Permission

 

When I was single, I learned that sometimes people mistake singleness for boredom. It’s easy to assume that if a girl doesn’t have the obligations and commitments that accompany marriage and parenthood, surely she must be bored.

            This girl was rarely bored.

            For one thing, singleness meant I shouldered all the chores myself. I owned a home, so all the yard care, snow removal, and updates were mine to do or oversee. I also was in charge of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and everything that came with the upkeep of the inside of the house. Then I had car maintenance and work responsibilities and involvement in church – all mine. I don’t say those things to complain, but simply to say that being outside a relationship didn’t lessen my commitments. It may have actually increased them!

            Ryan and I have learned that being married with no children brings the same mindset from others sometimes. We don’t have kids, so we aren’t running a taxi or committed to practices and games or out making memories with our little ones. We might be able to divide the load of homeownership and other chores, but we still actually don’t have unlimited time for everything.

            (I used to think that unlimited time thing came with retirement, but some retired people are the busiest I’ve ever met!)

            I think the bottom line truth is that being part of this human race means we all have responsibilities. Being in or out of a relationship, having children or not, having pets or not, having a full-time job or staying home doesn’t change the fact that we all have things to do.

            Some of those things are our obligations. Some are our choices. Which camp they fall into doesn’t matter. They still count as meaningful.

            Ryan and I are working hard to find the balance in this season of our lives. When we were first married, both our jobs dictated our schedules. I worked many events with the radio station, and Ryan worked about half the weekends and most holidays every year. Then our schedules were somewhat governed by the needs of our families – during my mom’s surgeries and Ryan’s mom’s illness. Then our schedules were entirely run by work again when we were at WillowBridge. Even though we were able to choose which days out of the month we wanted to have as a weekend (which was THE BEST), the days we were working were fully engulfed in work – all the way around the clock.

            Now we’re learning to balance dedicated work time and dedicated family time. We’ve learned the importance and necessity of balance and boundaries and how to enforce both. We’re also embarking on a new adventure to protect a number of weekends each year so we can have time for the things that always get pushed aside in the name of “no time.”

            Sleeping. Writing. Working around the house. Date adventures. Rest for body and soul.

            I know we are not alone in this. I know there are those out there – single, married, parents, empty nesters, retirees, all categories – who rush from one thing to the next all the time and forfeit things that truly matter because they can’t bring themselves to claim time for nothing. But it’s not nothing. Sleeping does matter. Hobbies do matter. Investing in your home’s upkeep does matter. Spending time with friends or family does matter. Even doing nothing for the sake of sanity does matter.

            Consider this your permission to make personal time a priority. Name it something that sounds important and write it on the calendar. In so doing, it becomes an appointment you must keep. What was it Mark Lowry said years ago in a comedy sketch? “I named my bed The Word, and now when people call and want me to come hang out with them, I say, I can’t. I’m in The Word.” Okay so maybe that one is a stretch. But seriously, if you find yourself struggling to keep a personal time appointment because it “isn’t really anything,” then name it and own it. And when someone asks what you’re doing, you can say your fancy name and move forward in confidence that what you’re making time for really does matter. Even if no one else understands it – it matters because it matters to you.

            This is your permission!