Embracing Change

 

After I shared earlier this week about our employment updates, I was texting with a friend about all these changes.  She’d read the news on the blog and said to me, “I don’t know how you have dealt with all the change the past few years! I think I would have had some meltdowns.”

            Well, in fairness, I have. But…not many.

            I’ve shared about this topic before, before but it’s been a while, so I’ll revisit it, because I think it’s an important one for all of us to explore regularly.

            When I was first out of college, I hated change. Hated it. The most extravagant change I welcomed in my life was a haircut and color every few weeks. For me, change represented a loss of control. Maybe that’s why I was okay with the hair cut and color. I controlled the timing and choice of those things. But all other things? No. No change, thank you.

            My dear, sweet Lois, who came to Financial Aid not long after I was hired, made some much needed changes in the structure of that office. I see now the wisdom in everything she proposed. She was right. But she brought change, and I suddenly found myself facing a job that was not at all what I had been hired to do. Not at all what I had agreed to. And not at all what I felt capable of doing.

            Oh the tears and resistance that flowed from me in those days! It was scary to think about change. It was scary to feel inadequate. It was scary to imagine something different from what I knew to be true.

            Lois sat with me for hours, probably (not all at once), patiently listening to my hiccupping sobs and gently helping me see potential in myself and comforting me that the sky was, in fact, not falling, even though it felt like it was doing just that.

            I still hated change, but Lois was right. I did survive the restructure, and I did eventually see the wisdom in her ways.

            But my firm grasp on keeping everything the same always took a toll on me. My blood pressure was insanely out of control. I remember going to the health center on campus once to have an out-of-control bug bite checked, and they almost sent me to the emergency room because my blood pressure was in stroke range. 

            I am so grateful that God has mellowed my heart over time. I am sure part of it has just come with growing up and maturing. Part of it has come through surviving hard things that I thought would surely kill me. And part of it has come through change…after change…after change…after change.

            There are still some things that I do not want to change. There are still some things I grip tightly because I need something to be constant in my world. Ryan could attest to that.

            But overall, I roll with things so much more easily than I used to. I’ve learned I feel better if I do that. I don’t stress over forcing control over situations I may not actually be able to control. I’ve learned that some of these changes actually lead to beautiful outcomes.

            There’s the old story of the little girl who clung to her strand of faux pearls, because she loved how pretty they made her feel. Her dad asked her to trust him and give up her beloved pearls to him. When she finally did, he gave her a strand of REAL pearls.

            My life has been a lot like that – especially in recent years. God has asked me to give up things that were much-loved in my life, and every time (sometimes more eventually than others) He has shown that He had something better waiting when I let go of my perceived control and embraced the idea of change.

            So yes, our life has been changed in nearly every way in the last five years. We’ve lost parents and moved and changed jobs and joined new communities and churches and watched relationships change (usually due to geography) and let go of dreams and welcomed new dreams…and all those things have pulled us closer to each other and to the Lord.

            Do we hope things coast into neutral for a bit? Absolutely. But we also recognize that the story is God’s, and we have submitted to follow where and how he leads! (But we really hope He leads to calm rest for a bit!)