Six years ago today, my phone rang at work. It was before the days of caller ID, so there was no way I could know that the voice on the other end would belong to my roommate. And there was absolutely no way I could have been prepared for her news.
She said to me, "Bekah, Carol died."
I wasn't sure what that meant. I asked.
"Baby Carol. She died this afternoon."
No - see, that just couldn't be. I just saw her a few days ago. The Super Bowl party. I sat in the living room and held her. She was fine. She screamed because I wasn't her Mom, but that wasn't unusual. And besides...today was her six month birthday. She couldn't be dead...it was a birthday of sorts.
Carol wasn't my daughter. She wasn't even my flesh and blood. But sitting through nineteen hours of labor with her parents and videotaping her entrance into the world made her mine in that special place of my heart...that place that "aunts" know about.
I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her when I'd only just said hello. I wasn't ready to give up Monday nights hanging out with her and her Mom while her Dad went to class. I wasn't ready to stop trying to get her to like me even though I wasn't her Mom.
But God had other plans for our baby girl. He needed her, evidently. I still don't understand why, but I've come to learn to just trust Him on those things.
Even so...I miss her. I play with her little sister and baby brother and wonder what life would be like with a six year old in the mix. I keep her picture up all over my house and office. I think of her often and miss her terribly.
Baby Carol...I haven't forgotten you. I miss you today and all days.
2 comments:
Bekah,
It's hard to know what to say or understand, ever, the "whys". This is one of those times and I know that time doesn't lessen the pain enough. So I'll simply say that I'm thinking of you today and praying that a little extra joy will be yours today to help ease the sorrow.
Thanks so much! I've enjoyed remembering her today...it's one of those strange things where the sting dulls away eventually but the ache is still there.
With her and with my nephew - I just want to make sure they're always a visible part of my life...pictures, memories, scrapbooks, part of conversation. I don't want them to fade out of my daily life. As long as they get to be a part of every day, I trust the rest to God's much wiser mind.
Post a Comment