8 Cows, 3 Nails

My name is Rebekah and I struggle with low self-esteem.

There. I said it.

We could hash out my childhood and my peers and everything else to get to the bottom of this but trust me - you do not have enough time in your day.

And that's not the point of this post today anyway. Last week I had a discussion with one of my co-workers...a discussion turned friendly argument...in which I tried to explain why I don't think I'm worth too much sometimes, and he tried to explain why I'm wrong.

I struggled to state my part to him and finally remembered this story. I read it years ago and thought immediately this is me. I'm the woman in that story. If you don't have time to read the whole link right now - this is the super quick synopsis: The story is of an islander named Johnny who decided he wanted to get married. Men who wanted to marry would offer the desired woman's father some cows in exchange for her hand in marriage. Five cows was a great price. Johnny chose a rather...unattractive and undesired...woman for his wife. Her father figured he'd be lucky to get one cow for her. Johnny paid eight. When someone saw her after they were married, he was floored that this woman was the one no one would even pay one cow to marry. She was gorgeous and confident. Johnny's point was that if a woman knows she's an 8 cow wife, she'll live an 8 cow life. (The unabridged version is much better. You should read it.)

I've had some 8 cow moments in my life.

Like when my college boyfriend admitted to me that he liked me.

Like when my dream crush from years and years ago kissed me.

Like when Isaac said he wanted to marry me.

Those were moments when the worth others saw in me boosted my worth in my own eyes. And honestly, those moments still boost me. When I feel really bad, I remind myself of those very times.

When I talked to Ronda about this later, she said she didn't know I struggled this deeply - but she also said this, which was so very true and needed. What did God pay for YOU? He thought you were worth a LOT more than 8 cows!

I'm ashamed that there are times when those 3 nails mean less to me than 8 cows. But I'm human. I'm a girl. I want to be an 8 cow wife. Yet right now I know...God wants me to find my worth in those 3 nails.