And THIS is Why I Hate Movies With Sad Endings.

Warning.

This post contains a spoiler.

{On a movie from 2003.}

So I'm not going to feel super bad about spoiling it for you. If you've not seen it in the last 11 years, I'll go out on a limb and say you had your chance.

I hate {read: H.A.T.E.} movies with a sad ending. This hatred began the day back in 1999 when I watched Message in a Bottle {alone} the same day my then-boyfriend flew home from visiting his parents. I hated the movie, I hated the ending, and I hated the hours of anxiety it provided while I bit my nails hoping his flight had a better ending than the ship in that movie.

I explained this to Ryan before we got married, but apparently I failed to mention that I hate all movies with sad endings.

And that, my friends, is how Sunday happened.

We were curled up on the couch, listening to the bitter not-spring-even-though-it's-spring wind howl outside, watching random shows on TV, and he said, AND I QUOTE, "Oh this is a good one!"

And that is how we began watching the TV, cleaned-up version of Open Water.

The man and woman in the movie were on vacation and went out on a scuba diving excursion. Somehow, in a horrid turn of events, they were left out in the middle of the shark-infested ocean when the boat headed back to shore without them.

And the majority of the movie was devoted to watching the two of them bob in the deep water, while the occasional shark fin surfaced nearby...wondering how long it would be before they were discovered missing and rescue efforts began.

I sat on the edge of the couch, sucking in my breath sharply when the man was bitten and the ocean around him turned bright red...and he, the calm one, began to panic and scream in fear. {I'd have been screaming in fear for HOURS, thankyouverymuch.}

The movie showed the nighttime storm and the woman holding him close while he slept...and then came morning. She kissed his cheek and cried, and I whirled around on the couch and said to Ryan, "IS HE DEAD????"

Ryan said, "Um, I think he might be."

I shouted, "YOU HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE!! YOU KNOW IF HE'S DEAD! IS HE DEAD?"

"Little bit."

And not only was he dead, y'all, but she unhooked his scuba gear and pushed him away!!! I grabbed Ryan's shirt and said, "SHE JUST PUSHED HIM AWAY! I WOULD NEVER PUSH YOU AWAY! NEVER!"

I glanced at the clock. There was still a good half hour of movie left. My heart beat faster and I watched the man cleaning the boat discover their stash of clothing under the seat...the manager of the hotel check their room...and helicopters rush through the sky. She would be saved!!

And then as I strained to hear the whir of the chopper blades, I watched as that woman took off her scuba gear, plugged her nose and disappeared beneath the surface.

Credits.

I looked at Ryan and said "SHE DIES TOO???????????????????????"

He was beginning to realize this may not have been our best movie option.

I continued. "WHY WOULD YOU LET ME WATCH THIS MOVIE? THIS IS A TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!"

He said - and I admit this was a bit funny, but don't tell him I think so - "Well I figured our chances of going scuba diving were pretty slim, so it wouldn't matter if you saw it."

Slim? They're non-existent now, Buddy!

He reminded me that the movie was based on a true story. I said, "Well if they both died, how do we know this is how it happened?"

Speculation.

Well if we're going to speculate, howsabout we speculate THAT THEY LIVED???????

So we went ahead and deleted that one from the DVR. And after watching me mope about the house for the rest of the day, pleading "Please don't die. Ever. Please promise me you won't die!!"...I think he's figured out that I really hate all movies with sad endings.

Not just Message in a Bottle.