Lessons Learned from Phoebe

If you caught yesterday's post on paring down the stuff, you might like to hear the things Ryan and I don't think we could live without if we minimized even more. That and a brand new Ryan-and-the-ice-cream-shop story all for you right here!

Listen here!

So Phoebe has been here for two weeks now, and we are learning a lot from this little girl. Our little girl is not really in the mood to learn new things from our house guest, so she's locked herself in our bedroom and won't come out except at night (we think) while the rest of us are asleep. There have been a few showdowns, and we've talked to Phoebe about sharing this lovely home with its occupant. I'm not sure that has really settled in yet.

But Pheebs is a lot of fun, and we've learned a lot. I told Ryan the other day that I see why "they" tell you to get a dog before you have a baby (no, that's not an announcement) because the principles of time investment and sacrifice really are good preparation!

A few peeks at our fun and lessons learned:

* I have a new appreciation for all the evenings my mom sat with a brush and a bottle of No More Tangles and tried to work knots out of my long, tangly hair. Phoebe does NOT like having her hair brushed, and bless her little heart, she's patient and sits quietly, but now and then she rips her paw out of my hand and growls. I know, sister. I know it hurts. Been there! (Now that my hair is long again, I'm back there again every day!)

* Schedules can be taught. We always have a hard time getting Pheebs to eat at our house, because her routine is all out of whack. For the first few days she was here, she wasn't a great eater, but with a little perseverance, she figured out her new routine and now she's eating like a champ!

* There is nothing like being welcomed home by a squeaker toy party EVERY SINGLE TIME. It doesn't matter if we're gone for ten minutes or two hours. Our arrival at home is met with much fanfare. Jumping, kissing, wild chomping on the squeaker toy, and much running. I don't know that I have ever been so consistently received with such unabashed joy. It has certainly boosted my soul!

* You need to get to bed first. Because otherwise:

* Having an assistant is pretty much the best. She is the most patient dog when it comes to unending hours of podcasting, editing, writing, reading, etc.

(Also - where did my neck go in that picture?)

* Family walks increase dramatically when you have to make sure you don't skip potty breaks. That has been such a beautiful bonus! (Helps that the weather has been nice!)

So we might be moving a bit slower these days as we schedule time for walks, play time, and cuddling a little fur ball, but it's sweet. We appreciate her and all the unconditional love she gives!

Less is More

When I was in high school, I dreamed about the day when I would have my own house that I could decorate and furnish any way I wanted.

I had no particular sense of style back then, but now that I look back at that era, I'm not sure anyone did. Ruffled everything (curtains, bedding, couches) and tiny printed wallpaper ruled - for everyone! But I didn't care that I didn't have style. I just wanted my own place. And in my mind, "my own place" needed to be stuffed full with my own stuff.

I collected as much as I could throughout those high school years. Both my parents lost their parents during those years, so I inherited an above average amount of furniture and household items that I stashed away for my someday.

When I moved into my house after college, and then when it became solely my house after my last roommate moved out four years later, I indeed stuffed every corner full of something. I wasn't a hoarder, but I was a collector. A collector of stuff. Empty space made me nervous.

I wanted stuff to look at and stuff to use. I wanted stuff on standby in case current stuff broke. I wanted stuff that was always mine and stuff that had been somewhere else and came stuffed with memories.

Stuff, stuff, stuff.

I told Ryan this week that I think my mentality toward stuff began to change after the tornado that hit my sister's town ten years ago. I panicked for her when I found out her house blew away, because I knew that left her without her stuff, and I wanted to help her get it all replaced immediately. Then I found out that while losing everything to a wind event wouldn't have been her first choice for a means of downsizing, she also wasn't in a hurry to put it all back as it had been. She was in a hurry to think about what she really wanted and needed and replace accordingly.

Beginning with that, God slowly began to change my view of stuff. Getting married was the next big wake-up call for me. Suddenly having about 2800 square feet of stuff that needed to be combined and cut in half caused us to create rules about the things we wanted to keep and the things we wanted to let go. We got rid of duplicates, excess, and things that weren't representative of us as a couple.

It worked!

But we still had a lot.

So after I quit my job, I went through the entire house pretty ruthlessly and eliminated six more truckloads of excess, which provided us with a nice yard sale. The funds from our yard sale sent us on a nice vacation, with memories we hold much closer than the trinkets we sold.

We unloaded about three more truckloads a few months later when we moved, and recently, we've been looking around again, wondering how much of what we have is really necessary.

It's not that we feel crowded these days. On the contrary: we have more room than we've ever had, and it's lovely to spread out and not feel overly cluttered. But stuff leads to maintenance. And we find ourselves wondering if we really need to maintain quite as much as we have scattered around us.

And if not, what could we part with?

We don't have answers yet. These are just the questions we wrestle with right now. What matters most to us? Is there something God is calling us to let go of? He seems to be slowly pulling our hearts away from loving our stuff, and we want to be obedient to Him!

How about you? Love your stuff? Anything you think you could absolutely NOT live without?

The Shafferland Shuffle

Happy Sunday! Last Sunday feels like 100 years ago, and it was more than 100 pictures ago for us. #lifewithphoebe

* We actually didn't have Phoebe last Sunday...she was finishing up her weekend with her brothers, who watched her so we could do all Ryan's reunion festivities. We helped out at church that morning, working the sign-up booth for small groups! That afternoon, I made a Milky Way cake for the eclipse party at Ryan's work on Monday. It was SO GOOD. Phoebe came back Sunday night, and we took her for a sunset walk. Gorgeous!

* Monday was the big eclipse day, and in our part of Indiana, it wasn't all that exciting. It got cool out and the cicadas started buzzing (basically like evening), but I've seen it get much darker from storms! Nevertheless, Ryan was ready with his glasses! Pheebs and I stayed safely inside. I wasn't about to ruin my perfect vision, and I have no intentions of returning a blind dog!!

* Tuesday I had to go to Fort Wayne for a dentist appointment, and I got a great report at my checkup! This week marked three years since my oral surgery, and I continue to improve! I stuck around to have lunch with one of my WBCL friends, but I had to hurry home right after, because Ryan only had so much wiggle room in his schedule to get home periodically to tend to Phoebe!

* GORGEOUS sunrise on Wednesday. So pretty! Nothing really special happened on this day; just hung around home doing our thing! Phoebe helped me prepare for Bible study, so I guess that makes her extra spiritual.

* Thursday was eye doctor day for me; still have 20/12 vision! SWEET! Still can't handle eye drops. Sigh. Ryan needed to make a video for one of my friends who was having some nerve pain - to show her some pressure points or something. I was his video model, so Phoebe joined me in it!

* Friday night, we took a field trip to Lowe's, since it's pet friendly. We were "those people" shopping with our dog and our Starbucks. LOL! Here's a funny peek at our bedtime. Every night, Phoebe runs in and tries to claim one of our sides before we get there. It's a game to see whose side she picks each night.

* Yesterday, Ryan cut down a small tree in our backyard. Broke our hearts because it's SO pretty, but it's dying, so we had to cut it down. We had to take all the branches out to my parents' house for their burn pile (since we don't have one), and that was like a whole dog park for the Pheebster! She was SO excited to run, roll in the grass, and chase anything she could find. Fun day!

The Saturday Six

One.

One of the most helpful non-fiction books I've read lately was Christine Hoover's Messy Beautiful Friendship. I asked her if she'd be a guest on The Conversation Cafe so you could learn from her, too! She talks about the beauty friendship has to offer, but also the messes and obstacles that threaten friendships. Even if you have great, healthy friendships, take a listen; I bet you'll learn something helpful! (Listen right here!)
Two.

 I don't play golf, so it might surprise you that I'm mentioning this, but my sister plays golf and I often buy golf balls as Christmas gifts for her and her husband. I stumbled upon this post taking us behind the scenes of how Titleist golf balls are made. Pretty fascinating, even for non-golfers!

Three.

You know I have a huge heart for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep and the work they do for parents who have lost babies. I loved this article about how one couple incorporates their daughter's memory in their travels.  

Four.

We've had Phoebe for a week and a half now, and I'm learning her favorite "bathroom stalls." The other day, Ryan and I took her for a walk, and she was sniffing around like she had to go, but she wasn't pausing to actually go. He asked me what was taking so long, and I told him it was the wrong yard. We kept going, and sure enough, two yard later, DING DING DING! Apparently, according to this article, there's a science to this whole thing! Who knew?  

Five.

I love reading articles about unique homes. Check out this former Catholic church that was transformed into the cutest house! (Clearly a small Catholic church.) 

Six.

In a tough season right now? Here's some encouragement for you! 

Memories and Such

I love Time Hop.

Actually, I don't have Time Hop. I have no more room for apps on my phone. I just click on over to "On This Day" on Facebook, pretend it's Time Hop and see what I was up to on this day in years past.

Yesterday was apparently a memorable day, to say the least, in years gone by.

First of all, there was this. You probably don't remember it, but I guarantee you'll get a couple of good giggles if you go read it. This was right at the beginning of the time Ryan and I were dating, and you all didn't know about it yet. His mom had invited me to join her, Aunt Ruthie, and Bre at the Women of Faith conference down in Indianapolis. We stayed in the JW Marriott right downtown, and that hotel was (and honestly still is) wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fancier than any hotel this girl ever stays in.

I had a couple of key card glitches that left me stalked by hotel security, while low on coffee. Horrible combination! And really not a great way to make a favorable impression on people who may end up becoming your in-laws. (Yes, I do know they are my in-laws now, but as of that day, I didn't know that for sure.)

And if you read that funny tale and are confused by the line, "What is it with me and photo ID?" - it refers to a vacation I had taken the year before when I was caught red-handed without ID twice in one trip. The first time I was trying to buy cold medicine, and the rules about showing ID for over-the-counter cold meds had just begun, but I didn't know they existed. I had carried cash to the store, but I'd walked there, so I didn't have my purse or ID with me. The second time I was trying to get into a gated community to visit friends and didn't have my ID on me that time either. OH! And I was also wearing my swimsuit.

These are the things that happen to me in real life that no one should ever believe, but they're true! Every last one of them!

Anyway.

Yesterday was also the one year anniversary of the tornado that hit Kokomo and knocked over Starbucks. I shivered, just remembering how terribly ordinary the day had been. I spent the afternoon baking chocolate chip cookies for my mom's upcoming surprise party, and I hadn't even known it was supposed to sprinkle, let alone be a tornado-worthy day.

I remember the collision of the TV alert/weather radio alert/phone alert and how Ryan rushed home from work to get me and take me back to a safe room. I remember hyperventilating in his cloffice while he and his co-workers continued to treat patients as though nothing out of the ordinary raged just beyond the windows.

I remember opening Facebook and the first picture that appeared in my feed showed the flattened Starbucks. (I also remember receiving a high volume of texts and emails from friends who wanted to know if I was in that Starbucks at the time.)

I remember how the sun came back out and I skipped merrily home, only to dive into the bathroom a couple of hours later when another tornado swirled past our house, this time even closer than the one that took out Starbucks.

No more of this, please.

Yesterday I went to the eye doctor, and I survived the air puffs and the eye drops. (You think I'm kidding about "surviving" eye drops, but for this girl, it's a thing. I'm telling you.) As I got ready to walk out, the eye doctor congratulated me on being much calmer than I had been at my first visit two years ago.

Yeah, I'm apparently that legendary in that office.

So that's your Bekah-girl! Swirling through life, leaving a splash of memories everywhere! Happy Friday!! :)

Pausing to Say I Love You

Last month, when I went to the speaking/writing conference in Michigan, I went to a workshop led by a lovely lady named Shannon Popkin. We emailed back and forth a bit after the conference, and yesterday she left me a note on Facebook saying, "So I hear your love story is pretty awesome..."

I didn't need a second invitation to send her here to read about how our love story began. A while later, she wrote back to say she had cried while she read our story, and she didn't get her work done all afternoon. (Whoopsie.)

She said she particularly loved this post, which I wrote almost five years ago, saying what I loved about Ryan. I went back to read it too, and I cried all over again, remembering what a gift it was to experience his love in those early days.

As we make our way through these five-years-later milestones, I want to pause to say out loud that all those things I wrote five years ago are still very true. And I've had the chance to know them in even truer, fuller ways in these last five years together.

* Ryan still has a heart for the Lord, and he still has as deep a desire to serve in church as he does to sit at home and study and pray. I appreciate the way he loves and serves God!

* He's still the spiritual leader in our marriage, and I love it. He prays over me, studies Scripture with me, worships with me at church, and I definitely feel that he loves me as Christ loves the church. I respect and admire his leadership!

* I don't think I need to really say that he is definitely STILL FUNNY. Makes me laugh every day! And isn't life so much better with laughter in it?

* If only I could have known, five years ago, how much he would push me out of my comfort zone, over and over again, I probably would have been a lot more freaked out! LOL! Just kidding! So many times in these last five years, he's helped me do more than I thought I could, but as always, this picture says it best.

* Obviously we still drink coffee together and take a billion pictures of everything we ever do. He loves what makes me tick, even if he doesn't always understand it! But coffee...coffee, we understand. And this has been a big part of our relationship!

* He still surprises me with little gifts and ice cream and flowers and other treasures to let me know how much he loves me. And my gift loving heart adores these gestures!

* He's still a planner, and my goodness: his planning has paid off time and time again for us. From getting great deals on purchases to enjoying surprise dates to even making big life changes like being able to work from home, the planning is always a gift!

* Five years later, and he's still affectionate. YAY! Still loves to hold my hand, kiss me, and cuddle with me. The affection-lover in me loves that!

* He's still vocal about his love, and I love that. I love it when he tells someone else something he loves about me, or when I just see that look in his eye. Goose bumps!

* He still sees me. He sees worth, potential, and value. He sees beauty, even when I can't. Possibly one of the things I appreciate most about all he offers to me!

* And of course...he's even more handsome today than he was five years ago! And he was amazing five years ago!

Ryan Shaffer, I love you! I loved you five years ago, and I love you even more today. I've heard it said that whatever you do to capture the attention of the person you love is what you need to keep doing once you have that attention. And you have consistently done just that. Every day you are exactly who I fell in love with! Thank you for being my constant!

And thank you for being proof to others that it's possible to be all these things, every day. I love the way you lead by example!

Linking up with Tamar!

The Date Inspired by the Letter O

I had originally planned an outside date for our alphabetical date inspired by the letter O, and we were going to have said date during our visit to the lake this summer. But then we didn't get to go to the lake, so I had to table it until I could figure out a Plan B.

My Mom actually suggested this one to us, and I'm so glad she did! It was creative, different, and not only was it outside, it was an open house for an oil farm. Not like motor oil. SUNFLOWER oil!

We went this past Saturday, after Ryan got off work to the Healthy Hoosier Oil Farm, over by Converse. (If you're not from here, that's not too far from Kokomo.)

The people who run the farm have been farming for years and years, but they needed a way to reinvent the use of their land and crops, so they started (three years ago) planting fields of sunflowers and processing their own oil there at the farm. (They also produce canola oil.) They held an open house that featured tours through the sunflower fields, samples of food cooked in their own oils, crafts for kids, and tours of the processing area.

It was a very cool date!

Samples! Onion rings, among other things. :)

Farm animals. Horses and (as my mother put it for the sake of the date) oinks. I hope she didn't include me in that part.

 Oral exam, perhaps?

Someone had a little fun on the farm equipment...

We sat in on the demonstration of the oil processing. Fascinating to learn how they actually make oil, from start to finish. (Including the crop rotation, bee pollination, and pressing.)

We also went on the riding tour of the fields...and we walked around some in the fields, too. They said peak beauty had come about one week before, but I still thought the fields were awfully pretty!

(Here are the beehives at the farm. The bees work the fields!)

Thanks, Mom, for suggesting such a fun date. If you're from this area, I recommend this next year! (And they said the fields are open for photography if you want to come have a photo shoot!)

(To see the full list of all our alphabetical dates thus far, look here!)