The Other Side of Belief

 

My very first post of 2021 was all about my word of the year: believe. 

I went back to read that post yesterday, because I wanted to see what I had to say about my hopes for how the word would impact my life in this year.

I'm happy to report that I did not forget about my word this year. I thought of it often. I kept it in front of me and worked to remind myself of its importance. And today, as we are so close to the end of this calendar year, I want to share how my thoughts compare and differ from my perspective going into the year.

* Back in January, I said: "It feels to so many hearts that if we can somehow get past writing 2020 on everything, life will reset and be okay again. But 2021 is merely a new number and no magical fix arrives in a Santa-esque way, dropped down chimneys at midnight on New Year's Eve." 

Boy, that turned out to be true, didn't it? This year was, in some ways, just an extension of the difficulties of 2020, on global and personal levels.

* I also said, "We do, however, have control over what goes on inside our hearts, minds, and thoughts. We have the chance to marry our thoughts into the covenant of God's Word and His desires. And that's what I hope to believe most in this new year. 

Ryan can vouch that while I did not execute this perfectly, I did live in this frame of mind throughout the year. I have wrestled (HARD) with what goes on inside my mind, heart, and thoughts this year. More than any other year of my life, I've sought and fought to protect my mind, heart, and faith from Satan's attacks. 

Scripture talks about thinking on the things that are true and right, and I've been learning to put those truths in writing and put them in front of my face so I can say them out loud over and over. Even still, there are times Ryan has to remind me to fight for God's truth to rule INSIDE my heart and mind.

* I wrapped up that January post by saying, "In this year, I'm believing God. I'm marrying my thoughts to His Word and I'm believing Him to do big and impossible things in our lives and in this work we've been called to do."

I had no idea, back in January, all we would face in this work this year. I had no idea the good things that would come our way, and I had no idea the utter heartbreak and discouragement that would come right alongside it. I had no idea the things we would see, the words we would hear, and the decisions we would have to make.

Ryan has told me multiple times this year (and he's right!) that the life I have lived this year is one I never could have fathomed, but I've shown a strength I didn't know I had within me. (He didn't know I had it either.)

God has indeed done big and impossible things in our lives and in our work. The truth of it is, on our own, we absolutely, 100% could not have survived the year we have had. 

But God.

He ordained weekends for us to fall in the moments we literally couldn't make it one more day. (We choose our weekends months ahead of time and have no way of knowing when those breaking days are going to hit.) 

He sent support when we had none.

He helped Ryan and I become an even stronger team. 

He gave me strength and boldness to advocate for our tenants and team in ways that the Bekah of old never could have done.

He helped us overcome disappointment and discouragement and get back up so we could keep going.

So here we are, at the end of this year and I am grateful for my focus on belief this year. I didn't do a perfect job of it. I doubted and faltered a whole bunch. But I also did wrap my mind and heart around a determination to believe a whole bunch, too.

2022 means it's time for a new word, but this one has to stay. I can't abandon it. It matters too much.