Snickerdoodles

Olivia's wedding reception was a dessert buffet, and she asked if I'd make snickerdoodles for her. I said SURE!! Then I realized I'd never made them before. Never fear...there had to be a good recipe on the internet somewhere...right?

I hunted one down, made it...and four-cookies-consumed-in-ten-minutes later, declared it a good find. In fact...I made another batch this last week and took them to work. Friday afternoon, I got an email from one of the guys at work. The subject line said "alert!" - and I thought....oh no...what did I do? I opened the email. "Just wanted you to know we're out of snickerdoodles." I giggled right there in my seat!

So apparently these ARE really good. Make a batch and ENJOY.

The Recipe:
1 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups white sugar
2 eggs
2 3/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons white sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a medium bowl, cream together the shortening and 1 1/2 cups sugar. Stir in the eggs. In a separate bowl, mix the flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, and salt; stir into the creamed mixture until well blended. In a small bowl, stir together the 2 tablespoons of sugar, and the cinnamon. Roll dough into walnut sized balls, then roll the balls in the cinnamon-sugar. Place them onto an ungreased cookie sheet, two inches apart. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes. Edges should be slightly brown. Remove from sheets to cool on wire racks.
I used the butter flavored Crisco shortening sticks. I dearly hate measuring shortening, so this makes it much easier. You'll also notice vanilla in this picture. There's no vanilla in the recipe. Guess I thought there should be! PAY ATTENTION, BEKAH!!

I cut up the shortening stick into small pieces and put it in the bowl with the sugar. (I sort of forgot to take a picture of it before I started beating it with the mixer...thrown off by the presence of the vanilla. Rough start. It got better.)
This is what it looks like after it's all mixed together. Kinda like scrambled eggs!

Added the eggs...

Then it started to resemble regular batter.

I put the rest of the dry ingredients in a separate bowl and and mixed it together.

I added the dry ingredients a little at a time.

I don't (yet) have a fancy pants KitchenAid mixer, so my little hand mixer only works in mixing the dry ingredients in for so long. It starts to look like this and then it gets too thick to use the beaters and I have to do the rest with a spoon.

This was the batter after all the flour was added...pretty thick.

I took a little bowl and put in the cinnamon and sugar.

Mixed them up.

Rolled the dough into small balls...you could make them bigger if you want big cookies.

They kind of look like doughnut holes after they're rolled in the cinnamon/sugar mixture.

Space them apart on the cookie sheet...

Bake and enjoy!

I'd recommend storing them with a slice of bread in the bag or dish with them...to keep them from getting crunchy. I forgot that the second time around. Woops! They really were so good!

30 Days of You and Me: Day Twenty-Three

I started to write this post about two weeks ago, but I kept putting it off...

...because it's a very uncomfortable one. I'd ten times rather tell you a super embarrassing story about myself than write this post.

But I'm too OCD to skip over number 23...so I will do it. Today's post: A Love Letter to Myself

Here goes!

Dear Bekah...

You demand a lot from yourself...too much, probably, sometimes. Okay, most of the time. But today you need to open wide some arms of grace and think about what you love about yourself.

...I love the way I've taken a house and made it a home. I love this place and the comfort it offers, even if it just offers it to Braeya and me. I love the warm colors, the comfy chairs, the cozy bed, the coffee candles...and the actual unlimited coffee itself.

...I love knowing that when this place sells and I have a new house, it can be home too. I love knowing I can transform that place and make it every bit the haven this one has been for the last eleven years.

...I love the way I write. Many classroom hours in college left me wishing I had the talent of this writer or that. I wanted to sound smarter or have more deeper thoughts, but now I'm very happy with my writing voice. It suits me.

...I love the way God has put in me a desire to love others. Sure, sometimes that brings its own brand of heartache, but most of the time it brings its own brand of joy.

...I love my quirks. Everyone else may roll their eyes at the things that bring me joy, but I don't care. I love the unique blend that is Bekah.

...I love this life. Many years ago, I never thought life could be good if lived alone, but I was wrong. I enjoy these days and the way I've been able to bring fun to this life. I love the way I learned to get up and make things happen rather than sitting back thinking I didn't deserve fun.

And that...is what I love about my life. On to more comfortable topics tomorrow!!

Bekah's Day as A Bridesmaid

I'm not quite to the place where I can star in 27 dresses. In fact, this was "just" my fifth time to be a bridesmaid. (One of the other bridesmaids in Olivia's wedding is in seven weddings this summer!) But I wanted to show you the day.

We had to be at the church at 8:00 for hair. That's eight IN THE MORNING. I post this picture because I either am more secure than I thought...or I'm really stupid. Could go either way. This is me mid-caffeination...pre-hair, pre-face. This is why I have to get up so long before I leave the house, y'all!
I was so thankful to have my friend Tiffany there doing hair that day. She took such good care of me. I told her "I want it up and out of my face...and anything you can do to hide the grays, please." And she did a MAGNIFICENT job.

Yesterday you saw my dress from the front...here it is from the back. (I stopped at Ronda's house on the way home so she could take the back picture. While I was there, I fed Silas his peas. That's why he's sitting on the table in this picture.)

Here's a closer view of the hair. It had so many bobby pins (53 to be exact) and so much hairspray - it was my Sunday look too! :)

After we all got ready, it was time for pictures! The wedding was inside (thank You, JESUS!) but we did quite a few of the pictures outside. So we were sweating like crazy when we got back in. Time to bathe in body spray and stand in front of fans!

This is Lyra, one of the bridesmaids. I didn't know her until this adventure, but I have to say she has one of the most beautiful spirits of anyone I've ever met. I just adored her.

And this is Jill. My word, she was fun. The two of us got in all sorts of trouble together. I mean...no we didn't. (PS our jewelry was made by my friend Rachel. We all had different designs - same pearls - and I thought they all turned out amazing.)

She had one ring bearer and three flower girls, and those flower girls were TOO CUTE. During the "please try to eat and calm down" hour before the wedding, they sorted all the petals by color.

This is Lisa, the matron of honor. Cool dress, isn't it? We did have one dress mishap prior to the wedding. One of the bridesmaids sat down and her skirt ripped. Fortunately the dress maker was almost to the church and she whipped it back into shape just in time for the wedding!

Obviously I have no pictures of the wedding yet. I elected to NOT carry my camera down the aisle. (Yes, that was hard for me.) But here are some things you should know about the ceremony.

* It was 2837482937489372983487239 degrees in the sanctuary. Approximately.

* I took off my shoes the minute I got to the front of the church (I stood on the floor by the front row the entire time) and left them off until the kiss.

* The kiss was plenty long enough for me to get back into my shoes even though my feet were swollen from the heat and it was hard to get them back on.

* It was one of the most meaningful ceremonies I've ever been to in my life. They'd thought through the symbolism of every detail and I loved it.

* No one played any tricks on them (losing the ring, etc) or anything, but after Lisa straightened Olivia's dress at one point, Tom's brother, who was the best man, reached over and straightened his coat. I thought that was hilarious.

* The kiss may actually still be going on. It really was that long. (And I hear, from other vantage points, quite fun to watch! I had a veil in my way.)

* I did not fall going out. I gave my groomsman strict instructions to be careful with me because my shoes were slick.

After the wedding, we had more pictures, and then it was time for the reception!! They were so nice to each other. :)

The reception was all dessert. Cake, cookies, brownies, pies, candies, a MILKSHAKE STATION, all sorts of SUGAR!!!!!!!

First dance as husband and wife. Loved it. I actually don't know how to dance. So after miserable failures at the electric slide and the Macarena and the hokey pokey, I sat down. The best man came over to me and asked where the nearest grocery store was, because he hadn't gotten the stuff to decorate the getaway car...I mean Tom's truck.

I tried to explain it to him and then I just said, "Do you want me to show you?" So I climbed (and I do mean CLIMBED...that thing was a beast!) into his massive pickup truck, in my bridesmaid dress and heels, and off we went to the grocery store.

On our way back to the church where the reception was being held, we may or may not have been pulled over by the state police. You can only imagine my joy at facing a cop. (I'm PETRIFIED of the police if you didn't know that about me.) Anyway, he let us go because we looked cute. (Sorry...but just callin' it like it was!) So then we picked up Tom's other brother, who was also a best man - and his wife, and we went over to decorate the truck. It was also 2983409238409283402384092834029842093 outside, so we smelled GOOD by the time we were done with that! Even so, blowing up balloons with sweat running from all sorts of places was preferable to dismal dancing attempts.

We went back to the reception site to deliver the truck for the bride and groom!
Doesn't she look lovely - even barefoot??

Tom and his cute wife...leaving the reception!!!

And that, my friends, was a wedding! :)

So very, very honored to have been part of their day. It was truly lovely in every way.

Rehearsal Time!

Last Friday night was Tom and Olivia's rehearsal and dinner. I just had such a fun night with everyone...starting the minute I walked in the door.

I wore my Easter dress (which I realized ON my way to work Friday...I totally forgot to iron. My mother raised me better than that. Please make a note of it.) - and lookie here - I had a match!
That's Rich...we used to go to church together. His wife was quick to assure me the outfit was entirely of his choosing. Hmmmm....wonder why she wanted that noted? LOL!! Anyway, there we were in our matching yellow ruffles.

So then I tried my hand (or head, rather) at his hat...

The rehearsal was...well it was a rehearsal. Not much to report! My favorite run through was the one where we actually ran. In and out. I was groomsman-less that night. He was still en route.

After the rehearsal was the dinner. Tom and Olivia's favorite meal is breakfast, so that's what we had. Breakfast burritos, biscuits and gravy, pancakes, breakfast casserole, fruit and dip, French toast casserole, bacon and sausage...probably more things that I've forgotten. My friends Chris and Trudy did all the cooking and it was fantastic. They are good cooks, those two.

I think these two are cute enough to get married...don't you?

After that...time to try on the dress to make sure it fit! Yes - the unveiling of the dress! Did I tell you about this dress? We all (as you'll see tomorrow) had different dresses. Same fabric...and knee length for everyone...but otherwise, we could pick out whatever we wanted. Mine is actually three different dress patterns...plus a twist we threw in just for fun. I loved it.

Cracked me up when I saw it hanging in the church. I seriously thought it was the junior bridesmaid's dress. I'm used to much larger dresses!

My favorite part of the night was the end. Tom and Olivia had invited any of us who wanted to...to pray over the sanctuary. So I prayed over the room, and then I had a chance to pray with Olivia and then over the two of them together. That was really a very special moment that I'll always treasure.

Come back tomorrow to see the wedding! :)

Bachelorette Party!!

Last week I went to Olivia's bachelorette party. My first one ever. (Can you believe that!?!)

We all met up at a hotel in town and Olivia's sister (who was in charge of the party) had ordered pizza for us. (YUM. I do so love pizza. I could seriously eat it at every meal.)

Then we set out on a scavenger hunt. Want to hear a stupid-Bekah-moment story?

Olivia's sister passed out copies of the scavenger hunt list to all of us. I have to admit I was kind of surprised. The list had us going to bars and having Olivia asking random strangers for really awkward stuff. While I sat there trying to figure out how two underage girls thought they were going to get in to bars, Olivia was trying to figure out how to be gracious about her party when 90% of the stuff on the list went against her values.

Then we received a second list - the REAL scavenger hunt list. The first one was just to freak Olivia out! Her sister thanked us for playing along. I said, "I was supposed to know that was a fake?" She said, "Didn't you get the email?" Guess not! HA! Way to go Bekah!

So anyway. We set out traipsing about Marion, collecting the items on the hunt. This was one of my favorite moments. She was supposed to find a couple who had been married more than 40 years and ask them the secret of their success. We found these two couples sitting in the mall. One couple had been married 55 years and the other 62 years! The husband of the 62 year couple told Olivia the secret of their marriage was Jesus. I loved that. I loved it that God showed up in a bachelorette party scavenger hunt!
Then we had to find someone to tell us an in-law joke. Do you know that no one has an in-law joke? This lady told us something funny her mother-in-law said, and we let that count.

Mission: Find Tom a ring at a hardware store. Budget cuts, people. Budget cuts.

Last stop of the night...find a dress and have a member of the wedding party try it on. So I present to you - my backup dress. I look like a Halloween nightmare.

Gag gift for Tom - a rather significant belt buckle.

After the scavenger hunt, we went back to the hotel, where Olivia gave us some very thought-filled gifts, and I handed out backrubs.

They booked the hotel for the night, but I had to work on Friday, so I went home before the karaoke (whew!) and movies.

I loved the party. This group of girls is MUCH FUN. I loved time with them!

SSMT: Verse 15

As you saw on Saturday, busy doesn't quite begin to cover my July. Insane, perhaps? All normalcy has been gone from my life. I flew from one activity to the next, hoping I wouldn't forget something...at least something major.

It was one of those months when I was sorely tempted to just buy more underwear because I didn't have time to do laundry.

And sadly, my time withe the Lord took a hit. I hate that. I really really hate that. I was convicted beyond words at Olivia's wedding on Saturday when, 30 minutes before walking down the aisle, she gathered up her train and disappeared into a classroom to do her devotions. I am pretty sure that means I have no excuse.

God and I do a lot of talking on my commute, but my times of sitting at His feet...reading...studying...journaling...took a hit this month. Did I mention I hate that?

I'm sure this is a by-product of that, but even in all the busyness this month, it has been a lonely month. I have struggled more than I even want to admit to myself with that great sadness. The temptation to contact people I know I shouldn't be contacting has been intense. And I've shed more than a few tears in those discussions with God.

So this verse that I've chosen is picked from a rather desperate heart. I haven't done word studies. I haven't dissected. I just need it.

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. - 2 Samuel 22:31

I don't understand His ways right now. But I do have an incredible peace that His way is perfect. Even when I don't get it. And right now I'm falling into His arms for refuge. Comfort.

Not profound today. But that's my heart.

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Sunday was a hard day...the first day without Kaegan. So I gave myself permission to be sad and rest. After church, I came home and took a long nap, and when I got up, I baked Snickerdoodles for Olivia's wedding. I don't know whether or not I've ever made Snickerdoodles before, but these were awfully good! I tested them...only seemed right before serving them to the masses. I also watched the Little House on the Prairie marathon on Hallmark. How I love that show.


* Monday, I made my first commute in the fog. Managed to get on the interstate without getting squashed. A good start to the day. At lunch, we had Jamie's going away party. Check out this cake...from Coldstone. Be still my beating heart. Monday evening, I got to have dinner with Jenny...remember her from Monday lunch dates? Oh I've missed her! One nice thing about dinner...don't have to hurry! We had the best talk over pancakes (courtesy of IHOP...not my cooking).

* Tuesday was my first day to run the phones (alone) at work during the show, after being on the air again in sort of an impromptu manner. I was NERVOUS! But I managed to keep everyone connected...thank the LORD. (No, seriously! Matter of praise!) And after work, Jamie took me to a park in Fort Wayne and introduced me to its beauty. I needed a new place to visit now that I've lost my standard local places. Look how pretty!! * Wednesday evening I got my manicure for Olivia's wedding. Purple Shellac! Love it. And then I came home and made three batches of almost caramel surprise brownies for the wedding.
I also decided to go to bed early that night because it was my last opportunity to do so this week!

* Thursday was Jamie's last day at WBCL. It didn't feel real...when she left, I told her I didn't cry because it didn't feel real, not because I didn't care. Thursday night was also Olivia's bachelorette party. We went on a scavenger hunt around town, and I was instructed to try on this fabulous bridesmaid dress... Olivia has taken such good care of her bridesmaids. I guess I shouldn't speak for the others, but I feel pretty doggone loved. She's gone way out of her way to make it special for us. No bridezilla here! :)

* Friday was my first day to engineer alone and I'm not even close to kidding - I almost threw up. I was so NERVOUS!!! I knew I knew how to do the job, but it was kind of a crazy show that day and I got mentally thrown off my game and I didn't recover well. Friday evening I went to Tom and Olivia's wedding rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. I LOVE THESE TWO:
Rehearsal was so much fun...and dinner was uh.ma.zing. A breakfast buffet. (aka happiness in a...buffet.)

* And Saturday...I had the honor of being a bridesmaid in Tom and Olivia's wedding. What a beautiful ceremony...a beautiful, God-honoring day. So very thankful to have been chosen to be part of it. Can't wait to tell you more about it this week. My dress fit, my hair was more than I could have hoped for, and I had SO MUCH FUN (when I wasn't sweating to death.)
Books I'm Reading: Well...not a lot of time to read (again) this week, but I squeezed in Jesus Calling, Sparkling Gems from the Greek, Entrusting Your Dreams to God, and Forever in Love with Jesus. Granted, not a LOT of reading in any of them...but some.

Favorite God-Moment of the Whole Week: I had the opportunity to pray with Tom and Olivia after their wedding rehearsal - and that was a very powerful moment. Several had been praying over the sanctuary before I got in there, and God's presence was just very powerful in the room. It was an honor to get to pray with them.

Update on Last Week's Goals: Clearly I SURVIVED! It was a busy week and there were so many things that never got done (sorting mail, doing laundry, cooking, working out...really most general life things) but I did so very greatly enjoy everything about the week. I got through Jamie leaving...and Olivia's wedding week! I feel good!

Goals for the Coming Week: Begin to establish a new normal after a month of craziness! I want to get back into a routine of chores and regular life. I also want to be able to enjoy my sister's visit! She's coming to do my moving sale, and I'm so excited to see her!

July: Done

Well...it's almost done. :) But tomorrow is weekly recap day, so we're rounding out the month a day early.

This month wasn't really any slower than June! So buckle your seat belts and sail through the past four weeks with me.

* Of course the biggest news was starting my new job at WBCL. Talk about a total career change! I went from reading federal regulations and running a calculator all day to learning to engineer a control panel and hunting down potential guests through all manner of interesting search methods. (Channeling my inner Locater.) I adore this job and know for certain that this was the God-ordained step for me right now.

* Made all sorts of new friends at the station. They are one great bunch of people, let me tell you. I never felt anything less than loved and completely welcomed. That's a huge step for a girl who never used to fit in anywhere!

* Participated in my first parade at the Three Rivers Festival in Fort Wayne. I helped carry the station banner - and the parade was even on TV. It was a fun day and a great ice-breaker into the new job.

* Became a commuter for the first time in my life. The drive is truly not bad. It's a straight shot and most days the traffic isn't heavy at all. I don't mind the time in the car...usually turns into worship, which is great. But I'm not interested in being a commuter all my life. Not my gift.

* I was baptized in a pond in a beautiful service that I loved so much. After months of planning it and wondering what it would be like, I absolutely loved the way it turned out. So many people said it was "so Bekah." I think that's supposed to be a good thing. :) I loved that it was personal and had a theme and was just gorgeous.

* Had a party for thirty or so people after the baptism was over. That was a lotta cooking! I don't often have a large group of people over because my house isn't really set up for that many people. But we had a great time and new friendships were formed right here under this roof. That made me pretty happy. That's what home is about for me.

* Sorted, sorted, sorted through a whole household (and attic) of stuff for things I wanted to put in a moving sale in preparation for my sister's upcoming visit to do the whole sale from start to finish. Eleven years in one house leads to accumulation.

* Became "more official" at work after receiving my business cards, going to my photo shoot, and having my on-air introduction. I think I'm a real person now! Those were some fun moments for sure!

* Embraced my inner Paula Abdul by serving as a judge for the Campus Challenge competition again this year.

* Said goodbye to my sweet baby kitty, Kaegan, who died on July 23rd at the age of ten. I miss him terribly. I always knew the day would come when I'd have to say goodbye...I just never thought it would be this soon.

* Participated in "wedding week" for Miss Olivia...including her bachelorette party, the rehearsal/dinner, and today...the wedding!

Stone Altar: End of July

July's Interesting Factoids

I have four weeks under my belt now as the Mid-Morning producer, and I have to tell you...never a dull moment in this job. Sure, it's busy as busy goes, but it's also just flat out interesting. I'm learning all kinds of stuff and Jamie has assured me that never ends.

So here are some of the things I learned on the job this month.

* Did you know you can make play dough out of dryer lint? It's true. Or so a book says. I've actually never tried it myself. Combine 3 cups dryer lint (pulled apart), 2 cups water, 1 cup flour and 1/2 tsp vegetable oil in a pot. Stir continuously over low heat until the mixture is smooth and binds together. Pour it onto wax paper to cool. - Real Simple's 869 New Uses for Old Things (I kind of want to know who figured that out.)

* Did you know you had an intrauterine environment? One of the show's regular guests is a health and nutrition expert and when she was on this month, she kept talking about the lifelong impact we all have from our intrauterine environment. I looked at Jamie and said, "I think I'll stop blaming everything on my childhood and start blaming it on my intrauterine environment."

* If you ever break that little plastic keyless entry remote for your car...here's a trick I learned for reattaching it to your keychain without forking out the dough for an expensive new remote. A listener suggested buying knee high hose, slipping the remote down into the hose, pulling it tight around the remote, tying it onto the keychain and then cutting off the rest of the hose. You can still see the buttons through the hose. Love it!

* Are you familiar with the term "quackery?" A guest used it and it made me giggle, so I looked it up. A quack (which I always thought meant a crazy person) is actually "a pretender to medical skill; a charlatan and one who talks pretentiously without sound knowledge of subject discussed." Word of the day. Quackery. If you need other words to throw into daily conversation, try gustatory or plumage.

* Ever heard of Flat Daddies? I think this was my personal favorite product that I learned about this month on the show. Flat Daddy posters are for kids whose dad( or mom...there are Flat Mommies too) is deployed. The lifesize, from-the-waist-up posters can be taken with families on trips, to special occasions, or just put in the house as a bit of comfort. I loved the stories Elaine Dumler told the day she was on our show - I got a little tear in my eye! (Of course, I'm a sucker for all those coming home shows on TV.) I think this is a great and thoughtful product for kids who miss Dad or Mom during deployment. Great program!

Change

During my interview with Jamie on the air last week, I mentioned I'm not a huge fan of change. Lynne joined the conversation at that point to say how much it surprised her to hear that. Apparently my ability to embrace all the new things thrown at me in this last month made her think I love change.

I guess that's what a year in a desert will do to you. (Okay so I wasn't in the desert for a whole year, but the journey has been a year in the making.)

When I hired into Financial Aid, I was hired to be a loan counselor. That was my assignment. Learn loans inside and out, and process all loans for all students all the time. I hadn't been on the job very long when they changed the office structure. I was issued a caseload of students and my job was to do all aspects of the aid process for that group of students. And as dear, sweet Lois will tell you, I did not like that idea. She spent many hours in my office trying to convince me to embrace that change.

Or any change.

When I met Isaac and fell in love, I realized life was about to change. If we got married, I'd have to quit my job...move to another town where I didn't know anyone...give up my cats (he was allergic)...embrace a new church...make new friends...find a new job. And for the first time in my life, that didn't scare me. I loved him so much that those things seemed minimal sacrifices to make in exchange for the opportunity to share life with him.

And then our world fell apart. Everything changed, but nothing changed in the way I thought it would. All the details of my life stayed the same, but everything that mattered was ripped from my heart. And through that gut-wrenching time, I learned to, as the hymn says, "take as from a Father's hand...one by one, the days, the moments fleeting, til I reach the Promised Land." I decided the details didn't matter nearly as much as I thought they did.

Then this year came. I didn't marry Isaac, but I quit my job...and I'm preparing to move to another town where I don't know anyone...God just asked me to give up one of my cats...and I'm going to have to embrace a new church...I'm already making new friends...and I have a new job.

It's not what I planned. The details are nothing as I expected them to be. But the change is happening despite the brokenness of the original plan.

Sunday night, my friend Becca left me a comment on Facebook, under the picture of Kaegan that I posted in his memory. She said something like "Can you handle any more changes?" And the answer is...yes. Do I want to? Maybe not this week. But I'm learning I'm nowhere near in charge of my life. And if He sends changes, I'll take them. Whether it's one blessing at a time or one blow at a time...I'll take them.

Ode to Jamie

Jamie has written all these great odes as part of her goodbye process. An ode to WBCL...an ode to her roommate...I love them.

I stink at odes. Odes are poetry. And I'm well aware that "falling short" doesn't begin to cover my inability to create masterful (or mediocre) poetry.

So essentially I'm calling this an Ode to Jamie because I cave to peer pressure and want to fit in with her. But really it's just a glorified letter.

Dear, Dear Jamie,

I remember the day I walked into the station (fashionably late) and you left your post at the phones to settle me into my chair in the studio so I could listen to all the interviews ahead of mine. And I remember talking to you after the interview ended and knowing in my heart you were a kindred spirit. (Precious few of those abound in this world.)

And later that night when you emailed me to tell me you were interested in forming a friendship, my heart surged with joy...there's an inexplicable comfort in being chosen back. You know?

Our friendship (appropriately) began at Starbucks...oh if only we'd known how important coffee would become to our future! Over skinny caramel macchiatos we began that awkward sharing of information - each of us longing to be real but hoping the other would understand and accept the random offerings of information.

I quickly learned you have a heart for the Lord that far exceeds the ordinary. You sent emails of encouragement, laced with Scripture, offered your prayers and words of deep wisdom. You challenged me in ways no one else had. And you did it all with love and grace.

The day you told me you were leaving for California, you caught me completely off guard. I was so excited for your new adventures...and yet God wasted no time in stirring my heart about your job.

I love it that one of my favorite stories is one I get to share with you...the story of how God directed us both. How He wove our storylines together for that time.

Coming to work with you has been the smoothest transition of my life. (I don't believe smooth and transition have ever before been used in the same sentence when I'm behind its crafting.) You planned so well...you and your 39 page manual...and you have made this job so easy for me to love.

You leave big shoes to fill...or is it big pants cuffs to trip over?...and I know I won't always do it with the finesse you did, but I promise to love and embrace it just like you did. I promise to give it everything I have in me (which before coffee, granted, may be minimal) and do my very best to make you proud.

And every time I go into that studio and sit in "my" seat...I'll think of you and that first day.

And I'll try to remember to turn on the headset.

Mmmkay Pumpkin?

Bek

In the Classroom

I have mentioned in the Weekly Recap the past few weeks that I'm working my way through Judith Couchman's Bible study called Entrusting Your Dreams to God. It's a study on Hannah, and Marie and I are discussing it together.

This past chapter got me. It flattened me to the point I had to call Marie and tell her I needed another week to finish the chapter because I wasn't ready to go on. (I never do that.) But I wanted to elaborate on this little lesson I learned. It was my favorite God moment from last week, and it was so good, I thought maybe someone else could learn from it too. So come sit in the classroom with me.

This particular chapter focuses on the portion of time when Samuel had already gone to live in the temple with Eli, and Hannah just saw him once a year when she visited during the annual sacrifice.

The book said, "Once Hannah left Samuel with the old priest, she faced the emotions of living a lifetime without her son. How did she manage day to day? The Bible doesn't say. But through her yearly visits to the temple, we observe a consistently God-fearing woman. And we see that there are blessings for those who persistently obey."

I remember last year in the desert, the gut-wrenching cry I always uttered was find me faithful. I knew people didn't understand why I was willing to wait for Isaac, because they were already convinced he'd never come back. I knew people didn't understand how much I loved him or why. But in my heart, I knew God had called me to stay and that was all that mattered. I wanted to be found faithful.

As I sprawled on the floor of the station office reading this study last week, I wondered when the last time was I asked God to find me faithful. I realized I'd lost that consistency in my post-desert life.

I continued reading - this time in 1 Samuel 2. "Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, saying, 'May the Lord give you children by this woman to take the place of the one she prayed for and gave to the Lord.' Then they would go home. And the Lord was gracious to Hannah; she conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters" (vv. 20-21).

This is what the Lord impressed upon my heart as I read those verses (aka - how He applied it to my life...I'm not exactly in Hannah's boat).

The Lord could choose to give me someone to take the place of Isaac - the one I prayed for and gave to the Lord. Depending on the day, my heart struggles back and forth between believing God has another plan for me in the post-Isaac life and feeling that I will just be alone since he chose to leave. And truthfully I've never liked the word "replaced." I loved him. He was irreplaceable. I didn't like that concept. But seeing it right here in Scripture opened the door of my heart a little. Perhaps God does have a plan to replace that love. I certainly did pray for Isaac and I did offer him and our love to the Lord...who chose to take it.

Sometimes I have to go home. The verses say that after Eli prayed over them, they went home. Back to life as normal. Day after day. Laundry. Cooking. Routine. And perhaps that is the season I'm in right now. Going home. Living life...granted a crazy life right now...but life. Nothing might "happen" in this season, but it might be a necessary season anyway.

The Lord was gracious. I have a hard time accepting grace. And I know God longs for me to understand His grace. He was gracious to Hannah...gave her abundant children to replace the one she gave to Him. And perhaps someday He'll be gracious and give me love to replace the love I gave to Him.

I highlighted those verses in my Bible...and I put the date beside them. I have a feeling someday I'll get to look back (with great joy) and see how God brought those things to pass in my life. He's good like that.

Little Kaegan James 3/11/01-7/23/11

My sweet boy is gone.
I didn't put it in the weekly recap because it felt wrong to just throw that into the list of what happened last week.

He's been sick for about a month, and I knew last week especially that his days were numbered. Several asked me if I had taken him to the vet, and I didn't. Kaegan had to go to the vet often in his younger years and had some experiences there that traumatized him (NOT the vet's fault) to the point where the doctor said the mere act of bringing him in put him through so much stress that it wasn't good for him. When I realized he was sick this time, I knew taking him to the vet would only put him through the same type of trauma again - and I didn't want that for him. I'm sure some are judging me for that decision, but I stand by it. I knew him better than anyone and I know it was the right thing.

He didn't seem to be in pain...he never cried or flinched when I touched him, but he just got progressively thinner and weaker.

Last Thursday night, I sat beside him on the floor, just petting him and talking to him. I told him how much I loved him and that I hoped I'd been a good mom to him. Sometimes I worried I wasn't. He had such a quirky personality. He didn't like to be held....he only liked to be touched on his own terms...and he wasn't social at all. A good day in his mind was hiding in the closet...or behind the bathroom door...or under the fat chair...only coming out for food and bathroom breaks. I respected his loner personality but sometimes wondered if he felt neglected. Probably not. He was, after all, a boy.

I found him Saturday when I came home from the dress fitting. I knew even as I drove home, that when I got here, he would be gone. Seeing him...and knowing...was so hard. I called my Dad, and he and Mom came over right away. Dad wrapped him up in one of my well-loved hair dye towels and put him in a box I was supposed to use for packing up the house...and took him to their house to bury him. I told Dad he could pick the place.

So now I'm here...with Braeya sitting beside me. I'm not sure she gets it yet. She's not acting any different. They weren't terribly good friends, which used to bug me, but now I'm kind of glad. Maybe it will be easier for her this way.

Though so very anti social, Kaegan was my sensitive cat. He always knew when I had a bad day, and he'd nuzzle up next to me and purr while he rubbed my face with his nose.

Sure could use one of those right now.

Goodbye, my sweet boy. I will miss you terribly. Love you.

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Last Sunday I met with Marie for our Bible study...I always feel so much better after we meet. She's one of my friends who really "gets" me at my core and I can be completely honest and know I'm heard in love. Then later, Faith stopped by and we had a great heart-to-heart chat, complete with tears. I also finished undecorating the house from the baptism party. (The peril/blessing of a house on the market is that it always has to be ready in case someone wants to see it!)

* Monday I had the opportunity to send a "ministry email" to a listener. She wrote in with a question about the show and I answered her, but I also added a note from my heart and some verses I hoped would help her. She responded with sincere gratefulness and tears. That was the moment God confirmed to me that I'm in the right spot - not because I can write or because I can learn the technical aspects - but because I can exercise my heart for ministry in ways I never could before. I loved that.

* Tuesday, one of the office ladies brought us a treat - owl cookies. SO CUTE!!!
Tuesday was also my official photo shoot for the station. Lynne and I went to downtown Fort Wayne to the Grand Wayne Center (never been there before!) to have our pictures taken for the station wall, the web, etc. Loved our photographer. She really took her time with us and fussed over us making sure our collars and hair were as they should be. After work, I met up with the Fort Wayne realtor again and we looked at three more houses. I found one I really liked - but I still don't know when I'll be moving so I don't know if it will still be an option when that time comes. OH! And in totally pathetic and useless random Bekah trivia, my trip to the Grand Wayne Center was also my first time ever to drive in a parking garage.

* Wednesday was my on-air introduction at WBCL. Jamie interviewed me - and we had fun retelling God's story of my transition. We never get tired of that one. If you missed it and want to hear it, you can go here and scroll down to Wednesday, July 20th "Spots and Spotlights." My interview starts somewhere around the 27 minute marker, I think.

* Thursday night, Kari came over. You know you have amazing friends when they'll do things like what you're about to read. Kari came over after we both got home from work and for almost two hours, she helped me cart stuff out of my attic, sort through it, and carry it out to be trashed or out to the garage in preparation for my moving sale. It was 400 million degrees outside, and 500 million degrees in the attic, and obviously hauling superfluous junk is no small task. I can't write enough words to express my appreciation for her help!

* Friday night I got to surprise Julie for her birthday! Despite a little miscommunication on timing, it was great to see her and get to talk to her for a bit on her own personal holiday!
When I got home from the celebration, I went over to Rachel Ashley's to swim for a while. The water was 95 degrees. HEAVEN. It was like the hot tub all over again!

* Saturday I once again embraced my role as Paula Junior and judged for the Campus Challenge competition held at IWU. Lots of great songs...and one did succeed in reducing me to tears. After that was over, I scurried to the other side of town for my next dress fitting for Olivia's wedding. This was the first time I'd seen the dress all in one piece. I love it! She has some tweaking to do but I think it's going to be pretty cute when it's done! I can't wait to show you a picture. This was not the day. It still fits like an apron. :)

Books I'm Reading: I really loved Jesus Calling this week. It fit me so well! Read in Sparkling Gems from the Greek, did a little more reading in Forever in Love with Jesus, and worked in Entrusting Your Dreams to God. It was a hard chapter this week. Very, very challenging.

Favorite God Moment of the Whole Week: God and I have had a number of "discussions" this week. Friday evening, as I waited to go surprise Julie for her birthday, I sprawled out on the floor of my office at the station, reading in Entrusting Your Dreams to God. As the words stepped all over my toes, God opened part of the verses I read to have very personal, redemptive meaning to me. There are days when I still wonder how He plans to redeem my world after its shattering, but He continues to show me, piece by piece, that He does have a plan. And that evening was one of the revelations.

Update on Last Week's Goals: I (thanks to Kari's help) did get the sorting done that I hoped to do. I am now ready for Lori to prep for the sale. And I worked as hard as I could this week to learn everything I could from Jamie in this time we still have together. She had to remind me several times to offer myself some GRACE. (oops.)

Goals for the Coming Week: Very simple. SURVIVE. :) This coming week is Olivia's wedding, so I am beyond busy with that. It's also the week in which I say goodbye to Jamie and begin working all by myself. So my goal is to not have expectations about the week...and just take each day as it comes. I know the Lord is my strength, and I NEED THAT this week.

Bekah's Baptism: The After Party

After the baptism, I invited everyone back to my house for some food. (My house was not made to hold that many people but it was still way fun.) I think there were 25 people at the baptism and maybe about that many (added a few, lost a few) at the party that followed.

So here's a taste of the party!

Earlier this year, I ordered a banner from Shindigz. I got a super deal on it. I paid ONE PENNY for the banner and then had to pay shipping. So I think it was $6.96 for the whole thing. And it was a nice quality vinyl banner! I used the bridge from the song that played at the baptism - Brent Vernon's Fully Yours song. This hung in the dining room by the food.
Angi Spangler's fabulous cupcakes. Do you love the color theme? Browns and blues? (Water and sand...)

Cheeseball and crackers, toffee crackers, candy shop pizza, and cupcakes. And my aunt surprised me with my favorite caramel surrpise brownies. YUMMY. (Stones scattered about for decoration. Love me a theme!!)

BBQ chicken sandwiches, BBQ weenies, and chicken puffs. :) YUM.

Liam was pretty into his cupcake. My favorite one-liner from him was this. "Hey Aunt Bekah! Your living room is different. You reorganized it!"

The lovely Savannah - fresh off a week of camp. Tired, tired, tired, but I was so glad she came!

Julie and Levi. He was kinda serious. :)

Some of the inside crew in my reorganized living room. :)

I have more pictures from this but they all seem to contain the blog anonymous folks, so I won't post them. I think I had about 30 people at my house for the party, which is about 25 more than it comfortably holds! LOL!!

But we had a great time and people started making connections with each other...new friendships were formed...and I loved that.

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect evening. God was very good - and He still is!

And now, as promised, the song that I think best rounds out my post-baptism feelings. The sound quality is a little iffy in this particular rendition of it, but David does a nice little run in this one that he didn't in the studio, so it's my favorite. (Oh come on. Like you thought you were going to get out of this without a David song.)