Anyway....
As I told you a couple of days ago, I spoke at a women's retreat last weekend, and the topic the event organizers chose was Be Still. Months ago, when they selected that theme from my list, I had no idea the chaos that would be descending over our lives in the very weeks around that retreat. I told them what a blessing it was to review all those verses and stories and lessons in preparation for speaking. I needed to be reminded of the importance of stillness just as much as they did.
On Sunday morning, in our final session, I taught them and reminded myself that we'd be going back to real life that day. Retreats are a little slice of Heaven, because they allow you to have time and space for uninterrupted focus. And then they end, and texts, emails, kids, husbands, jobs, laundry, and bills are once again the main part of life. We all have to figure out how to make the lessons of being still work in the busyness of reality.
When I came home, Sunday, Ryan's mom moved in with us. We've been working on our new (temporary) reality of caring for her while still cultivating our own relationship and giving our attention to our work. Some days the juggling goes better than other days.
I've been purposeful this week to accept the same challenge I issued to the women over the weekend. I've been purposeful to set aside time each morning to just be still. I pray, read Scripture, read articles that spur me on toward the Lord, and my days have gone well.
Then there was yesterday.
Yesterday we had to get up really early to drive Ryan's mom out to her house so she could be taken to Indianapolis to meet with her oncologist. We were on the road by 5:45. As soon as we returned, I had to scurry and get ready, because I had to get to Bible study - early, actually, this week. Our little group was in charge of snacks, so I had to get mine to the table before the masses arrived. By afternoon, it was abundantly clear I'd not been still before the Lord that morning. All my carefully managed pieces and parts of life crashed in the form of a meltdown on the other side of the closet door.
Nothing was monumentally wrong. It was just all there at once and overwhelmed me.
After the meltdown I ran to the gym to run on the treadmill before running home. (You get the idea.) I'd promised Ryan's sister I could watch her baby for an hour, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't late in arriving. Camden and I played and laughed and took selfies and blew bubbles (new trick for him) and eventually, he began to rub his eyes.
I settled in on the couch with him, rocking him slowly until his eyes slid shut. (Approximately one second.) Yes, I know I could have put him down, but in truth, I needed to sit there and nap and rest just as much as he did.
So that's what we did.
I burrowed under my fleecy blanket with a baby snuggled in my arms and took a quick rest with him. My eyes were closed, I did my best to shut out all the noise around me, and while I didn't sleep, I was deeply still. I prayed and sat quietly before the Lord, soaking in those much needed and sorely missed moments I should have fought for earlier in the day.
Sometimes being still means you're hidden in the crook of the couch while life prances on loudly around you. Sometimes you feel guilty for being still, but you choose not to move because you need it and you know it.
Be still, and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10)
2 comments:
Being still and letting our body and mind rest is so crucial!
Yes - and at times, takes pure intention!
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