Bits for Sunday, February 3, 2008

This week has been fairly boring. I don’t really complain about that, because if the opposite of boring is crisis, I’ll certainly take the boring. But it does make it challenging to find something to write about when your life hasn’t presented you with any material.

So today’s thoughts are the height of randomness…all taken from the pages of a magazine. I don’t know if your mind does this or not, but mine will hop from trail to trail…I see something and it makes me think of something else. So this afternoon, when I didn’t feel very well, I curled up with a magazine from 2004 (time to catch up on my reading!) and started flipping through the pages. Fortunately it wasn’t a People magazine or something that reported a budding romance that is now four marriages old. But as I read…my mind wandered.

First I found an advertisement for the Honda Accord, which had the following quote: “Two roads diverged in a wood – and I took the one less traveled by state troopers.” My sentiments exactly. But state troopers made me think of emergency vehicles, which reminded me that yesterday as I sat at my computer, I heard sirens in the distance…which got closer…and closer…and much too close, really. Do you know how disconcerting it is to watch a fire truck pull up in front of your house…while you’re in said house? What did I miss? I started sniffing. Fortunately the truck kept creeping forward…something happening over at the neighbors. Still, it took a while for my heart to return to a normal speed.

Then I saw the ad for the Loreal sublime bronzing self-tanner lotion…which reminded me that I happened to notice last year’s rather unorthodox sock line remains incredibly tanned on both my legs…and I’ve definitely not been in the sun since early October. Should I start the self tanner now in preparation for spring exercise? Or just buy shorter socks? Of course then I’d have two unorthodox tan lines...

The summer gift guide had a section of must-have wedding gifts, one of which was a cordless drill. I never thought of a cordless drill as a high-profile wedding gift, but then again, I’ve never been married, so what do I know? But the cordless drill reminded me that last night when I stood up from scrapping (or rather when I scooted in the chair that Braeya stole from me, forcing me to stand beside her while I scrapped and she slept), I found a screw on the floor. Woops. Guess my self-assembly job on the chair didn’t go as stellar as I proclaimed. In my defense, I don’t think it came loose. I think I stuck it in the hole and never tightened it. That’s my story…and I’m sticking to it.

And speaking of Braeya…another page had a picture of a kitty next to the world’s best litter box…which reminded me of her insatiable need to be in the bathroom, and more specifically, flushing the toilet. This morning I almost helped her enjoy endless hours of that pastime. I was rushing around getting ready for church (the hair would NOT cooperate it, and my attempts to fix by adding more hairspray didn’t really help it…just made me more of a walking fire hazard) and I didn’t check the bathroom carefully – or at all – before slamming the door shut to keep her out while I was gone. I remembered something right as I walked out the door to church which made me go back to the bathroom…and when I opened the door, she scurried out. Woops. I guess the point of shutting the door to keep her from flushing the day away only works if she’s on the opposite side of the door.

The magazine had an oh-so helpful article to “insure promptness, cultivate allies, and show your appreciation in 35 situations” by giving pointers on the appropriate amount to tip. I now know what to do on all my next run-ins with a personal trainer, dog groomer, grocery delivery person, hotel maid, kids’ party performer, and bed and breakfast owner. Right. See, I eat at establishments with a dollar menu, and I shop at Wal-Mart. Tipping isn’t a frequently needed thing for me. (Although when I shopped at 6:30 in the morning this week to beat the pre-snow panic, I might have been willing to tip for someone to stand out in the dark and cold and load my groceries into the trunk and then take the cart to the corral!)

I found the section on summer looks (which I now like, because I’m usually about four seasons behind) and the cute little red sheath dress and strappy red sandals brought back a flood of unpleasant memories surrounding my Easter dress shopping experience last year. Perhaps I should start now for this year?

I also found an article about how to have a more streamlined life and checked through the suggestions to see how many of them I’d already incorporated. Put the kids to work – well, I would if I had any. Keep an everything datebook – check! Have a shredder ready – check! Prepare breakfast at night – wouldn’t the apple cinnamon cheerios be a little soggy by morning? Keep an ongoing shopping list – check! Write realistic to-do lists – check! (Do I actually have to do them?) Presort the laundry – check! Organize your hand-me-downs – check! (It’s called hang them in the closet and pick one to wear tomorrow.) Once I learn to minimize my trips to the kitchen garbage can, I think I’m in good shape.

I elected to forego the experiment of making pork scaloppine with a side of Tuscan bean soup, closed the magazine, and considered myself caught up to date…for four years ago.

If nothing exciting happens this week, I think that next Sunday afternoon, I’ll make cookies, and then I’ll give you the recipe.