The Work Story

When it rains, it pours, right? I am ready to tell you about another of the stories I've been sitting with for quite a while! Last week, I told you about a bit of a hard chapter I've been living recently, and today I have the completion of another story to share. This one has been both a long time coming and also...very fast.

As you know, when we left WillowBridge almost seven months ago, we were in conversations with an organization about jobs. The Lord ended up closing that door for both of us after a period of a few months, and we trust Him with that. Ryan was hired by Love INC, and I continued to look for work.

Throughout the summer, I applied for many jobs and talked to companies about employment, but nothing ever came to fruition. And the longer that went on, the harder it became on my heart. It's humbling, for sure, to live in a time when everyone is hiring and yet no one will hire you. It would be extremely fair to say that my confidence in any and every skill I possess plummeted because of this. I haven't talked about it at length on the blog partly because I didn't want appear to be having a pity party and partly because this was a very intense season of wrestling with my level of trust and faith. It was a personal piece of life that went far beyond the boundaries of whether or not I had a job. It was a season of wild grasping to remember and truly believe my worth wasn't found in work or the lack thereof.

As I shared a while ago, Ryan ended up "hiring" me to work with and for him at Love INC, but unfortunately the budget did not allow for me to be a paid employee. I love working with him and believe wholeheartedly in the work he's doing, and I am beyond grateful that he saw in me the ability to be part of his staff. That actually may have been the main thing that kept me afloat throughout these past few months. I may not have been bringing in a paycheck, but it felt good to be able to use my gifts and skills in ways that mattered. And of course, you know that we love working together, so that was fun!

But the truth of it is, the cost of living has gone up dramatically in the last seven months. We can't survive forever in our current situation. And finances aside, I had a heart-need to be able to be part of this family's work force. I continued looking and praying. I didn't make it a goal to find a job, because ultimately the choice isn't up to me. But I did make it a matter of serious prayer. I brought our need, both current and future, before the Lord and asked Him to open a door in whatever place He saw fit at whatever time He saw fit. (That is an easier prayer to say than to live, you know.)

When God closed the door for me to write a book, I knew I needed to increase my job search again. Because I wouldn't be writing a book in the immediate future, my days would be open to work regular hours. See? Even in the hard of a no, there was clarity in knowing what I could potentially do in the months to come.

So, on the last day of September, I sat at our kitchen table, working on our meal plan and grocery list. We were headed to Fort Wayne on Saturday, October 1, for a one-year-old's birthday party, and while we were there, we planned to stock up at Aldi. As I worked on my plan, I toggled around to different recipe sites on my computer. In my toggling, I grabbed the wrong tab and ended up on Facebook. Right there in front of my face was a post from a sweet friend of mine (from my WBCL days) sharing that her workplace was hiring.

I clicked on the link and scrolled to see if any of the jobs were remote. While the organization is within driving distance, it's far enough to be officially considered commuting, and we've already been that family. Commuting life just isn't the best fit for us. Seeing nothing, I sent her a private message and told her that if anything ever came up there that was remote, I'd be interested in applying.

She answered fairly quickly and said she thought one of the jobs - with a writing emphasis, no less - could be remote or hybrid. She would check, she said. And she did! She responded and encouraged me to apply. 

I was supposed to meet up with my friend Julie that afternoon, so she could help me with the Love INC website, but she ended up having a schedule change, and it just wasn't going to be the best time. Sounded to me like God just cleared my schedule to apply for a job! So, I launched in and filled out the application. I submitted it later that afternoon and sat back to wait. 

Surprisingly, I received an email Monday evening. (As in three days after I applied, with two of those days being a weekend.) The email asked about an interview! I looked over my planner and sent in some potential days. Two of them were for that same week and the rest were for the following week. Tuesday morning, I received a response that said, "It's a fast turnaround, but can we do tomorrow morning?" 

Of course we can! And immediately my prayers changed to "Please let me find an appropriate outfit in less than 24 hours in a town with only a Walmart and one clothing store."

On our engagementversary, while Ryan was at work, I headed out to find an interview outfit. And praise the Lord, I FOUND ONE! 

The next morning, which was five actual days after even learning about the job, I headed out for my interview. I had the most BEAUTIFUL day to drive. Leaves had really started to pop, and it was all just so very pretty.

People always ask how interviews go, and I never know how to answer. My perception could be very different from the interviewer's perception! But I knew I came away from that interview having given it all I had. I knew it had been an enjoyable experience for me, and I hoped it had been for her as well!

She told me she would be in touch the following week, so I sat back to wait, pray, and consider. Ryan and I talked about the possibilities before us, and I knew my thoughts and answers, should they offer me the job. 

I had incredible peace throughout the week that I waited. I didn't know what the outcome would be, but I felt calm about it. I didn't end up hearing anything during that week, but the Monday morning right after it, my phone rang, mid-morning. Ryan and I just "happened" to have a meeting that morning, so we were together. I looked at the phone, read the town associated with the number, and said to Ryan, "I think this is it!" 

I took the call, and indeed, they offered me the job! I accepted with such a grateful heart. 

What is the job, you might ask? I am going to be the Grants Administrator for a nonprofit that I've actually crossed paths with before! I did some writing for them (freelance) a few years ago in conjunction with an anniversary they celebrated. I'll be working partly from home, but going into the office some, so it will be considered hybrid work. As with nearly every job I've ever had, this position will give me the opportunity to use my gifts and skills, but it will also give me the opportunity to learn many new skills, and I am excited for that. 

The Lord has gone before me in this story probably in a dozen more ways than I even know. I am sure that ALL of the closed doors up to this point have been a protection of sorts to position me to be ready for this door. Perhaps He has spared me from jobs that wouldn't have been as good of a fit as I thought they might be. And there could be even more reasons I don't yet know that comprise a beautiful story. 

But I do know that I am so thankful the call came in right when I was with Ryan. We were together for only about an hour during that day, and THAT is when the call arrived. He was able to hear me say yes and celebrate with me right there. What a gift! And the timing of when I will start is also a gift. Because of their timetable and some of my own conflicts that were already on the calendar, I won't be starting until December. That will actually allow me to have some time to complete a couple of big projects that will make life easier when they are done, and I can wrap up some other smaller loose ends. I hadn't even prayed for that kind of timing gift, but God gave it! I am excited!

And as a side note, I'll continue being an active part of Ryan's work at Love INC. His work was part of the interview conversation, actually. There is a Love INC affiliate in the town where I'll be working, and the person who interviewed me (who will be my supervisor) was very familiar with it. She was excited that he is the director of another affiliate and talked about ways nonprofits should stick together to encourage each other. That was SO comforting to me. My new work will be much more traditional in hours, so I can use evening and weekend time to continue the behind-the-scenes work I do for Ryan.

And so, a long season of another story has reached its completion. A new season begins, of course, as I start this job in a few weeks, but the long season of waiting and searching has come to an end. So many of you have left encouraging notes for me here on the blog or in emails and texts...thank you for that! Thank you for believing in me and helping propel me forward during the wait! 

Sunday Sentiments

 

I realize November is the month we typically reserve for gratitude posts, but really, is there any moment when it's not appropriate to be thankful?

A couple of days ago, we had a GORGEOUS fall day, and it felt even more gorgeous because it followed a string of cold, rainy days. Ryan and I went to explore a new-to-us trail. We had no idea where we were actually headed on this trail, but we walked along and found ourselves in the middle of such beauty.

Fields of wildflowers and prairie grasses with trails carved into them. A woods brimming with fall beauty. We're a little past fall peak around here, but there were still some colorful leaves clinging to trees, and we walked over a carpet of them as we trekked through the woods.

And on our return trip down the same trail, we found the tiniest hint of a rainbow in the sky, even though there hadn't been any rain falling.

I walked behind Ryan and Lexi, saturated in gratitude. 

I was grateful for the warm, sunny night.

I was grateful to have a few hours away with Ryan.

I was grateful Lexi loves the outdoors and adventure.

I was grateful she was brave when we passed some HUGE dogs on the trail. (I was even a little scared of them!) 

I was grateful for a tiny rainbow. 

I was grateful for everything fall.

It felt like a moment of perfection frozen in time, and I just drank in all the was beautiful about it.

Let's be thankful together, friends! We have much to be thankful for - even in the small things. 

The Saturday Six

 

Earlier this week, Ryan and I went out for dinner at a much nicer restaurant than we typically visit. (We had a gift card. Those are life!!!) It was a casual enough restaurant that we didn't have to dress up in fancy clothes, which was fantastic, since we were also doing a grocery store haul while we were in town, but the food and atmosphere was much nicer than we're used to. (We are both perfectly fine with Wendy's. Ha!) But all the extra fancy put me in the mood to look for some fancier-than-normal ideas for this week's Saturday Six. They may not be over-the-top elegant, but I think you'll like them!

One.

Check out these adorable (and tasty-looking) caramel apple nachos. I was wowed just by the apple presentation. But then all the things over the apples? Yes, please! If you have a carry-in or some other fun friend event this fall, I'm pretty sure you'll win cute-factor points on this food. And it's fruit! (And a few other non-fruit things.) I also like this idea over a standard caramel apple, because it's easier on the teeth than biting into all that hard chocolate and sticky caramel!

Two.

If you have longer hair, you can try out this fairly simple, yet looking-awfully-fancy half updo. I think my biggest challenge with this one would be simultaneously twisting the hair on both sides of my head, but if I could achieve that, I would be set. I think this looks very pretty, and it doesn't take a ton of work. The post shows lots of pictures and a two minute tutorial video!

 

Three.

In full disclosure, I have not made these, but they look both delicious and beautiful. (And I had to get one Christmas-themed thing in here this week. I just couldn't help myself!) Thumbprint cookies with crushed peppermint on top. Elegant and yummy! I have made recipes from this site before, and the baker has never steered me wrong, so I'm confident this would be a win!

Four.

I have shared something like this on the blog before, but with the holidays coming (or...you know...just a Tuesday!) I thought it was worth sharing again. Pretty napkin folds! We are not a cloth napkin family - but maybe we should be! A simple way to feel fancier in the easiest way!

Five.

Ryan and I have talked about how both our handwriting styles have gone downhill over the years. I used to have really pretty handwriting, and now I'm lazy and sloppy about it. That may never change in general, but these cute card-addressing handwriting styles are adorable. I confess our cards usually have computer-generated address labels. Maybe this is the year to up my game!

Six.

Bekah fun-fact: I don't really like infused water. I've had a number of kinds over the course of many years, and every time I think I'm going to like it, and I hardly ever do. I love water. I just like it plain. But infused waters are so pretty and fancy, so if you're working to impress, here are a handful of recipes to try!

Sweet Memories...Round 8

We are nearing the end of these "Sweet Memory Fridays." Thanks for letting me relive memories here with you! 

Today's collection can be best summarized by the phrase WILD CHANGE. Everything about our life changed in this year of marriage, and we had no idea ANY of it was coming! Hang onto your hats!

Month 85: A Beautiful Last

We had no idea this was going to be a "last" for us, but it was. This was the month in which we, for the last time, served as narrators in one of the music productions at our church. And though I loved something specific and unique about each of the times we participated, this was my favorite one. I loved the songs, I loved the narrations, and I loved being able to serve together with Ryan in this way. This became our last time to participate partly because by the time the next scheduled production rolled around, we would be deep into a pandemic, and then we would move away. We had no clue about either one in this month. We thought we would do these forever. But if ever I had to pick a finale for something we've been involved in, this was the perfect finale. 

Month 86: At-Home Dates (Trendsetters)

Here's something adorable: I felt like the start of 2020 seemed very busy, so I instituted something new, different, and fun in our lives: at-home dates! If I had only known what was coming, right? :) We did a handful of at-home dates this month and actually had a lot of fun with it. One of my favorites was the Rootin-Tootin Date Night, where we did a taste test of a handful of root beer varieties and then made floats! Super fun!

Month 87: Date Night on the Canal

One of Ryan's great surprises for me landed this month. He rented an Airbnb for Valentine's Day, and we had the most romantic evening in a tiny apartment, overlooking the canal and skyline of downtown  Indianapolis! We had burgers at a fabulous restaurant IN the same building where we stayed, and there was a coffee shop there, too! I loved it. We had no idea this was our final outing for many months! 

Month 88: Life Goes Virtual

This may have been the strangest month ever. The pandemic arrived in full force, I began working from home for our church. Ryan's job at the rehab hospital paused, and he was relocated to the main hospital. We searched for toilet paper (with the rest of the world) and began a close relationship with Zoom for everything from church to game nights. I think I went 23 straight days without setting foot outside the front door of our house and completely forgot how to drive. We all thought it was going to be just for a couple of weeks, but...

Month 89: Strange Solitude

...it wasn't. This was the month in which we celebrated our first major holiday, completely alone. I was probably one of the strange few who was excited to try it. I planned a whole meal and we ate our Easter lunch on the sun porch at our Kokomo house. It was delicious, and I felt that I had accomplished something meaningful by pulling off a full holiday on my own. A couple of other notable memories from this month included...Ryan filming an Easter monologue for church. It was a multi-hour filming production with no room for error, and post-production, they discovered his mic batteries had died partway through. He had to go back in and voice it sentence by sentence to make it match. Amazing. And we had Ryan's quarantine birthday. I turned our porch into Giordano's pizza and we had the best time together!

Month 90: Ryan's Amazing Birthday Bash Planning

This was MY quarantine birthday month, and Ryan did a fantastic job making the birthday special for me. He planned an Anne-of-Green-Gables-palooza! He made an entire menu of foods based on the books (all from scratch) and decorated our guest room with a ton of Anne printables.  He rented the movie and watched it with me. It was so much fun! I loved the thought he put into it as much as the event itself! And though it wasn't blog-news yet, this was the month we learned about WillowBridge and submitted our application for employment. Life was about to change even more!

Month 91: Vacations and Vocations

We started this month with a quarantine-style getaway. We rented an actual tiny cabin in the Hocking Hills of Ohio for a nice-and-distanced hiking getaway. Everything about the trip was grand except...they closed the Hocking Hills State Park, so hiking there wasn't an option! We still had a great time at our little cabin (with its hot tub!) and found some other trails to hike so the whole trip wasn't a bust. We also interviewed for our job at WillowBridge, found out we were chosen for the Community Advocate position, and I resigned my job at the church. It was a whole lot for one month! (We also started packing and unofficially sold our house in this month.)

Month 92: New Home, New Job, New Everything!

And this was the month we moved! We said our final goodbyes to Kokomo, moved to Grabill, began apartment life, and started a new job in a field neither of us had ever before experienced. Most things in the world were still shut down, so this was a very strange experience. There were no grand goodbye or hello parties. There was so much we could not do that would have been helpful TO do for this transition. But we did it together, and we started a whole new adventure.

Month 93: Finding Our Place

Moving in a pandemic is wild. Living and working in the same building is wild. Finding a new church in a new town where you know no one (in a pandemic) is wild. Starting a new job in a new field (in a pandemic) is wild. We spent this entire month trying to settle into our new apartment, figure out our job, figure out our boundaries with our tenants, learn the ropes of the job, figure out our new little town, and close out the last pieces of our Kokomo life. Wouldn't it be grand if life came with a manual? I am so proud of how we navigated this. It was all so new and different, and we just grabbed hands and jumped! 

Month 94: New Adventures

Living and working in the same building meant we needed to find some new ways to get away and rest. This month brought about TWO new ways we enjoyed doing just that. We bought a little tandem kayak, named it Fletcher, and really enjoyed kayaking on the river near WillowBridge. And at the end of the month, we bought our beloved Abby the RV! This picture of her is ROUGH! Reminds me of how far we have come with her interior decor! We had no idea at the time that these two purchases were going to be among the best decisions we made during our WillowBridge years! 

Month 95: Project Time!

One of our favorite things about Abby the RV was redoing the inside. Throughout this month, we spent all our spare time in the RV, doing demo, painting, dreaming, and making it our own. This was a great way for us to get away from work, spend time together, and decompress. It was so much fun! And the first thing to go? THAT COUCH!!!!!

Month 96: New Normals

By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, we were used to celebrating holidays on our own. Between the pandemic and working them at WillowBridge, I felt like an old pro, preparing our holiday meal for two and enjoying it in our apartment! We spent the month prepping for Christmas, celebrating holidays with our tenants, and enjoying our newfound teamwork as a couple.

So there you have it! Another round of memories! :) 

Bible Study Resources

Thanks, Becky, for asking earlier this week for some resources in Bible study! I am most happy to share a few of my favorites! 

I want to say, before launching in with some recommendations, that I know different people have different needs and desires from a Bible study. Depending on how much background you have in understanding Scripture and how much time you have in your day to devote to study, you might gravitate toward one type of study over another. There isn't any need for shame if you're new to all this and need something simple with a lot of explanation. Or if you're in a crazy busy season of life and don't have a whole extra hour in every day, that is okay too! I'll try to give you a range of ideas here, and you can see what works best for you!

You might remember that I have often recommended studies from The Daily Grace Co. One of the great things about this company is that they are always rolling out a new study. I really do think they release a new one just about every month. If you're like me and want to do them all, though, this frequent release cycle can actually be a little frustrating! I can't keep up with how quickly they offer them. 

That complaint aside, I feel like The Daily Grace Co. offers a wide range of study topics. You can study a book of the Bible, for example. It looked like they had studies over 19 different books (and some books have more than one study). Or you can study a topic, like anxiety, rest, or discipleship. They have Lent studies, Advent studies, and other topics, too. They also offer study tools, like notebooks, Bible highlighters, hymn studies, and more. Everything they sell is very aesthetically pleasing, so if you like pretty pictures and graphics, you'll find those here. The studies are manageable in length and great (in my opinion) for new Bible students and those with a long history of Bible study. The company has multiple writers who contribute to the studies, so you won't find the same author for every one.

I think I've done close to ten of their studies and learned quite a bit from all of them. I probably would have continued with them regularly if I felt like I could keep up with all the releases. (Oh! They also run really great sales ALL THE TIME, so this can be very affordable and also a great place to purchase Christmas gifts.)

The company I've been using over the last year is Precept Ministries. It was founded over 50 years ago by a woman named Kay Arthur, and she is well-known for the Inductive Bible Study method. One thing I really love about Precept studies is that they are NOT fluffy at all. There isn't a lot of spoon-feeding to be found here, nor is there much "pretty" fluff. The workbooks have plain green covers and are all text inside. They're about as opposite a Daily Grace study as you can get in presentation. But inside - SO RICH!!!!

The studies are also offered on multiple depth levels. You can click on a "Depth of Study" tab on the website and look to see what they have to offer in the amount of time you have to spend each week. So two people could be studying the same topic, but one might be diving way deeper than another. (And that is okay!) I think they have studies over almost every single book of the Bible, so if you want to study a book, you can probably find it! (And Genesis, for example, has five workbooks, so you can also study a specific section - like Creation or Abraham.) I see they do offer leader guides, DVDs and more, so although I haven't explored any of that, perhaps you can get additional teaching from those resources that are not found in the workbooks. That could be helpful if you're new to Bible study!

I use the deepest level study - Precept Upon Precept. It is intense and takes several hours each week. I slow it down to my own pace if I need more time in a section. But it is rich, and I really love it. Having said that, there are definitely study levels that are less time-intensive if that's your need. (Less time-intensive does not equal less meaningful, by the way.)

I do see they also have a large number of topical studies, including adversity, priorities, stress, and more. So if you prefer a topic to a book-of-the-Bible study, they've got you covered! 

My final recommendation for today would be the studies through Moody Press. To be fair, I have not read all the studies or even the authors, but I generally trust Moody to be doctrinally sound, so I feel comfortable recommending them on the whole (at least at this time). 

My favorite Moody author is Erica Wiggenhorn. Ryan and I have done (and led) her studies on Acts, and she has several other books as well. We also led a study by Trillia Newbell. The styles of the studies differ with each author, so I can't give you a formula on how they work. I know some (like Erica's) have the option of additional resources, such as DVD teachings. Some may not. But it's another option if you'd like to check it out!

Whatever you choose, I highly encourage you to pick something that pushes you to really open the Bible itself and study, learn, and grow!!

Recreating Some Photos

This month marks ten years since Ryan's mom took our engagement photos. She took the first round of them just days after our engagement. The leaves were peaking in color, and we spent a chilly but STUNNING sunny evening at Matter Park in Marion, taking dozens of photos. I'm pretty sure we kept clicking away until it was just too cold and dark to keep going. About a week later, we met at Allen and Nita's beautiful cabin in the woods for a second round of photos. 

For us, these engagement photo shoots began an annual tradition of taking pictures in the fall. We've done it every single year, and I have loved every shoot. I don't think we've ever used the same location twice, and we've had almost as many photographers as years of marriage. 

This year, for our photo shoot, I wanted to include a small handful of photos from that original shoot, recreated to mark our tenth anniversary of being engaged (and married). 

You know how dearly I love a recreated photo. I will do it any chance I get. Ryan and our photographer were SO kind to put up with my desire to make this happen. (Our photographer even redid the editing of one of Nita's original photos to make the recreated version match completely. I love it so much!) 

If you've been reading around here for a while, you also know that we recreate ten of our wedding photos every year on our anniversary. That whole tradition happened somewhat by accident. (Certainly not with the level of planning and preparation I put into most of our traditions.) I am so glad we have done that every year. I can't wait to put together this year's wedding-photo-recreation collage. But in the meantime, here are the photos we recreated this fall from our engagement shoot. These make my memory-making heart so very happy! 

Photo credit on the originals: Nita Echelbarger
Photo credit for this year: Andrew Scheele Photography

Randoms

Thank you, friends, for your kind words yesterday. You encouraged my heart, and I appreciated your tenderness with that story! Though the real-time mess of emotions was hard for a few days, God has been so very kind to me. While I don't love seasons of unending disappointment (who does!?!?), I know it is good for the soul to not always hear a solid stream of exactly what you want to hear. 

Yesterday was an extraordinarily good day, and I look forward to telling you more about that as I gather my thoughts about me.

But in the meantime, I have some random stories for you!

* Sunday, when we came home from church, we noticed a FedEx guy outside his truck in our neighborhood, trying to herd a possum off the road. We rolled down the window to talk to him and he said the animal seemed to be pretty sick and he was trying to get it out of the road. We went home and suited up to walk Lexi before the Colts game, and when we got back out into the neighborhood, we found that possum again! Though it was clearly sick and staggering, it picked up speed and interest when it saw Lexi, so we quickly did an about-face and went another way. I can now add "running away from sick possums" to my list of life experiences. (The police promptly picked up the animal, by the way.) 

* It snowed here yesterday. As of the time of writing this post, it hasn't snowed measurably at our house, but it did just that not too far from here. Not too far at all. I am not ready. We've had such a stunning, warm, delightful fall. I have enjoyed every second of it. I am not ready for winter when it's still mid-October. 

* I went to the dentist yesterday and got a great report. (Most of you know that dental visits are big deals for me and good reports are akin to a miracle.) I was having such a good day when I went in that I told the dentist I was only accepting good news and if he had anything else to offer, I'd just come back another day. Ha! He kept up the good news streak for me, and I appreciated that. He asked how my crown was doing. (I had that put on back in March, if you didn't know.) I told him I was scared of it, but it was doing beautifully. He asked what I meant by that, and I told him I was afraid it might break, so I tried not to use it unless I had to. I'm not sure he knew what to do with that!

* We started a new sermon series at church, and Sunday pretty much blew my mind with learning some details about the book of Esther. For such a little book, it sure has a lot of hidden details in it. It reminded me of the joy of always having something new to learn about Scripture! (I'm into Joseph's story now in my own daily studies, and I'm learning new things there, too!) If you haven't done a deep dive into Scripture lately, I absolutely encourage you to try. You're never too old to learn more!

* Ryan and I have been binge-watching Without a Trace in our evenings. Neither of us ever watched the series when it aired originally, so this is a new find for us. Ryan cracks up at how invested I have become in the main characters. I have regular feedback for them about their lives and personal choices, and he sometimes says to me, "You know these people aren't real, right? It's just a show?" Mmmmmkay. Whatever you say. 

* One of my Instagram friends (who I do know in real life from my IWU days) is a marathon-runner. She has a goal of running a marathon in all 50 states and this week ran in her 15th state. I messaged her to see how many marathons she has run in total, even if some were in the same state, and she said this past one was her 20th. But she didn't start running until after her daughter was born, so I think she's only done this for maybe 6-7 years. Anyway. I saw on her post about this most recent marathon that she just signed up for it a few days before the actual race. I cannot imagine being in the kind of shape that would allow me to sign up for a marathon right before running it. That is wildly impressive! Super proud of her!

So....that's my random news for today! Happy Tuesday, my friends! If you're in the suddenly-winter zone, STAY SAFE!!!!!

The Writing Story

It's been a few weeks since I wrote a post about sitting with the stories. I mentioned that I was sitting with a few stories at the time, and I wasn't able to talk about them just yet. One of those was about my Dad's surprise party, and I told you about that last week. Another of those stories is now complete, and I feel ready to talk about it today. It has taken a while for my heart to be ready.

I am a writer. (You know that.) Writing and publishing are two very different animals. I write every day. I will always write every day. No matter what happens in my life in terms of employment or travel or excitement or boredom, I will always write. I have no other choice. It's who I am. The words have to come out, or I might explode, I fear. 

But publishing...that's a separate conversation. Right after college, I began attending writing conferences and making connections with editors and publishers, and I was confident that publishing would happen quickly and easily for me. 

It did not.

I am so grateful that we live in a time where self-publishing is an option. The two books I have shared with the world have been shared through self-publishing, and both of those experiences are dear gifts to me. I wonder how many writers in years gone by would have given anything for that opportunity! I wonder how many valuable and worthy words we will never read because those authors didn't have a way to share them, and now they're lost.

I haven't published anything for several years. I've continued to write. I've even written a couple more book manuscripts, but I haven't felt it was time to release them to the world.

Earlier this summer, a friend of mine tagged me in an Instagram post about an open invitation to send a book pitch to a publishing house. The deadline was fairly immediate by the time she tagged me, so I sent in a pitch for a book I would love to publish. The idea has been part of my life for probably about 15 years now. 

I sent the pitch and honestly never expected to hear a thing. That tends to be the way of the publishing world - at least for me.

Much to my surprise and delight, I did hear back. Early in August, they reached out and asked if I would be available for a video chat interview to talk more about my book pitch. Yes! So with the sun streaming in the office window one summer morning, I sat with them for a half hour and talked about the writing life and my ideas for this book. 

Much to my surprise and delight, I heard back again! They invited me to submit a book proposal. I had one week to construct it, so life stopped entirely for that week. Ryan carried the bulk of the housework, and Lexi and Braeya entertained themselves while I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. I edited. I had a few sweet friends who helped me edit. I gave that proposal everything I had. I prayed over it and submitted it one day early.

And then I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

The hardest part about the waiting was actually not even waiting to hear the answer. It was being unsure of how to answer anything else that came my way, because I didn't know if I was going to spend the next few months writing a book or if I would be free to be involved in other things. 

I spent so much of that waiting season in deep, quiet prayer. I asked God not to let me miss any lessons I should learn in that time. I asked for grace to handle the answer, regardless of what it was. 

Almost a month after submitting the proposal, I heard back. They did not plan to pursue publication.

When the news came, Ryan had just gotten home from work and was napping on the couch. He woke up right after I saw the email, and I very matter-of-factly told him the news. He asked how I felt, and I told him I didn't have much feeling at all right in that moment - other than relief to know the answer and be able to know how to proceed with life in general.

The rest of the night, though, was a rough one. After everything finally sank in, I cried away all my makeup, and I wrestled with all the emotions you might imagine would come with the death of a dream like this. Ryan was a sweetheart about it all. He spoke truth over me and also just let me have all the feelings. I think he was even prepared to drive out for a Blizzard if I asked, but I did not. 

Prior to even sending the proposal, I had prayed very genuinely that if there was ANY reason why this was not a good idea, God would put up a block. So I can't be upset that He did. I asked for it and meant what I asked. It's just hard to not know WHY there was a block, you know? It was the closest I have ever come to the dream of a traditional publishing experience, and part of me dared to hope it would really happen.

Maybe, along the way, I will see the reason for the no. Maybe I will never know the reason for it. But if there's one thing I've learned in my journey with the Lord, it's that He does not owe me an explanation. I trust Him to reveal the reasons if He thinks I need to know. And if I don't, I trust Him with that too. (Even if it's hard.) (And it IS hard.)

I remain proud of myself for taking the risk. It was extremely scary and vulnerable to send in the proposal. It was deeply personal and raw. Ryan and Lexi stood right beside me while I hit send and subsequently screamed. We took pictures of that moment - in case it worked out. But even though it didn't, I'm so glad we did that moment together and documented it. This process, even with an end result of no, was a team effort and something that will always be a marking point in the story of us. I'm proud of myself for taking the risk and trying something new. 

A few friends who know the story have asked if I will pursue publishing this elsewhere. Never say never...I've learned that. But I also know that for this time, I need to trust that God has closed the door for a reason, so at this time, I won't pursue publishing it elsewhere. 

This story I've been sitting with for so many weeks is now complete. I stand by everything I did and said in every step of the way. I am grateful that I sat with the story. And thank you, friends, for sitting with me today as I shared this very personal chapter. Thank you for being one of the many reasons I write, every single day.

I still have other stories I'm sitting with, and as they find completion, I will share them with you. The dance of what to share and when is the great quandary of the blogging world. I never want to be mysterious or seem as though I'm purposefully withholding information for the sake of strategy. This is just our actual life we're living over here, and sometimes the experiences that fully saturate our lives and time are deeply personal to us and need to be held close before they're shared. I'm increasingly convinced that each of these current stories matters far more in the realm of what God is teaching me/us through them than the details of the stories themselves. May I not miss any of the lessons He has for me!

Sunday Sentiments

 

What I have to share today isn't new information in the world, nor is it particularly new to the blog. I've written about it in some form or another at least once, if not more. But it bears repeating, so I'm repeating it.

Ryan and I took a walk yesterday afternoon, while it was nice out, to give ourselves and Lexi some exercise. We have some of our best deep talks during our walks, and yesterday was no exception.

We talked over situations and decisions before us, and Ryan said about one of them, "I'm praying, but I'm not praying with panic. I'm praying with..."

"Peace?" I asked.

"Yes! I'm praying with peace. I really believe God will take care of everything in His time because we know He does."

"We've seen it," I added. "We've seen it in our own lives in situations just like this. We don't have to rely on the history of others for this one. We can look back over our own journey with Him."

That realization and declaration brought such joy to my heart. To have a personal history with the Lord that has stretched long and far enough to an understanding of Him from experience is a gift. It is something I looked forward to in my younger years, and I am thrilled to know I've lived long enough to see it come to fruition for me.

It's also why I love journaling. Our minds remember things more clearly when we chronicle them. The words and pictures of the scrapbooks and journals I keep have helped me more clearly remember these previous answers to prayer that are now fueling our prayers for the future. 

It's not new information that God is good and faithful. It's not new information to the world, and it's not new information here in this space. But we all need that reminder, especially when we are facing times of recurring prayer/

Maybe you need the reminder today, too. If you've lived and walked with the Lord long enough to have that personal history, don't be afraid to recall it. Be encouraged by what you've seen in your own walk. 

This is also why it's important to share your story with others. For those who may not have the established history...lend them yours. Let them be propelled forward by the accounts of what He's done for you!

And above all, never stop praying. Pray with peace. He's not panicking. We don't have to, either! 

The Saturday Six

 

When we moved from our Kokomo house to WillowBridge, one of the biggest logistical challenges we faced was what to do with our attic/storage items. Our apartment wouldn't have storage (beyond closets) and we didn't want to pay for a storage unit every month. My parents kindly let us store some of our lifetime memories (baby stuff, etc.) at their house, and come to think of it, we need to get that back! The rest we were able to shove in nooks and crannies in the WillowBridge shed and basement. But what I learned in that experience (which was punctuated when we moved out) was that maybe there really is value in decorating seasonally with less.

I've been fascinated by articles that have taught me how to decorate seasonally with things that might not actually be completely seasonal in nature. And a little bit really can go a long way. So today's post is inspired by fall decorating ideas I've found that show me how to make the home warm and cozy for fall without turning it into a home decor store. (Other than Christmas, fall is my biggest seasonal decor collection.)

One.

What I love about this post is the permission to use muted, non-orange colors in fall decorating. That has honestly been one of my biggest challenges over the years. I'm not really an orange sort of girl. I don't wear it (much) and I don't decorate with it. So when fall comes, our house always looks a bit startled, trying to make all this orange work. I love the idea of using small touches of a much more muted orange, and blues/greens/whites to decorate. I'm so happy that whether in faux or real world, we now see more white and green pumpkins and gourds. And it really is okay to stop at one pumpkin. Another great lesson from this post! 

Two.

From this post, I love the mixing of regular and fall. I don't really consider myself a boho style decorator, but I do like a lot of things in this home. I also love how she left all her regular green plants and sprinkled in some fall stuff. I used to feel a great pressure to remove everything that WASN'T seasonal and fill the emptiness with all things seasonal. That's just a whole lotta extra work. 

Three.

I never thought of mixing mini pumpkins and pinecones! That is a good idea. Then I could reuse the pinecones for Christmas and throughout the winter. Of course this also brings up the question - real pumpkins or fake? I like the idea of NOT real, so I can buy once and use for years to come. But then I would have to store them. Decisions, decisions! What do you use?

Four.

If I ever learn to crochet, I can make my own pumpkins! These are so cute! (Bonus: the creator is a friend of mine.) She has several pumpkin patterns, and I confess I love them all. I also love the idea of being able to make them whatever color fits our scheme! Here's another of her pumpkin patterns from a previous year. 

Five.

I don't know how simple and minimal this post is in terms of the NUMBER of decorations she has. But the color scheme is simple and minimal and in truth, the whole thing just makes me so so happy! It's cozy, calming, welcoming, and pretty! 

Six.

And finally...an easy way to decorate for fall? A cute doormat. I like this one! 

Sweet Memories...Round 7

 I shared with you during last week's "Sweet Memories" post that during that year of marriage, we crossed into a hard season that began with Ryan's mom's glioblastoma diagnosis. I shared that in some ways, we're still muddling through the hard, even though the details have changed many times. So the months you're about to read about today were not always the most celebratory, but they were incredibly meaningful. We toughened up as people in this season. We grew closer as a couple in this season. We began to learn new things about our life (and life in general) in this season. I can't say I would want to go back and do most of this again, but I can say I'm grateful we walked through it hand in hand! There isn't another soul on this planet I would pick for a life partner, whether life is hard or good!

Month 73: The Beginning of the Lasts

When Ryan first told me about his mom's diagnosis, the words meant nothing to me. I'm not a medical student. He explained it all and when I asked the prognosis, he just shook his head. Even the best-case scenario wasn't great. So we knew from the start that we better walk through every second of this journey with incredible intention. And we did. We knew during this month that in all likelihood, we were going to be celebrating Nita's last birthday and Christmas. She spent both of those in the rehab hospital where Ryan worked, and what a gift that was to both of them, I think. They were able to see each other every day, and because we lived three houses away, we were able to go back down at night and see her anytime she needed us. (I remember late one night when the nursing staff called Ryan and said they couldn't get her tucked in to her satisfaction, so could he come down and try? I don't know that he did anything different, but she liked however he arranged everything and went right to sleep.) Because she was so close to our home, we actually hosted Christmas for the family that year. We had so many people in our little house, and this picture was from when Ryan read/told the Christmas story from Luke 2 to all the kiddos.)

Month 74: Making Time

We started the new calendar year by bringing Ryan's mom home from an Indianapolis hospital on hospice. That began the multi-week season of being on a rotation to help care for her in her home. Ryan and I often comment, as we look back over our life together, that we have no clue how we did this season. During this month, he was working full time, he was teaching classes at the gym, he was working out every morning at 5:30, we dog-sat, and it was winter in Indiana. And still - we made all those trips back and forth to the hospital in Indianapolis. We made all those trips back and forth to the cabin. We survived on no sleep. And in all of that we were intentional about dating. Sometimes we dated at the grocery store, but we made sure we made time for us. These pictures are from an early morning breakfast at a coffee shop. We had a gift card and went on a date. I remember that breakfast sandwich. I'd like one right now. 

Month 75: Strength Beyond Ourselves

This was, I think, the hardest month. We spent the entire month on intense care-duty for Nita. She had lived longer than the doctors anticipated. We had no idea how many weeks or months we might need to keep up this pace, and we were pretty sure we didn't have the stamina to do it. Her decline was hard to watch, but Ryan - amazing, amazing man that he is - did it all with grace and dignity. I've heard wives say that watching their husbands become fathers to their babies made them love even more, but for me, it was watching Ryan care for his mom. He was so very good at it. The Lord kept us safe on ice, in fog, and through snow as we drove out there, night after night, and home at 1 a.m. He gave us strength to keep doing regular life while caring for her. It was the hardest, sweetest month ever. 

Month 76: Goodbyes

And then the month came when we said goodbye to Nita. This was the first time we had walked through intense grief as a couple. We learned so much about each other and what we each needed in a season of grief. God gave me the strength to kneel beside Ryan at Nita's bedside, to pray her Home. We greeted hundreds of people at her viewing and funeral. Ryan spoke at her service. And then we went home to learn how to grieve in the greater silence after goodbye. 

Month 77: Healing for Our Souls

This was the month Ryan turned 40. He did not want a surprise Beauty and the Beast party, he said, but rather - a cruise. We had it scheduled before Nita was even diagnosed, and we had no idea it would be our trip of heart-healing. We went to Aruba, Curacao, and the Dominican Republic (you remember the waterfalls!) and had the best time. The weather was great, we napped for HOURS on the ship, and being away alone together was such a balm for our tired, grieving hearts. 

Month 78: She Pours!

We had another shift this month - and didn't even know it. We hosted our final Mommapalooza. For six years in a row, we had hosted Mother's Day at our house for both sides of our family. We continued it, even though Ryan's mom had died, but ultimately, it became the last one. The following May was mid-pandemic, and then we moved...so this was the end, and we didn't even know it. But our "big" event this month was serving together at a huge women's evening at our church. It was called "She Pours." I was on the women's ministry team at church, and they asked me to be the speaker. Ryan came to help serve the meal and support me, and we had the best night!

Month 79: Impromptu Getaway

I found out rather last minute that one of my favorite Bible study writers (Erica Wiggenhorn) was going to be just over the border into Michigan, signing books at a local bookstore! We decided to take an impromptu overnight getaway to Michigan, meet Erica, and then do some dune hiking. It was a fun and spontaneous weekend, but my favorite part was sitting with Biggby Coffee on the Lake Michigan dunes, watching the sun slide down for the night. It was a delightful time with Ryan. Seriously one of my favorite memories!

Month 80: A Faux Hotel

One of my favorite memories from this month was when some friends of ours came to stay on their way through town. They have four kids who asked (when they were already on the way to our house) if it was going to be like staying in a hotel. So I flew into last-minute action and turned our house into a hotel. I made signs for rooms and turned our foyer into a lobby with a full check-in process. I made menus for our meals and everything. Their kids loved it and even left us a review. LOL! We had the best time hosting them and taking them around town to have fun together!

Month 81: Fun on Bikes!

This was back before we owned bikes of our own! One of my favorite memories from this month was our county tour to Hamilton County. We went to Colts Training camp and then rented bikes and rode the Monon Trail. I will never live down my inability to pedal uphill to complete an overpass toward the end of the ride. It was hilarious. People were staring. A little boy looked very concerned. And I just shake my head and laugh when I think about it all. But that was one REALLY fun day. 

Month 82: Trying New Things

One of our faves from this month was attending our first air show. While we don't dislike air shows, we aren't really plane enthusiasts, so we had never gone to one. But we lived near Grissom Air Force Base (well, the former AFB) at the time, and they had an air show one Saturday. We went and had a great time! We toured some planes, we watched all the fun shows, and we nearly died from sweating. (It was a lot cooler when we left home than it was most of the day and we were in full jeans. I had to peel them off at the end of the day. Overheating aside, I love trying out new things with Ryan!

Month 83: Trying MORE New Things

Somewhere right before this month, Ryan and I were asked to become the small group program leaders at our church. We were already leading a small group, but the pastor that was over that entire small group program resigned and, in some restructuring, they did not immediately replace her. We inherited her small group leadership assignment, and we began preparing for a big kick off in 2020. The church sent a friend of ours (who had mad tech skills) over to our house to film the promo video. We had cameras and lights everywhere, and it felt a little like I imagine it would feel to be on reality TV! 

Month 84: Another Impromptu Trip!

We wrapped up this year by making ANOTHER impromptu road trip! In a last-minute move, we drove "real quick" down to Atlanta, Georgia, to meet my best friend's new baby girl and attend her baby shower. We were only gone two nights and drove a lotta miles, but it was totally worth it. We had perfect weather and so so so much fun. I love Ryan's sense of adventure and am so thankful for all the things like this we have done - even on the fly.

It was a hard year in so very many ways - even more than I have said here. But I am so thankful that we made a priority of working hard to process our grief and make time for one another. I am grateful we did so much together and made intentional memories when we could.