Open Hands...

This past month, as I've mentioned in other posts, has been filled with moments in which God has spoken strongly to my heart.

While I'm not one to share the most intimate details of my relationship with God, this one was so pivotal, I want to share it with you.

The struggle I've faced this week has been a particularly irrational fear. Logic tells me I shouldn't fear; history tells me otherwise. The fear has, at times, been paralyzing to my heart and finally, yesterday, I begged God to release me from it. To allow me to live in the joy that really does overwhelm my heart. To rest fully in the peace He has showered over my mind.

Today I came home from helping decorate the church for Easter, and I laid down on the bed, my heart vacillating between fear and peace. I didn't even say words out loud...I just asked God in a heart-whisper to please teach me. Please speak to me. Please show me how to gain victory in this situation.

And He did.

He reminded me of something I heard long ago and had completely forgotten about until I asked for help today. I don't know if someone told me this or if I read it somewhere, but I remember learning that someone struggling with fear and control learned to open her hand. Physically open her hand until her palm was flat toward the sky and her fingers spread wide. And in that physical act of opening her hand, she learned to let go. Let go of the fear. Let go of the control. Let go of whatever consumed her. It reminded her of Who really is in control.

And so, stretched out on my bed, I uncurled my hand and spread my palm wide toward Heaven. And I knew He had everything in His hand...and was much more able to work with me now that I'm not trying to run the show.

God has blessed my socks off in recent weeks. Never really thought about it until I started to type this sentence, but I think I've been able to see more of the fruit of His Spirit in me now than ever before. My heart overflows with joy and there's absolutely no other aura I'd rather show than the joy and peace He's placed in me. And while I know letting go of fear is going to be a process, it's one I'm ready to tackle with open hands.