When the Sickness and Health Aren't Your Own

Yesterday you saw the pictures of the ski trip...today we bring you the stories! (And a few other fun peeks at the week...)

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Ryan and I didn't have traditional wedding vows. In case you haven't figured it out by now, we don't do anything the traditional way. :)

Our intent in choosing the words we did was to keep the focus on our relationship with God and remind ourselves that if we live our lives unto Him first, He will guide us in our relationship with each other.

But because we chose these different-from-the-norm vows, we didn't have the standard "in sickness and in health" promises that most couples make. Just because we didn't say the words doesn't mean we don't honor the spirit of them, though.

We've limped along together through all manner of man-colds, Bekah-colds (which are actually far worse than man-colds), pink eye, oral surgery, two gallbladder removals, and a handful of other things that aren't coming to mind at the moment. Right now, though, we're in a season of sickness and health that doesn't involve either one of us. And in some ways, that might be even harder. I'd never thought about it until just this week.

Please don't misunderstand. I don't say any of this to complain. Sometimes I just need to process out loud, and you all tend to be my kind audience that allows me to do that. (Bless you.)

When you're dealing with your own versions of sickness (and health, but let's be honest: it's mostly about the sickness) you are the ones who get to call the shots. You make the decisions and schedule the appointments. You figure out what works best and you find your own rhythm of how to handle it. The road may be long and hard but you're right there together all the time to do what you need to do when you need to do it. It's not easy, but it's contained in a way that we tend to take for granted.

When you're helping someone else walk a road of illness, it's very different. It's kind of like living two part-time lives. Maybe even two full-time lives. You have your own life, with your responsibilities, expectations, appointments, tasks, etc. And then you have the life you travel to, where you help out as part of a team, but where you're only one of many voices making decisions. And somehow you have to blend those two lives together as seamlessly as you can, though much of the time, the seam looks like a sleepy toddler's attempt.

That's our reality right now.

We've chosen to walk this part of life's path hand-in-hand. So on the days when we're the caregiving team for Ryan's mom, I spend most of the afternoon cooking the meal we'll take with us to share with her. I carefully strategize the entire day to make sure I can get all the must-be-at-home-to-accomplish tasks completed before we have to leave, and I pack a bag with all the rest of the work that can be done remotely. I have a short list of things I hope to accomplish, even though I know there are unlikely to be enough hours in the day to get them all done before we have to put on our helper hats.

Even though Ryan does the bulk of the actual caregiving while we're there, I'm present, doing my best to live out the part of my vows where I promised to strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage him. And he, in return, fulfills his promises to offer me his deepest love, fullest devotion, and tenderest care - in a million little ways.

We only get about four hours of sleep those nights, but we reach out with grace the next day, understanding our respective need for naps and extra rest whenever we can find it. We do the best we can with clean eating and working out and try to remind ourselves not to be upset when we can't be on the schedule we would choose in another season. We are diligent to schedule time together, to put as much of a protective hedge around our marriage as we can, but we also understand that right now, our normal methods of date-planning just don't work.

We communicate often, but sometimes we fail. We think we said something out loud and discover later we only thought it. We carve out space for things each of us truly need - like my need to be a hostess to our friends a couple of weeks ago or Ryan's need for a skiing day.

We do our best to shift back and forth between the two lives, giving our fullest and best to each side while present in that side.

"In sickness and in health" didn't show up in our vows, but we did promise to live first unto our God, and right now, this is what He's calling both of us to do. So we do it together, we figure it out as we go, and we are grateful for the strength we find on a daily basis to do this journey to the best of our ability. Even when we're flat out worn out, He is faithful to give strength for the day.