I Think They Call This Growth

To be honest with you, I have trouble keeping up with my own life right now. I had to tell my dad ON his birthday that I promised to have his gift before Valentine's Day. I used to be SO on top of it with gifts and cards and normal life stuff. Now I consider it a good day when I have 1/4 tank of gas. (It's like having kids without having the kids...mass chaos.)

But amid the (beautiful!) chaos that is my life right now - there's something really strange going on.

I think it's called growth.

Not like eating-too-many-cookies growth. (Well, depending on the day, there may be that, too.) I'm talking about heart growth. It's almost imperceptible, but it's there!

I opened up Jesus Calling a few days ago and found this: "Trust Me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love...When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help."

That would be when I said OUCH!! Talk about a (needed) kick in the seat of the pants!

I've got some little story-lines going in my life right now, and I could not begin to guess where God will take them - or where He will stop them. That has not prevented me from TRYING to figure it out, though. The writer in me thought of no less than a dozen possible scenarios for each.
And God whispered, Stop it. This is My story...not yours. Wait for Me.

A couple of nights ago, my heart was all stirred up with anxiety. I had some dejavu and I felt myself grabbing for the invisible reins to try to "fix" it before it got too out of control.

And right there over a pan of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, God said, This is your do-over. Similar details, but now a chance to live by relaxing in My arms and allowing Me to work it out however I choose. The choice is yours.

So in between bites of cookie (because face it, you can't take cookies to the office without tasting one first to make sure it's edible!) I said out loud over and over Take it. Help me. Just take it. I want to do this right. You do it. Help me.

I think that's just a smidgen of growth.