Cultivating Peace

I was in the middle of putting together lunch one day when my phone buzzed with a text. I glanced down and found a message from a friend of ours.

Really wish I had Ryan's peace at the moment...he said.

The timing caught me off guard. My mind began to spin, wondering if I'd posted something that prompted this random comment, and coming up with nothing, I responded, Why so?

A couple of minutes later, he said, All that he is facing with his mom, he just seems so peaceful. He went on to tell me about some of the chaos he's facing in his own life and how it's hard for him to come up with genuine peace.

I stared at the phone for a while, trying to think of how to respond. And more than that, I was trying to think of what we do that fosters this kind of peace in our lives. I actually had no idea anyone perceived it from us, so the whole thing stirred up much thought. Eventually I thought of some things that I thought might be helpful for him in his quest to find peace in his heart amid the unchangeable circumstances of a chaotic life.

As usual, I figure if one person has that question, there might be two or three more wondering the same, so I'll share my thoughts here, too.

* We have an amazing support team. We have great family and great friends. We already knew that. But we've been blown away in the last few months by the number of people who have taken time to invest a little extra in us. We have friends who have stopped by with snacks for us, because it's really no secret that Shafferland runs on Jesus, coffee, and snacks. We have friends who randomly text or call just to see how things are going. We have friends who make a point to tell us they're praying for us, and we know we have even more who are praying even if they don't say so. We have friends who have stepped in to fill a spot we've had to vacate on the fly so we can help care for Ryan's mom. That whole village thing they say it takes to raise a child applies just as much to adults, I think. There are so many things we just don't have to worry about, because our people step up and take care of it for us. That right there can supply an enormous amount of peace.

* We pray. A LOT. Sometimes we stop everything and have a purposeful prayer time, either together or on our own, wherever we happen to be. Sometimes we pray while we're in the middle of doing other things. I pray a lot in the car or while I'm getting my steps for the day or in the shower. If we're visiting Ryan's mom and she's sleeping, we'll sit beside her and pray over her. One day when we were at the hospital, we went to the chapel to pray for a bit. (Quietest room we could find!)  Anytime I feel that anxious mess swirling around in my heart, I try to stop and pray. And if I can't find the words or I don't feel I can do this on my own, I'll text other people and ask them to pray for me. I have been the pray-er for my friends before. I know sometimes you just don't have strength or words to do it for yourself. I have no issues asking for that kind of help from my friends if I need it!

* We spend time in the Bible. Honestly, right now, our Bible study is not anything geared around the chaos of our lives. It's just regular Bible study. I'm working on memorizing a verse a week, we're leading a small group, I'm in a women's Bible study, we're in the middle of learning from a sermon series at church, and I'm studying Matthew for the next several weeks. We're sticking to all those themes. But just having that time of quiet study helps bring peace to both our hearts. And the discipline of spending that time in the Word helps keep our focus where it needs to be instead of where circumstances might push it.

* We take naps. A LOT. After my heart-desert wanderings almost ten years ago, I became a firm believer that the body needs rest as much as the soul. If you never physically rest, you're exhausted in body, but you're also exhausted in spirit. Even though our time is highly in demand right now, it's not uncommon to find us both conked out on the couch anytime we have a spare moment. We don't apologize for it, and we don't worry about it. We can take the chaos if we can just have a nap.

* We try to honor our routines and our "regular" lives. Ryan and I both thrive on normalcy and routines. That's really just not possible right now, and we understand that. But even though we can't always live every part of every day in the routine we crave, we still plan for the routines so that when we can participate, we're ready. We still go to the gym and work out, I still meal plan, we still try to eat clean as much as we can, we still watch our TV shows (even if we're a few weeks behind), we still clean our house, we still plan and go on dates, etc. These things are not only important for our sanity, they're important for the health of our marriage and relationship.

* We talk it out. The other day I stewed about something, and I realized I had two choices. I could sit at home and freak out about it, or I could call Ryan, get his opinion, get some perspective (I had none in that moment), and pray about what to do from there. He couldn't talk long, since he was at work, but he helped me form a quick plan and then I prayed and waited for resolution. Whenever we can, we talk about how we're both feeling, discuss things we might do to help each other have a good and productive day, and figure out what things are our priorities in the days to come. Expressing all those feelings helps us find measures of peace and work through any anxiety. It also saves us a LOT of time in playing guessing games about each other - which probably would yield incorrect answers anyway.

* We listen to music. We're stumbling across music in so many ways these days. People send us songs, we find some posted on social media that "just happen" to be perfect, and sometimes we look up songs we love. Music says what we're feeling so much better than we could say it most of the time, so we just listen and worship our way through the days. So comforting.

* We default to our outlets. When Ryan feels all the stuff stirring up in him, he works out. For him, that's a great pressure release. For me, it's an injury waiting to happen. (Ha!) So if he starts to feel the pressure building in his heart, he'll try to go for a run or make it to the gym for a hard workout. He always feels better after. I write. I have to get the thoughts out of my head, so I'll sit and write for a while until I feel better. This week I've been trying to do some scrapbooking each day. I'm behind (hello, Christmas) and need to catch up, and sorting all the pictures makes my heart happy. Win-win!

Do we get it right and perfect all the time? Nope. Sometimes we're still stirred up in our souls, and those moments are not our favorite. But when I consider all that the last few months has held for us, I feel like these things have helped us find and hang onto peace in our souls.