Almost a Year

Next week will mark one year since Ryan's step-dad passed away most unexpectedly from a massive heart attack.

I remember that jarring middle-of-the-night phone call and all the waiting for more information. So much waiting. There were many details about his passing that I never shared on the blog last year, and some of that was out of respect for his privacy, because he was a very private person. Some were because it took a long time to receive answers to some of the questions about the hows and when that led to this.

I'll still honor his privacy, but I can, with the space of this last year's time, add a few of the details. Allen had no idea he had heart problems. All his reports from any doctor visit had been normal and encouraging. Not long before his death, he had experienced a twinge of something that felt odd, so at our sister-in-law's prompting (she's a nurse) he made an appointment to have it checked out. But he didn't live to see that appointment. 

Though we'll never know for sure, the chances that he would have lived to see that appointment probably would have been many, had we not received a nasty snowfall the night he died. The snow was deep, heavy, and wet, which is nothing unusual for Indiana. Allen came home from work and couldn't get through the snow from the road to the house with his vehicle, so he left it at the road and trudged to the house. We can only assume that walk in the deep, heavy snow was too much.

Everyone who had any part in checking on him that evening did absolutely everything they could with the resources they had available. Rescue measures were taken. Emergency personnel did all they could. And we appreciated every single person who showed up in the blinding snow to do their part.

We have spent this last year navigating so many emotions, so many decisions, and so many new starts that none of us expected to experience. It's been a hard, hard year in this alone. (And though I'm not sure I ever said so on the blog, Ryan's sister, who was Allen's oldest daughter, was smack in the middle of chemo treatments when he died. That was one of the reasons we delayed his services after his death; we were trying to give her time to gain strength after a rough treatment.) 

I was proud of Ryan and his siblings for how fully they stepped up to accept the roles thrust upon them with his death. They had to make decisions they didn't expect to make. They had to work together as a team to figure out the best courses of action that would honor Allen's memory and also prepare the way for future life in the healthiest possible way.

We are thankful for so many who have been a blessing to us in the wake of this loss. This was the first time we navigated something like this from a distance, and that definitely added a challenge. We did the best we could to be present at everything. Ryan and his siblings have worked hard on the logistics of the will and estate and I cannot help but believe that Allen would have been SO proud of their ethic and dedication to doing it well. 

Today's post doesn't really have a purpose or a nice neat bow at the end. It's just a time of reflection for me. Thanks for reading along as I think through this last year in this chapter of our story.