Bits for Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter! I noticed just a moment ago that giant snowflakes are flitting about outside…seems inappropriate for Easter Sunday, but I’m just thankful they waited until nightfall and that the day itself was filled with beautiful sunshine, even if the temps were a bit on the frigid side.

I know I’ve written something to this effect before (probably every year) but Easter still just doesn’t feel the same to me since the Easter Pageant ceased to exist a few years ago. This morning’s newspaper had an editorial that said in closing, “Perhaps the performance has gone through its own Good Friday and its resurrection waits.” I’ll admit, I’m skeptical. I doubt it will ever return, and if it does, and it’s altered (a.k.a. scaled down) in any way from the way I knew it for twenty-something years, it will be tough to see. But that just comes from a girl who resists change.

Last night, as I sat propped up in bed, bawling my fool head off over my week-old Biggest Loser tape, I glanced at the clock, which glared a red 1:45 a.m. and found myself very thankful that I didn’t have to be out of bed in an hour and fifteen minutes to head for a rousing round of freezing makeup. That was always my least favorite part…the forcing myself to go to bed at 9 or 10 the night before Easter and then tossing and turning while I watched the clock propel forward…and then that nasty alarm sounding, and I could only hope to stay awake enough to drive coherently.

But even with the sunrise service and its cold, cold four a.m. makeup call, I loved the Pageant, and I miss it. I thought about watching the DVD of it last night just for posterity’s sake, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I like to watch it…but somehow watching it this weekend…the weekend that it should have been…I just couldn’t do it.

This morning when I finally responded to the blaring of the alarm (I always know it’s time to actually pay attention to it when the cats become annoyed at the snoozing and stand over my head to wake me up), I was so excited to see the sunshine peeking around the edges of the blinds. I knew it would be ten times colder than it looked…and I shivered just thinking about the sleeveless dress and strappy sandals…but hey. Not my fault Easter showed up so early this year!

Easter Sunday at church is always fun…the one time a year that even those who vehemently resist dressing up might actually surprise everyone. And then there’s all these boys – from the month old baby to the 10 year old – sporting ties and vests, and probably hating every minute of it. During donut time, I was holding Liam (who is almost two) and he proceeded to pitch a tiny fit, which his father and I tried to quickly stop…and once he stopped kicking, I noticed his poor tie had started to come undone all around his collar. So while he half-glared at me for spoiling his fun, I was trying to poke the edges of the tie back into his collar…thinking that for all the annoyances of dresses and heels, sometimes guys have it so much worse. Even 2 year olds.

I spent too long hovering in the donut room with Liam and slid into church just as service was beginning. Bad mistake to make on Easter Sunday. One of two Sundays a year that the sanctuary is always packed, and I pick that Sunday to show up late. Of course the first couple of rows had seats to spare, but I prefer the back, so I spotted the first open aisle and sat down. In someone’s family pew. Woops. During the prayer, I scooted across the aisle to sit with some friends who had saved me a seat (but I didn’t see them), and that was when my little “Easter Pageant moment” hit.

I’d noticed that the sanctuary was quite dark when I came in. (Hunting seats goes much easier in the light.) The lights were dimmed and the windows were covered…mysterious, but certainly it lent itself to atmosphere. After I slid into the pew across the way during prayer, I noticed it seemed lighter. While it was a relief to have someone to sit with on Easter – I doubted it would actually create that much of a lighter feeling in my mind. So I peeked. The lights in the sanctuary were on, the cross at the front was lit up, and the last covering on the outside window was being removed…and suddenly it really felt like Easter.

And that was what brought me back to the Pageant days. Because for as exhausting as it was to get up at 3 for makeup at 4, it was always so nice to sneak out the side door of the building (to beat the crowds) as the Hallelujah chorus played – loudly – and walk out into full-fledged sunlight. That made it Easter.

So even though the day was different from the Easters I knew and loved, it was still a good day. And someday, I’m just sure of it, I’ll find a new tradition. It can’t replace the original one, but it can definitely fill a void.