I shared with you during last week's "Sweet Memories" post that during that year of marriage, we crossed into a hard season that began with Ryan's mom's glioblastoma diagnosis. I shared that in some ways, we're still muddling through the hard, even though the details have changed many times. So the months you're about to read about today were not always the most celebratory, but they were incredibly meaningful. We toughened up as people in this season. We grew closer as a couple in this season. We began to learn new things about our life (and life in general) in this season. I can't say I would want to go back and do most of this again, but I can say I'm grateful we walked through it hand in hand! There isn't another soul on this planet I would pick for a life partner, whether life is hard or good!
Month 73: The Beginning of the Lasts
When Ryan first told me about his mom's diagnosis, the words meant nothing to me. I'm not a medical student. He explained it all and when I asked the prognosis, he just shook his head. Even the best-case scenario wasn't great. So we knew from the start that we better walk through every second of this journey with incredible intention. And we did. We knew during this month that in all likelihood, we were going to be celebrating Nita's last birthday and Christmas. She spent both of those in the rehab hospital where Ryan worked, and what a gift that was to both of them, I think. They were able to see each other every day, and because we lived three houses away, we were able to go back down at night and see her anytime she needed us. (I remember late one night when the nursing staff called Ryan and said they couldn't get her tucked in to her satisfaction, so could he come down and try? I don't know that he did anything different, but she liked however he arranged everything and went right to sleep.) Because she was so close to our home, we actually hosted Christmas for the family that year. We had so many people in our little house, and this picture was from when Ryan read/told the Christmas story from Luke 2 to all the kiddos.)
Month 74: Making Time
We started the new calendar year by bringing Ryan's mom home from an Indianapolis hospital on hospice. That began the multi-week season of being on a rotation to help care for her in her home. Ryan and I often comment, as we look back over our life together, that we have no clue how we did this season. During this month, he was working full time, he was teaching classes at the gym, he was working out every morning at 5:30, we dog-sat, and it was winter in Indiana. And still - we made all those trips back and forth to the hospital in Indianapolis. We made all those trips back and forth to the cabin. We survived on no sleep. And in all of that we were intentional about dating. Sometimes we dated at the grocery store, but we made sure we made time for us. These pictures are from an early morning breakfast at a coffee shop. We had a gift card and went on a date. I remember that breakfast sandwich. I'd like one right now.
Month 75: Strength Beyond Ourselves
This was, I think, the hardest month. We spent the entire month on intense care-duty for Nita. She had lived longer than the doctors anticipated. We had no idea how many weeks or months we might need to keep up this pace, and we were pretty sure we didn't have the stamina to do it. Her decline was hard to watch, but Ryan - amazing, amazing man that he is - did it all with grace and dignity. I've heard wives say that watching their husbands become fathers to their babies made them love even more, but for me, it was watching Ryan care for his mom. He was so very good at it. The Lord kept us safe on ice, in fog, and through snow as we drove out there, night after night, and home at 1 a.m. He gave us strength to keep doing regular life while caring for her. It was the hardest, sweetest month ever.
Month 76: Goodbyes
And then the month came when we said goodbye to Nita. This was the first time we had walked through intense grief as a couple. We learned so much about each other and what we each needed in a season of grief. God gave me the strength to kneel beside Ryan at Nita's bedside, to pray her Home. We greeted hundreds of people at her viewing and funeral. Ryan spoke at her service. And then we went home to learn how to grieve in the greater silence after goodbye.
Month 77: Healing for Our Souls
This was the month Ryan turned 40. He did not want a surprise Beauty and the Beast party, he said, but rather - a cruise. We had it scheduled before Nita was even diagnosed, and we had no idea it would be our trip of heart-healing. We went to Aruba, Curacao, and the Dominican Republic (you remember the waterfalls!) and had the best time. The weather was great, we napped for HOURS on the ship, and being away alone together was such a balm for our tired, grieving hearts.
Month 78: She Pours!
We had another shift this month - and didn't even know it. We hosted our final Mommapalooza. For six years in a row, we had hosted Mother's Day at our house for both sides of our family. We continued it, even though Ryan's mom had died, but ultimately, it became the last one. The following May was mid-pandemic, and then we moved...so this was the end, and we didn't even know it. But our "big" event this month was serving together at a huge women's evening at our church. It was called "She Pours." I was on the women's ministry team at church, and they asked me to be the speaker. Ryan came to help serve the meal and support me, and we had the best night!
Month 79: Impromptu Getaway
I found out rather last minute that one of my favorite Bible study writers (Erica Wiggenhorn) was going to be just over the border into Michigan, signing books at a local bookstore! We decided to take an impromptu overnight getaway to Michigan, meet Erica, and then do some dune hiking. It was a fun and spontaneous weekend, but my favorite part was sitting with Biggby Coffee on the Lake Michigan dunes, watching the sun slide down for the night. It was a delightful time with Ryan. Seriously one of my favorite memories!
Month 80: A Faux Hotel
One of my favorite memories from this month was when some friends of ours came to stay on their way through town. They have four kids who asked (when they were already on the way to our house) if it was going to be like staying in a hotel. So I flew into last-minute action and turned our house into a hotel. I made signs for rooms and turned our foyer into a lobby with a full check-in process. I made menus for our meals and everything. Their kids loved it and even left us a review. LOL! We had the best time hosting them and taking them around town to have fun together!
Month 81: Fun on Bikes!
This was back before we owned bikes of our own! One of my favorite memories from this month was our county tour to Hamilton County. We went to Colts Training camp and then rented bikes and rode the Monon Trail. I will never live down my inability to pedal uphill to complete an overpass toward the end of the ride. It was hilarious. People were staring. A little boy looked very concerned. And I just shake my head and laugh when I think about it all. But that was one REALLY fun day.
Month 82: Trying New Things
One of our faves from this month was attending our first air show. While we don't dislike air shows, we aren't really plane enthusiasts, so we had never gone to one. But we lived near Grissom Air Force Base (well, the former AFB) at the time, and they had an air show one Saturday. We went and had a great time! We toured some planes, we watched all the fun shows, and we nearly died from sweating. (It was a lot cooler when we left home than it was most of the day and we were in full jeans. I had to peel them off at the end of the day. Overheating aside, I love trying out new things with Ryan!
Month 83: Trying MORE New Things
Somewhere right before this month, Ryan and I were asked to become the small group program leaders at our church. We were already leading a small group, but the pastor that was over that entire small group program resigned and, in some restructuring, they did not immediately replace her. We inherited her small group leadership assignment, and we began preparing for a big kick off in 2020. The church sent a friend of ours (who had mad tech skills) over to our house to film the promo video. We had cameras and lights everywhere, and it felt a little like I imagine it would feel to be on reality TV!
Month 84: Another Impromptu Trip!
We wrapped up this year by making ANOTHER impromptu road trip! In a last-minute move, we drove "real quick" down to Atlanta, Georgia, to meet my best friend's new baby girl and attend her baby shower. We were only gone two nights and drove a lotta miles, but it was totally worth it. We had perfect weather and so so so much fun. I love Ryan's sense of adventure and am so thankful for all the things like this we have done - even on the fly.
It was a hard year in so very many ways - even more than I have said here. But I am so thankful that we made a priority of working hard to process our grief and make time for one another. I am grateful we did so much together and made intentional memories when we could.
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