Saying Thanks

 

            I mentioned Saturday that I’d read a social media post penned by someone frustrated with the lack of handwritten thank you notes in our world today. I learned from reading the subsequent comments that people have some strong opinions on this subject!

            The person writing the post had been to a handful of events throughout the past year (weddings/showers/graduations), and I believe she said she had only received one thank you note in the mail. She was frustrated by the lack of gratitude.

            One of the commenters said if she doesn’t receive a thank you note to a wedding shower or wedding, she does not attend the eventual baby shower. She also said she does not attend any event of any kind that doesn’t offer a physical invitation. Emailed or Facebook-generated invitations don’t count for her.

            Another commenter, however, said she actually leaves a note on the card with the gift, asking the recipient not to worry about writing a thank you note. She said she presumes their relationship is solid enough that an official note isn’t required, and this also frees her from the guilt of throwing away a thank you note as soon as she reads it.

            Here are my thoughts on thank you notes:

I was raised to write a thank you note for absolutely everything I ever received: Christmas and birthday gifts, graduation gifts, and any other random offering for any other occasion. I am grateful my mom demonstrated this in a practical sense by writing notes for her own gifts, and I’m grateful she specifically taught me how to write these notes.

HOWEVER, I learned when we worked at WillowBridge that the younger generations can be genuinely clueless about this. When I tried to teach our tenants about thank you notes, they all looked at me like I had just arrived from another planet. I did require them to write (or at the very least sign) thank you notes to the people who so generously provided for us throughout the year, and after a while, I noticed they seemed to be a bit more on board with the idea, even if they weren’t ready to initiate it themselves.

Even though I was taught to write thank you notes without exception, there have been some seasons of my life where I wasn’t that great at writing them. It wasn’t that I lacked gratitude for anything given to me. It was just that other life circumstances (often ones that no one outside my household knew anything about) weighed so heavily that even small things like correspondence were difficult to complete. I realize that sounds crazy, but it is true.

When I write a thank you note, I try to write it more thoroughly than merely thanking the person for a gift. I want to offer words of thanks for what that person means to me and the investment made in my life. These notes are not quick ventures for me. I want to pause to put some thought into them.

 I also feel like we should pause to acknowledge the rise in postage costs over the years. When I learned to write thank you notes, stamps were a quarter. For years, they were a quarter each. It is worth considering that sometimes people have to make choices about where to spend money, and if sending a note of thanks (quite sincerely) through a free electronic method is an option, they may choose that over spending 63 cents per envelope to say the same thing – especially if the paper version is likely to be trashed upon reading.

If I had children, I would teach them about thank you notes. I would make it a practice in our home to write meaningful, handwritten notes to follow up gifts given. I would lay that foundation and encourage them to continue practicing it when they are on their own.

But I hope I also have the grace to remember that not everyone had the same teaching I had, and some people either prefer or need the convenience and economy of electronic notes.

And above all, I hope to remember that the most important thing is that giving is about giving. Whether anyone ever thanks me or not, I hope to always find joy in the blessing of giving.