Bits for Sunday, July 29, 2007

I used to babysit for a family who celebrated their children’s spiritual birthdays like any other real birthday. Complete with cake. I like the idea. And my own spiritual birthday (or the day I count as my spiritual birthday) is pretty easy to celebrate with not just cake –but all sorts of food. It happened sometime between 11:30 and midnight on New Year’s Eve when I was eleven. There’s all sorts of parties happening right at that time every year. But because it is such a significant day for me, I usually choose to ring in the new year with reflection. And food.

But if that is my spiritual birthday, then the last week in July must be more like an anniversary of some sort. It was during that week in 1996 that I made the transition from being a faith-moocher (stringing along behind my parents) to a faith-owner. I’ve written about it before. I was eighteen years old and two weeks into my first ever job outside of the babysitting enterprise. The assistant manager at the place where I worked, a twenty-one year old guy and the only friend I felt I had during business hours, took a week off work just to hang out and have fun. And on the first day of his summer vacation, the driver of a car didn’t see him on his motorcycle and he was gone.

And as I said before when I’ve written about it, that’s a tough spot for a girl who doesn’t know that her own time has come. Not her time to die – but her time to choose for herself Whom she would serve – and whether or not this faith stuff she said she believed really meant anything.

On July 25, 1996, I sat down on my white metal daybed in my bedroom and opened my book to Psalm 86. I found verses like Hear my prayer, O Lord; Listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you for you will answer me…Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant…Give me a sign of your goodness…and then I kept reading and ended up in Psalm 88. I found more verses – O Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. For my soul is full of trouble…you have taken from me my closest friends…my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you…But I cry to you for help, O Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you…All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me. You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend.”
That night was the night I knew I really meant the “faith stuff.” If God could work out the details, starting months before when I had begun to read the Bible through, in such a way that I was ready for these verses on this night…if God could prove to me that someone else had felt this way first and that hope existed…then I would trust Him. I’d stay on the path.

I kind of wonder now if on that night, a little collection of angels in Heaven peeked over a cloud to see if some teenager in Greentown, Indiana, would pass the big faith test. I wonder if that same collection peeked over another cloud a few years later, almost to the day, when I was handed another test and this time, decided to try things my own way. Didn’t even realize at the time that I was in a test – but definitely thought I knew more than God. Bad move.

This week I was reflecting on both those “anniversaries.” I pulled off the shelf the study Bible I was using when Craig died, and I opened to the exact pages I’d read – found my notes in the margins and the pink highlighting over the words that spoke to me that night. And in the white space between the pink highlights, I found this verse: Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction? (88:11). I’m sure that theologically, what I got out of the verse wasn’t exactly what the writer was intending, but here’s what I got…

Eleven years down the road, I can say that God absolutely loved me right through that tragedy. He started by sending two Psalms on a bitter evening and then He just kept right on moving. About a month after Craig’s death, I sat in the Burger King on a Thursday night before church (some things never change) and one of the college guys that worked there came out to take his break at my table while I ate dinner. His name was Randy. I have no idea what his last name was, but he was a really great guy who had worked there for a while. It wasn’t uncommon for him to take a break while my parents and I ate dinner, and he’d sit at the table across the aisle and we’d talk. That night I was there alone, but he still came out to sit with me. I have no memory of what we talked about that night – but I do remember laughing and then realizing that I was laughing for real. For the first time since Craig died, something brought a spark of joy to my life and I smiled and laughed sincerely. And that night, the dark load of grief left me. Randy must still live around here somewhere, because every now and then, I see him with his wife at Wal-Mart. I want to go up to him and say “Hey you probably don’t remember me, but I was a Burger King regular and one night God used you to do something big in my life.” But given my track record with Wal-Mart interactions, I just keep pushing my cart past him while inside thanking God for love and Psalms and Randy.

God was faithful to me in 1996, He was faithful a few years later despite my heart detour, and He’s still faithful now. This week, this “anniversary” week – has been a good one. God did it up right – He knows I love stuff like that. And while I don’t have any cake – I do have a big ole pan of brownies out in the kitchen. So I think I’ll go have one in celebration.

The Welcoming Committee

A couple of weeks ago, I went to one of my friends' house so her daughter could thin my hair. (The Mia Thermopolis look had again emerged.) We had a slight miscommunication about the time I was supposed to show up, and when I got there, no one was home. I called and was told to just wait and they'd be right home, so I did. I put the car window down to get some fresh air, and.....

Sadie showed up!

She was very friendly - and had a real interest in learning to drive. When I opened the car door, she tried to get in!

Kaegan and Braeya

Several months ago, Rachel (one of my co-workers) gave me the most adorable cat picture frame. It looks like a scrapbook page - and all you have to do is add the picture. I wanted to make sure the picture I put in it had both Kaegan and Braeya, since I only had one frame and to play favorites is rude.

Do you know how hard it is to find two cats in the same spot...let alone to get them to stay there while you go get the camera and capture the perfect shot?

Impossible.

So...about 6 months later...I finally got one. As you'll notice - it only worked because they were asleep. This is one of their favorite spots to sleep - right at the top of the stairs. Normally they refuse to occupy the space together but this day they were feeling nice, I guess.

(By the way - the ugly green carpet is about to go. It's older than I am and went out of fashion, well, decades ago. I've made a priority to replace it with something more neutral by the end of the year.)

Braeya the Camera Hog

It's truly not that I love Braeya more than Kaegan. It's just that she's such a girl and he's such a boy. He runs when he sees the camera emerge. She stops and poses. Ridiculous. But true.


Actually, Cassie took this picture when she visited a couple of weeks ago. She stayed in my guest room, which is usually void of life, yet full of furniture. Since that is the case, I think Braeya has decided I created the room specifically for her. Every morning when I go in to open the blinds, she jumps up on the dresser and stares at her reflection in the mirror. I never have my camera handy, but Cassie captured this one - and this is really Braeya at her finest!


Much like a child...I'm not sure why I bother to purchase toys for her when she's just as happy playing with the most random things...empty glue sticks, pieces of scrap paper, and most of all - bows from gifts.


While Cassie was here, she tried not to let her exercise routine be too terribly interrupted. She'd ordered an exercise ball which was on its way to her house. She found mine in the closet and asked if she could practice on it. I got out the big paper of directions for her, and Braeya thought they were for HER. So she read them...

...And then sat right on top of them and supervised Cassie's attempts. Cassie actually did a very good job - better than I've done so far! I keep losing my balance and sliding into the entertaiment center. (Which, incidentally, doesn't feel very good.)

LOVE Fridays!!!

Happy Friday! This has been a good day - and is even better now because it's quittin' time and I can go enjoy my weekend.

Just a couple of random thoughts and things.

BABY MANIA has hit the world of my friends. Congratulations to Greg and Lisa on the birth of their son. Lisa is not on blogger (yet...) but she is one of my friends from the early days of Financial Aid and just had her baby yesterday. I can't wait to meet him! And congratulations to Kyle and Ruth on the birth of their daughter - born just less than two hours ago! Keep Ruth in your prayers if you think of it. She has battled gallstone attacks for her entire pregnancy (she is my pregnancy HERO!) and within the next couple of weeks will finally be able to have surgery to fix that and she'll be able to eat her own pick of food for the first time in forever! AND last but absolutely not least - congratulations to Marty and Lori on the birth of their daughter, Jillian, who was born this morning! They've already posted some pictures, so you can check that out. She's a cutie!

And this has nothing to do with anything else - but today I had to take an early lunch and so I channel surfed for a while. I had no idea what was on at that hour since I'm never home then - but I ran across the show "At Home with Chuck and Jenni" and some lady I don't know was singing a song that never ended. I happened to catch a glimpse of her background vocals and guess who was back there! Melinda Doolittle. From American Idol! Apparently this was not a recent taping of At Home...and it was from her BGV days. Very exciting! She was just as sweet a singer in the background as she was every week on American Idol. Love her!

Well - it's time to exercise or scrapbook or somethin.

Good Grief

There are no words...

There you go, Tina. Enjoy. I have a feeling this is going to end up in the file alongside the dye job gone bad.

As Requested...Sort of

Well - the specific request has been made for me to post the nose-picking picture. PROBLEM: I don't own it. BIGGER PROBLEM: Dad is bringing it over tomorrow. So when I have it, I'll post it - at least for a day. Then embarrassment will probably get the best of me and I'll take it away.

Meanwhile, specifically for the Hutchins Family - I will offer a sampling of life in Bekah toddlerhood.

Below is typical Bekah: mouth open, being loud. This would be my classy high chair (probably just about to come BACK into style) doubling as a piano bench. And so began my years of piano playing...


Did I mention I parted my teeth down the middle? Boy I'm glad I recovered from that. Because I gotta tell you...had I been my Mom...I'd have been pret-ty scared right about this stage. I also notice the little dimples in my hand where my knuckles are supposed to be...LONG into my teen and even adult years, I still didn't have real knuckles. I thought that baby fat would never leave.


And this would be the "I know I'm gonna love pictures" Bekah. I don't think you can tell here, but my eyes were very very blue. And still to this day, when I cry, they turn an amazing shade of blue. Of course after crying they're more like amazing blue surrounded by what-happened-to-you red, but still a cool shade. And you'll notice...the early love of books.

Tagged: The Childhood Version

Skyepuppy tagged me. I love being tagged because it makes me feel very popular, but I wasn't sure what to share since I was just tagged not too long ago. So...I decided to bend, okay break, the rules and do a version of random facts from days of yore. I might have shared some of these on here before, but I think most of them are new. It is hard to remember after a while!

1. Though I love to cook now, my first unsupervised cooking endeavor was a disaster of gargantuan proportions. My parents left me home in the care of my grandma (NOT the cooking grandma) and I decided to surprise them by making fudge while they were gone. Guess what I learned that night? There's a difference between confectioner's sugar and granulated sugar.

2. When I was very little (probably 3 or so) I decided I wanted to be just like my Dad - who cuts wood for a hobby. When my sister was out of the room, I grabbed a pair of scissors and cut up her bedspread into tiny pieces of "wood." Wanna guess which members of the house found that funny and which ones didn't?

3. I carried a doll to church every Sunday when I was younger, and had to finally have a talk from my parents about the amount of stuff I took for her. Apparently the multiple blankets, diaper bag, baby, AND my own bag of stuff - too much. Sad thing - I still take that much stuff to church. But no baby stuff now. Just all my own stuff.

4. I'm sure you heard that Tammy Faye passed away this weekend; when I was little, I used to dress up in Lori's clothes and shoes, stand in her room, and sing alongside Tammy Faye every day during the PTL show. I don't really remember much about it, but I heard I was pretty good at it.

5. TOTALLY forgot to tell my Mom about Games Day in either kindergarten or first grade. (Games Day was like a field day at the end of every school year.) I came to school in one of my frilliest dresses, dress shoes - the whole nine yards. That was a fun way to play games!

6. When I was in third grade, my name was drawn to babysit the class guinea pig over the weekend. She had just given birth, too. Did I mention my Mom doesn't like animals? She'd been assured by the teacher that my chances of winning were slim to none. HA.

7. The last solo I ever sang in church was "My Father's Eyes." Scary, scary day in my life.

8. Somewhere in my parents' house is a black and white 8x10 of me (as a toddler) standing in the Home Ec lab picking my nose. I WILL find that picture before it is used against me.

Bits for Sunday, July 22, 2007

God is up to something. I’m not really sure what – but He’s up to something. I feel like I’m following this trail of crumbs, and I can’t quite tell what I’m headed toward, but I can tell I’m headed for something. And I wonder not only what I’m headed for, but when I might expect to arrive.

Last night I wanted to quit. Ever feel like that? I did. I texted Marie and told her that I felt very out of the God loop and my own personal path seemed much easier. I have a path. It seems like an exciting path – or at least it’s exciting in my daydreams. Somehow I have a feeling if it were to scoot over into reality, I wouldn’t even recognize it. And down in the bottom corner of my heart, I can hear God saying “That’s not really what you want and you know it. You’re just grasping and that’s the best you can do. Wait ‘til you see what I can do!”

So last night when I was journaling, I said, “My faith isn’t feeling so well right now…This that You ask of me is so much bigger than I am. I’m not sure how to approach it. Are you just waiting for me to throw my hands up and give up? Is that what You need so You can be at work?” I think it’s good to be involved…but my involvement shoots into just plain interference without warning. That can’t help whatever it is He’s trying to do.

I figured it couldn’t hurt to toss up the old hands and say “Okay fine. My way clearly isn’t going anywhere, so You do it Your way.”

Funny how He loves that.

I opened up devotional book number one (I have several) –this one is written by Joyce Meyer. It’s a morning and evening devotional in one, but I’d not yet read the morning part, so I started there. She quoted Psalm 25:1 and said, “…it gives you the answer for your whole life: give it to the Lord…It means bringing Him your entire existence and everything it entails. Grasping that truth will set you free from weariness and a feeling of wanting to give up.” I just shook my head. This is what I’ve come to expect and love about God. When I’m truly at my wit’s end – He kicks in with a fury I wouldn’t have bothered to see if I had any wit left.

I flipped the book over and read the evening devotional. Among other things, I found, “So no matter what you see today, believe that God is working on your breakthrough.” Well I certainly hope so! I need a breakthrough before I break my head trying to figure it out.

Putting Joyce aside, I moved on to the next book, God Calling, and found this under yesterday’s date: “I am teaching you…My way of removing mountains: the way to remove mountains is the way of praise.” I seemed to remember a time – probably 3 years ago – when God taught me very specifically how to pray by praising. I didn’t understand it then, but I did it. And the outcome wasn’t quite what I’d envisioned (okay, nowhere near), but I did learn that my praise brought an answer. Just because it wasn’t the one I had my eye on didn’t make it less real or less powerful to the person who benefited from the joy that came.

I went to bed, sure that God was done talking for a while. WRONG.

Let me just kind of explain to you what I like to call the alarm clock adventure. You know I hate mornings. I have to ease into them. Gently. So I set two alarms. The clock radio goes off first. It goes off every nine minutes when I hit snooze, so it goes off twice before the obnoxious beep of the cell phone begins. It rings every five minutes when I hit snooze. I put the radio on one side of my head and the cell phone on the other side of my head, and then between turning left and right to hit snooze, I wake up. Well, and Kaegan generally wakes up with the first alarm and leaves his sleeping post behind the bathroom door to stand beside my ear and offer pitiful meows until I finally get up. Then he nestles down in the warm bed I just left. Cats. What a life.

I said all of that to say that it’s usually about 40 minutes into the alarm clock adventure before any of the noise registers with me. This morning when the first coherent radio alarm went off, I heard the following chorus – “God will make a way, where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see; He will make a way for me. He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way.” I rolled over (catching the cell phone alarm) and said “God, it is Sunday. It’s not even 8:00 yet!” Then whoever was talking on the radio (must have been a church service) said, “Say it with me. God will make a way.” So there I was, pushing away a cell phone alarm on one side and a morning-cat on the other side, mumbling “God will make a way.”

Once I was awake, I thought it was a nice gesture for God to send that as my wake up call. I went to church and somewhere about halfway through Sunday School, someone mentioned the song we were going to have at the end of the service. I’d never heard of this song before, but they told me the title was “O for a Faith that Will Not Shrink.” I grabbed my bulletin and looked for the sermon title. It was called Doubting God! I moaned and said “People, I gotta go home!! This is too much for a Sunday!”

But it wasn’t too much for a Sunday. It was a perfect Sunday to follow a perfect Saturday night. I still am no closer to knowing what He’s doing. But I’m closer to knowing He’s working, He doesn’t need my interference, and He does need my trust.

Clarification

It's not like me to try to stir up controversy. In fact, controversy makes me very nervous. I inherited from my mother the genuine desire to have everyone around me be as happy and at peace as they can possibly be. And I'm terrible with debates. I usually just want to say "Yeah you're right" and run away so I don't have to think for myself. As a result, these last couple of posts have been very icky for my tummy. And I think Brandon has about all the intelligent comments I can offer from the debate corner of my mind. But he's asked good questions and I'm glad he's asked them. I need to think about those things.

I felt like I wasn't able to offer the best answers earlier today when I was answering away from my copy of the book, so let me go back and clarify a couple of things. First - about abortion. I went back and found where she said "When the test stick colored, and when I cried out the news to him [her husband], we knew, without asking, that we would birth and raise these babies together just as we had made them. That was all we knew, but it was all that was needed at first." (p. 30) So abortion was never considered from the start. But I distinctly remember hearing Dr. Dobson say on the air that all three women on the panel had the thought of abortion - and maybe hers was just as simple as thinking it and dismissing it. I don't want to give anyone the idea that she pondered it when shes says right here she didn't.

I could not find comment as to why they didn't try some sort of more permanent birth control. Perhaps I overlooked it, though I did search hard for it. And I don't remember reading anything other than they were using birth control (she doesn't say what).

And now that I have the book back in my hands, I went to the end again to try to find the parts I was thinking of this morning - where I'd hoped to find...hope and still didn't. She does say this...she was talking about how her last son was born on her birthday. That was very hard for her because she did not want to share that day. And yet it happened and she felt God had to take that from her too - the last thing possible - to get her to believe that her baby "was not an accident, not a mistake, not an afterthought...That he was a surprise only to me...Nothing about him was a surprise to God." (p. 122) I appreciated her acknowledgement of that. Speaking as a "surprise child," I would have to say learning that I was planned by God was one of the longest, slowest, hardest lessons to learn, but what a healing revelation once it finally sunk in!

As far as the "hope" goes - she does encourage these moms that they'll be more "resilient and resourceful, wiser and deeper..." (p. 124) and she tells them things get easier. That's good, I suppose.

My favorite paragraph in the whole book was the last one. That was when she talked about being unable to measure what she would have lost had these children not been part of her life. The joy and surprise and wonder of life and God's sovereignty was very present in that last paragraph, and I so wish she would have started the book with that vein...and moved to the rest.

Having said all of that, and getting back to my original statement that I don't like controversy, I want to say that my point in becoming so wrapped up in this is not about silencing this woman. She has a story, she has her pain, and she has a right to share that story and pain. My point in this, and the point I tried to make in the letter I wrote is that for every woman out there who has faced an unexpected pregnancy...there is a child who is the surprise child. And our side of things comes with an entire set of joys and trials too. And our side is just as unheard on the larger scale as hers was...which is why she spoke out. And it's why I speak out here.

As I read the book, many times I wrote in the margin, "we feel this too." She talked about how she cried and protested and prayed and questioned. You know - surprise kids do those things too. Maybe not every day. But at some point. And she said she felt alone. Sometimes we do too. She called it a private pain - same here. She talked about needing to pretend that everything was okay. Check!

The Bible says that sometimes we go through trials so that later we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received - that's my paraphrase. This is what she did, and I am glad for the sake of those she's helped that she did it. All I ask that she and other such mothers consider great care and respect in the phrasing of the story. They're not talking about a disease or injury that can't feel the sting of the words. They're talking about a human being - who feels all those emotions too.

Part Two

Well, I listened to part two of Focus on the Family yesterday and found very little to improve my opinion over part one. Still, I sat down last night with the second half of the book, certain I would find a bright and cheerful story at the end. I really didn't. It certainly grew more hopeful than early sentences about second worst fears and feeling like life had ended...but it didn't get as warm and fuzzy as I'd hoped.

I wouldn't say that I'm as angry now as I was then. I'm more just sad...sad for her two caboose children who have to know (because she said so) that the warm rushes of joy and excitement that existed for their four older siblings really didn't show up for them. Sad because I think it's a topic that she more than needed to write about, but she could have approached it in such a better way.

I've written a letter of my own - which I read to my sister over the phone last night. She laughed twice (hadn't really meant to be funny, but sometimes I am without intention) and said my degree must have served me well because it sounded very good. That was all I needed. After practicing it on the work ladies today, I plan to send it. Don't really expect anything to come of it - but I think I need to do this.

Too Tired to Think

This is one of those times that I'm going to post and probably regret it later. But I'll deal with later when later gets here.

For some reason that I neither understand nor appreciate, this week has been one of those emotionally draining weeks. Things that used to upset me in the olden days (never get a chance to use that phrase) but I seem to have outgrown being bothered by...have once again surfaced to really get to me. Mostly I just want to take a mental nap.

I won't go into all the petty things that have piled up to cause my need for a mental nap, but I will mention the one that had me flitting about the office yesterday with out-of-control blood pressure. (I'm sure it amused the co-workers, at the very least.)

I can't stand quiet (shocker) so I work with the radio playing in the background. And by background, I mean everyone in my hallway can hear it. Especially if David Phelps is singing. In the morning, my station plays a lot of talk radio and sometimes I get sick of the talk and switch over to music saved on my computer. I should have done that yesterday.

I was listening to Focus on the Family - a fine program that I like and support in viewpoint. But yesterday they had a panel of women who had, at some point in their lives, faced an unexpected pregnancy. The "lead" guest was a lady named Leslie Leyland Fields, who has actually written a book called "Surprise Child." She and her husband had four children and were in their forties when they had a surprise child...and then a second.

Now let me just say I totally understand why she and the other ladies would be angry...furious...scared...disappointed...whatever you want to call it by the news that the life they thought was ahead was, in fact, NOT ahead, and instead was a cuddly baby who turns into a screaming mystery without warning. That I get. I don't begrudge them any of those feelings.

What broke my heart and sent my blood pressure soaring was the way the author in particular described her experience out loud to a gigantic audience that held not only the mothers she so desperately wanted to relate to - but also a host of those surprise children all grown up. She talked about being pregnant late in life being her second worst fear and how she was so angry...and on and on and on....

I was absolutelyfurious by the end of the broadcast...because I am that child. Well, not HER child, but the child of parents who were very done having a family and nearly done raising said family. I'm the kid that grew up feeling nothing but love and acceptance from my family but still knowing I was not in the plan and learning to find way to understand that God still had a plan for my life.

Though I've often rolled my eyes at the stories I've heard about my rather unplanned and unorthodox arrival, I'm very thankful my Mom never described it quite the way this lady did. I felt so sorry for her kids. I wondered if they felt compelled to introduce themselves this way: "Hi, I'm my Mom's second worst fear come true."

I was so irritated, I went straight to the bookstore after I exercised, bought her book, and read the first half of it without stopping. I wrote all my rebuttal opinions in the margins. Let's just say it's a well-written-in book.

Okay - that was just my venting and there's no good way to close it. I'm sure I'll have more to say on the subject later. I hear the panel is back on the radio today for part two. I've been encouraged to listen with an open mind and hear the "blessing after the pain." This is not exactly my gift, but I'll try.

And maybe I'll just write my own book from the perspective of second worst fears come true. (I guess I'll have to come up with my own title, since my Mom has never called me that.)

Especially for Julie

I'm posting this especially for my sister, Julie. I know she will appreciate it.

Shortly after the tornado, Golf Digest sent a little team out to Greensburg to follow the school's golf team. I remember seeing the guys when I was out visiting. Well, the August issue of Golf Digest has a rather lengthy article covering not only the tornado story, but the lives of the guys and their golf (what are they - games? matches?) in the days following the tornado.

Mom, who has probably never held a Golf Digest in her entire life, parked in the recliner and read the whole thing. She was mostly searching for the reference to Cassie. Cassie's boyfriend was on the golf team and they described his girlfriend as, I believe "the all-American beauty" and something about "constantly at his side." It kind of cracked us up (though we agree about the beauty part).

A Visit from the Family

Here are some pictures from Lori, Jeff, and Cassie's recent visit.

Cassie stayed with me and spent some quality time with Miss Braeya Jo. Kaegan gets very wary of anyone other than the standard home residents, so he didn't make too many appearances during her visit. Here, Braeya was most anxious to get back to playing/getting into things she shouldn't. Not too interested in photo shoots.

Saturday, we spent some time at my parents' house. Cassie wanted to update some of her photo collection, so here we are. We continued to get comments about how much we look alike. Of course, she was also told she looked like Lindsay Lohan and Anne Hathaway. I'm going to guess those comparisons stop with her and do not transfer to me.

And here I am with Lori. Very cute new little jacket she'd gotten (post tornado.) I guess the great minds think alike when it comes to wearing pink!

REBUILDING: God is Good

Lori, Jeff, and Cassie have been here visiting for a few days. It's been so nice to have them - and it's been so nice for them to be in a place that has buildings and electricity!

Funny how when you're far away from it all, it's easy to forget what it's like. For example: Cassie went with me to church yesterday, and at the end of the service, our pastor was making a point about how it's easy to overlook the needs in people's hearts because we don't look closely enough. He said "When you walk down the street, what do you see? Buildings and street signs?" As he went on to say "Or do you see the people..." Cassie leaned over to me and said "No." Though she said it with a smile...it's a sad thing. It's a whole different world where they are. And even though the news stations have gone on to fresher tragedies, this place still hurts. 

Below are four REBUILDING posts - catching up on life through Cassie's camera.

One thing people comment about when they see tornado pictures is just the barrenness of the trees. It was so strange to drive into Greensburg shortly after the tornado and see normal, normal, normal, BOOM - no leaves. You could tell exactly where the tornado had been because of the broken, leaf-less trees. 

Here is a pictures taken by my Mom less than a week after the tornado hit.

By the time I arrived about a week and a half after the storm, tiny signs of life had arrived and baby leaves were sprouting out of branches that otherwise looked dead.

Cassie took this picture just before they left for Indiana - as you can see, God has quite a plan in place for His creation!

REBUILDING: The Final Before Photos

The tornado occurred on Lori's 47th birthday. Happy birthday to her, huh? Anyway, this picture was taken just a few hours (probably less than four) before the tornado. This is Lori with her stash-o-gifts. The wooden angel in her lap is the door decoration I'd sent to her. She hung it up right after the picture fest and never saw it again.

Cassie showed me these birthday pictures - the last ever taken in the upstairs of their home. She had one more picture on her phone that she took of Midnight in the downstairs bathroom while they were waiting for the storm warning to end...which never came.

Interesting side note that I'd not known before: Lori told me that when the word came circling about that said there could be a storm, Cassie went through the house and shut all the bedroom doors so that she would be able to find Midnight, should they have to go to the basement. Apparently she was known for hiding under beds and Cassie didn't want to have to dig her out. I see her woman's intuition is already in place.

REBUILDING: Interesting Aftermath

Since Cassie was in town, I decided to take advantage of getting a few interesting pictures of the tornado that I'd not captured on my own camera.

This was one of the pianos in the church. I believe Lori said it was the fellowship hall piano and not the sanctuary piano. Clearly it's not an anywhere piano anymore. That's a study Bible on the piano, but I don't know if it landed there or if someone put it there.

While Cassie was here (well the whole family was here...but this part is about her), we had some aunt/niece bonding time by going to a movie. First let me explain the rather monumental difference between going to a movie here and going to a movie there - on a good day! They have a one screen theater. One movie a week - probably only two or three showings of it. Don't like what's playing? Either leave town, watch something you own (not sure if there's a rental store, even), or just do something else. So to have options of movies and times is quite a treat. And clearly, the one screen is no longer showing....

This is the row of pine trees that lined the parsonage property. Many of the belongings they found were in this row of trees. By the time I visited a week and a half later, most of these had been cut down.

This is not plant. The Twister game really did land like this in the pines. I think Cassie said she pulled down the bottom corner so you could read it, but otherwise, this is untouched. Ironic.

REBUILDING: A New Perspective

You think you've heard the whole story, and then you hear new things and you see different pictures and it just brings about a whole new perspective.

Cassie took this picture a couple of days after the tornado. Lovely photo of the sky, don't you think? Try this: she took it from her perch on the toilet seat where she and Midnight crouched during the tornado. Had it been daylight and...you know...sunny...after the tornado, this is a picture she could have taken one moment after the storm passed. This is the view they had once the tornado left, taking their home with it. Remember...this was a basement bathroom.

When I see this and know that the only thing between them and 200+ MPH winds was a bath towel over their heads...well...it brings new meaning to being hidden beneath the shadow of the Almighty.

In earlier posts, I showed you the span that they had to jump after they came upstairs and prepared to leave the house. But I didn't have a picture that gave the "straight down" view. Cassie took this. I forget how many feet they said it was - and remember it was dark and raining at this time. Amazing.

Bits for Sunday, July 15, 2007

Happy National Ice Cream Day! Did you not know about the big holiday? I am not sure how I got behind on this one, since ice cream is one of my favorite things in life, but until I got online this afternoon, I was sadly unaware that today bore such significant importance!

So in honor of the day, I thought I would tell you about some of my favorite things – some of them new, some of them old, some of them summery, some of them not.

1. Moose Tracks Ice Cream. Since it is National Ice Cream Day, we’ll start with this one. I love most flavors of ice cream, but if I had to narrow it down and pick one, I’d go with moose tracks. If you’ve never had Moose Tracks ice cream before – let me start by explaining it. It’s vanilla ice cream with chunks and shavings of melt-in-your-mouth dark chocolate pieces alongside tiny peanut butter cups. Three of my favorite things all in one place! Because it’s too good to stop eating, I rarely keep it on hand at home (though I am never without ice cream of some sort in my freezer) – but every now and then I buy some just for a special treat.

2. Coconut Lime Verbena. Nope, not food. This is my favorite Bath and Body Works scent. I’ve long been a fan of coconut lotion, but some of it is way too coconut – too much like suntan lotion. Adding the lime was the perfect touch – because it still has a great summer smell but it doesn’t make me feel like I just crawled out of the tanning bed. (A nasty habit I no longer participate in, but the straight up coconut smell took me back to the brief span of time when I did.) I was very excited that this coconut-lime blend also made its way into the cheaper lines of lotions and shower gels – since I’m usually too cheap to buy brand name.

3. Army Wives. This is my new favorite TV show. All my regular shows are on break for the summer, which is actually very nice. As much as I love watching them, I do enjoy the break from them too. Many of the cable networks, though, have started their own original series of shows that premiere in the off-season. Army Wives is just such a show. It’s on Lifetime and is about a group of wives living the military life alongside their husbands. (Or in one case, the wife is the one in the military and her husband is the one back at home alongside all the wives.) Having very little real life exposure to the military lifestyle, I have no idea how accurate it is depicting the way of life, but I think the characters are well written and fascinating.

4. Walking Tacos. Or tacos in a bag. Whatever you want to call them. I had my first one yesterday and loved it! I go to the county fair every year, and, being the routine girl that I am, must have a breaded tenderloin and elephant ear as my standard fair meal. This year, though, I ended up going to the fair twice, so the second time around, I decided to step outside the Bekah-mold and try something new. I’d always walked past those little walking taco stands and never tried one – so yesterday was my lucky day. If you’ve never had one of those either, it’s a bag of corn chips with taco meat/lettuce/sauce poured down inside. It really did work out well to walk and eat at the same time – as long as someone else carried my drink. Now I’m going to have to go to the fair twice every year so I can keep up my new tradition of two meals!

5. Self Tanner Lotion. I said I’d never get into the self tanner thing because it just seemed vain. But that’s because most every year, I live my life as a very pale person. (I prefer the terms “Victorian” or “Nicole Kidmanesque” but “pale” is probably more accurate.) Anyway, this year, with all the outside exercise I’ve been doing, I have the first real tan I’ve had since elementary school. Unfortunately, exercising means I’m wearing shoes and socks, so I have the most precious little sock line that started gathering a rather ridiculous amount of attention from my co-workers. One of the ladies in the office next door felt sorry for me (or was sick of my sock line) and brought me a bottle of self tanner lotion. I’ve been using it for three days and while I still have a line, it’s not nearly as “hello!” as it used to be. I think I’m hooked!

6. Loving God With All Your Mind. This book is written by one of my favorite teaching-authors, Elizabeth George. I bought it on some sale rack last year and immediately started reading it. I read about three chapters, loved it, and put it aside for months. This happens to me sometimes and I’ve learned it doesn’t mean the book is bad or I’m not interested. It means now is not the time and when the time is right, God will push me to pick it up again. That time came this week and I’ve started back up. Many books talk about how to prove that you love God through the things you do, but this one backs up to that secret place that no one sees – your mind. A very convicting book – so therefore, very hard to read at times, but the reading itself is very easy to follow.

7. Flour Child Cupcakes. My friend Sarah Rife is the best cupcake baker I’ve ever met. She calls her creations “Flour Child Cupcakes,” and they are so good! Yesterday she borrowed my refrigerator to store several dozen cupcakes before the church auction (where I hear the cupcakes brought in QUITE a bit of money) and when I came home, I found one remaining in my refrigerator for me! I ate it this afternoon and pronounced it amazing. The one I sampled was the chocolate covered cherry: chocolate cake with a cherry in the center with chocolate ganache and a cherry on top. YUMMY. A full list of her specialties can be found at the link on the side.

8. Purple Petunias. I received the most beautiful hanging basket of petunias this year. They were a gift from the ladies of my Bible study – they gave them to me on my last night of teaching back in May. I was so worried I’d kill the plant as sometimes the more delicate varieties of plant-life do not fare well under my care. But this basket is still alive and still blooming! Purple is my favorite color and I just love how it brightens up the backyard! Now they’ve spoiled me and I’ll have to go get a new basket of flowers every year.

9. Archaeological Study Bible. I purchased this new Bible for myself right at the end of last year. We had to work some overtime and I rewarded myself for the long hours by springing for a new Bible. I love study Bibles and every few years, I like to get a new one so I can see the words from a fresh perspective. This one is unique from the other ones I have because it has pictures of places and artifacts from Bible times, and it helps me visualize what I’m studying. I am learning all sorts of new things with my new Bible!

10. Ice Java Coffee Mix. Well I started the list with food, so why not end it with food? A love of mine (equal to ice cream) is coffee – and my favorite coffee is any blended iced coffee. I could spend my entire paycheck on these coffees, but I doubt my other bill people would appreciate that. I try to limit myself to one (two at the most) per week from an actual coffee shop, and the only way I’m able to be successful with this limit is because Nestle makes this great coffee syrup that you can use to make your own iced coffee drinks! I stop at the gas station, get a cup of crushed ice, come home, dump it in the blender with some milk and the mix – and pretty soon I have an almost-as-good-as-the-coffee-shop drink!

So there you have it – ten of my favorite things. If you’re looking for something new to try, you can’t say you don’t know where to start!

Bekah's Cards vs. Mama's Cards

Back in high school, it became painfully obvious to me that I had no talent. Or at least no visible talent. I had friends who could sing. Though I love music and do enjoy singing...I'm more of a car singer. I had friends who could draw and paint. Though I can draw a straight line with a ruler, my skills lacked significantly in comparison with theirs. (When you have a friend whose senior drawing is purchased for quite a significant sum of money...you know she's good.) I had friends who could play sports. Let's just say that coordination is not really my thing.

So one day, while mournfully roaming the aisles of my local craft store, I discovered a hobby that required little to no talent: rubber stamping. I decided on the spot that this would be my gift. And I've been stamping ever since. While still in high school, I learned that there were companies that sold rubber stamps and card making supplies, and I declared myself officially addicted.

To be fair, I have to say that my love of sending cards comes from my mother. Mom loves to send cards to people and is very dedicated about remembering holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. And...every now and then, she sends the occasional card intended to soothe the soul...lift the spirits...bring a smile.

Usually.

Below please find two examples of my own recent card making...and then one of Mama's finds.

Inside says: Taking a break from the daily grind to see how you've bean!

Inside says: Just wanted you to know how special you are!

Inside says: Never give up!

Thanks Mama!

REBUILDING: Rebuilding

No, I didn't forget that I already wrote the word once. (Though there are times when that might be a very legitimate guess!) I just have a couple of quick updates on life in tornado land and some fresh starts. I mentioned before that they weren't sure whether or not they would rebuild their home on the original foundation, though they were given permission by the insprector to do so. The delay partly had to do with rezoning taking place in the town...and if it did, the part of town they had lived in might end up being an industrial/business area, rather than residential.

My latest word from Lori says that they will be moving to another part of town, so that is one decision completed! They have been able to look at a few empty lots in town (well, the tornado made the whole town one empty lot!....but I mean available lots) and have also taken a look at several different options of houses to put on said lots. It looks like a decision could be made on both those things fairly soon, which would be great, because that would bring them that much closer to being back in a real house in just a few months.

Unfortunately (for Lori) all the house plans do come with a kitchen. She was so hoping to avoid that in a future home. Funny the things that come standard, I guess. :) But they were able to find some plans they really liked - and they especially liked one of the lots they looked at too! So all those things are very good news. Now we start (or join?) the waiting game....

PS - Hey Lori, since I know you'll be by to read this at some point, I'll tell you that when Mom and I went through the model home at the fair, I so thought of you when we went through the master bathroom. It had a huge garden tub right in the middle of the bathroom - with this big wide ledge all the way around it. I don't know if you would have liked any of the rest of the house, but you would love the bathroom! Hey, maybe if it's still out on Saturday, you can see it!

The Card Extravaganza

The Net (the youth group at my church) is having an auction this weekend to raise funds to attend the big youth convention this December. It's in Florida. (The convention, not the auction.) I don't blame them for wanting to go. :)

Anyway, I was recruited to make a couple sets of cards...so I've been working on that for about the last week. I made two sets of twelve. Here are a couple of the cards from the sets.

(Inside, this one says "The best things in life are not free, but priceless." I know, I know. Sappy. But it was the stamp I had.)

(Yep, that's a real band-aid on the front. I wish I'd not used all the neon ones I had - they would have looked much more festive! The inside says "Happy Healing.")

Bits for Sunday, July 8, 2007

I love object lessons. I’m a visual learner and am much more likely to remember something I can see than something I only hear. Apparently God knows this, because most of what I learn from Him, I learn from seeing things He plants in my path.

Literally.

This past week I was out walking, and I was in a big hurry, because I was just sure it was going to rain on me. Being rained on mid-walk has yet to actually happen to me, so I figure I’m about due.

Ever the multi-tasker, I was on the phone with my Mom while I hustled along my merry way. I was just about to plant one hurried foot in front of the other when I noticed a decent sized rock in my path. I thought about stepping on it – because it wasn’t that big – but I remembered my coordination, or I should say, lack thereof. I could just picture myself stumbling, twisting my ankle on the rock, falling down, dropping my new phone, smashing it into a million pieces, and then being stuck in the rain.

As I side-stepped the rock, I realized it wasn’t a rock at all. It was a very tiny bird. Now I really don’t know much about birds except they fly and occasionally leave unwelcome deposits on my not-so-freshly-washed car. I have no idea what kind of little bird this was, but I knew he was way too little to be sitting on the road, very far from a nest he should have been safely tucked inside.

I walked my mile and by the time I came back around to him, I noticed he may not have been able to fly, but he was quite a walker. He was several feet away from where he’d been the last time. I squatted down beside him to take a closer look and found that his tiny little body was shaking all over. He kept a very close eye on me with that “I’m trying to be brave and not let you scare me” look, but the shaking negated the look. He was so little that I could still see bits of down in the brand new feathers.

After another mile, I found myself pretty worried about this little bird. His Mama was clearly nowhere around or she’d have let me know I was too close when I took the look earlier. It was going to rain, it was hot, he was probably hungry, and all he could see was this big old stretch of paved road. I met a biker coming toward me and panicked that she might have made the same mistake I made in thinking he was a rock and might have smashed him with her front tire.

Where would he go? Where would he sleep? How would he eat? This was a lot of worry to put into a bird smaller than my phone.

And that was when my lesson kicked in. I started thinking about that old hymn His Eye is on the Sparrow. I had no way of knowing if this was a sparrow or a crow or an eagle or what, but I still got the point. In the grand scheme of my world, that bird really didn’t matter much. I would go home to my house and do my chores and get up the next morning and go to my job and do all the things that were important, but I still took a minute to worry about a baby bird lost from his nest. If I’m going to pay that much attention to the little guy, what makes me think that God is going to pay any less attention to me? I’m about that big – okay, much smaller – next to Him, but He still cares!

When my exercise was complete, I went home (beat the rain, thankyouverymuch) and grabbed my camera. I drove back to the spot where I thought I should find the little bird, and sure enough, there he was, just a few feet away, continuing his careful trek by the curb (which was about five times taller than his tiny body). I took a few pictures just to remind myself that “His eye is on the little guy…and I know He watches me.”

The next day, I approached my walking path with some apprehension, wondering if I’d find a smashed bird or a drowned bird or a baked bird…but I didn’t see one sign of him along the entire road. I have no idea where the little guy went. But wherever he is, whatever happened to him, I know it was not unseen by the Eye of God, and I was reminded again to just be very still. God cared more about that bird that I did (so He must have really liked him!) and therefore – even more about you and me!

Just Stuff

I can't think of any coherent way to tie together the things I planned to say - so I'll just lump them together as "stuff."

First, a couple of Kansas updates. July 4th (as well as being a national holiday) was the two month mark since the tornado. Seems longer ago than that to me - probably to them too! I talked to Lori last night and she told me that MDS is almost done with their excavating, which is good because that means rebuilding is just around the corner. She also said that the town in general is nearly done with excavating. This is very good news! On the 4th, there was a town picnic (which was rained upon, nearly ruining dinner and making the fireworks show impossible) with a hog roast and a whole menu of great food! The church is still in a decision making process about the construction of the church building - and more decisions about the type and location of the new parsonage. Maybe someday I'll have a final answer on that for you.

In other news - I ran across a blog (during a blog-hopping extravaganza earlier this week) that impressed me very much. This is a married couple that I knew from working with them during my first few years on the job. I remembered them and stopped by to see what was happening in their life. They're very very very proficient bloggers. :) I have to tell you that these two impress me with the commitment that they have put on their relationship. If you want to be challenged in your marriage (or for a great future day when you might be married) or just in life in general, I'd encourage you to check out their site. Without climbing on my soapbox, I'll just say that I'm always watching carefully to see what I can see in the relationships of others - to try to learn from the good and the bad. I think these two have some really great foundational advice and I'm proud of them for their hard work. I would encourage you especially to read the post (scroll down on the left, under "Brandon's Articles") called 5 Thoughts from 5 Years of Marriage.

One more thing. I find it slightly disturbing that when I run spell check on this thing, it does not recognize the word "bloggers" as a real word, yet it doesn't even flag "gonna." Hmmmmmm.

Fiction, Fireworks, and the Fourth of July

I love holidays. I was thrilled to have yesterday off work and get to hang out at home doing all the things I never have time to do because I'm too busy for my own good.

However, I've decided that it would be better to work the fourth and get the fifth as a holiday. Now this didn't really apply to me this year because I didn't go see fireworks, but I remember from years gone by, the fifth nearly killed me. I was out so late the night before that I couldn't function the next day. Most people don't start their parties until late in the day on the fourth anyway, so I think the day off should be moved.

Even though I didn't go see any fireworks this year, I did get to hear them...long into the night...in my lovely neighborhood. I think all the precious people living around me took advantage of the opportunity to make gunshot-like sounds without actually getting arrested. I'm not sure when they were supposed to end...but I'm fairly certain they went on longer than that in my neck of the woods.

To celebrate the day (and the lack of ability to fall asleep that night) I decided to do something I've not done nearly enough lately: read fiction. I grew up on fiction, but lately I've not read much of it. About a month or two ago, I read a book called These Rugged Cliffs - written by the sister of one of my work buddies. It sort of got me going on fiction again. So this time I searched the bookcase for a book I've not read (there are several) and settled on a Lori Wick book. It's one of her older ones, but I never got around to reading it. It's called The Princess. I'm limiting myself to two chapters a night because if I don't, I'll end up staying up all night sometime finishing the book. Good grief.

But now the holiday has ended, work has resumed, and I gotta tell you - I'm pretty ready for a nap!

Bits for Sunday, July 1, 2007

Perhaps when you’re done reading this, you might say “Boy it takes a special kind of stupid to not have already known this.” But sometimes I am just that, and my guess is that there’s at least one more of you out there like me…so that makes it worth sharing what I learned.

This past Tuesday, while in the chapel, I felt pressed to spend extra time in prayer this week. Extra time focused on a specific subject. Just for a week. I even called in prayer reinforcements, because I figured at some point during the week, I was going to be the target of all sorts of distractions, temptations, and as my friend Chris says, “bright shiny objects.” Anything to take my eyes off the goal.

Things went well for a couple of days. One evening, I even had an extra-wonderful walk. I took my prayer cards with me and was just having a great time connecting with God – and actually feeling the connection. Though faith isn’t based on feelings, there’s something incredibly boosting about finding the feeling once in a while. I had that encounter as I walked and prayed that night.

And then the next day hit. It wasn’t just a bright shiny object. It was a thousand disco balls falling from the sky at once. I wasn’t really surprised, because like I said, I figured I would eventually end up the target. One of my friends reminded me that this is why I pray the armor of God every morning and encouraged me to focus on the specific pieces of the armor throughout the day. So I tried. I truly did. Every time a thought crept in…I tried to pull out whatever piece of armor seemed appropriate and fight.

That night, very late, I realized I’d not spent as much time in prayer on the appointed subject. I’d prayed a lot – but it was mostly to pray my way through the day. So I collapsed on my bed with my prayer cards and mostly just read them to God. I knew He could read them for Himself, but I felt I owed it to Him to at least try. Every now and then, between cards, I’d stop and say, “I really hope that the verse that talks about how You intercede beyond what words can express is kicking in just now, because I really am giving it my best shot, but I know I’m not a very good prayer warrior today.”

The next morning, I was relieved to find the distractions seemed to have mostly gone away. I even had a couple of the “feelings” show up as I prayed.

I went out for my walk and found it was a perfect day for walking. The sky was blue and the temperature was just right. There was just enough breeze to keep my hair out of my face, but not so much of a wind that I felt like I was being blown back as I walked forward. The sun shone, but not so brightly that I had to cover my whole face with my hands.

Maybe you never think this, but sometimes when days are so perfect like that, I just have to wonder why life is this good. I try to appreciate those moments so much – so that I have something to remember when the war days arrive. Remembering the beauty can get me through the fight.

Anyway, as I was walking and praying my way through my list, I came across this verse: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. (Mark 12:30)

I tossed this thought to Heaven: Well, I’m really glad that today I’ve got more mind and soul and strength to pass Your way. Must be a welcome relief for You after the trial that was yesterday.

That was when God pointed out the end of the verse: with all your strength. I had loved God with all my strength the day before. So what if there wasn’t as much strength within me to use in that love? I still gave it all I had. God doesn’t demand that my strength level be the same every day. All He asks is that I offer whatever I do have, no matter how great or small.

That was such a relief to me. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and while it can be a good thing in terms of moving forward in discipline, it can be lousy when trying to survive a rough day.

In fact, maybe God was more blessed by the level of love on the day it took great effort to push through the fight rather than the practically-perfect-in-every-way days when the warm fuzzy feelings came so naturally.