He Knew

Once upon a time, I thought I wanted to write fiction. I was wrong. (Watch...now that I've declared that, I'll be wrong again!)

I wrote fiction(ish) in college and was fairly decent in the craft, but I determined that juggling all the simultaneous story lines and full character development were just not my forte. My gifts were elsewhere.

My friends Jody and Sarah write fiction, and I've come in contact with many other fiction writers through work, and I have a newfound appreciation for how much labor goes into each piece they write.

The one thing I read frequently is how writers are surprised (sometimes) to see where the story lines go. They fully expected a character to go left, but when they sat to write...he totally veered to the right and surprised everyone, including them.

The other night I lay curled up in bed, sporting my fuzzy pink bathrobe and an equally fuzzy princess blanket...and a trail of mascara down both cheeks. I poured my heart out before the Lord and hoped my words were seeping through the ceiling, out the roof, and up to Heaven.

Late at night, my friend Bob called out of the blue (he never calls) - and as I shared my heart-confusion with him, he said many profound things, but the one in particular was this:

Bekah, your Daddy knows. When He was forming you...when He was shaping you inside your mama, He saw this night. He saw this hurt. This doesn't surprise Him. He knew it was coming. Your Daddy knows...and He knew it then.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139:16

God is no fiction writer. My life's random twists and turns (and there have been many) haven't surprised Him. He knows. He always knew. He knew every giggle and every sob before they formed within me. He knows all the ones ahead.

I knew that somewhere in the core of me...you know, from second grade Sunday School or something...but there was something comforting and reassuring about hearing it it phrased just that way while beneath the pile of pink fuzzy and dried mascara trails.

So in case today is your day to have heart confusion, can I just tell you? He knows. He always knew. He knew THIS day. And He knows tomorrow. Your Daddy knows.