Working Through Fears

 

As I am writing this to you, it is early in the morning on Wednesday. You’ll read this tomorrow. Our whole state is under a giant tornado warning, and I know we are not alone in being in such a warning. I also know that many have experienced the reality of that fear coming to pass in the last week.

            I’m writing now, because I don’t know if by later tonight I will have power or internet service – or a house. I try not to think about that last part too much.

            If you’ve read here long, you know that storms terrify me. If you’ve read here VERY long, you also know that deadly tornadoes have impacted our family in profound ways.

            My sister’s family’s experience with the tornado in 2007 taught me a lot of good things about tornados. I learned valuable lessons about stuff being stuff and how this country really does rally to meet the needs of those who lose everything they have. I’ve seen rebuilding firsthand, and all those things were good for me to see, know, and learn.

            But as I’ve sat here this morning and watched schools wisely close for the day – and stores, too – I am forced to realize that this threat ahead of us is very, very real. This is not a drill.

            So my little shelter is packed with the things that matter most and would be hardest to replace. (And the things that feel necessary for survival.) Everything that needs a charge is living on a charger all day long until we have to move to shelter.

            Those of us in this house will go to shelter if the need arises. Ryan will be at work for much of the day, and I have had to bring myself to a full stop on thinking about the danger I know he would be willing to put himself in to save and protect others if that moment comes. He would die for anyone around him, and I know that. I love him for it but cannot think about it. I’ve already cried twice because the thought stayed in my head too long.

            I’ve prayed and asked for the Lord to keep His hand over all of us – not just in my family – but the greater all. I know He can, but I also know that I don’t know the bigger picture, and that might not be what happens today.

            I have nothing of value, really, to bring to you with my words today. I’m just a scared girl who wonders what the next 24 hours will hold. But this little corner of the web is about being real. It’s not about being picture-perfect. And today, my reality is that I’m afraid, and I’m trying to bring that fear to the feet of Jesus and let Him hold me and all those I love close to His heart.

            I hope tomorrow dawns beautiful and safe and I can craft the post I had planned to share with you today so you can read it on Friday. But for today, I’m just working through the fear.