I Choose You: Openness

I should tell you at the beginning of today's post that we are not exempt from taking our own advice. My day on Friday sort of tanked, and by the end, I'd cried twice. (Ironic, isn't it, when my post for that day was about optimism?) Ryan was so kind and offered me every bit of optimism he had, and the day definitely ended on a much better note. I told him I should have figured that writing about it would have been a sign for field practice!

We're marching right along here in our blog series on marriage ideas, and we're basing it all on the phrase I CHOOSE YOU. (The previous post links are at the end if you've missed any.) Today's word, based on the second O in choose is OPENNESS.

Here in Shafferland, we are in the middle of birthday season. Ryan's birthday is tomorrow, actually, and mine is coming up in twenty-one days. (Eeek!) We're both attempting to pull off ordering gifts without the other knowing, which means we've resorted to enlisting the help of the same poor friend, who has been stuck purchasing our gifts for us. She texts us about the progress, and we've banned each other from reading any messages from her or pilfering through phone photos or texts in general now, for fear the other will stumble upon news of a birthday surprise. 

We're also not allowed to open any packages not specifically addressed to us. Birthday secrets are such fun!

We run into this same thing again around the first of December, when we bring in the anniversary and Christmas presents. And you know what? We hate it. I mean we love surprising each other, but secrecy is not really fun for us. We're not used to don't look! rules, because we have chosen to live our days openly about the happenings of our lives. 

For us, it's not about the information we're sharing (or allowing the other to have free access to) as much as it's about the trust we place on each other to be open without fear of being judged or looked down upon. 

This is one of my favorite things about belonging to Ryan - and it's been one of my favorite things since the very beginning. I can tell him anything, and I know it's okay. Even if it's really really stupid. Even if it's really unlikely to ever happen. Even if it's really embarrassing. And he has the same freedom to tell me anything. 

Ryan actually loves it when I'm open with him about my daily life, dreams, struggles, fears, excitement about something new, or even what I'm wrestling with in prayer. He loves knowing that often he's the only one who gets to hear some of those things, because I protect them (okay, I protect myself) from sharing with anyone else. When he knows he gets to hear the classified stuff, he feels loved. And at the bottom line, isn't that what we all want? To feel chosen and loved? 

When we share this series as an out-loud talk at an event, openness is Ryan's topic to share, and he has some really important advice for the guys, so we'll share it here with you as well. Ryan tells the men in the crowd that he knows being open can be a bit of a struggle. (And let's be honest: while it may come more easily to women as a whole, there are some girls who don't like it all that much either!)

Ryan this to the men: We tend to keep things bottled up, not speaking about the very things our wives long to hear from us. I know feelings might not be our favorite topic, but they're needed to grow together with your wife and to help her feel cherished and loved. You need to let your guard down to the one you love, because you're supposed to be one with her! If there's anyone you can depend on and trust, I would hope it would be your wife! You chose to spend your life with her, and one thing that will make that life together beautiful is being open and honest in all you do. 

Like many people, Ryan and I came together into our marriage bringing with us the hurts of previous relationships. Because of those hurts and our desire to not repeat them, we approached our relationship and then marriage with openness, honesty, and prayer, not hiding anything!

Because we chose to do that, we were able to begin our relationship with a solid foundation that has only grown from there. This priority has strengthened our relationship and marriage. Our openness allows us to hold each other accountable as well as feel safe within the walls of our home. (As long as we don't send a birthday text to the wrong person!)

We encourage you to show honor to your marriage by choosing to be open, even when it's hard or embarrassing. Show honor to your marriage by being trustworthy and kind when you are being vulnerable with each other. 

We also encourage those of you who are single to make this a priority from the start when you do enter a relationship. It's much easier to establish it at the beginning than to try to change it later. Even if you've never lived another relationship this way, we urge you to try it! 

If you have missed the other posts in this series, you can catch up here!

I Choose You: Introduction
I Choose You: Intentional
I Choose You: Chronicles
I Choose You: Help
I Choose You: Optimism
I Choose You: Openness
I Choose You: Sacred
I Choose You: Exciting
I Choose You: Yoked
I Choose You: Only
I Choose You: Understanding
I Choose You - Works For You