Birthday Girl!

Christina - this one is for you. Remember my trip to Ivanhoes for my birthday? STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.

You must try this. It took me three meals to finish it. So worth the fat grams.

My gift from Marie - well, part of my gift from Marie.

This is a book called Beautiful by Beth Redman. Can't wait to read it!

Braeya, of course, thought the bag was for her. She probably thought there was food inside.

What a helper girl. (Eyeroll.)

I've Been Tagged!

Before I got caught up in the busyness of my birthday and my trip to Kansas, I was tagged by Fellow blogger Amy C. I didn't have time to respond to my tag until now...but I'm using my day off work to catch up on everything, so here goes!

The Rules:

1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my eight facts!

1. I have ADD for furniture arrangements. It is highly unusual for me to leave a room arranged the same way for very long. I am attempting to break this habit by arranging my master bedroom in such a way that the bed must ALWAYS stay in the same place to fit with something that must hang on a certain wall. I've survived almost a year. We'll see how it goes after that.

2. I'm addicted to cold coffee drinks. I never drank coffee at all until after college when I had to give up Mountain Dew. And I love a good boring cup of coffee...but I also love a fru-fru coffee drink with the ice and the whipped cream and the caramel drizzle....lowfat, of course!

3. I bit my nails until junior high. At that time, my friend Cyndi inspired me with her long nails, and I convinced myself to forfeit my nasty habit. I actually grew my nails out longer than hers! I keep them fairly short now, but it is RARE that you'll see me without nail polish! I love my nails!

4. For my birthday, I received a beach towel to replace one I've been using since SECOND GRADE! I took swimming lessons and Mom promised me a beach towel if, at the end of the lessons, I could swim so many strokes. I did it and got my towel...which I still have AND use. Finally I asked for a replacement. I'm excited about that since tonight is the grand finale party of our Ladies Bible Study, and the hot tub will be open! :D

5. I can't ride amusement park rides. Not even the carousel. They make me dizzy and sick to my stomach. (Keep that comment to yourself, Phats.) My last ride was when I was a kid and I was on some spinny, flippy ride. Couldn't wait to be done and at the end of the ride they gave us a free second round. No more after that.

6. I started stamping in high school. All my friends could either sing or draw, and I had no talent. I was in a craft store one day and saw rubber stamps...and decided that would be my new hobby. It didn't require much talent. Little did I know how out of control it would get. But most of the time, it keeps me out of trouble.

7. I've never been to Florida. Most people have been to Disney at some point in their life - and if not, at least inside the state of Florida. I never have been there. That surprises most people.

8. When I was a kid, I had a chihuahua named Lassie. She was a gift for my birthday when I was about 6, and I loved that dog so much! Lassie was my favorite TV dog, and I didn't care that my Lassie wasn't a collie. Best dog we ever had...and one day she came up missing. We think a bigger animal got her. That was an awful day. I still miss her!

Okay...I tag the following people:

Phats

Cara

Jenna

Lori (of the Hutchins Family)

Christina

Deb

Angela

Jaena

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Some weeks I sit here and try to pick through the corners of my brain to think of even one thing worth writing about…and today I have so many thoughts zooming through, I can’t pin one down long enough to make a coherent bit of anything.

This week, I flew to Kansas to spend a few days with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece. The trip was a good one…if good is an appropriate word to use, considering the circumstances. The things I have to share are rather scattered, so I’ll just make a list of the things that stood out the most from this week. And maybe by the time I come back next week, I’ll have enough of a collected brain to get back to writing like normal.

* The pictures I’d seen, both on the news and from the three rolls of film my Mom and Dad brought back from their trip, adequately prepared me for what I saw in person. It was just bigger in person. The strangest feeling was walking up and down the streets and staring at the rubble and feeling guilty for staring at people’s personal lives. A widespread invasion of privacy.

* The strength of spirit in this town is just amazing. Obviously they hurt, but everywhere you went, there were signs that said things like “Newly installed skylight” or “For Sale: Indoor Pool.” And nearly anyone you talk to, no matter how much they’ve lost, will insist that they are among the fortunate and that so many more are in much worse shape.

* I rode with Lori out to the home of some people who are keeping the belongings they were able to salvage. To see their entire home reduced to less than a quarter of a 2 ½ car garage was a little tough to swallow. It made me want to come home and pack up a big chunk of my house and drive it out to them.

* Even as I sit here writing this, I’m glancing around my own house and feeling the need to start a list of what I have, so that if the need for it should ever arise, I’d have it – because watching them try to remember what was in the house was overwhelming to me. Magnify that by 10,000 and that’s the sense of being overwhelmed that they feel.

* Several times throughout the week, I listened to them remember something else that they’d not seen…and the mix of sadness and resignation became a familiar event by the end of the week.

* I came home with a sense of “I want to be like my big sister.” Right there in the middle of loss, she offered up her borrowed bed to her company, spent some of her money on a birthday gift for me, made it her mission to have meals at home for us – and not off the Red Cross wagon, and even made sure we got free t-shirts for our volunteer efforts. Amazing.

* Speaking of volunteer efforts, I did spend a morning helping with cleanup. I took a picture, as I’m sure many of you are skeptical of my participation in manual labor. It was hard to just pick up trash…I wanted to dig and find a treasure. But most of the treasure finding had passed by the time we arrive. But I did find a couple of Cassie’s sports medals!

* While I was out in that part of Kansas, I was able to spend about an hour visiting with my former pastor’s wife, Naomi. When I’d flown out last fall to watch Cassie play volleyball, Mom and I went to see Fred and Naomi. I’d not seen them – probably since I was in elementary school and they moved on from our church. Less than a month after that visit, Pastor Fred died. I was so glad we’d gotten to see them then, and I was excited to see Naomi again. She and I chatted about life, Fred, and a little bit of everything else.

* I also learned, in non-tornado-related news, that I actually do enjoy flying! I wasn’t sick this time, so the take-off wasn’t nearly so painful. AND – the best perk of the whole trip – on our very last flight, we were upgraded to first class! THAT is the way to go. Ahhh, the leg room, the elbow room, the snacks, and the real glasses! Amazing. Not sure how it happened, but YAY!!!

I’m sure there’s much more that I’m forgetting…but that was the week in a nutshell. Hopefully by next week, my normal brain cells will be back in place and I can once again write something sensible!

The New Normal

Well, I've had a few hours' sleep, anyway, and I think I'm coherent enough to write for real. :)

When Julie and I arrived on Wednesday, we had no idea what we would do while we were out here. As you've seen from the pictures I've posted, Lori and Jeff's house site and the church site are already dozed and cleaned up. There's still debris (or as some person wrote on a work order form, debree) scattered everywhere, but the digging sort of work was done before we arrived. So here's an idea of some of the things we've done and seen since we arrived. These things, I call the new normal.

We helped Lori spend the second half of her voucher at Wal Mart. I learned that the Wal Mart out here doesn't make me nearly so crazy as the one at home. My job was to run the calculator, so it was a lot like my normal grocery shopping adventure. She had a designated amount of money she was allowed to spend, and whatever she didn't spend, she lost. We came within seven cents, I believe. As we walked around and shopped, we also looked for things they used to have in their house so we could write down brand names and replacement value costs for the insurance papers.

Lori and Jeff do have a new (to them) car, and Cassie does too. But because of the mess in town, they're still using the loaner cars when they drive over there. Good thing, too, because the loaner van got a flat tire our first day here. Lori said it's weird to see everyone in new and borrowed cars. This is a town where everyone knew everyone by what they drove, and now nobody is recognizable anymore.

The town businesses had a meeting the other night in which they had to declare whether they were staying, leaving, or unsure. I think Lori indicated most planned to stay and rebuild. The co-op/grain elevator is already rebuilding, since wheat harvest is in a month.

When we drove through town yesterday, new poles had been set up and the electricity guys were up at the top putting up new wires. The water guys were testing water at hydrants. So life is rebuilding, some.

Like I said, we did get to tour their property, and I think we're going back today. I took a picture, which I'll post when I get home, that shows the basement of the church. It is the official storm shelter in town now, because it still has a roof - or rather the church upstairs still had a cement slab floor. I think it has yet to be inspected, but for now, in a flattened town, it's the best they have. The basement is damaged, but it is still there!

While pilfering around the property, I found a single page from a hymnal. It's the song Be Still My Soul. I thought that was pretty appropriate. I took it for my scrapbook.

Yesterday, Julie and I went with Cassie to Dodge City, about 50 miles away, to watch Cassie's boyfriend in a golf tournament. We only watched the last 3 holes, I think, because we didn't go until the end, but he did pretty well! Titlelist (not sure I spelled that right...golf is so not my thing) donated new clubs to the team, since theirs were blown away. I thought that was really nice! Anyway, that was my first and last time on a golf course. Nice experience, but no thank you.

When we came home, we helped Lori work on the cleaning of salvaged treasures. They washed stuffed animals and dishes, and my job was to pull pictures from album sleeves and determine which ones could be saved and which ones could not. I took pictures of all that, too. I'll post them later.

I'm not quite sure what we're doing today, besides going back over to tour/take more pictures. Tomorrow is the rescheduled graduation, and I think we're going before we fly home. I could be wrong.

So that is life here...in the new normal.

Meeting the President

My cousin, Shari, found this picture on the White House website, so I ferreted around this morning and found it too. :) This is a group of the ministers, I believe, praying with the president, the day he visited Greensburg.

The guy in the burgundy jacket on the right is Jeff. I think this is the jacket that he got for free - it's a Hardee's jacket that says "Russ" on the front. So now my sister calls him Russ. She calls him that so much, I'm starting to forget it's not really his name.

Big Week!

It has been a big week! Here are some highlights:

Monday was my birthday...I turned the big 2-9. I had a great day - despite being required to report for duty at work. Actually, work was great. I didn't get any upset phone calls, and the office threw me a little party. My friend Olivia went to lunch with me, and then my parents and my friend Marie took me out for dinner at Ivanhoes. I resigned myself to being an official grown up after I found myself thrilled to finally receive a Swiffer Wet Jet for a gift. :) And socks.

Tuesday I branched out and drove to my sister's house. Note to those who don't know...I despise driving in cities and refused to do it most of the time. But I had a big trip coming up and the easiest way to start it was to spend the night at her house. I survived the drive...and didn't even throw up! It wasn't without its scary moments, but I did it.

While there...I watched the American Idol show. Obviously it's a little late now for a rundown, but I thought Melinda had a rocky start and Jordin had a super night. I thought Blake should have gone home...but I'll get back to that.

Wednesday I did another grown up thing and boarded a plane. Note to those who don't know...my feelings for flying are similar to my feelings for driving in cities. But my sister Julie and I decided we needed to visit Kansas ourselves, and with our work schedules, flying was the only way to go. (And I boarded the plane hoping it would not be my way to go. Or my time.)

The flights were very successful. I learned on this, my second adventure in flying, that flying as a well person is better than flying as a sick person. I didn't mind it nearly as much. We arrived in Kansas about noon and drove to meet my sister and niece for lunch before touring Greensburg.

I was nervous about how I would react to seeing all this in person. I'd heard it was worse than the pictures. But I think my parents, who told me that, underestimated the amount of time I'd spent looking at pictures online and watching the news. I was very prepared for what I saw. Seeing it live is overwhelming in that you can't turn to the right or to the left and get away from it, like you can on TV. It's literally everywhere. But I didn't even cry (close your jaws, those of you who know what a water works girl I am) - and I felt very prepared.

There are great signs of new life in this town. There's pain and hurt...and I won't minimize that, because to do so would be wrong. Life has forever changed and normal is now a very different thing than it used to be. But there are sprigs of hope. I'll blog more about it later.

Lori, Jeff, and Cassie have moved out of the house they initially stayed in and are now staying with a couple in a big old house with lots of character. I really like it. We're staying here with them, and I was able to get online for a bit to try to catch up on life in Bekahland and beyond.

I think I'll be able to get on here again before I go, so maybe I'll be able to put more coherent thoughts down. (I haven't slept well since Friday night, so my brain is gone.)

Just wanted to say hi! OH! And if you want to see what I would have written about American Idol results, had I been able to get online then, go over to Christina's post (she's a link on the side) and read her post. I "amened" it.

More Cleanup Pictures on the MDS Site

My parents' friend, Sharon, has been reading my blog to stay up on life in Kansas, and she emailed me this link that I'd not seen yet (getting lazy in my searching, I guess). Thank you so much, Sharon! And welcome to Bekah's Blog! :)

http://www.mds.mennonite.net/Projects/Greensburg__KS

There are two galleries (one on top of the other) that have many great pictures of different homes, stories, and cleanup efforts in Greensburg. MDS helped clean up so many homes and were/are a huge help to the residents and members of the congregation!

The first several pictures in gallery 2 are of my family - and there are cleanup pictures different from the ones I have posted. (Hey Lori! When you get back to reading this one...nice Trio shirt! Where'd you get it?)

Pictures Have Arrived...and An Update

Good evening! I feel like I just posted 497 posts...but I wanted to try to give you several different angles of things you've not seen on the news, and I wanted to group them together in "stories."

Mom brought over a stack-o-pictures today, and I must compliment her on doing a GREAT job with the photography. She's been known to behead people in photos....

I talked to Lori and Cassie this evening and both seemed in really great spirits. Cassie was able to get a car, which is a huge blessing to her. Being a teenager and stuck at home is really no fun. They hadn't planned on getting one for her just yet but God worked out the perfect opportunity, so they did! Cassie was also very excited to have a hairdryer. Hey, I hear her there. I'd have probably forfeited an underwear rotation for a hairdryer. (I'm KIDDING!)

Lori is going to start helping with some of the volunteer efforts - that's my sister for you! Out of a home and giving of her time anyway. I'm proud of her.

They were able to move into temporary home #2 today, so she spent some time organizing what she does have.

Below are several posts of pictures - hopefully you'll be able to click and enlarge some.

Refuge

This picture looks directly in on the spot where they took refuge. It is a picture taken from the back porch, looking down into the basement. Right behind that center board, you can see a tan oval - it's the toilet seat. Cassie sat there with Midnight in her lap and her parents on either side.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;

His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart...

Psalm 91:1-4

Thank you, God, for covering my family with Your wings.

I love You.

The Aftermath...Help Has Arrived

Dad and Cassie took a break to get some lunch during cleanup.

I posted earlier about the "mall" that had been set up so those in need could receive everything from food to clothing to a new drivers license. Here is a picture of the mall.

The Aftermath...Misc.

Several of their belongings ended up caught in pine trees at the edge of their property. I believe this is taken there. The shirt was one of their Super Bowl shirts. My other sister, as I understand it, has already sent replacements.

Lori's sense of humor, ever at work. She put out her yard sale sign.

The Aftermath...of Lori's School

My sister was a teacher's aide in the elementary school. Mom said amazingly enough, this was one of the better looking classrooms. This is her room - she is standing by her desk. She found her box of animal crackers, so she took them, because the tour of town made her hungry. Everything IN her desk was still in it - including her recess whistle.

The hallway leading to her classroom. I walked down this very hall last September when I visited for Cassie's volleyball games. This was a very sad picture for me to see. (Not that other ones weren't...)

The Aftermath...of the Church

This is the church from a bit of a distance. If you look way in the back, you can see the cars that were under the car port. As you can see...literally nothing was left standing. In the front of the picture...the little pile of bricks...is the sign for the church.

This gives another angle to a picture I'd posted a few days ago (that I found on the MDS website). The red is the carpet to the sanctuary - and you can see a few pews in this one.

Amazing the things that survive unscathed...in the cabinet of the fellowship hall...unbroken glass dishes.

Beams to the sanctuary. Mom and Dad said they only found 3 or 4. This boggled my mind. Those dishes weren't broken and it tossed beams like a boomerang.

The Aftermath...of the "Jump"

I hope I can explain this one well enough for you to understand. This first picture was taken from the back porch steps looking down into the basement. If you look to the left, you will see the bathroom where they were hiding during the storm. The pink towel is kind of over the sink area...you can see the cabinets there. To the far left is the shower, and then if you look just under the green towel, you'll see the tan cover of the toilet seat. That's where they all huddled.

Now, if you look to the right side of the picture, you will see planks. the top part of the picture is the top of the stairs that led up from the basement. The bottom part leads to the steps. As you can see (the planks weren't there after the tornado...) they had to jump from the stairs to the steps because the floor that led from one to the other was completely gone. They did this in the dark with only a flashlight.

This is the same thing from the front porch...you can see the carpet ripped off the top two steps , the planks and then behind that white wall to the right is the bathroom. You can see what I think would be the washer and dryer to the left of the stairway. That would mean they fell from directly above.

The Aftermath...of the Cars

In one of the pictures I posted earlier (I'd found it on the MDS website) - I mentioned the cars in the background. I thought the van was my sister's. And it was. Here are the same cars from the front. Clearly, they are totaled. Just to give you an idea...they had been parked under the carport of the church.

And here's a front view of their other two cars in the garage. In front of them...actually not a deep freeze as you might think. (They had one sitting right about there, but they have yet to find it. Found the meat that was in it...by smell.) This was the refrigerator from their kitchen. If you look closely, you can see the drink dispenser on the door. That was a new purchase within the past six or so months.

The Aftermath...of the House

Here are some views of their home itself. I'll do my best to give you some perspective.

This first picture is where part of the upstairs (primarily the kitchen) fell into the basement. You can see the car in the background - and it is up in the garage (or rather, on the slab that once was the garage). All this stuff fell down into the "great room" part of the basement. You can see the kitchen chair...some cabinets...and the ironing board, which I'm guessing fell from the laundry room next to the kitchen. Somewhere it lost its cover.

This is the house from the street level. As you can see...it was truly "gone."

One of the last pictures Mom took before she left. After they were done pilfering, the MDS crew cleaned out the entire basement of all debris. Lori and Cassie are standing where the bathroom had been - where their lives were saved. You can see the bathroom plumbing pipe behind them and the back door stairs above their heads. The two "sticks" in the middle are, I believe, support beams that were in the "great room" of the basement to support the ceiling.

Okay So Maybe I Didn't Make the USA Today, But...

Back on April 18th, I wrote a post about how I was mentioned in the editorial of the Sojourn, which is the campus newspaper. I said it wasn't quite the USA Today, but it was close.

Well, Jeff really did make it into the USA Today - today. You can go here to read the article about yesterday's community church service. In the picture, you can see the backs of some of the ministers. The one in the blue t-shirt that says "Blackburn" is Jeff. He's not quoted in the article, but he is in the picture!

Tornado Update

I promise the pictures do exist. Mom says I should have them by tomorrow, so I'll be able to spend some time posting tomorrow evening.

Meanwhile, the newspaper had a pretty nice article in today's paper. You can find it here. There aren't any pictures with the article, but it does tell the story from Jeff's perspective. I learned a couple of things I'd not heard before, at any rate.

I talked to Lori yesterday and asked how the town meeting went Friday night. She said the mayor announced he already had his building permit and was planning begin reconstruction on his home soon. (Nice symbolism of leadership!) They were able to turn on the lights at the baseball diamond (I think that was the place she said) - so there's at least that much functioning electricity in town. Dillons, the supermarket, announced its intention to rebuild. She said she imagined that meant the Kwik Shop would also be back, because they are under the same ownership. The Kwik Shop is the convenience store. A girl after my own heart, Lori appreciates the need for fountain drinks. :) She also said the kids have been promised a bigger, better school than the one they had before.

In other "nice" news, she told me that the phone company has stopped billing the town effective the night of the tornado. They have also offered to forward original home phone numbers to new, temporary dwellings if people wish to have that done. She explained that typically, the surrounding towns are long distance from each other but have temporarily been switched to local calling to make it easier for family and friends to stay connected in this time. She was able to set up a post office box - free of charge for two months. A big thank you to the phone company and post office for making these services available!

No decisions have been made yet regarding their church. It is still too overwhelming for the congregation. They're focusing on trying to clean up their homes.

I realize that's not a ton of information, but it is what I have for now!

Sunday, May 13, 2007

I’ve done so much writing this week to keep everyone up to date on life after a tornado…that I wasn’t sure what was left to say for today’s “official writing.” I wanted to say something non-tornado related, something fun, something different.

This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while now, since one of my blogging buddies did something similar on her blog, and I decided this was the perfect week to make such a list of my own. I call it “Bekah by the Numbers.”

73. Number of cents I spend on my daily Polar Tea. Okay, they’re really called Polar Pops, but I gave up pop for the year, so my 32 ounce cup contains tea. And by the way, not that I’m bitter, but inside of a week ago, that number was only 63. Did I mention it went to 73 with NO warning?

41. Number of years my mother had been alive when I showed up. Say it with me: woops!

29. Number of years I have lived on this earth – effective tomorrow.

27. Number of articles I have sold in my lifetime. I probably shouldn’t admit it is that low…if I’d worked harder, I could have sold a lot more. But still, that’s pretty good!

20. Number of dollars I spent on a $100 mirror I found at Hobby Lobby. It had a chip out of the top of the frame, so it was marked down. Once I hung it up, you couldn’t even see the chip. I love Hobby Lobby sales! (Oh, and by the phrase “I hung it up,” I actually mean “Dad hung it up.”)

16. Number of completed scrapbooks I own. I also have 2 in progress and several more that I’ve given away after I made them. Roll your eyes if you like, but there are worse addictions. I promise you.

11. Number of years I took piano lessons. Also the number of years I didn’t apply myself, so you can’t really tell I took lessons for that long. I can pick out a tune, but I’m not proficient by any means.

10. Number of dollars off a $10 or more purchase at Fashion Bug…my favorite coupon to receive in the mail. Also one of my greatest challenges. I will scour that store from top to bottom and try to walk out with the most things in the bag after spending the least amount of money. I’ve found some great deals!

9. Number of years I had been alive when I dealt with my first babysitting emergency. I was watching a baby in the church nursery right before church began, and he had a seizure. I remained calm until help had been summoned. Then, in true Bekah fashion, I fell apart completely.

8. Number of hours a day I’m on the clock. Sometimes it ends up being more than that – during busy season – but lately we’ve been lucky enough to not be so overwhelmed.

7. Number of days between my birth and my oldest sister’s graduation from high school. Needless to say, it was a rather busy week for my Mom. Leave it to me to create chaos from the start. Drama, drama, drama.

6. Number of weddings in which I have been an attendant. Each one contained such treasure filled stories…I’ve written about them before. In wedding number seven, I’d like to be at the front of the line wearing white, please.

5. Number of rooms I lived in during my college years. My freshman year, I moved from one room to another at the semester break, but then I lived in the second room until the end of my sophomore year. Then I lived in a room in an apartment for my junior year, moved to another apartment for the summer between my junior and senior year, back to the first apartment room for my senior year…and then ended up in a room by myself for the last semester of my senior year.

4. Number of rooms in my home that I have painted thus far. I’m taking a break from painting this year to spend my money on more “fun” things…like new tires, an electrician, and the sewer guy. But never fear. Painter Bekah SHALL return.

3. Number of childbirths I have attended in my lifetime. By far, three of the most amazing experiences of my entire life as well.

2. Number of cats who live in my house. In case you’ve forgotten the particulars, Kaegan is six, and Braeya just turned one.

1. Number of rough draft, book-length manuscripts I’ve completed. My goal is to pursue publication on it this year. Scares me to death, but kind of exciting at the same time!

0. Number of times I’ve seen the ocean. This is a definite “must do” for me at some point in my lifetime! Can’t wait!

I’m sure there are many things I should have put on the list but they didn’t occur to me. Maybe “Bekah by the Numbers” will return sometimes with more trivia!

Birthdays!

While I wait on tornado pictures, here are some recent pics from life at my house.

My first birthday gift this year was from Angela - who used to be my roommate. I loved this gift, not only because I love the gift, but because of the reason she gave it to me. I sent my stuffed bunny, Hippity, out to Kansas to comfort Cassie. Hippity was the bunny that got me through college...got our whole suite through college. Now he has moved on to other missions. Angela knew I sent him and went to Build A Bear to build me a new bunny. He's GREAT!

The night of the tornado (also Lori's birthday) was Braeya's first birthday - here are some pictures from her big evening. A box of kitty treats from my parents. (She's part pig, so she was extremely interested in this.)

A distraction for hours on end...the gift I gave her. She wrestled this thing all evening!

Finally worn out after too much birthday!