Celebrating Valentine's Day: Deeply Known, Fully Loved

 

            I spent most of my single years trying hard to embrace Valentine’s Day while simultaneously dying inside a little bit each year. I was so excited to be able to really celebrate it when we were married – and that seemed to be right about the same time all the married couples started publicly hating the day and posting about how a single day of love doesn’t really matter.

            But it matters to us. It’s totally fine if it isn’t your thing, but we genuinely love it and wanted to share about our celebration on Valentine’s Day!

            We started by oversleeping an hour, so three cheers for that! I managed to get showered and dressed before I had to report to my desk for work, but I was exceedingly grateful I didn’t have any video meetings in the first half of the day! I looked rough. And that was the view of his valentine Ryan had as he left for work that day. Big, wild hair plopped atop a girl waving goodbye and declaring her love. How lucky is he?

            Since we’re in the middle of moving, we chose to stay in for our celebration. We had some steaks in the freezer that I asked Ryan to grill and I chose a crab mac andcheese recipe from the Dashing Dish website and also picked out a chocolateraspberry brownie from the same site!

            I wore the brightest combo of pinks and whites I could find and did eventually properly do my hair and makeup.

            Ryan went to the little market after work and grabbed some sparkling grape juice (because I totally forgot about it) and also found some thunder jack cheese! What is that, you might ask? We first learned about it at our small group a few weeks ago. One of the guys brought it, and I loved it. It’s kind of like pepper jack, but better. The cheese itself is a blend of Colby and Monterey Jack, and then there are peppers worked into it. It has a smoky flavor (to me, anyway) and it’s just so very delicious.

            We worked together to make our dinner and then ate at a cleared-off space on our dining room table.

            After dinner, we exchanged our gifts, which were both winners in my opinion! I gave Ryan an air frying basket for our oven. (Our oven has a built-in air fryer, but we’ve had trouble getting food to be really crispy in it. He is hopeful that a proper air frying basket will be the solution!) He gave me a beachy clock I’d seen and liked. It’s going to look perfect in the new house!

            We curled up on the couch to rest for a minute while we watched a TV show and may have fallen asleep when it ended. Then we rallied for our workout before the day was done.

            It wasn’t the most polished Valentine’s Day we’ve ever had, but it was still a very good day full of sweet memories. Probably won’t soon forget the year we were mid-move during Valentine’s Day! But what I loved most of all about the day was that I felt so known and loved by the one who shares my days. I am so very grateful for him and all he does every day to make life sweet. I'm also so very grateful he is willing to celebrate the extra-special days in fun ways!

A Final Hosting in This Home

            Our Bluffton home looks so bare and stark right now. All the wall art is safely tucked away in boxes, awaiting a move, and Ryan says the walls look diseased with all the mudded patches awaiting their sanding/repainting treatment. Smaller pieces of furniture have disappeared from their longstanding spaces, and not much about this space screams home anymore.

            It doesn’t bother us. It’s all part of the moving process. One house has to give up its rightful place so another house can be ready to receive a new mission. We’re excited about making the new house home, and we’re excited about decommissioning this space so someone else can make it home.

            One thing I’ve never done before is host company just days before a move, when everything is in disarray, including my brain.

            We did just that this past Sunday night. Our new friends who came to spend New Year’s Eve with us asked if we were watching the game, and Ryan invited them to join us to watch it. I warned them we were not at our prettiest right now, but of course they were welcome to come over if they wanted to, and they did!

            We decided to have a baked potato bar, so everyone could bring their favorite toppings and have a potato or two in whatever way they wished!

            I made peanut butter oatmeal cookies and a football shaped dessert dip. We had coffee, of course, and our friends also brought four bags of chips. (Apparently there is an episode of King of Queens where they eat a different kind of chip in every quarter of the game. We borrowed that idea!)

            I told Ryan earlier in the day that I’m thankful for how far I’ve come in my own mind and heart. The Bekah of years ago never would have dared to invite anyone into such chaos. To be able to say to new friends, “This is our mess. Welcome to it,” shows me I’ve grown, and I celebrate that.

            Lexi was beside herself with joy that we had friends over, though after a few hours of exuberance, she eventually tuckered right out and missed the whole end of the game.

            There are a million opinions on this game, its commercials, its halftime show, and its music. I think I’ll keep mine to myself because in truth, none of it really mattered to me. I had no investment in this event at all. Our team wasn’t in the game. I picked a team to root for, but I didn’t have a strong opinion. I laughed at some commercials and rolled my eyes at others.

            What I enjoyed most was spending the evening with friends and appreciating the opportunity to still share our home, even though it feels more like just a house at this point. (I'll share a couple pictures of Ryan and me here, but our friends are the non-social-media type, so just imagine them!)

            Looking forward to spending more time with more friends in a new space (once it’s fully constructed). Looking forward to more deeply appreciating the gifts God has given and will give. Looking forward to learning our new community and its people even more.

Bekah's Bookshelf: 2023 Reads So Far

 

            Before I found the reading challenge I decided to try this year, my first book of the year was going to be Redemptive Compassion by Lois Tupyi. Lois is a recently-retired Executive Director of a Love INC affiliate out in Idaho, and the topic of her book is required training for all Love INC staff, nationwide. Ryan and I both sat through some sessions on it in our training over the course of the last year, and I decided I wanted to read the book too.

            We ordered it in mid-December, but it took almost a month to arrive, so it actually became the third book I read in 2023, not the first.

            Even if you have no connection to Love INC (as I’m guessing most of you don’t), this book teaches some powerful principles that matter in the grand scheme of helping those in need. Lois learned, throughout her years of working at Love INC, that most methods used to help the needy don’t work. Well…they work if you want to meet the need in front of you. But they don’t lead to transformational change. They are usually just a handout, not a hand-up. The efforts to provide food, clothing, and financial help to those in crisis may help today, but next month, they’ll probably be back, in need of the same thing again.

            And so it goes, with generational poverty cycles never breaking, because everyone just comes to stand in the same line they’ve always stood in, which might have been the same ones their parents stood in.

            Redemptive Compassion is a Biblical exploration of how to love and serve those in our community and meet the needs they have, but also to create relationships with them that can help them make life changes to break patterns of need and destruction.

            This book is also a study guide, so it’s meant to be a six-week study (with readings and questions for five of seven days each week) that you can do alone or in a group. I read the book straight through, but now I’m going back through it, much more slowly, to marinate on the teaching, answer the questions, and imagine how this could look in the community we serve.

            In my opinion, the principles of redemptive compassion are kind of like courting vs. dating. I love what Lois teaches and I believe in the concept of the material she is presenting. But I also believe for it to work, you have to get a great number of people to believe it with you so you have a group of people operating with the same convictions and principles. If you try to do this alone, you won't get very far in your efforts. Perhaps that is the thing that frustrated me most about the book, honestly. I'm not sure most communities have that many people who desire to take these deeper steps. I

            The basis of her teaching is that handing out food, clothing, or money is what we usually do because it’s an immediate fix and it’s easy (assuming you have the resources). It doesn’t require long-term commitment or discomfort to the giver or recipient. Living according to redemptive compassion means you commit to being part of a relationship for the long-term, and that comes at a cost. Are you willing to pay that price? (And to be fair: Lois is not against handing out food, clothing, or money or ministries that offer such services. She just wants to explore how to take this a step further to help people change their lifestyle so they can break the cycle of generational poverty.) 

            Convicting questions, for sure. I’m thankful to be reading this book and learning more fully how to approach my own opportunities to give. I’m also intrigued to see how God uses these changes in thought-pattern for me as I serve in the months to come in whatever ways He asks!

            Here are a couple of quotes from the book that stuck out to me:

“If we want to see poverty change, we must change how we see poverty.”

“It’s not whether we fail, because we will all fail at times. It’s what we do with our failures that matter.”

“Could it be that if we don’t pray before we work we might do a good work, but not necessarily His work?”

            This book is thought-provoking, but it’s best explored slowly and not rushed through. There is so much to consider, and it might be even more impactful to read together with someone else!

**

            My next book for the year took me back to my reading challenge. I went to the “Award-Winning Nonfiction” book, and I chose Devotedly by Valerie Shepard. It was the 2020 Christian Book Award winner for the biography/memoir category, and it has been on my wish list ever since I learned it was being published! My parents bought it for me for Christmas, so now's the time to read!

            Some of you might be familiar with the names Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. As I shared in my post yesterday, back in the 1950s, when they were newlyweds with a baby, Jim was speared to death by members of a tribal group he was seeking to win to Christ. Elisabeth returned to serve the group who murdered her husband, and they did become Christians. Elisabeth went on to write many books, and I have long loved the first one of hers I ever read: Passion and Purity. It gives hints of her love story with Jim, and this book, Devotedly fills in the gaps of that love story. It's a compilation of excerpts from their journals and love letters and also includes detail added by their daughter, Valerie.  

            This book is best read slowly. I am not rushing through it, because I want to savor the story and the message it offers. It’s a longer book and the font is small, so it might take you a while to read it through, but I think it’s worth it.

            Jim and Elisabeth are known for their intense dedication to the Lord at any personal cost, and that shines brightly in this book – as I expected it would. I was so convicted, even as a married person, when I read the section about the early days of their friendship. Do I desire Ryan’s pursuit of the Lord as much as they desired that for each other?

            What I did not expect to find (but appreciated!) was the portion of their story where they grappled with their own desires pushing past their desire for the Lord. I think I might have forgotten they were human, and I found out they were. I read a review of this book where the reader was disappointed with them for having such desires and felt their entire story was a fraud. I wildly disagree. I am so thankful to find out that while their decision to follow Christ did rise above all personal desires, they DID struggle with personal desires. They were real! They were honest. THANK YOU! Just as I think we could all benefit from being more like them in our pursuit of God, I think we could also all benefit from being more like them in their vulnerable transparency.

            Even though I am not fully finished with the book, I wanted to share about it, because I think it is a worthwhile read. It is not your typical love story. It is deep and rich in ways most love stories are not. It shows a side of Christ-following not often seen in our present-day world. But it is worth the time and effort. I can see this being a book I return to over and over in years to come, because I won’t possibly be able to learn everything I need to know from the first read. In addition, this book has pushed me to want to read more books by Elisabeth (there are several!) and finish my copy of Jim’s journals. I began reading it years ago but never finished.

    I want to close with a couple of quotes from the book that I've underlined:

"Because we are not led to continue, we stop." (Ouch! I think I usually plow forward until stopped.)

"Intercession is the highest expression of love - it is pure giving. Teach me such love, dear Lord."

"How I despise myself when I get home here in quiet and think of the noise I've made."

Another Side of Love: Lessons from Jim and Elisabeth Elliot

 

            I know Valentine’s Day is not everyone’s favorite, and I want to make sure I don’t get too sappy in today’s post for those of you who feel the sting of this day.

            But for those of you who enjoy it – Happy Valentine’s Day!

            For the past few weeks, I’ve been slowly reading through Devotedly – the love story of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot. For those of you who don’t know, Jim and Elisabeth were missionaries to Ecuador in the 1950s, and Jim and some of the other men who were missionaries in that same area were speared to death by the people they were trying to reach for Christ.

            Elisabeth and their young daughter stayed and eventually saw the very men who killed Jim give their lives to the Lord. She went on to write a number of books and have a long and fruitful ministry.

            But because it was the 1950s and because Jim and Elisabeth spent much of their early “relationship” (even before it was defined as such) many miles apart, they wrote long letters full of discussion about their feelings toward love in general and toward one another. They also wrote detailed journals with their feelings, prayers, and wrestling.

            A few years ago, their daughter compiled some of the letters and entries to make a book that tells the beginning stages of their love story.

            The book is deep and rich, and that (combined with being in the middle of a move) has forced me to read slowly.

            I’m probably about ¾ the way through it, but I’m already deeply convicted about how I show love to Ryan. The book is not about monthiversaries and many of the things we hold dear in our life, but it is about praying and seeking the heart of God in relation to the person you love on this earth.

            Jim and Elisabeth knew early on they were attracted to each other, but they also both felt sure that the Lord had called them to mission work and that they probably shouldn’t marry anyone at all.

            Navigating the push and pull of their hearts toward one another while honoring what they sensed God asking of them took several years of their lives.

            Years.

            They grew to love each other deeply and wanted to spend time together in person, just like many of us do when we find ourselves drawn to someone.

            But above all, they wanted the other person to be following God, even if it meant they didn’t get their own way in a love story.

            That is powerful.

            Even though Ryan and I are married, I find myself asking as I read…Am I praying enough for his personal growth with God? Am I encouraging him to be the very best for the Lord he can be, regardless of what that means for me or for us as a couple?

            It’s not an easy or flippant prayer, but as I’m reading, I’m learning it is the most meaningful thing I could do for Ryan. To love him so much that I pray for God’s highest will for him to be done in his life…that is true love.

            And so, on this day of love, I celebrate Ryan and the story we share. I celebrate it in the traditional ways that we love. We have little gifts to exchange. We have a dinner planned for tonight. I won’t wear black today. But most of all, I want to honor him with my prayers and encouragement, just as Elisabeth encouraged Jim. I want to see blessings come on him because of his faithfulness to God above anything else. I want to love him in ways that matter for eternity. 

    Happy Valentine's Day, my friends!

Hymns: The Longer I Serve Him

 

I enjoyed many blessings growing up in the church of my childhood. I didn’t recognize them at the time, of course, because I was a typical child, caught up in the naivete of it all. But I see and appreciate them now.

            One of the things I have come to appreciate so much was the rich heritage of men and women who served the Lord and weren’t afraid to talk about it in front of those of us still learning what that meant.

            Our church had a time of sharing each week, and there were a handful of older people who could always be counted upon to stand and share something meaningful God had done. Sometimes they just affirmed how much they loved Him. It was somewhat of a game to me back then – guessing who would stand that week or the order in which they would pop up from their pews to say something.

            But I have never forgotten it. I can still see their faces and hear their voices when I think back to those days in that big sanctuary with its red carpet and pews.

            I don’t remember any of them specifically mentioning this particular song, but their words spoke to its message.

            It shouldn’t surprise you that the song is a Gaither piece. They are among my favorites, and I don’t apologize for it!

The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows
The more that I love Him, more love He bestows
Each Day is like Heaven, my heart overflows
The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.

            The truth of it is…I still feel much like the twenty—year old kid who just finished growing up in that church. But I’m just a few years older than that now, and I’m far enough down the road of faith that I can affirm that these words are true.

            Has every moment of serving Jesus been picturesque and easy? Absolutely not. There have been hard sections of the journey. But even in those, it has been sweet to belong to Him. In some of them, I’m not sure how I would have made it through the season if I hadn’t been walking with Him.

            Just yesterday, in fact, as Ryan and I drove to church, I felt the overwhelm of our current season settling in. I was sharing my heart with Ryan about how I was trying so hard to take all things in stride, but sometimes it’s not so easy. And even as I said that, I looked over, and the beginnings of a spectacular sunrise peeked over the horizon. A calm came over me, and I realized that once again, the sweetness grew like a sunrise.

            I can’t fully explain to you how it works. I can only affirm it does. This life I am living with Him is sweet and full of a completeness I don't understand. It is overwhelming in the most beautiful of ways. 

            Life isn’t always easy. But it’s absolutely true that the longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.

Sunday Sentiments: Take Time to Look

 

In my Bible study this year, I’m diving deeply into Exodus, and right now I’m studying the plagues. I told Ryan the other night I’m certain I would not have survived them.

            Water turned to blood? No thank you. I’m a really big fan of water. Blood makes me queasy. A whole river of blood? Scrape me up off the pavement.

            Frogs? I can’t even write about that one. Gnats? Disgusting. Flies? See gnats. Dead livestock everywhere? I feel like this would just bring on more gnats and flies. Boils? OUCH. Hail? What a mess! Locusts? Creepy. Darkness? Scared of it. And while I haven’t gotten to the death of the firstborn yet, I wouldn’t welcome that one either.

            But while I study these plagues, I’m paying close attention to the life of Moses. I’ve studied him before, but I am appreciating the new-to-me facets of his life I’m discovering as I read right now.

            One thing that caught my attention for the first time on this study was back in Exodus 3, when Moses saw the burning bush.

            “Moses said, ‘I will turn aside to see this great sight, why the bush is not burned.’ When the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush.”

            The first thing I thought when I read those verses was what if he hadn’t paused to look?

            What if he just kept going about his day and didn’t stop? Think of what he would have missed!

            Moses was willing to pause his day to take note of what God put in his path, and because he did, God called to him and changed the trajectory of his life.

            It made me wonder if I’m walking too quickly through my own life. Not that I think God has an actual burning bush to show me, but He might have other things for me that I absolutely don’t want to miss.

            I pray many things over my life, but right now, I’m praying extra that I will take time to slow down and look around me.  I want to “turn aside to see this great sight” if God puts something in my path.

            Don’t you?

Saturday Suggestions

Happy Saturday, friends! Hope you have had a great week. I've been in training all week to learn about federal grant proposals, so I am not sure how well my brain is working today. I hope it's working well enough to give you some fun finds today. Enjoy! 

ONE. 

Last Sunday, I told you about taking down our Christmas decorations and putting them away in tubs. I had mentioned this in an earlier post and had a question about my new labeling system, so I thought I’d tell you more about it! I’ve been learning the Canva website (canva.com) for social media posts for Love INC, and I have found I really enjoy using it. I found this spice jar label template in there and used it to make storage tub labels – just by changing the wording. (I printed it as a full page, so it’s easy to see…it’s not printed as a spice jar sized label.) I laminated each one and taped them to the sides of the tubs! (NOTE: I’m not sure if the link will show you the template if you don’t have a Canva login. Those are free to make, though! The template is called “Black White Clean Minimalist Printable Kitchen Pantry Storage Label.” Aren’t you glad you don’t have to answer its phone???)

TWO. 

Friendships are sweet…I wrote about that earlier this week. And isn’t it fun to give a friendship gift now and then? (One of my favorite things about being back in the land of the working is the ability to get a little gift to share now and then!) I found these adorable cutting boards on Etsy. “Friends are the family we choose.” YES!! I love that sentiment, and I love this sweet little gift. (Note: This shop has lots of cute boards for a variety of occasions, so if you’re looking for a gift idea in general, even if it isn’t for a friendship gift, you might find something here!)

THREE. 

When we first brought Lexi home, we relied on the gentleman at 3Lost Dogs to help us know some of the training tips we used in those early days. He has a lot of great articles on his site, but he also has coaching packages you can purchase, regardless of where you live! He can help you via Zoom! Having some additional help was worth every penny for us since we were brand new to all of it. If you are looking to be first-time puppy parents, we highly recommend the resources on this site!

FOUR. 

I talked earlier this week about some things I try to do when I start to panic over the chaos of life. This one wasn’t in the list, but I’m adding it now! Soft music is so helpful for me!! I stumbled upon this 45-minute recording of piano hymns, played by the amazingly talented Erin Paine. I played it more than once during the packing days lately, and it is so soothing. Check it out! (She has a cd option for purchase if that is more your thing.)

FIVE. 

When Ryan and I were married, one of our gifts was a big, beautiful picture frame that says “Love Lives Here.” It came from hobby Lobby, but I doubt they make that particular design anymore. It has been a decade, after all. But I love the saying “love lives here,” and every time I see the frame, I am reminded that Love is about action. Though I don’t know about finding the frame anymore, I did find this sign on Etsy that shares the sentiment. It could make a perfect last minute Valentine’s Day gift (though it might arrive late)!

SIX. 

I know Valentine’s Day can be a hard topic if you’re wishing for someone special to share the day but don’t have that person just yet. In my single years, I sometimes spent the day alone and sometimes spent it with friends. And now, we often spend it at home, just because restaurant crowds can be crazy. Here’s a menu idea I did once with a friend in my single days and once with Ryan since we’ve been married: fondue! It’s just plain fun food, and it’s yummy, too! Here’s asmall-scale recipe for white chocolate and regular chocolate fondue. If you want to try it out next week, it might be fun!

Date Night: Valentine's Day Preview!

 

We managed to squeeze in a date night this week, and it was fun and a blessing, timing-wise.

            Our church’s youth group had a fundraiser this week, and we wanted to go support them. (Most of our friends have children that age, so supporting them gives us the extra bonus of supporting our friends!)

            The meal was held in the activity center (which is basically a gym), and they had it decorated SO sweetly. Ambient lighting, candles on the tables, rose petals, pretty balloons…it was so nice! (I didn’t take any pictures of the décor specifically, because by the time we arrived, there were many people already eating, and I didn’t want to be the strange creeper girl.)

            Each place setting had a little menu on it, and we could choose the specifics for our meal – like the type of pasta or sauce we wanted. Teens came around with carts of salad, bread, and dessert, and they brought us our drinks, too!

            Everything was most delicious, and after our long. full days of work (Ryan) and class (me), we were grateful for a served meal!

            Our Sunday School teacher and his wife asked if they could join us, and we really enjoyed talking to them while we ate. We learned more about their work and family and they had a chance to catch up on our seemingly-ever-changing lives.

            It’s been quite a while since I went to a fundraiser pasta dinner. I do remember serving one when I was a teen, and I can assure you it was not nearly this polished or seamless.

            It was a different kind of date night, but it was much fun and for a great cause!

Depth of Love

 

            Ryan is a great demonstrator of deep love. He does it so well, and I always find myself convicted (in the best way) to improve how I show love to him and others.

            As you know, we’re in the middle of crunch time over here, trying to get everything packed and ready to move – and get the house finished ahead of said move!

            Last Friday was a rough day. Ryan and I did a very long workout Thursday night that was (surprisingly) a lot of fun in the moment, but the next morning, my neck and shoulders ached SO much. I tried everything I knew to do, but my head and neck still hurt.

            I had a miscommunication with a friend that left me in tears. I felt like I was struggling to grasp a simple thing at work. So many little pieces just piled up. None of them were earth shattering, but when stacked on top of one another, they were maddening.

            Ryan called on his way to the lake after work, and we talked for a few minutes. I asked if he’d arrived safely, and he said yes, so I went back to work and plodded ahead toward the end of my day.

            I heard a car door and glanced over to the neighbors’ house to see who had come home. I didn’t see anyone, so I looked in our driveway to see if someone was here. I didn’t see a car, so I figured someone down the road must really be slamming doors hard!

            Then I heard Lexi starting to lose her mind out in the living room. I went out to see what she’d spotted in the yard, and there stood Ryan, in the living room, smiling at me and holding out a Coke.

            I screamed, because I thought he was an intruder, but as soon as I recovered from that, I just melted into a puddle. How SWEET was he? I knew he had so much to do at the lake and such specific plans to cross off his list that night. I managed to ask what he was doing here, and he said, “You need me more than the house does tonight.”

            Oh the depth of sacrificial love.

            He handed me the Coke, which got me through the rest of the work day. Then we banded together to pack boxes and take apart furniture. He ordered my favorite pizza for dinner, and then we loaded up part of the guest bed and drove it over to the lake to place it in its new room.

            I can’t explain what a blessing it was to have half a piece of furniture at home in its new space. I asked Ryan to take my picture with it – a trophy of sorts.  He chuckled and said, “It’s half a bed. It’s not even a WHOLE thing.” I told him I didn’t care. It was hope.

            Ryan and I are cut from the same cloth when it comes to marking items off lists. Success matters, and anything else smells like defeat. It meant everything to me that he was willing to sacrifice a critical evening of work at the lake to make sure something went right in my day. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t expect it. But I treasured it deeply.

            Thanks, Ryan! Thanks for loving me so well at all times. You are my favorite!

Five Strengthening Tips for Stressful Seasons

 

            I’m not sure how I made it through our engagement season without breaking down from the overwhelm of it all. Two hours of driving each day plus the eight-hour work day. Planning the wedding. Attending the showers. Writing the thank-you notes. Making physical room for Ryan’s possessions. Squeezing in time to date and cultivate our relationship as we moved toward the wedding day…it was a full, full season.

            There were times when I couldn’t catch a deep breath and I’m sure my health took a bigger hit than I realized in the moment. The stress was real and manifested itself strongly.

            The details differ, but we all have seasons like that in the ebb and flow of life. Currently, we are in the final stretch of packing to move, and this will be the first time we have ever moved while I am fully employed on both sides of that move. I am learning a new job. We have a puppy who needs our attention. And yet family celebrations continue, our friends want time with us, and we have responsibilities at church and in our community. We want to navigate this season well, even though there are days when we feel like we are drowning in the muchness of it all.

            I am writing this post for myself more than anyone else, but if you’re in a season of stress yourself maybe it can help you too! Here are five things I’m doing my best to hold onto, even when it feels like my days are spinning out of control.

1, Make time for God. No matter how many things my to-do list holds for each day this month, I refuse to surrender my Bible study and prayer time. It may feel like that’s an easy thing to defer to tomorrow, but I need that time more than ever. It’s true that I may not dive in as deeply, and I may struggle to absorb as well. But I’m showing up. I will read and study and journal and pray. I will go to church. I need that time of learning and fellowship. It’s a non-negotiable.

2. Take a few minutes for fun. I know I won’t have any spare time this month. That is not an exaggeration, though I realize it sounds like one. If the moment doesn’t hold something, I need to be holding a box and a tape roller. That’s how hard I need to work at packing and moving. But for the sake of my mental health, I need to MAKE a few minutes for fun every day. It might be a scrapbook spread or writing a page in a project. My mind NEEDS that escape. This is how I relieve stress, and it’s important that I make time for it. I might not have a half hour to devote to it, but I can give it ten minutes! And ten minutes of a break might give me ten hours of brain power to keep going!

3. Praise through the panic. When I feel that knot in my throat and know I’m crossing a stress threshold, I will choose to find some way to praise the Lord. Maybe I’ll listen to worship music. Maybe I’ll pray. But changing my thoughts will become imperative! This is not my natural reaction, but I want it to be!

4. Say no. This one won’t always be possible, but I need to use it when I can. I’m such a people-pleaser and want to accommodate everyone. Unfortunately, in this stretch of time, that won’t be possible. There will be things I/we have to be part of that we don’t have time for, but not showing up won’t be an option. There will be other things we want to do…but we just can’t this time. We are grateful for the friends and family who understand that and know we’ll catch the next round! The more we can say no until this round of stress has passed, the healthier we will be!

5. Remember: it’s a season. These sorts of times come around every so often. We lived through it when we were double-commuting. And then we changed our lifestyle so that wasn’t a thing anymore. We lived through the stress of taking care of Ryan’s mom when she was so sick. We knew we needed to be present for the remainder of her days, and we were. We made it through when we were at WillowBridge and didn’t always have backup. And we’ll make it through again now.

            Remember that although some seasons are full, how often you hit those seasons can partially be up to you. Beyond-your-control events aside, you have the opportunity to decide how busy you want your life to be. If you can’t ever catch your breath, it might be time to slow down a bit. There aren’t any awards, I’ve been told, for being the busiest or accomplishing the most. (That was disappointing news. I wanted to win!)

A Year with Lexi: How a Dog Changed Our Lives!

 

It’s been almost thirteen months since we brought Lexi home to be our puppy. It was the first time either of us had ever parented a dog from its infancy, and neither of us had a clue what we were doing.

            We had done unending amounts of research. I stuck to what I knew best: Pinterest. Ryan watched hours of YouTube videos, learning behaviors and how to train. We read dozens of articles to learn what things we really needed and what things we really didn’t. In typical new-parent fashion, we ordered some things based on practicality and others based on cuteness.

            She was trembling from a fresh bath when we arrived, and our friends placed her in Ryan’s arms. He held her shaking little body while I tied her “Lexi” bandana around her neck. I wrapped her in a pink princess blanket, and we posed for our first picture together with her.

            And then we drove home, stopping for coffee on the way, because we figured she needed to learn the importance of that immediately. We came home and launched into introducing her to everyone at WillowBridge – and showing her where her bed, potty, and water dish were located.

            Our pup-ternity leave lasted about three days, and we devoted every minute to making her feel safe and loved, training her, and taking a ridiculous number of photos.

            And now we’re a year into this puppy life. It’s been, in some ways, everything we thought it would be, and in other ways, nothing at all like we thought it would be. Our lives have changed in every way, and for those of you who are, perhaps, considering a puppy, I thought I’d share our experience on the first year of puppy-hood.

·         We thought it would be a lot of work. It has been much more than we even thought. Part of this is Lexi herself. She is smarter than we knew she would be. Sometimes that works to our advantage. Potty training went magnificently, and I think it’s because she’s so smart. Behavior is sometimes a challenge, and I know it’s because she’s so smart. We've been advised that if we work hard, we will have a great dog in the long term. But we're still in the short term, where staying "on" all the time matters to create good habits. It's like a newborn, toddler, and teenager, all rolled into one.

·         We thought we would love her. We love her much more than we knew we could. Both of us have admitted we did not know it was possible for us to love a dog this much. Her devotion to us and her sweet, adoring eyes are too much for us to handle. I’ve told Ryan dozens of times that any bad day we may have is instantly cured by her exaggerated jumps of love that greet us when we arrive home. 

·         Asking for help was the best thing we ever did. We had purchased an online training package before we even brought her home, and it was immensely helpful in those first weeks. Our one-on-one sessions with the trainer told us that we needed to actually lower our expectations and let her be a puppy. We also received help with in-person training from professionals who knew how to circumnavigate her intelligence when it crossed into manipulation. (Yes, that is an actual thing.)

·         We knew people would have opinions, but we didn’t know they would be so varied – and so easily expressed. That has probably been harder for me than it has been for Ryan. I take things more personally. Regardless of what we choose to do, we know someone won’t approve. We stand by the decisions we’ve made in how we train and raise her and in the habits we use in our home. They work for all of us – Lexi included. I don’t know that my skin has thickened. I think I just share less so I don’t receive backlash. That may be the hardest part, actually.

·         She has far more energy than we ever knew she could have. We’ve been told puppyhood lasts three years. We’re a third of the way there. She has calmed considerably from where she was at this time last year, and we are glad for that! (I was literally wearing winter gloves in the house this time last year, because she was teething SO HARD. I also had to tie up all my long cardigans, because she hung off them using her teeth. And I couldn’t wear shorts because she scratched and nipped at my legs, and it HURT!) But she still gets the zoomies sometimes. She still wants to run at full speed always. (When she catches you in the back of the legs at full force, it about knocks you over. This is also why we hesitate to leave her with people. I’m afraid she’ll love them so hard, she’ll knock them over!)

·         Our time is no longer our own. We have to carefully calculate how many hours we are going to be gone from home at a time. We can’t take long day trips anymore unless we are willing to board her or can take her to our destination. That has probably been the biggest change for us. We are praying God sends us a “Ryan and Bekah” who can be her second home like we were for Phoebe! 

·         She has an actual personality just like people do. She is a scheduled dog through and through, which is great, because that’s how we prefer to live. But the moment we change up the schedule, she is lost. It blows my mind how much a change in routine affects her, but it absolutely does. She also seems to understand when I tell her we are going to be gone for a while, and if I do that, she handles our exit with no complaints. But I’m not kidding…if I fail to mention it, everything falls apart when we try to go! How is this possible? But it is! She also knows words and places and people and loves with her whole heart - and person. (Just ask Braeya. Lexi loves her with wild tail wagging and squeals of joy. Braeya loves quietly and from a distance.) 

We love our girl so fiercely and are so thankful she is part of our home. Before she was born, I prayed God would give us the puppy we needed for the life we have. It’s been a growing and humbling experience to train and parent this sweet, energetic, full-of-life baby girl, but I believe God answered our prayers in beautiful ways!