I sat down last night to write this post and found myself unsure of what to say today. I went to work with Ryan yesterday and didn't look at much online while I worked beside him, so news of the school shooting in Texas was several hours old before I even knew it.
My heart hurts beyond what words can say for all these families who are forever changed in number because of those moments. My heart hurts for those whose children came home, but the fear that took root (or deeper root) yesterday will stay forever and mark them.
My heart hurts for those on the front lines who saw the unimaginable and had to say unimaginable words to parents.
My heart hurts with grief and anger.
And there aren't words. I tried coming at this from several angles, and though I know the intention of my heart, there is great danger in assuming those reading will know that intention. To say something that could unintentionally hurt another because of the murky translation of the written word to a hurting heart isn't something I want to do (ever, but especially today).
So today, I stop the writing early and encourage you to take the time you would be reading here to instead pray for these hurting families. Read aloud the names of those lost (whenever the list is released). Take action to speak out/make contacts so we can see change against these horrific events.
My heart hurts, and it should, so today I put aside words.
6 comments:
I am just so dang angry. I am tired of lying to kids that "we will keep them safe" I am tried of wondering EVERY day if today is the day! I am just so done not feeling safe at work despite 3 amazing armed guards who I know will take a bullet for me.
I can't even imagine being in your shoes. I can't imagine going to work every day and having those thoughts - and knowing that you have all those little lives looking to you for protection in addition to protecting your own. It's heartbreaking. It overwhelms me because I can't even think big enough to imagine what it's like to teach right now. There were a few select moments in our last job when I did not feel safe in our building/home, and I know how terrifying that was. To do it day in and day out is just so so so so much. My heart hurts for you and all teachers. I don't have adequate words or thoughts here either, but please do know that you are the first one I thought of and have been thinking of you constantly this last day. I know this is your reality each day and I'm so very, very sorry.
Bekah, I don't comment too often (though I love your blog and read it everyday), but I felt I must today. I have a daughter, sister and friend who are all school teachers so this kind of news always hits close to home. I'm a retired school teacher myself. When I was teaching, many moons ago, these kinds of issues were never even given a thought! I would be fretting if not for the fact that I know Who is in control and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. He is Sovereign and is not caught off guard by the happenings of our day or any day in history, for that matter. Everything is going according to His plan and purpose. He calls His followers to be faithful until He comes. It's not always easy, but the Lord is with us and will accomplish His purposes in every true believer. We pray on, as my Mom always tells me every time we talk! Love you guys and am praying for you and covet your prayers as well, Lisa
I feel the same way. Many thoughts swirling around, but no words and that is probably best. My heart breaks for those involved.
Christina
Lisa- Thanks for being here every day and sharing your heart today! My goodness - your daughter, sister, and friend! My heart goes out to them - and to all teachers - today! Like you, my parents both worked in the public school system (teacher and assistant) and I know none of this was ever on their radar, and I know I can't imagine living in that sort of fear back when I was a child either! God is indeed sovereign, and your mom's advice is perfect. Pray on!
Christina - When I saw those sweet faces today...oh my heart!
I too am speechless, and I have to say, as a non-American, there are issues surrounding this whole piece of the US that I do not understand and cannot comprehend. As a school staff person, this is just not something that any of us here ever worry about. I cannot imagine what it must feel like to work with that kind of fear and pain.
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