Sunday Sentiments

I have friends who were (or still are) foster parents. I've heard many stories and watched them walk difficult roads for the love of kids who weren't born to them, but they love them as though they were.

We understood it...while we didn't understand it at all.

The work we do isn't foster care, but I think it has some similarities.

I remember the day we came for our interview. We knew we would meet the tenants, and we had no idea if they would like us. Rob told us a bit about the personalities of the people who lived here at that time, and he wasn't wrong about any of them!

One of them had a personality as big as the world. She was a brand new mom, and her sweet baby was just a couple of months old when we first met him that day. I still remember when we all sat on the couch together talking, and she yelled over all the conversations taking place to say "ROB! You should hire them RIGHT NOW!" 

He must have listened, because about a month later we moved in and slowly began to get to know her and the baby. We came up with things to talk about on trips back and forth to work. We did life together, day by day. We were strangers. Then friends. Then framily. 

And in the course of the last nine months, she has made us laugh until we cried. We've sat beside her through unspeakably hard meetings and conversations. We've advocated for her and her baby. We've taught her life skills. We've gone to coffee together. We've gone to church together. We've shared meals around the community room table. 

We have grown to love her with all our hearts. We haven't always agreed with her, but she's our girl. And that sweet baby boy has grown up right under our noses, and we've grown to love him, too. (He is Ryan's biggest fan, other than me, of course. He'll practically jump out of my arms to jump into Ryan's when he catches a glimpse of him.)

This work we do...it's a stepping stone. Everyone who moves in here is just here for a season. We know that. They know that. Some of the tenants who have lived here have been here for a very short time before heading on to the next chapter. But this one was here for over a year. And we were here with her for most of that time. 

A couple of weeks ago, she moved on to her next chapter, and we celebrated and grieved all in the same breaths. We celebrated for the goals she achieved, but we grieved the loss of her in this place. There will never be another one just like her. Never ever. 

She spent a couple of weeks slowly moving out, but on the last day, after she came to clean her apartment, Ryan and I drove her and the baby away for the last time - to their new home. She gave us a tour and somewhere in between the front door and the bottom step, I started sobbing. I was a mess by the time we got to the van twenty steps away. 

Ryan asked if I thought Culver's would fix it, and I said I wasn't sure, but there was no harm in trying. So we tried. It didn't fix the hole in my heart, but it was a good bandage. ;) 

(Funny story: that night when we drove her to her new place, everything about the day had taken so much longer than planned, so it was about three hours past my dinner time when we took her home. When I talked to her later, she asked what we did after we left her. I said, "Well I cried." She said, "You CRIED? I'm sorry! I didn't know you were that hungry!" I said, "NO, SILLY!! I cried because I missed you! Not because of dinner!") 

Some people have asked if we can still be part of her life, and the answer is yes - if she'll have us. We gave her our numbers and she's reached out multiple times to text, call, and FaceTime us since she left. We've told her we'll go visit her - and we have! We'll stay part of their lives for as long as they'll let us. 

Love sneaks up on you. At least it did for us with them. They went from being strangers whose building we invaded to being framily to the two of us. She's taken to calling me Momma. I told her that's fine, but that child is NOT calling me Grandma! I'll just be Aunt Bekah where he's concerned. I told Ryan once that if she decided not to keep us in her life after she left, the baby would never remember us. He's too young. We spent every day with him and he would never remember us at all. But we will always remember him and how he changed our lives so profoundly. 

Love can be hard work. But it wraps itself around you and pushes you through the hard moments. It doesn't quit just because miles create a distance. 

She's our first goodbye to a tenant we've developed a deep history with. We miss her terribly. We miss both of them. But we are so very grateful to have been part of their lives for these last nine months. 

We'll say goodbye again and again as tenants come and go. We know that. We know it won't be the last time our hearts are gripped by grief in letting go. 

But that's what this job is all about. Investing fully, loving well, and cheering them on as they step into their next chapters. And we pray that the Lord equips us to do all of this with His grace.