Circling Back to Dreams

 Last night I was hunting for something in a journal I used to write in periodically. It was my dreaming journal, and I was looking for something specific in it. Not surprisingly, I got sidetracked and didn't ever find what I originally looked for. But I did find something that sparked my soul, so I'll share it with you today. Maybe it will give you some hope for your own dreams!

Whenever I look at old journals, one of my favorite things to do is look at this same day in an earlier year to see what was happening in my heart. Well, I didn't happen to write in this particular journal on July 27, 2000, but I did write in it on July 22, 2000. 

And on that day, my name twin got married.

Didn't know I had a name twin, did you? 

I did! 

I met her my first week of college. It started when I went to the table in the student center commons to pick up my student ID card. It wasn't there. They asked if I'd had my picture taken for it, and I assured them that (being the consummate rule follower that I am...) I had checked off every single box on my new student orientation list, including having my photo taken for an ID. 

Turns out they gave my card to the wrong person.

Namely...(see what I did there?)...another freshman named Rebecca Freeman.

Indeed. In that great sea of students on campus, there were two freshmen with almost matching names: Rebekah Freelan and Rebecca Freeman. More than once, throughout our four years of school, we got each other's mail and phone calls. We actually became friends because of our easy-to-mix-up names. 

We didn't look a thing alike, mind you. She was petite and adorable with blonde hair and a beautiful voice. She had grown up on the mission field and was new to the States. Ironically, we chose to attend the same church, and I often gave her a ride, since she didn't own a car. 

And in 2000, she married this tall and handsome man who was her perfect match in every way. They were absolutely one of those couples that made total sense to everyone. They both had a deep desire to serve the Lord in full time ministry and were devoted to Him and each other. 

And on their wedding day, I sat in the cloud of witnesses, watching my friend marry her love in this beautifully God-ordained ceremony. 

In my dreaming journal, I wrote, "Theirs is a love based first in You, God." And while I had been boy-crazy and praying for a husband for about fifteen years at that point, there was something about that wedding that created new dreams in my heart and a renewed passion to pray for this very kind of love.

I wrote in my journal that day that I cried at the wedding - out of happiness for my friend and brokenness for myself, because I had no idea how much longer I would have to wait to receive an answer to this prayer.

Reading those words last night reminded me how deep that burden sank for me. It was a difficult thing for me to carry because I longed so deeply. Maybe you've longed deeply for something and know how it can consume you at times.

But the words at the end of my entry brought such joy to my heart as I thought about God's answers, which I now know!

I wrote, "God, I dream of such a love. I dream of walking down the aisle on my wedding day, watching the love of my life smiling at me. I dream of hearing love in his voice, feeling love on his hands and knowing that Your design of true love is the only way."

And then I thought of these moments:

Walking down the aisle that day...twelve and a half years after my dream, and seeing that very smile on his face. (No one got pictures of him as I walked down the aisle, so I've chosen another photo below...)

The moment he turned around at the first look. THIS.

And indeed I did hear love in his voice...in the song he had recorded to sing me down the aisle and in every word of his vows.

And I felt love on his hands as he placed the ring on my finger and held my hand all the way through our ceremony:

Those dreams came true...every one of them and more. I mean, who knew I would get this gorgeous cathedral for a wedding venue??

Dream, my friends. Be honest about your hurts and disappointment, but dream with God. He can do so much more than you can EVER ask or imagine. 

He did for my name twin.

He did for me.

He will for you! 

First Day of School

I'm seeing the posts already. It seems a fair number of my friends are the mothers of littles about to enter kindergarten, and if you can trust what you read on social media, they are not okay. Not a single one of them. I see a lot of crying emojis - and I imagine I will see many more of them. 

My favorite post was the one yesterday where the mom was timing her daughter as she ate her lunch to make sure she knew how to eat a whole meal in the time frame allotted in schools. (I've actually seen this recommended on Pinterest, so I thought it was impressive that she actually did it.) 

But it all made me think back to when I was about to head into kindergarten. I have very little memory of this time. I don't remember being nervous, worried, OR excited, actually. I guess I never asked my mom if she was excited for the break from me or worried to send me off.

It was different back then...a thousand years ago...because we didn't have full day kindergarten. Just half a day, and I was blessed to be placed in the afternoon slot, so I still got to sleep in every morning. (Yes, I was not a morning person even back then.) 

Some fun facts:

* I rode the bus that year, and our bus driver redesigned his route so I didn't have to be the first one on and the last one off every day. He felt that was too much for a five year old. 

* I hated riding the bus and only did it two years. When I became a second grader, my mom started working at school and I just rode with her.

* According to my mom, when I came home from my first day of kindergarten, I told her the teacher taught us everything but the kitchen sink. Trust me: I'm not nearly as brilliant as that statement would lead anyone to believe.

* Ironically, Ryan told me his comment to HIS mom on his first day was "I didn't learn anything today, but I'll see how tomorrow goes." 

Opposites attract, right?

(This picture is not from the first day of school, but it is a nod to kindergarten Bekah.)

Somehow, when first grade rolled around, I managed to learn to get up early and attend school for a full day. And though I never went through timed trials prior to school, I did have time to eat lunch each day. But then again, I rarely have been known to do anything BUT inhale my food.

Here are some things I always loved about the start of school.

* A new outfit! Mom always took me shopping for something new and special to wear on the first day.

* School supplies! I still adore them and squeal with joy when I see them appear in the stores. 

* New lunch box. I didn't carry my lunch all the time, but I did more often in my younger years. I always got a new (metal!) lunchbox with a matching thermos, and I loved them!

* After school trip to the Comet Cone. The Comet Cone was a little ice cream/hamburger place in our town, and we would stop there now and then for ice cream or a Coke after school. The first and last days were always guarantees for that.

* Trapper Keepers showed up on the scene in my third grade year, I think. I hear they're back. That's good. I did love mine.

How about you...did you have any favorite back-to-school traditions??

I'm going to continue enjoying the back-to-school posts from all my friends. Braeya should be in high school right about now, but she hasn't passed preschool yet, so it's not lookin' good. ;) 

Zoo Fun!

One thing you might not know about Fort Wayne if you don't live around here: we have a really nice zoo!! 

My first trip there was a few years ago now:

They still have the petting zoo AND the train, but both of them have been updated a bit! :) 

Ryan had actually never been to this zoo before! After pictures you saw above, I don't think I went back until I worked at the station, and I worked two different events back then! I found a picture of one:

Anyway! Back to last week. 

We had a day off work and a gorgeous day to go. And per social media, it seems like all our friends went to the zoo last week - but most did not go the day we went. Ha! I did run into two people I knew - so hi there, Debbie and Sarah!

We did go with some friends, but I didn't ask about posting pictures, so I'll just pick and choose from the remaining options. We did see some super fun animals, though Ryan is brokenhearted that this zoo no longer has a Honeybadger. It's his favorite animal. (We found a stuffed one in the gift shop, so we did get a photo opp! Whooo!

I literally lost my mind with joy when I saw the penguins. Apparently I love them as much as deer?

We rode the sky lift, which was a HUGE deal for me. I don't leave the ground without full surrounds. Ryan didn't realize until later how much prayer that event took! I took a couple of pictures in the air. I literally just pointed and clicked. I couldn't bear to look. I'm surprised we got anything!

My feet were straight out in front of me on this one because I hadn't relaxed enough to put them down like a normal person. #facepalm.

Hatching, I guess...

The best zoo date!

Picture from the log ride...

We were trying to fit in between the letters and then realized it looked like we didn't like each other. NOT TRUE!!!!!

It was such a fun day. Loved it!!! 

Sunday Sentiments

I love the Olympics, and I'm so happy they are back! Ryan and I were on duty Friday night, but I was so grateful it was a quiet night in WillowBridge, and I was able to take my work to the couch and multi-task! Opening ceremonies and notes...all at the same time. 

I was pleasantly surprised at the ceremonies. It was definitely strange to see such a massive stadium with empty seats, but I still loved watching the parade of nations and all the pageantry. Yesterday we kept coverage running on our TV, so we could catch bits and pieces as we ran in and out of the apartment between work projects. 

It was during one of those run-through breaks that I heard about athletes who had to forfeit their competition, because after they made it all the way to Japan, they had a positive test and had to withdraw.

That made me think of something I heard a few weeks ago at church. Our pastor did an entire series on lamenting, and throughout the series, he interviewed people within the church who had lamented a loss of some kind in life. His last interview was his own daughter. She's a teenager now, but as a very young child, he and his wife enrolled her in swim lessons and found out she was actually an extraordinary swimmer. 

She spent her entire childhood competing and was actually on track to appear at the very Olympic games we are watching on TV right now. But a few years ago, what started as an apparent strained muscle ended up becoming a mysterious, still-not-fully-understood injury that not only knocked her out of Olympic contention, but it knocked her out of swimming entirely. She lives in daily pain at high levels.

She spoke articulately and candidly about her disappointment and hurt over letting go of her biggest dream. She shared about the lessons God taught her in that time, helping her see that swimming was just one part of her whole life, but He had different plans for her.

I thought about that young woman and the dreams that took her away from a moment in time she hoped to know. I thought about the athletes who actually did make it to the games, only to be unable to compete because of illness. I thought about athletes who made it to the games and WILL compete, but one little mistake that never ever happens to them...happens. Right in that all-important moment.

The bottom line is that all of us can work so hard toward something specific in our lives, only to find our dreams dashed in the big moment. We can be tempted to see ourselves as failures and label our lives as a loss, but none of that is true.

Absolutely - those moments are difficult and disappointing. But those moments are just a piece of a much bigger life. God does so much with, through, and for us every single day. THOSE are the moments that matter the most. Even if we never get our one dream moment, the moments that string together to make up the rest of our lives do matter.

Maybe you're mourning something today. Maybe you're grieving something you had to let go of before you were ready or without the results you hoped. It's okay to mourn and grieve. But don't write off your life or purpose. God has so much more for you!!

The Saturday Six

 

One.

Curious about the decorating trends coming our way in 2022? This post has some detailed predictions. I was surprised at how many of them felt like trends I could embrace. But oh goodness...a few of them...I just can't even!

Two.

I seem to be tossing a lot of recipes your way before I even try them, but this one has me literally drooling. I will eat pie and cobbler without a complaint, but a fruit CRISP is always my favorite. This one looks amazing. And I must confess that the idea of making them in individual servings is a bonus. Why is everything always cuter and more appealing when made in an individual serving?????

Three.

I've never had a bay window in a kitchen or dining room, but if I did...I would LOVE this seating arrangement. First of all, I'm a sucker for window seats, and then that table in addition? SWOON!!!!!! (Just overlook the price. Focus on the pretties.)

Four.

I like living small...but I'm not sure I could live THIS small. Could you? (Cute little renovation, though!)

Five.

Now that we have our little buddy visiting us on the regular, I'm always on the lookout for non-prepackaged foods to serve that will allow us to eat a regular meal and give him something to eat, too. I liked these ideas! (And I should get divided plates. For myself. Ha!)

Six.

I should not play with wood burners, so creating engraved wooden spoons for a gift is the WORST idea for me. (To clarify: I think they are adorable. I just shouldn't attempt to make them.) But the whipped butter looks much more my speed! That looks like a really easy and doable hostess gift!

One Prayer Update

 

At the end of June, I told you that I'd read about Beth Moore's challenge to devote the month of July to prayer and how I felt personally prompted to pray over one specific thing for the month of July.

I had no idea how my prayer might change as the month went along - or how my prayer might change me as the month went along. But I put it as an actual appointment in my day planner and have been showing up for it for the past 22 (now 23) days. 

I'm not quitting, by the way. I'm just giving an update. 

I have observed that when people take on a specific project like this, they have dreams of a grand and obvious change. I honestly had no preconceived thoughts going into it - which is new for me. I used to like to "help" God figure out how a project should proceed, but this time I was determined to just show up for my part and wait to see what God would do for His part. 

It's a good thing I didn't have my heart set on a grand moment, because so far, at least, there hasn't been one. It's been a sweet appointment each day, though. And when I say it's been a sweet appointment, I don't want to misrepresent myself. I haven't come into each day eager to pray what I knew I should pray about. And on the days when I really really didn't want to pray about it, I didn't hide that. I confessed it and prayed anyway. 

I haven't had a front row (or even back row) seat to what my prayers are doing in the lives of those I'm praying for throughout this month. I am trusting that God is using those prayers for good in their lives, but I am also aware I may never know how He is working.

But I'm still praying.

There was one moment, though, a few days ago, that gave me a glimmer of hope that perhaps God is working in bigger ways than I can see. It was sort of a second/third-hand story about one of the people I'm praying for - and it surprised me. I didn't expect to hear the good news I heard, and it gave me hope that perhaps things are stirring and changing for good. 

That news gave me the strength to push through for more days of prayer with a renewed confidence that just because I can't see or don't know what is happening doesn't mean something ISN'T happening! 

And so I will continue to pray. I will continue to hope (which, I've learned, means confident expectation not crossed fingers) that God will use the words I offer, even when they feel meager. 

Whether or not you took on a prayer challenge in July, I urge you to pray hard and confidently over the things God presses upon your heart. He is always at work, even if you don't know how or when! 

Chain o Lakes State Park...A Day of Rest

I woke up at 5 in the morning on Sunday itching like crazy from all my bug bites. I got up and put anti-itch cream on and went back to sleep to TRY to get some rest. Just a moment later I was awakened by the people at the next campsite splitting wood for their fire. I grumbled under my breath about splitting wood at 7:00 in the morning when people are trying to sleep, and then I looked at my watch.

Almost 10:00 in the morning.

Guess that anti-itch cream worked really well!! I was OUT! I apologized (though they didn't hear my grumbling) for accusing them of splitting wood during quiet hours and then thanked the Lord for those hours of rest that my body absolutely needed!

Ryan had slept in too (which he doesn't normally do) but he hopped up and went outside to start the fire for the second half of the campfire breakfast adventures. 

There was actually a slight breeze that morning, so I was able to sit outside without excessive bug visits! I loved it. I had been so sad that I didn't get to just sit outside like I hoped.

(Sorry for the truly awful picture of us both. But you know - we just woke up.) 

We had initially planned to finish the 9 lake paddle challenge that day, but we decided to just rest instead. By the time we were done with breakfast, we would have had to hustle to paddle five more miles and get our campsite packed up by the time we needed to get out. So we just rested, and I think it was the best thing for us. We watched some TV. We rode our bikes. We sat at the beach for a while. It was lovely!

We also walked all over the campground, making notes of sites we might like to stay in the future!

We decided to do one more campfire meal before we came home and then it was time to tear down our beloved site. It was our first time to take down everything (awning, lights, etc.) and we weren't sure how quickly it would all come down. We were pleasantly surprised at the speed.

And then I had to drive back home!! The worst part was getting out of the campground, ironically. I was so thankful that the place had emptied out into a ghost town, because it made it easier to maneuver. And of course, the ONE ROAD I needed to exit the campground ended up being blocked by a truck trying to attach to a trailer. I couldn't confidently back up, so Ryan pulled his truck into an empty site, hopped out, backed up the RV and took it on a detour, and then I ran like the wind (if the wind was a pitiful breeze) to catch him and jump back in the driver's seat for the ride home.

And that was the end of our first proper state park camping trip! Three glorious days! (Almost.) SO much fun, so much rest, and so many campfires!!!