Dating with Purpose

If you've ever heard us speak on the topic of marriage, you've probably heard us say that while most people will tell you marriage is hard, we disagree. We think life can be hard, but if you're determined to live well and in an attitude of love, marriage doesn't have to be hard. (I wrote more about that here if you want to read further thoughts on it.) The bottom line is that we think too many people confuse what's difficult. They blame the wrong thing.

Having said that, our life has been hard lately. It's been demanding of our time, it's changed our priorities, and it has exhausted us. And by the end of last week, we had reached the point where the thing we both needed the most was uninterrupted time with each other. Time where we were both awake and not distracted by everything else.

It would have been such fun to go on a county tour date. We haven't been able to go on one for months. But alas, we had Deuce, and we couldn't leave him behind for that many hours. And since it was so cold, we couldn't plan a tour around outside activities, because it wouldn't be safe for him to be outside that long.

But it's true that you don't have to have an amazing date planned to have an amazing date. It's not about what you do - and if it is, you probably need to assess a few things. It's about being together and investing in each other.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized we had some key pieces of the day that made it perfect and heart-healing for us both, even though we didn't do anything spectacular or extravagant.

D = Desire

More than anything, we both wanted this day together. When it came down to it, we didn't care what we did or where we went (or didn't go) as long as we had time together. I know that some couples even struggle to desire spending time together, so I am always comforted when I realize that in the middle of living in that critical seventh year, we still desire to spend time together. He could have wished for a work day instead, to make some extra money. I could have wished for a day alone to scrapbook. But what we really wanted was quality time together.

A = Affection

I think most people think of affection in terms of touching, and it absolutely can be about that, but I think there's a lot more to it. Ryan shows affection to me through taking care of me well. He dropped me off at the door of the restaurant when we went out for breakfast, so I didn't have to skate through a slick parking lot. He got up early to take Deuce out so I could sleep in, because he knows it's one of my favorite things. And because he knows I carry 100% of my tension in my back and shoulders, he gave me a massage to try to relieve my aches. I washed the sheets because clean sheet day is his favorite. I cleaned up the kitchen while he rested so he didn't have to look at piles of dishes later. And I took extra time to get ready and put on FULL makeup, since the last week of cold temperatures and dog duty found me mostly in yoga pants and messy hair.

T = Talking

I know I've really missed our long conversations over the past few weeks. We're really good at long talks, but we just haven't had time. Our free time has been geared toward caring for Ryan's mom or sleeping off our exhaustion, so we haven't been able to enjoy deep conversations. (We've even missed a few necessary ones!) This day was all about talking for us. We don't have rules about putting away phones at the table, but other than taking pictures, we did put them aside while we ate our brunch, so we could talk instead. We talked our way through the stores where we shopped, talked our way through the neighborhood while we walked Deuce, and talked our way through the evening (and the nail-biter movie we watched). We were back. The talking us. I missed us.

E = Exclusive

Divide and conquer seems to have been the theme for us in the last few weeks. We have more to do than time to do I, so we have to make it work. We know it's just the need of the season and we aren't upset about it, but it sure was lovely to have a day exclusively devoted to each other. No working. No side stops to do favors for others. No phone calls and texts (for the most part). No projects that separated us for hours. Just the two of us exclusively focusing on each other, sharing conversation, compliments, and much-needed comfort.

This is what matters in dating. Yes, there will be a scrapbook page. No, it won't show the coolest far-away places we've ever visited. But it will show that we desired this day together, we showed affection for each other, we had meaningful talks, and we focused exclusively on each other. Our love tanks are filled back up again, and hopefully we'll be able to enjoy more days like this sooner, rather than later.

Want to see some glimpses of the day?

Brunch at Cracker Barrel. (Thanks, Wayne and Shari!!)

Grocery shopping!

Finding his and hers bikes at Sam's Club. Bet you can't guess which is mine!

(No bikes were ACTUALLY purchased, FYI.)

Trying out furniture, because that's just fun:

We also shoe-shopped. Do NOT ask me about the misfortune I nearly caused the poor salesman. Also do not ask me how unhappy he was with us when we chose not to purchase.

Found a great mug:

(It says Grammar Police: To Serve and Correct)

Took Deuce on a walk:

And baked a razzleberry pie:

A beautifully purposeful day. Just the date we needed.