Today was a very special and sentimental day for me.
One year ago today...right about this time, in fact, I was pacing a hospital room, praying with hands outstretched...for strength. For help. For mercy.
Not for me.
For my friend, who was laboring intensely to bring a sweet baby into the world. Sweet baby James.
He was much smaller then. (She was grateful for that.) Today he celebrated a year on this earth.
He was pretty happy about it.
Being a year old is a lot more fun than being born. I remember when he was born. Much screaming. Much shivering in the little warmer. Much nakedness while awaiting his first bath. Today he had a lot more fun. Much food. Much fun opening presents. And of course....well...I don't think he actually had more pictures taken today than that day. After all, I was on the job the moment he came into the world. I didn't miss much in those first moments.
James has an older brother. He's a good brother. Most of the time anyway. Sometimes it's exhausting being the older brother.
He has an older sister, too. She's a good helper.
All good one-year-old children love their cake. James loved his exceedingly....
His Aunt Bekah loves him exceedingly as well. Even when he can't stop mutilating cake long enough to appreciate it.
When you can't beat em, join em.
That is one well loved cake. His dad said it looked like it went through a chipper.
Happy birthday, baby James! You are loved. Thank you for letting me be part of your world.
I haven't posted for a couple of days...because my heart has been too overwhelmed to be coherent. One day...
...one day I shall be able to tell you, dear Bits readers.
Tonight I want to tell you about a good friend. I would tell you her name, but I didn't ask her if I could tell this story on her. So rather than not tell the story...I just won't tell you who she is. Then if she wants to fess up - it's all hers.
My collection of friends is eclectic. I have loud friends and quiet ones. Crazy friends and subdued ones. Logical friends and whimsical ones. Friends passionate for the Lord and those who haven't admitted to any relationship with Him whatsoever. Working friends and those who stay at home. Friends blessed with health and prosperity and those who struggle with either or both. And from the mix of them, God teaches me all sorts of lessons on a regular basis.
This friend is not a Bekah. We have many good things in common, making a great foundation for friendship. But we have just as many areas where we are as opposite as can be. And I'm thankful. She sharpens me. She's one of the few people - ever - of my life who can tell it to me like it is and get away with it. And generally she doesn't even make me cry in those moments. It's a God thing.
In the past weeks, in this desert I've been in, she's been good to "counsel" me via instant messenger. And in the most recent weeks, when she must have sensed I was a little stronger in spirit, she began to sharpen me. Let me just give you an example of said sharpening.
While telling me that the forthcoming sentence was completely offered in love, she typed out, "I'd like to come over there and shake you right now." Not really eager to experience Shaken Bekah Syndrome, I said, "Why??" She responded, "You are the only person I've ever known who prays for something, gets it, and then questions it."
It was deserved. And no one else would have said to me. I'm glad she did.
Today I was happily minding my own business, when she sent a message saying she thought she should write a book about her experiences with me in these desert weeks. She said, "What do you think of the title Dragging a Camel Through the Desert?"
I was mid-drink-of-water when I read that and very nearly baptized my monitor.
I told her just this morning I had an idea for writing my own book about the desert, but I had no such inspirational title. She continued, "You could call yours Two Trails in the Sand: My Feet-Dragging Journey through the Desert."
My response: "Yeah, that one divinely inspired person wrote Footprints in the Sand and I get to write Two Trails in the Sand."
Her answer was just the sharpening I needed today: You should have walked then.
Skyepuppy rescued my day with her comment on my last post. This has been a tough one. (Day, not post.)
First of all...why didn't I think to post the music for the song yesterday? Probably because I was far too distracted for my own good when I posted...so here you go:
This journey I'm on is hard to share sometimes because I'm still on it. I am so excited about what God is doing and how He is speaking and orchestrating and someday I know He will point to all the right words to share with you, so you can see it too. But right now I'm so confused that I'm not sure how to best verbalize what I'm learning. And the last thing I want to do is drag you down a path of confusion with me.
Having said that....some things are too God to keep quiet, so I shall share with you a few.
* This actually happened Saturday, but I loved it. That night, the last thing I wrote in my journal before I went to bed was an excerpt from Streams in the Desert. This is not unusual, as I almost daily write down the things I learn from Streams. That day, the reading closed with this quote from St. Augustine: "Faith is believing what we do not see and the reward for this kind of faith is to see what we believe." After that, I simply wrote, Abba. Help. And then I closed the journal.
I wasn't quite sleepy yet, so I opened up Angie Smith's book I Will Carry You, which had just arrived on my porch that day. I read the first chapter and then decided I was sleepy. I glanced at the first page of chapter two before closing the book and scanned over the quote that lined the top of the page. "Faith is believing what we do not see and the reward for this kind of faith is to see what we believe." I think Abba made His point.
* Do y'all know my Dad has a radio program? I'm not sure I've ever mentioned that on here before. Anyway. He does. Around here, it plays at 8:30 on Sunday morning and I've learned I should listen because I never know when he might talk about me. And if he's going to say something, I need to know it. That morning I was scrambling about and didn't really have time to stop and fish for the station on my radio. But God said, "You'll wish you'd taken the time..."
So I fished - and found it more quickly than normal. The song that began almost immediately is called In the Valley He Restoreth My Soul. Check out some of these words: When I'm low in spirit, I cry Lord, lift me up. I want to go higher with Thee. But nothing grows high on a mountain, so He picked out a valley for me. And He leads me beside still waters. Somewhere in the valley below. And He draws me aside to be tested and tried. In the valley He restoreth my soul.
(Did I mention this program plays older songs?) Even so - I love that song and Mom had actually mentioned it a time or two recently. I was so glad he played it.
FOLLOWED BY
Another song that I'd been singing to myself over and over. It's called I'll Talk to My Father for You and the chorus says, I'll talk to the Father for you, and if I know my Father, here's what He'll do...He'll lay at your feet all the things you pursue. It's no bother for my Father...He'll do it for you.
FOLLOWED BY
Another golden oldie called My Faith Still Holds. The chorus says My faith still holds onto the Christ of Calvary. Oh blessed Rock of Ages cleft for me. I gladly place my trust in things I cannot see. My faith still holds onto the Christ of Calvary.
Needless to say, I was glad I took the time to find the station....
* This is the last one I'll share today because this turned long on me! This morning's six a.m. serenade featured the music of Chris Tomlin...specifically his song "Our God." Check that one out if you've not heard it.
The chorus says: Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God You are higher than any other. Our God is healer, awesome in power, Our God! Our God!
Sprawled out in bed with nasty bedhead and probably drooling or something else equally unattractive, God flat out dealt with me. Bekah. You are not living as though I'm greater, stronger, and higher. You are focusing on YOU and what YOU can see. I Am greater.
God has His best dealings with me at that hour because I'm simply too tired to fight back. And that's when I hear best.
So this time in between is still filled with lessons. Still filled with the draw to trust Abba.
God’s been busy this week. This girl has had many questions and He’s been terribly patient to answer them…and re-answer them…and sometimes answer them a third time.
Earlier this week, during a time of prayer, God talked to me about the work He does on a person in the secret. In the hiding.
He reminded me that Moses was hidden as a baby, because God needed his life to be preserved for a later task. Joseph was hidden in prison, but even while he was there, God was building in him character traits he’d need later to be in a position of leadership. Even Esther was hidden among the women, but at the proper time, God brought her forward to speak on behalf of His people.
I’ll be honest. If I read the words “at the proper time” one more time, it’s entirely possible I’ll scream. It seems to be a common theme in the books I read…even the Scripture I study. I know I should embrace the words…love the promise contained within them. But I won’t pretend to be super-Bekah. I’m not at that place (yet, anyway).
Yesterday I spent part of the day judging the Campus Challenge competition at IWU. It’s a scholarship competition for Wesleyan students, and I was judging in the vocal category. (This is not a pre-cursor to a career on American Idol…I know, I know…you thought it would be.)
I might have known God would have the week orchestrated clear down to the songs the students chose to sing. It didn’t occur to me until I was in my judging seat, sipping on coffee and shaking my head.
One of the songs, which I’d never heard prior to yesterday, is by Francesca Battistelli. The song is called The Time in Between. Check out the words:
You were there when Your Father said, “Let there be light.” You obeyed when He whispered, “Son, You have to leave tonight.” To spend nine months in a mother’s womb, three days in a borrowed tomb. But it’s the time in between that brings me to my knees. Knowing You came for me and all that I can’t be. I’m amazed…so amazed. And I thank You for the time in between.
Don’t take much for this crazy world to rob me of my peace. And the enemy of my soul says You’re holding out on me. So I stand here lifting empty hands for You to fill me up again.
But it’s the time in between that I fall down on my knees. Waiting on what You’ll bring and the things that I can’t see. I know my song’s incomplete Still I’ll sing in the time in between.
So many ways your love has saved the day And I’m grateful for them all. I’m living in the time in between. The hidden place. The secret place. And even though it’s hard to see what He’s doing…I don’t want to miss a moment of it.
I've been working for a year and a half to grow out my hair. It's currently the longest it's been since high school, when long hair was required and I hated it. (Isn't that just how it goes...you have to have long hair and you hate it, and then you can do whatever you want and you grow it back out. Sigh.)
Anyway, I've been growing it diligently and I do love it, but I have run into a couple of problems. One - It's blah. It's almost all one length and it just sits there. Two - It's boring. Boring is different from blah. I'm not sure how, but it just is.
I don't want to cut it really short (I don't think) because I do like the look of longer hair around my face. I think it makes my face look thinner. And...longer hair makes me look younger. When I was 20, I chopped it off to make myself look older. Now that I've run over the 30 line, I'm growing it out to look younger. Again, go figure.
So I've been perusing the hair books and I'm at a loss. SO HELP ME!!!! What do you think!?!?!!?
A. Please note that I refuse to have bangs like this. Too thick and too straight. But I do like the back of this. So minus the bangs, this is option A.
B. I'm sad that this doesn't show the back - I think it is actually a little longer than it might look right here....
C. I've had this hair COLOR before - but I don't think I'm ready to be red again.
D. Admittedly this is perhaps my least favorite of the choices...only because I think my hair is too heavy and I'll end up looking like the angry Amish boy (again).
E. My bangs would probably be shorter than this....
E. Just seeing if you're still paying attention. :)
Like I said a couple of days ago, I had the chance to visit the lake again this past weekend. It was a beautiful, relaxing time.
This time, my friends Chad and Megan were also there...and their son, Khi was quite the entertainer. He had lots of things he wanted to measure.
And he took a peek at my book. He'd just finished a round of Dr. Seuss...I think this was kind of a letdown after that. Poor boy.
Enjoyed a couple of slow boat rides around the lake. This one was enjoyed from the very front of the boat, which is a seat I don't usually have!
Really did have a wonderful time. I am always grateful that this family claims me as one of their own and allows me to crash so many weekends at the lake! They are far too good to me.
** NOTE ** - I have created a blog for my book. The link is over on the left. I'll leave it there, so as time goes by, if you need to access ordering information, it will be there for you! Okay, now on to the good stuff.
As you know, last week, I got the exciting news that my book was complete! I wanted to share with you some of those moments....
Yes....I went back to my habit of taking pictures of the computer screen. :) You love me, right?
Here is my name under the list of new releases. That was the first thing I saw when I went to WestBow'swebsite.
Right after that, I saw my book's page!
Close up of the cover....
And my friend Kristin googled me....look what came up!
Last Friday, I was up at the lake. (It explains the hair...) I knew my copy of my book was on its way, so I asked my friend Ronda if she could swing past my house to check for it before she came up to the lake.
Look what she found!!!
Yes, it WAS like Christmas morning. Except, you know, different clothes. Equally bad hair, though.
I can't even put into words how exciting it was to see that cover staring at me when I opened the box. My very own name and picture on a book cover! I did squeal. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I'd often wondered what that moment would be like. Where would I be...what would I think? I was so excited to be with some of my favorite people in life when I opened that box. Nothing beats sitting at the lake with good friends around you, ripping into one of your life's biggest dreams. They were so excited with me, and I declared it a great day!
I love sunsets at the lake.
When I go visit, I almost always get to take a slow boat ride at sunset.
The sun is gorgeous over the water...
But this weekend I had the chance to see something different.
Sunrise.
I didn't have my camera with me, and I'd already disturbed the living room dwellers enough getting outside to begin with, so I didn't go back for it.
I couldn't sleep, so Saturday morning, I tiptoed as best I could out the door and settled on the porch.
It was completely dark when I got out there, but the mosquitoes were hard at work. I quit counting at 30 bites. (Didn't grab the insect repellent and there was no going back for it.) I found it interesting that they never bit anything except my legs and feet. But they got me good there. I am an itchy mess. I'm taking Benadryl and am putting on anti-itch gel, but WOW.
Met a rather disobedient dog named Minnie. I was nervous when she got away from her owners and started sniffing around me. Minnie looked harmless enough but her owners scared me a bit. Fortunately I'd grabbed my car keys before going outside, so I kept them in my hand in case I needed to hit the panic button. In the end, I didn't have to. Minnie resumed obedience.
The fishing lovers get up awfully early. I watched them file in for an hour and a half, and finally, at 6:30, the signal sounded and the parade of fishing boats filed past me into the lake. Hard core, those fishers!!
I don't want to get up every day to watch a sunrise, but it was magnificent. I'd never done that before. If the mosquitoes hadn't been so attentive and if I'd thought to grab my journal, I really could have found some amazing things in there to write down. Even so, I had some sweet moments with the Lord.
Last week was a busy week in Bekahland. Much to report!
I spent two of the evenings here...
For the fair!!
Yes...it was Howard County fair week! I grew up in Greentown, and every year that I can remember, I've gone to the county fair. I've heard many fair experts say the Howard County fair is the best around. I wouldn't know. I've never been to one in any other county. But I've driven past the fairgrounds of a few other county fairs and have to say...all these people do seem to be right.
Wednesday evening, which was approximately 412 degrees, by the way, I went to the fair with two of my friends, Rachel and Jonathan.
This is Rachel. She is the student worker in our office and a very good friend to me. We really enjoy not only working together, but doing things outside of work as well. Now you know a co-worker is good when you can stomach the sight of her beyond the work walls!
Of course one of the great things about a fair is no one has to agree on where to eat. A carnie for each taste! Rachel had a corn dog for dinner, and I tried another taco in a bag - this time with a base of Doritos. Switchin it up!
You've seen pictures of Jonathan before - he's from the lake family. This is Jonathan and his gyro. (A hundred ways of pronouncing that! That's why I order taco in a bag. THAT I can say.)
Have I told you before about the Jesus sticks? A few years ago, while at the fair, a church tent handed me a walking stick that had the "salvation story beads" attached. As they handed out the sticks, they shared the plan of salvation with everyone. Great witnessing tool! I took mine to work and somehow it has morphed itself into being known as "the Jesus stick." People come and get it when they want to beat something against a wall. I'm pretty sure this was not the original intent the church had...
Anyway. Rachel now has her own Jesus stick!
Not to be outdone, Jonathan got one too....
One of the standards of the fair (for me anyway) is to attend the "wedding." A Christian church in Greentown has this mock wedding every year. It's always well done. So here we are at the wedding. Oh if only this attire was acceptable at every wedding!!
Wedding in progress...
Jonathan and Rachel rode the scrambler. In the interest of keeping my dinner where it was, I stayed firmly stationed on solid ground and just took pictures.
If I WERE to ever be brave enough to ride something at the fair, I'd pick this. The Ferris wheel - NOT the Thunder Bolt.
Another view of the midway...which, by the way, had some interestingly clad folks in it. And by that, I mean please put on something else!!
Are these people NUTS??
We had a fun night...which concluded with Jonathan buying his ninth and final lemon shake-up of fair week. Yes. NINE.
I realize it looks like I didn't write for three days so you'd be forced to see that book introduction post so many days in a row. That's not it at all! I was at the lake this weekend, and there's no internet there....so....you got a break from me! But I am back!
And do I ever have a story for you!
I love this story so much, I can’t stand it. This is one of those life moments I hope I never forget.
God’s been working with me on trust, and I have to be truthful…I’m a struggling student at best. And Thursday morning was not a shining moment in trust. I sat in my office, working on my lists and feeling very restless in my mind.
At last I did what I’ve come to learn to do when such a moment hits. I closed my door and prayed out loud while I worked. (I close the door so my co-workers don’t eavesdrop on God. Or maybe because I don’t want strange looks from those who pass by the door and find me talking out loud…)
But it’s too cool a story to not let you eavesdrop:
Bekah: Abba, I’m struggling and I need help. Please help me.
God: You need to trust Me.
Bekah: I need a word from You.God: TRUST. That’s the word you need. (HEY. I told you I was a struggling student.)
Bekah: I think I’m feeling the effects of being down two prayer warriors today.
(Side note: I have a couple of friends who have taken it upon themselves to pray for me often during this season of my life and they email me every day, even if I never answer, just to tell me they’re praying. That particular day, both of them ended up with family health emergencies and I knew their attentions were rightfully focused on their own families.)
God: Bek, you have Sue Ann. And where two or three are gathered…
Sue Ann is, in the words of my friend Julie, a treasure. She has declared herself a prayer warrior for me and has been used by God for more than one profound moment in my desert. I know she prays for me, but I hadn’t been thinking of her right then. Determined to overcome, I clenched my jaw, straightened up in my chair and tried really hard to trust.
Remaining deeply engrossed in my lists, I literally jumped when my phone buzzed about three minutes later. I normally move it to silent at work but I was hoping to hear word from one of the prayer warriors about the health emergency, so I’d left it on vibrate. I glanced over, fully expecting to see a text, but the screen flashed Call from Sue Ann Harper.
That’s odd. She’d never called me at work before. I don’t take calls at work, but I knew I should answer that one. I picked it up and Sue Ann’s sweet voice said, “I know you’re at work and I hope I’m not overstepping my bounds here.”
Her next words brought goose bumps.
“I was just sitting here praying for you while I was doing my devotions and the Lord said I should call and read this to you. Do you have just a minute?”
I was pretty sure that since I’d just told the Lord I needed a word and HE had just reminded me about Sue Ann, a phone call from Sue Ann in which she promised to give me a word was a clear sign of Divine leading.
Sue Ann began to read: Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Yes, I shook my head. Hmmm….can we say TRUST!?!?)
Then she began to read words from Max Lucado’s book, When God Whispers Your Name. “Faith is trusting what the eye can’t see. Eyes see the prowling lion. Faith sees Daniel’s angel. Eyes see storms. Faith sees Noah’s rainbow. Eyes see giants. Faith sees Canaan. Your eyes see your faults. Your faith sees your Savior. Your eyes see your guilt. Your faith sees His blood. Your eyes see your grave. Your faith sees a city whose builder and maker is God. Your eyes look in the mirror and see a sinner, a failure, a promise breaker. But by faith you look in the mirror and see a robed prodigal bearing the ring of grace on your finger and the kiss of your Father on your face.”
I had goose bumps and tears. After she read that, she assured me of continued prayers and hung up the phone.
It is official! My first book, His Advent: Still His Greatest Gift is completed and for sale! I got the news yesterday right after lunch and let's just say that concentration on WORK was a bit difficult for the rest of the day.
Now that it's done, I realize I'm not entirely sure I've told you too much about it. So here's the summary of how the book came to be and what you can expect to find within it!
Three years ago, at Christmas, I found myself feeling disconnected from basically everything about the holiday. I do so love Christmas, but that year everything was just missing for me. I went through the motions because I didn't want people to wonder what was wrong with me. And I searched for a book to read that would guide me back to some connection with the Lord.
Finding nothing that suited my need, I ended up studying on my own and out of that study, this book was born.
I learned that the word advent means "an arrival." And whether I looked at the infant Jesus or the grown and ministering Jesus, I learned that He arrived in the lives of hurting, needy people, and He offered change. His arrival brings change.
So this book is a study of 24 people who met Jesus in the flesh and found the offer of change through His advent in their lives.
It's meant to be read as a devotional during the Christmas season but could be read anytime.
Here is the link to the WestBow Press bookstore, where the book can be purchased, if you're interested in reading it.
Thank you for reading along with my adventures in this book process, too! You've been great encouragers!
I can't remember the song...but there is one out there somewhere that says "In Your presence is fullness of joy." And I say amen to THAT today.
It is currently 12:43 in the morning and I'm about to sorely regret staying up to blog. But since I didn't write yesterday, I felt I had to at least pop in and say hi today.
This week has been full, full, full and I have been basking in some long-awaited, much-prayed-for blessings in my life. I can't wait to tell you more.
But alas. I must sleep. So you just come back tomorrow and I'll have some exciting news for you!
I SO WISH I had pictures for you, but it was too weird to ask about pictures. So all I have are my words, and in this case, the pictures would be better.
A friend of mine is house-sitting for some folks who live a little higher off the hog than I do. And by "a little higher," I mean they own the blessed pig farm. As a figure of speech anyway.
Today was my chance...to visit the mansion, as I've come to call it. My visit began with a sentence I've never uttered before. "Do I take the left driveway or the right one?"
I walked around during my tour of that house, and my jaw never left the floor. Never once.
* I've seen these on HGTV but never in real life...the refrigerators that are so carefully hidden within the cabinetry that you have to hunt around for it like you're searching for a secret passage way. I opened the thing just because I could. Had the same old stuff in it mine does...just a much heavier door to get to it!
* Here's another sentence I've never said in a house before. "Oh that's not the bathroom door. That's the elevator door."
* Spiral staircase between all three floors. Yeah. I needed my Belle dress!!
* Was it seven bathrooms? Or nine? I can't remember.
* I had to have a lesson in turning on the lights. At my house you just flip a switch and a light appears. At this house, the lesson began with "See that keypad with five green lights on it? The top left one will turn on the lights."
* Oh this house had a butler's kitchen. In addition to the main kitchen. AND in addition to the wet bar. Now the wet bar does nothing for me because I don't drink. But I was a bit miffled to find that the wet bar was larger THAN MY ACTUAL KITCHEN. And essentially, it was their third kitchen!
* I drooled a bit over the gorgeous bookshelves in the main office. Yes, main office. I never saw the secondary one.
* I did, however, catch a glimpse of the workout room. Since it was my day of rest, I didn't participate.
* But the best moment of all was...the theater. I arrived there after passing the ticket booth and walking under the marquee. There it was...theater seating, complete with cup holders, steps, and rope lighting.
SHUT UP.
And of course, I parted hearing the same thing I say to all my guests as they leave my house: "Just pause at the end of the driveway and the gate will open."
Ahhhhh the lake. Another beautiful Saturday that ended with a sunset slow boat ride.
But the real story was earlier in the day.
About noon, I was kicked back in the boat, soaking up the rays while a whole gaggle of people I didn't know (but whose world I was invading) played games in the swimming hole around the boat. My friend Jonathan asked if I wanted to go for a spin on the wave runner.
I'm pretty sure he asked because he thought I'd say no.
But never underestimate the occasionally unpredictable Bekah.
I remembered being on one of these things about ten years ago when I visited my sister. It was fun. Why not try it again? So I donned a life jacket (praise the Lord we are no longer wearers of corsets!) and hopped onto the wave runner behind Jonathan.
His sister said to me, "You might want to leave your sunglasses here in case you end up in the water."
I said to her, "I have absolutely no intention of ending up in the water, so they're fine."
As we prepared to head out, she yelled after me, "If you go down, take him with you!"
We went slicing through the water...and by slicing, I mean bouncing. I kept leaving the seat entirely, screaming my fool head off and having the best time.
I remember screaming and the next thing I remember, I was acutely aware of water in my lungs and the back of a life jacket pressed securely against my face.
Apparently while on such a vehicle, you're supposed to lean heavily into turns. Apparently no one told me that. Apparently Jonathan thought a fun little spin was in order. Apparently I didn't lean. And apparently Megan's words of advice stuck with me. We went flying off the wave runner and I did not let go. Not while leaving the seat, not while hitting the water, not while sinking down into the water, and certainly not until I had air in my lungs again.
I just remember thinking (as I tried to stop adding water to my lungs) - he won't let me drown. He won't let me drown. If I just hang on, he'll get me back to the surface and I won't drown.
I also don't remember much about hitting the air again other than coughing a lot and willing myself NOT to throw up. He told me later I just kept saying "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine." Well that was a big fat lie!
Then of course came the next daunting task. Had to get back up ON the thing. No boat to jump from this time. Had to get up out of the water. Almost as scary as inhaling large amounts of water and other things I don't even want to think about.
Not funny at the time. But I will admit it was a fun ride - and I can now laugh. And like the hymn says....I'm learning to lean.
Oh and let the record show. I did NOT lose my sunglasses. :)
I saw that Kelly over at Kelly's Korner is doing a post today on favorite verses. Not sure I have a "favorite" right now, but I do have some recurring themes...
With this in mind, we constantly pray for you that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ. - 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12
I have struggled heavily this week. Cried often. Pretty much feel like an all around colossal failure. Even so, I do pray that God will find me worthy of the journey He has put me on right now and that He will fulfill what He has for me. I do want HIM to be glorified above all, even though it hurts.
The one who calls you is faithful and HE will do it. - 1 Thessalonians 5:24
Learning this one the hard way right now. I have been fired as His personal assistant. HE will do the work. I will sit. Struggling at times to see the faithfulness (which is a terrible thing to say, but it is honest, so I will say it).
Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. - Hosea 2:14-15
I have been led into the desert, and I do have to say, God has spoken...often, clearly, and tenderly. Verse 15 is yet to come...I long for it.
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. - Isaiah 30:15.
OUCH. And yet it's the very thing I heard this week. He told me what to do and I didn't do it. Stubborn girl, I am.
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. - Proverbs 3:3-4
My life verses....given to me several years ago by the Lord. I am determined, no matter how much this season of my life hurts or confuses me, to live in love and faithfulness to the Lord and to the ones I love.
Last Friday evening, I drove up to Ft. Wayne to visit my friend, Olivia. She's spending the summer up there and I'd not had a heart-to-heart with her in far too long. So I drove up...she had Dairy Queen and I had Sonic (praise the Lord!) and we went for a long walk and just talked.
On the way up, this was the sight in my car as I went past the "Please reduce your speed to 55" sign.
CHECK!!
But my favorite story from that night was my drive home. After having walked lo those many miles, I was kinda thirsty. But I didn't want to get an iced tea in Ft. Wayne, because then I'd have to do the whole bathroom break thing on the way home and that was just too much effort. So I decided to wait for this one McDonald's just off the interstate about halfway between Ft. Wayne and home.
You know how fast food restaurants and gas stations have forty million feet tall signs by interstates? (Perhaps a mild exaggeration, but not much.) Well for reasons unknown to me, because hello I'm NOT stupid, I elected to drive toward the sign in search of this McDonald's. Please note that the sign was located several hundred feet away and nowhere near the entrance to the actual McDonald's. So I drove around a couple of buildings and got stared at by some truckers...and found the proper entrance.
Pulled up to the little thingie-ma-doo and said I wanted a large unsweetened iced tea. (I was having a fat day - no sweet tea allowed.) That would be $1.07...please pull around to the second window. I went zooming around the building and as I headed for the second window, I saw a window open and a girl lean out. I slammed on the brakes just as I passed her, and she said, "This IS the second window."
Woops.
I turned around and sure enough, right back there at the edge of the building was window one. Well that's just dumb. A three window McDonald's? So while trying NOT to turn red about that, I pulled out my money and handed it to her.
I was formulating a question in my mind about artificial sweetener (do NOT lecture me), but before I could ask, she said, "Uh, it's just ONE dollar?" And she handed me back the extra one I gave her. Great. So now I can't count windows or money. Super.
I asked about the sweetener situation, and giving me a totally exasperated look, she said, "Uh you can just ask them up there at that next window when they give you your tea."
I love music. If I had it within me to be short-winded, I'd write songs. But we both know that's unlikely to ever take place. The short-winded thing, I mean.
Instead, I envy (in the nicest possible way, of course) those who do write songs - and write them well. Today when I hopped in the car to drive to work, my friend Brent's CD was in the player.
He really is my friend. Honest. (Though he may not be after this post if he sees it and finds the video I've selected to post as an accompaniment. But I think he has a lot of grace, so he might still be willing to be associated with me.)
Brent Vernon is his name and if you've never heard of him, you're missing out. I've told him before that he writes the songs I would write if I were, as previously mentioned, short-winded. He uses the best words in his songs. My favorite phrase is "the undefined periphery." I'm not even sure I know what it means, but I do love to belt that one out. It's just fun to say.
But when he's not writing things that are fun to say, he's writing things that this girl finds to be very practically profound. Today the song that played as I drove to work included these words: Whatever comes, whatever You bring to me...You're everything to me, and I can trust You, Lord, with whatever comes. I know You are holding me. Your arms are enfolding me and You are loving me through whatever comes. If you ONLY knew the battle of trust that has overtaken my heart this week, you'd know just how much I needed to hear those words today.
I tried to find a YouTube video of Brent singing that song, but I couldn't locate one. HOWEVER. In the meantime, I found this one I'd forgotten all about. You should know that Brent is also very funny...and in this video he is singing a song he did not write (but he could have if he'd have thought of it first, as Mark Lowry would say). I love this song too and needed it today. And scattered around the beauty of the song....well...some canine background vocals. Watch the video. You'll love it.
I made the comment on Facebook today that if God disciplines those He loves...I'm very loved right now.
It's been an ouch-y sort of day here in Bekah-land. All well deserved. All painful just the same.
I do love a good object lesson though, and one came to mind tonight while I was out on my walk. (I have never loved exercise more than in this desert. It's one of the three places I can hear God best.)
You should know that I hate peaches. It's kind of a texture thing, but really it's more of a flavor thing. If I'm out somewhere and someone serves me peaches, I'll eat them, because I'm just polite that way, but I hate the things. And when I was a kid...I guess I didn't realize I hated them because we didn't really have them all that often. I was probably five or so when this event occurred. Mom served fresh peaches with lunch one day. All sliced up in a nice little bowl. Being the good fatty mcfatterson child that I was, I cleaned up my entire plate. I tried the peaches. I hated them. I declared the meal done.
Mom, unaware of my perhaps recently acquired hate of peaches, declared me NOT done with my lunch. I could be done when the peaches were gone.
Oh the battle of the wills that ensued. (And you ain't seen no battle of the wills til you've seen Freelan women go head to head.) Looking back, from the vantage point of adulthood, I see the sheer brilliance in her plan. She was the mother, I was the child. She called the shots, they were mine to obey. BRILLIANT. Why don't more parents employ that today?
But I was five. What did I know of the brilliance of parenthood? So I set my jaw and said I would NOT eat them.
OOH.
Wrong move.
Mom calmly agreed and I was dismissed for an afternoon of play. When dinnertime arrived, Mom and Dad sat down to something delicious, and I sat down to...a bowl of peaches minus the one I ate at lunch. WHAT!?!?
Sheer brilliance, I tell you.
I was informed that I would see that bowl of peaches at every meal until it was gone. And once it was gone, I could eat whatever else was on the menu. I choked down those stupid peaches, crying with every bite. (I roll my eyes even THINKING about it now.)
Mom has never served me peaches since.
The point was...that day, that was my task. And until I completed it, it stared at me.
God brought back the lesson of the peaches today because He's asked something of me. Something I'm not fond of. At all. It's hard, and I don't like it. And He said to me, "Bekah, until you do this, you can't move on. We work on nothing else and we enjoy nothing of what's to come until this is accomplished. So if you're interested in moving ahead, you would do well to submit to this lesson."
This weekend has been exhausting. I don't even have the energy to talk about it right now. It has nothing to do with traveling or visiting the lake or chores or anything else. Long story.
But now I have my days and nights mixed up, so I'm sacked out in bed with the water bottle (sure to regret THAT later), a really old episode of Friends, and my new favorite thing - lime chips. Have you had them? I know they're not new, but I still feel like they must be a largely undiscovered treasure. I love them!!!! I was also very excited to learn Meijer has their own version of them. Love store brands!
So...until I think of something more profound to say...try out the lime chips!
One of my Facebook friends posted this quote today:
"Perseverance means more than endurance...more than simply holding on until the end. Like a bow and arrow, God is stretching us, aiming at something I can't see. He'll keep stretching us until His purpose is in sight...then he lets me fly." - Oswald Chambers.
I have to be honest. Today has been one of the toughest days I've had in a while. My faith is shaky, my heart hurts, and I do not feel like an object lesson in endurance...let alone perseverance.
More than once, I've found myself curled up in prayer, begging for God to work in my heart.
And still, more than anything, I want to be found faithful.
I remember one of the classes I took in college began with the professor reading John 1:1...In the beginning was the Word. The Word began it all and the Word still stands...and God is writing a story in each of us.
Today I took the time to read back through my current prayer journal (May 24th until now) and as I turned page after page, I was amazed at how clearly I could see God working. It's one thing to live the days...plodding through each one as it comes and meeting the next one right behind it. But to read about them all in a row shows the story. And it's amazing.
I'm so thankful He finds me worth writing.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. - Hebrews 12:2
Earlier this week, the church newsletter hit mailboxes, and it held an announcement of the soon arrival of my book. It also listed my blog address. Knowing that visitors from church could be dropping by Bits-land makes this post all the more uncomfortable, but I gotta post it anyway.
In my pre-teen through college years, I worked with kids all the time. Babysat for a living, worked in the nursery every chance I got, taught junior church and midweek services for kids, helped with VBS, you name it. After college, and once I started teaching in women's ministry, I got out of working with kids.
Then when I tried to get back into it - it was way different than it used to be. I didn't like it at all and just went back to working with adults.
So this year, when asked to help with our youth week at church, I said no. Four times.
The post below is proof that God wouldn't take no for an answer. And He sent this Jonah right into the throes of youth week.
As the song says, "God doesn't always call the equipped, but He will equip the called." And this was how He equipped me:
We had a coffee bar at church every night, and in a mission of mercy, Bill and Arlene (coffee makers extraordinaire) made sure I had a tasty latte in my hands for each night of teaching. Seriously - best idea EVER.
I was given the charge of teaching the 2nd and 3rd grade class. I had a wonderful "crew leader" - Laurie - who kept me sane the entire week. She always had a game ready if we needed to fill time, and she knew just what to do when I started to freak out. I also had Judy helping me part of the week - and she was a great blessing! As a result, I could still sport one of these:
Also helping in our room were four teens. Miss Megan, here, was usually in charge of picture taking. She also was gifted in the areas of distributing and collecting supplies, taking the daily head-count, and pouring juice.
I want to post more of the kids - because you know - it's about them! But since it's a public blog and I didn't get permission, how about you just imagine the sight of them running around, having fun during a game, and causing this smile:
Apparently this is my teaching face? I'm not sure. :) We studied Joseph this week, and let the record show, one evening I COMPLETELY MESSED UP THE ORDER OF DETAILS. Good grief. Another night, as I searched for an answer, the pastor's son raised his hand and said he knew...and he did. He knew the whole story in detail, and I slid my finger down the Bible passage, following as he told every last bit of it from memory. Now that will humble you!!
No VBS program is complete without the daily skit. Our entertainment/learning time was left in the capable hands of Ryan and Jesse - who did a great job of detective work! I suggested to Jesse (who is our minister) that he sport this outfit Sunday morning. We'll see!!
(Seeing the skit also brought back memories of the year another church I attended did the Sonseeker SafariVBS, and I played the role of Miss Prissly. That was FUN.)
Another key component of the week - craft time! We had great volunteers who headed up the crafts, and one night the kids got to tie-dye T-shirts! They turned out pretty sweet!
The detectives at work...helping a plainly-clothed (HA!) man find his son. (Parable of the prodigal son in case you're not keeping up with me here...)
One of the two verses we memorized this week and recited at the closing program tonight. I was really proud of them for keeping the verses straight, and I even learned them both this week too! See, you never are too old to memorize Scripture!! Just invite a bunch of second graders over to chant it to you and you'll have it down in no time!
Teaching from the Bible. Even though I had the notes written out, I thought it was good to have the Bible out and open. Most of the kids in my class are either part of our church or go to church somewhere, but there were a few that might not have had a regular church home. I wanted them to know the answers are IN THE BOOK!! (Which coincided nicely with the detective skits.)
Look at those teens getting artsy pictures....and I didn't even ask for it!
Working a full day and doing a wardrobe change in the bathroom at work right before running out the door to drive to church, arriving just in the nick of time to set up the classroom, eat dinner (thanks to everyone who worked hard to provide that every night!), and place my latte order so I could teach...and then getting home in time to work out and start nightly chores about 10 p.m. made for a long week. I'm pretty tired!
But last night, as I whipped through my workout, God whispered to my heart the reasons He refused all my "NO's!" He showed me clearly why He wanted me there and what He wanted me to take away from it. And I'm so thankful!
