchase her book before the end of the month and submit the proof of purchase {directions in this blog post}. Tis the season for searching out good books to study together, so this is a good and affordable idea!
 

He Shows Up

I will tell you right this minute that it should NEVER surprise me when God does something lovely, because He has been doing lovely things since creation, and I should consider them the norm, not a surprise. But I'm human and have {along with many of you} the world's shortest memory, so such moments DO take me by surprise. And today I want to tell you about a moment of loveliness from yesterday.

First, I should tell you that a couple of days ago, I came down with some sort of weird 24 hour blah-bug that left me feeling pretty miserable...aches, chills, fever, and no appetite. {That last part always scares me. When the appetite leaves, that's real.} So yesterday morning, I was finally on the mend from that, but still a bit draggy. {That may also have been because it was five thirty in the morning.} And that same day, Ryan was grumpy, which is about a thousand percent unusual. He had a KILLER run the night before - so proud of him for one of his best times ever - but he paid for it by being super sore and grumpy.

So there we were, grumping around the house in the pre-dawn hours, Braeya following us in between our feet, and crying loudly because {the TRAVESTY!!!} we would not stop to watch her eat, which is one of her daily demands. It wasn't our finest moment. We weren't mad at each other at all, but our personalities were far from shiny.

For me, it wasn't just the leftover sickies. It was feelings of inadequacy that bubbled over the surface. We had some work done in our house this week, and my job was to attend the crew with anything they needed, including answers to questions. I probably don't have to explain to you why being the answer-giver to a construction crew was daunting at best. It brought up in me the truth that I don't know much about houses, and Ryan would have been better suited for that task. But he was at work, and I was the designated house-sitter, so I had to make the best of it.

In full disclosure, I didn't even pray about it. I just moved to the couch with my grumpies in tow and began to scrapbook while I waited on the crew to show up for work.

And while I scrapped, an email came in. A friend of mine had a bad day, and she needed a place to unload her thoughts. So she did, and I answered, praying as I typed for God to give me the right words. I guess in fairness, she didn't say she felt it was a God-ordained answer, but she DID answer and she said she loved me, so I interpreted it that I'd done something good and maybe a little right in that moment.

Not an hour later....another email came in. Another friend wrote and said she'd shared this little blogaroonie with a friend, because she thought her friend might find some encouragement here. And that was the moment when God tapped my shoulder and said, See? You might not know much about houses and construction, but while you sit IN the house observing the construction, I can use you.

Why do I forget this stuff? Why do I forget that life is not made up entirely of moments that are easy and fully tilted toward our giftings? Why do I forget that hidden in the moments that aren't easy, are other moments when He IS fully at work, using what I have. {In my case, my words.}

So today, I'm grateful that He showed up for a blah-riddled girl sitting on her couch observing a construction crew. I'm grateful that He can use my words and carry me as I limp along with the stuff I'm not that great at doing.

Home Sweet Home

Yesterday, I read Anne's post over at In Residence, and she talked about her recent move to a new/old city, and how it was important to her to find some places that felt like home so she could feel at home after her transition.

It's true, you know. If you haven't moved for a while {or ever}, you might not realize how easily you take for granted the places that are yours. I had lunch a couple of weeks ago with my friend {and former neighbor!}, Julie. She told me how strange it felt to come back to this city after a handful of years away, and while it felt familiar, it wasn't quite home anymore. She has a new stash of places that are hers. 

And if you have moved recently, you probably know the urgency to find YOUR grocery store, YOUR church, YOUR favorite restaurant, YOUR park. Home goes beyond the walls of your house. It's your community, too.

Ryan and I are both transplants to Marion. I've been here {technically} nineteen years {WHAT!?!?!} if you count my college years, which I do. Ryan's been here almost three years now, after marrying me, and this place has become home.

Our Coffee Shop

 We have four coffee shops in town: one on campus, two independently owned, and one Starbucks. And Starbucks is home - not because it's the trendy place to go, but it's where we have gift cards! {They speak loudly!} But it's more than that. It's the place where we've actually made friends with the staff. The place where they know our drinks sometimes better than we know them. It's the place we can find open early in the morning or late at night, and someone will smile and hand us coffee.

Our Church

We never meant for this church to become our home. We walked through the doors about 2 1/2 years ago, fully intending to be there for a brief time and move on to whatever home God ordained for us, as far as churches go. We're still there, we dared to make friends, we got involved, and we have learned so much from the pastors who teach us. I think finding a church home can be one of the hardest things about moving to a new community, so for those of you still searching - keep pushing forward! The right one will be there!


Our Pizza

We love pizza. Truth? We could eat it every single meal for every single day for the rest of our natural lives, which would likely be much shorter than planned because we'd experience death-by-pizza. There are something like 32 million pizza joints in this town and we've visited just about all of them. And because we love pizza, we have no complaints. But we default to Papa John's, because we can get the best deals there. {Shout out to half price pizzas when the Colts and Pacers win!!} We do find it really interesting that the ONLY Papa John's in town is on the opposite side of the city from campus. You'd think the college could support its own Papa's, wouldn't you?


Our Campus

Speaking of campus, we love the grounds of IWU. Stunning, stunning property, thanks to the hard work of the individuals who care for it. We love taking walks there, praying in the chapel, running there, and seeing the life that springs up when school is in session. {Even if we do have to watch more carefully to make sure we don't get run over by zealous drivers!}


Our Shopping Strip

I am one of those rare blessed girls who has a husband who doesn't hate shopping. And every now and then, we'll hit the shopping strip that houses TJ Maxx, Kohl's, Hobby Lobby, and Meijer. It's pretty sweet to just make our way down the row, looking through each store. It counts as a date, and it's one of our favorites.
 

Our Park

I'm pretty sure when I moved to this city the aforementioned 19 years ago, the city park was largely a joke. But my goodness...they have certainly put a lot of effort into improving it in that time, and we love our park. The walking trails, the pretty gardens, the lights at Christmas: it's a beautiful, beautiful place now, and if we move, I think I may have to insist it move with us.



So those are our home-sweet-home places around this fine city. What about you? What makes your town feel more like home?

A Blessing

This has been the year of the plot twists. We've just come to accept that. It started with the gallbladder back in January and continued on through my job change in June and has had a hundred much smaller examples tucked everywhere around those two big events.

When Ryan and I sat in our hotel room last December, thinking back over the second season of our marriage and dreaming ahead over our third season of marriage, we had no idea what would come. And we knew we had no idea what would come. We knew we didn't have a clue how to dream, because we didn't know what our lives might look like. But we are dreamers, so we did the best we could and held hands tightly to run forward into the great unknown of season three.

Some things, like gallbladder surgery, were wildly unexpected. Some things, like quitting my job, were inklings in our minds, but we weren't sure how or when they would take place.

And now, with just 2 1/2 months to go until we celebrate anniversary number THREE, we realize there's also just enough room for a few more plot twists to sneak their way in to our year of plot twists.

This week, we've been praying about some things, and a few times, God has sidelined my heart with the urge to devote time to prayer. And when I say time, I mean time. And what a blessing it has been to be able to put aside the to-do list and crawl down on the floor and pray out loud. What a blessing it has been to declare that for this week, when needed, my full time job could be prayer. What a blessing it has been to know that if I prayed all morning and the afternoon demanded more, I could do that.

I've told a few friends that I'm so grateful for this schedule-freedom, because when I worked full time, I didn't have the luxury to just stop producing and start praying - for hours on end, anyway.

These times of prayer have allowed me to experience a new season of connection with the Lord like I've not had for a while, and although I am occasionally exhausted, I'm also grateful for growth.

I'm in a Bible study group right now, and we're going over what it means to thrive. As I did all my word-study homework, I learned that I really hadn't grasped the extent of thriving. It goes so far beyond "good and healthy" and represents the life I truly hope to live, though I know the road to get there could be a long and hard one.

So even though we don't know what plot twists lie ahead {and they could be super scary - eek!} I know that as a couple and as children of God, we want to thrive...we want to blossom and flourish and produce good fruit. We want the Lord to pour over us in ways we couldn't dream.

And for the chance to learn this and pray over it this week...I'm grateful.

Girl Meets Change

One of the great pleasures I've had in my post-station life has been the opportunity to read books. I simply did not have time to read for pleasure while working in radio, and it has been such a joy to get back into this love of mine.

An additional pleasure has been the opportunity to tell YOU about books, and today...oh my goodness. I've got a good one for you. It's been a delight to be part of a book launch team for the first time ever, which means I had the opportunity to read this book before it officially released {OH! That is happening today!!!}. I'm joining the celebration of a beautiful book birth by telling you about it today.

If you have known me for any length of time, you will know that for the better part of my life, I hated change. {Lois, can I get an amen??} I cannot even put into words the ferocity with which I dug in my heels and gripped with both hands while jutting out my chin and saying a stubborn, emphatic NO!!! to change.

Change scared me to death. I hated the vulnerability, the uncertainty, the learning curve...the upending that came with change of any kind. {Other than my underwear. I did change that.} I felt like any measure of change would rock everything in such ways that I couldn't even recognize my own life or hang onto the control I erroneously believed I had over it.

The passing of time and the growth in understanding I control nothing and God controls everything have helped me loosen my grip on change, and some of it I actually {gulp!!} like now. But there are still moments when God calls for change, and that familiar gripping and digging kicks in.

So you can see why I wanted to read Kristen Strong's brand-spanking-new, releasing-today book Girl Meets Change. Here's what I love about Kristen: she's normal. She's a wife. She's a mom. She's a girl. She's a Christian. She's lived a military life for many years. She gets it. She doesn't write this book from some big life-altering, tabloid-attention-grabbing seat that no one else will ever sit in. She's just just like us. Just a girl livin' life.

But as you might imagine, with credentials like wife, mom, military...human being, she's no stranger to change. And she's resisted it from time to time in ways identical to my own stubborn resistance. Through those moments, she's allowed God to teach her to not just survive the change, but to meet it. To embrace it.To allow the best change of all: His change in her heart, regardless of how much she likes or dislikes the physical change in front of her.

Gasp.

In fact, she has learned to say {and mean!} "change is an absolute provision of God's grace." Oh, my goodness, how true it is.

Good news? She doesn't take away the truth that change can hurt. That it can bring grief. That it can be a loss. But she also offers the equal truth that it can be a beautiful gift when cradled in the Hands of God.

This book is saturated in brilliant quotes that I would highly recommend scribbling on note cards and scattering around your house if you are in a season of hard change right now. It's saturated with stories of her own run-ins with change, how she coped, and what she learned. She's a girlfriend having coffee with you, smiling and offering hope and hugs when you want to lay your head on the table and sob.

And the additional brilliance of this book is that it really doesn't matter what change you're facing, you'll find something to aid you in these pages. I say that because being on this book launch team meant I had the chance to see notes from other people on the team as they read through the book. I saw notes from women facing health changes, death, birth, kids going to college, kids going to kindergarten, starting jobs, losing jobs, moving, not moving...changes of all kinds for women of all ages. And each one found hope in the pages. That's a God-breathed miracle...that He can bless a human being's words to bring HIS hope to people in all life stages.

So if you're facing a change you didn't ask to face...if you're facing a change you saw coming...if you're facing a change that is good and you know it, but hard at the same time...if you're watching a friend face a change that seems to be her unraveling, I have three words for you: Girl Meets Change.

92 County Tour: Madison County

Ohhhhhhhh you guys.  YOU GUYS!!!! What a beautiful day we had on Saturday. We haven't been on a county tour since June. We actually planned one for a few weeks ago, but we had to cancel it in favor of being responsible adults who had chores to accomplish. So when Ryan offered me one of his few, precious free Saturdays and asked if we could take a tour, my heart felt nothing but delight and love. This day was a gift to me, and I cherished it.

Our destination? Madison County.

It wasn't a long trip for us; Madison county borders ours to the south. It was named after James Madison, the 4th President of the United States. We actually visit this county fairly regularly, because it houses Anderson, which is a town we like to visit for dates.

Getting there on Saturday proved to be a bit of a nightmare, thanks to eternal construction on the interstate.

It would not be a Shaffer road trip to ANYWHERE without traffic delays. We collect them in place of normal things like t-shirts.

First up? A trip to a store I'd read about, called Sell it Again, Sam! They sell furniture, antiques, books, clothing, and all kinds of little treasures, and we had a blast walking around in there. {We didn't make any purchases...it was a little more expensive than our tastes, which border on half price garage sales.}

 This was a really cool vintage camera, though, and I found this life-size tea pot, too. No idea what you would use it for, but we had fun taking pictures with it.

After we finished shopping, we went for lunch at this cute local dive, called The Lemon Drop.

I wanted to go here because from the outside, it reminded me of the Comet Cone, the little dive we grew up with in Greentown. But I think this place was even tinier, and it was so character-laden, we just loved it. There were about four booths {maybe five?} and a counter with seats, and when we arrived, there were only a couple of seats left at the counter, so we sat there. That was fun! Throughout our visit, the place was always completely full and sometimes had visitors standing and waiting for a seat. {And the food is so good, people would stand and wait.}

Ryan had a breaded tenderloin and I had a burger {their signature burger is served on toasted regular bread} and we enjoyed talking to the people next to us, who overheard us say it was our first visit and chatted with us about the charm of the place. THAT was my favorite part, actually. It felt like what mealtime should be like in there - strangers who become friends over food.

And look at this? A basket of lemon drops!!

After lunch, we went to Mounds State Park to do some hiking. Mounds is significant to us, because that was where Ryan asked me to be his girlfriend a little over 3 years ago! Our hike this time was a little cooler, but it was still a GREAT day for a hike, and the park was relatively uninhabited, so we had the trails mostly to ourselves. {Be sure to ask Ryan about the trail where he said, "Hey let's climb up here" and then he climbed calmly, and I...well, hiking up vertical hills is not my first gift.}

Mounds gets its name from the actual mounds of earth found within it, believed to be created hundreds of years ago as a place to hold religious ceremonies and a way to mark directions and events on the calendar, like solstices.

The park borders the White River, which was so calm and serene. We enjoyed it! I also enjoyed our possible future home...a wigwam!

Our only remaining stop after our hike was {of course!!} a coffee shop. Normally, if we visit a county where I've been to some random coffee shop before, I'll try to pick a new one, just to spread the love. But Madison County houses the cafe at Gaither Family Resources, and I could not bring myself to go anywhere else.

Bill and Gloria Gaither founded this store in their stomping grounds of Alexandria, Indiana, and the property holds their recording studios as well as this store. {You can take a tour of the studios, and I have before, but I decided not to test Ryan's love for me by his non-love of southern gospel music.} We did look around the store, which is a fascinating blend of books, decor, music, clothing, and all kinds of fun stuff.

Ryan got fresh brew and a maple walnut pie that he said was quite tasty, and I went for a latte and a free scoop of coffee/chocolate chip ice cream.

We sat and savored our snacks while watching the video they played in the corner. {They always have one of their Homecoming videos playing.} Ryan cracked up at me, because of course I knew every single word of the video and could lip sync it all while drinking coffee AND eating.

And before we left, I HAD to get pictures with this table set in the yard. According to the Facebook reactions, I'm the only person who thinks this is the COOLEST in the world, but I don't care. I love it!

Thanks, Madison County, for a great date! We had such fun!

Linking up!

The Shafferland Shuffle

In a word, I'm glad this week is OVER. It came with plot twists that were not in any way life altering {thank you, Jesus!!} but were certainly unexpected and at times, maddening.

* Last Sunday was a beautiful day, and the sun peeked through the wet windows {ahhhh fall condensation, right?} before church. It was so pretty! We had a great church service and I got to hold little Livy Anne during Sunday School, so that was a treat! We didn't leave the couch all day. We napped and watched movies and Pinterested {okay that was just me} and drank coffee and ate pumpkin cookies. It was so wonderful. Ryan had worked a long, long day Saturday and had to work again on Monday, so this day was perfection. And then....the week.

* Monday morning's sunrise was stunning and that was the end of stunning. Ryan left early for work {on the holiday, yes} and found his truck was dead. So he had to take my car to work, and I stayed home and edited the daylights out of the writing project I just finished. {I decided if he didn't get a holiday, I shouldn't take one either.} Braeya "helped" by walking across my paper after parading through the shower. Eyeroll. During the day, we found out that Ryan's mom had been taken to the hospital and was admitted, which scared us to death. Ryan went to see her after work, and when he got home, he tried to figure out what was wrong with the truck and decided, after a trip to the auto parts store, that it must be a bad fuel pump. YAY!!

* Tuesday afternoon I attempted to attend a cross country meet for my niece, Savannah. Unfortunately the start/finish line was crowded with NO possible parking options left, so I tried to find a place in the middle of the course to see her, but they didn't run the normal course, so I never found her. Sigh. Went home, enjoyed white chicken chili with Ryan, and as we pushed his dead truck into the street so it could eventually be towed to the shop, I noticed the tire on my car was flat. Because of course.

* Although Ryan had pumped up the tire on Tuesday night, it was flat again by Wednesday morning, so he took our one remaining working vehicle, and told me to take the car to the tire shop. I knew I had a small window of time for the air to stay in the tire, so I tried to find a friend to pick me up and went to hang out at the tire store for a while. {We won't talk about the many tears in the interim.} That night, our friend Randy came over to tow Ryan's dead truck to a DIFFERENT shop, and I made a thank you dinner for him. It was chicken pot pie, but he doesn't like peas, so I picked them all out of the mixed veggies. :)

* Thursday, I worked so hard on some writing tasks, so I was ready for lunch and one of my FAVORITE things about lunch in this season of my life: watching House Hunters while I eat! I treated myself to iced coffee for the afternoon, to give me the energy to finish said writing project, and then that night, we went out for a run. A guy stopped me on campus and asked me if I was on my way to practice. NO, but THANK YOU for thinking I'm that young, Sir!! And I noticed while we were out...the leaves have begun to fall...sigh.

* Friday was September 11th, marking the one day a year I cancel life to watch documentaries. I get lost in the stories of the people. Can't help it. It was a good day for curling up for documentaries, since it rained the entire day and was cold, to boot. When Ryan came home, we ordered pizza and curled up on the couch to watch TV and end this long, long week.

* Yesterday was some sweet redemption from the week. Ryan had the day off, and we went on a county date! It was our first one in a few months, and it was just delightful. We visited Madison County and did some shopping, hiked in Mounds State Park, and drank some delicious coffee. I adored having the whole day with him and not having to share him! So thankful. Can't wait to tell you more about my day!

The Saturday Six

One.

Source

I promise I do more in life than read up on Chip and Joanna Gaines. {Kind of.} But for you Fixer Upper fans who haven't read this article - check it out! It is a long one, but if you love Chip and JoJo, you won't care because it's exciting stuff! The story behind the story. :)

Two.

Ryan has an item for you on this week's Six, so I'm turning over the keyboard to him for a moment:  Sooooo, Bekah being the humble, non boastful woman that she is, refused to share some GREAT news with all of you.  So I said that I would, because it is something you would love to hear.  A few weeks ago she was named Blogger of the Month for September on The Blog Spot Network for her review on The Dating  Manifesto.  You can read all about it here.  I'm so proud of her! I love the way she is so detailed and honest with her reviews, and really all her writing in general. (I also may be a little biased, just a little.) She has such a way with words and it's great to see her be acknowledged for that.  Good job sweetheart!!  You Rock!!        

Three.

Source

Years ago, when I attended Chapel Pike Wesleyan, I had the privilege of meeting these two people: Wayne and Virginia Wright. While they didn't  really know me, their lives, and even more profoundly, the lives of their children and grandchildren, impacted mine in ways even I might never fully know. Wayne and Virginia died within days of each other quite recently and their son, who is also the IWU President, wrote this article that I wanted to share. Wise words in here.  

Four.

Source

We don't have all these things around here {and it's also nowhere near our birthdays....} but who doesn't love freebies for your birthday?? {Truth? Trying to figure out how to get to ALL the burger places on my birthday. A progressive dinner of sorts.}

Five.

Does anyone else watch America's Got Talent? Have a thought on the Professional Regurgitator? He freaks me out. I cannot even look. Cannot. Ryan, though? Well the photos above tell the story.  

Six.

I feel a bit like I get to brag on a friend today, even though Jenny Simmons has no idea who I am. I met her about three years ago, when she was the featured artist at the WBCL Daddy Daughter Date Night. And in my years at the station {and since!} I have followed her on social media and found her to be this beautiful blend of funny and hauntingly real. The kind of hauntingly that makes me wonder if I have a heart-double out there: living different life details, but dealing with the same stuff.

Several months ago, I followed her online as she went through a KickStarter campaign to raise funds to publish a book. It was one of those moments similar to when you see your elementary school teacher out buying groceries at the store: until that happened, you didn't stop to think that your teacher had a life outside the classroom. Until I saw Jenny's campaign, I hadn't considered she might have passions offstage.

Her campaign went so well, she blew past her goal, AND her book was picked up by Baker publishing, and that's why we're here today. When I saw her book was available to review, I signed up for it and was just past giddy when it arrived in my mailbox. And oh. my. word. This book. This book.

The Road to Becoming is Jenny's memoir, and its details are unique and at times, jaw-dropping. As a member of the Christian band Addison Road, she lived experiences {probably} you and I will never live in real life. And as she recounts the worst year ever, the year the band lost their vehicle, equipment and merchandise three times {once to thieves, once to an accident, and once to a fire} you'll probably join me in hoping you never live it in real life. But although those details are uniquely hers, I continued to believe we are sisters of heart, because I could do nothing but grip the book more tightly and nod like crazy as I read about her hurts, her fears, her hopes, her dreams. Yes. Yes. Yes. Those I understood, because those I've lived.

From meltdowns in the spaghetti aisle {and more importantly, what they represent!}, to hearing the Voice of God, to wandering in the hot, dry wilderness, to waiting for new life to emerge from barrenness, I felt for the first time like someone had walked the same road I had and expressed it even better than I ever could. Jenny gave a voice to my heart from that hard road five years ago.

The road to becoming has different scenery for each of us, but The Road to Becoming is a great guidebook for the journey. Jenny writes in a way that made me laugh and cry, but she left me with hope that my own becoming {though sometimes unbecoming to behold} is a journey with great promise, and she made me eager to keep saying yes, even on the hard days.

Jenny, if we were real life friends like our hearts seem to be life-journey-friends, I would hug you and congratulate you on becoming a magnificent author. Thanks for your story-telling, your wisdom, your insights, and your hope. Thanks for being willing to dare a life beyond the stage. Thank you for writing, and most importantly, thank you for writing this. And thank you, Baker, for sending a copy my way for review. Thank you for seeing worth in Jenny's words and giving them an even bigger platform than KickStarter could have offered.

*Opinions all my own.* 

The Haiti Half: Worst Week Ever

For the past six or so weeks, I've been telling you all the good things I've been learning in the training, and I'm so grateful for each of those weeks. Each of those prayers. Each of those verses God impressed on my heart. This whole thing has been a journey I could not have imagined, and the discipline and personal accomplishments I've experienced have been needed and welcomed.

And then there was last week. It was a turning point of sorts for me, and I want to tell you about it, because I think it's important to recognize and embrace things that are unexpected, and maybe even in some ways, unwelcome.

As you know, when I started this journey, Ryan and I committed to running the half marathon taking place next month. Probably about a month or so into our training, we learned that due to low registrations, the half marathon had been canceled. The 5K happening the same day would still go on as scheduled, and we decided we would run that in place of the now-canceled half.

By that point, I had begun to notice that the discipline of training was really good for me, even though I still despised running, so I told Ryan I planned to continue training for a half marathon, even though the race distance had been cut back. And we did. We got out there four times a week, on some pretty hot days, and we ran. {I would say we ran like the wind, but that's a lie. At least for me.}

And then...last week.

My problem actually began the Saturday before that, when we set out to run in the afternoon, and it was hot. Like crazy, humid, take-your-breath-away hot. That particular day, we ran around the IWU campus, which is not always our route, but that day it was. And that happened to be the day the freshman class moved in. That campus was saturated with teenagers, parents, and cars. Our quiet little campus {which is, obviously, in no way OURS, but you know what I mean} was suddenly loud and busy. My focus was distracted as I dodged cars and tried to suck in while running past skinny students and dazed parents.

And at the end of that run, I had legitimately overheated to the point where my knees were sweating and I felt dizzy and struggled to breathe. As we made our way out of campus, I prayed fervently that I would not collapse to my death in front of the class of 2019 and all their loved ones.

{And I didn't, in case you weren't sure.}

But it messed with my mind, that run. And all week last week, I was a wreck. My times were awful, my mind was fearful, and I felt a thousand kinds of self-conscious in front of all the students who were just enjoying a leisurely week of fun on campus before school began this week. And for the first time, I changed my training schedule. I cut the miles down from what the schedule called for. I walked more than I ran. I didn't care if I was fast. I didn't care if I finished. Something broke in me that week, and not in a good way.

It hasn't gotten any better this week. In fact, last night was the first night we even ran all week. We're a month from the race, and my diligence has been shattered.

I'm not giving up. The end of this journey is proving to look very different from its beginning. I would be lying if I said I wasn't discouraged. I am. But I also believe God can teach me things through this shift in my mind. That the time I spent running all summer hasn't been wasted. That the weeks ahead, though perhaps shorter in distance for me, are no less pivotal.

So that's my messy mind for you today. And despite the worst week{s} ever, I am pushing forward. And I hope to learn new things along this well-worn path that I can share with you soon.