One Year

 

On Thanksgiving Day, 2015, Ryan and I went to the holiday lunch with his side of the family. After we ate, his mom lined everyone up on Aunt Sandy’s front porch and took a group picture. (I cut out just Ryan and me for resharing purposes here. I wasn't sure if everyone in the whole family liked their own versions of this almost ten-year-old picture.)

            The moment I saw the picture, I told Ryan I needed to do something. I couldn’t believe how much weight I had gained since our wedding. I was miserable and ready for change. If you’ve been reading here that many years, you probably remember that I did the Beachbody 21 Day Fix and lost almost 30 pounds in about six months. I felt so much better and for a few years, I did pretty well eating appropriately sized portions and not consuming too much sugar.

            Then Ryan’s mom got sick and died - and there were a few times in that season where I was known to eat donuts in our closet. Then there was a global pandemic. Then we worked at WillowBridge, where I did work with a health coach, but she and the counselor I saw for a time both told me the likelihood of losing weight and gaining health while working in that structure was minimal at best. Then we went through some difficult journeys that we haven’t even talked about in this space. With each adventure, I stopped caring a little more about food choices and just ate. I ate what I wanted when I wanted.

            And then came my friend Jamie’s wedding last September 30th. Ryan and I drove to Bloomington for that wedding. We ate lunch at Culver’s on the way there, and I ordered a burger and fries and Coke. And then we stopped at Dunkin’ to kill time, and I ordered a latte and a donut. And then we went to the wedding reception, which featured a series of grazing tables, and I grazed with the best of them. And then on the way home, we stopped at Arby’s, and while I don’t remember what I ate, I know it included a jamocha shake.

            And in the middle of all that eating, I had the chance to have my picture taken with all the ladies of Mid-Morning.

            And by the time I got home that night, I was on the phone with a health coach, asking for help.

            From October to February, I made it my full-time job to work diligently at getting healthier. I started a specific eating plan to help me reset. Ryan started teaching Boot Camp classes at the gym, and I signed up to attend.

(First Boot Camp class last November)

(Boot Camp class last week)

            By February, I had reached my goal weight, and in the months since then, I have worked hard to learn even more about healthy nutrition and getting stronger. I have some really specific goals for my future that have little to do with the size of my clothes and everything to do with being able to physically climb or walk distances I’ve never attempted before.

            I haven’t made this a topic of conversation on the blog because it’s not something I enjoy talking about. There are people who rolled their eyes when I started this because it’s a road they’ve walked with me before, and there we were again. Embarrassing. There are people who lectured me about getting too skinny or watching out for eating disorders. Hard.

            But I mention it today because we are one year down the road from “the picture.” 

            And in this past year, I have shed pounds that were holding me back from more than I knew. I had no idea how sore my joints were or how out of breath I had become doing the simplest of tasks. (Hello, tying shoes!) In this year I’ve developed muscles and endurance I’ve never had before in my whole life. I’ve learned how protein deficient I really was every single day. I’ve learned how to time my eating so I don’t get too hungry and proceed to eat everything in sight. I’ve learned how to say no – and how to enjoy smaller portions. I’ve learned to decide what things are worth it and what things truly are not.

            Weight has always been a struggle for me, and chances are good it always will be. I may always be asked if I'm pregnant. (Happened again just a couple of weeks ago. In everyone's defense, it was a child who said something, and I wasn't angry.) Those things may never change. My goal is to take the principles I learned back in 2015/2016, the things I learned from the coach I worked with at WillowBridge, and the things from this last adventure and employ a little of ALL of them to do my very best going forward. There will never be a true after - just always a work in progress.

            I’m glad I started this reset journey when I did. Marching through Thanksgiving, our anniversary, Christmas, AND New Year’s last year was not an easy time, but there’s truly never an easy time to start. The Bekah of fall 2024 is really happy that the Bekah of fall 2023 made a hard decision and stuck with it. And the Bekah of both years is beyond grateful for Ryan and his unwavering support. Seriously. He was 100% rock solid for me through every hard day. And here's a nod to the Bekah of fall 2025, who hopefully will be even stronger! 

October 2023

October 2024