The Shafferland Shuffle

Good morning!! Happy Sunday to you! Hope you're having a good start to your day! I'm speaking at a church this morning and am looking forward to seeing friends while we are there!

Meanwhile, here's what we've been up to this week.

* We had just gotten home from church last week when it started snowing. It was all pretty and snow-globey. It was also very treacherous, so I was glad to be INSIDE my house. I read a lot of accident reports that day! We had stuffed burgers and salads for lunch and a glorious day at home, resting. (Ryan needed it after his day on the slopes and I needed it after my day in the lodge - ha!)

* I made some chocolate banana muffins on Monday morning - to supply our breakfasts for the week. But someone brought Ryan biscuits and gravy, which somehow topped my healthy muffins. LOL!! I made dinner to take out to his mom's that night, including chicken bacon ranch eggrolls, which were very delicious. While we were caring for her, this major freezing rain/ice situation settled over central Indiana, so we had a slow drive home. I was quite thankful to be safely back in our garage!

* Tuesday morning, I found Braeya cuddled up next to the white noise machine. She must crave it as much as I do! :) That afternoon I met up with one of the pastors at our church. She and I had coffee and talked for two and a half hours. I needed it! And that night, Ryan made me an affogato for dessert! (If you've not had one, it's kind of like a root beer float - except you use coffee instead of root beer.)

* Ryan had a dentist appointment Wednesday morning (to replace a lost filling). He was numb the rest of the day, and boy do I ever feel that pain!! He is such a grown up about the dentist, unlike his wife. I had done so much cooking earlier in the week that I sort of lost my culinary drive, so Ryan was a darling and ordered pizza! And we both scrambled to make sure al Valentine surprises were ready to go by the end of the night.

* You already read about our actual Valentine's Day. It wasn't our typical day, and that was a little bit hard for me, because I take it pretty seriously. But we did our best to enjoy and have fun, and I think we did it! We were on duty at his mom's that night and she had several visitors (family members) so we got to socialize a bunch! I also took the liberty of enjoying the roses Allen had given her. :)

* Friday afternoon, I was menu planning when my mom called and said she wanted to bring us coffee. Wasn't that nice? I sent her our order and she hand delivered our favorites to us! I think that gave us both just the boost of energy we needed to do a hard workout. (No, the tissues are not for sweating. I use the little packets to count my rounds! Ha!) I asked Ryan if we could just stay home that night and do nothing at all. He said yes! So we pulled out Mo, curled up, ate dinner, watched movies, and had the best night of NOTHING.

* Yesterday was an utter delight. Ryan had to work, but he actually got off around lunch time, and we got the whole rest of the day to go on a date! We went down to Indianapolis, did some fun shopping, had our belated Valentine's Day dinner (and dessert!) and had the best time together. Did a world of good in both our hearts, I think!

The Saturday Six

One.

Some of you may remember that almost a year ago, I asked for prayer for a friend of mine who was very ill with a sudden heart issue. She received a transplant but had a stroke shortly after surgery and passed away. Throughout the past year, her mom and sisters have become advocates in educating others about the condition that caused Michelle's illness. This week, Michelle's sister (who was actually pregnant at the time Michelle died) shared this link for women who are pregnant or have given birth within the last few months. It's a quiz you can take to determine if you might be at risk for the same heart condition. If you, your friends, or your family fall into this category, take a look at this or pass it along. I know that I had no idea this was even a thing until Michelle, so I'm sure it might be new for some of you too!

Two.

This is such a cool story! Deborah Raney is an author my sister introduced me to (not personally) years ago, and I've enjoyed reading her posts in addition to reading her books. In this post, she talks about running across an old Bible years ago and eventually connecting with the owner's family.

Three.

Perhaps I'm kidding myself (I've been known to do it) but I don't feel like I have comparison issues when I see practically perfect homes posted online. I know their homes aren't always that tidy, more than likely, and I just try to appreciate what I see and move on. But I know for a lot of people, that IS a big issue. Messes are real and it's hard to see these magazine-ish homes gracing the social media world when your own house is covered in projects, laundry, and more. I appreciated Katie's post this week where she showed real pictures of their (very beautiful!) home. Maybe more bloggers should do a post like that so we can know they're human!

Four.

You know I love houses and house plans, so this article fascinated me. I knew about the old Sears kit homes, but seeing some of the plans - and PRICES - totally intrigued me! Check this out!

Five.

After Christmas, I put away all the pretty decorations and pulled out my January décor. It's made up mostly of snowman/snowflake/snowball stuff. It seemed appropriate to keep it out for February, since we're still Polar Vortexing over here, and I just pulled out the handful of specific Valentine decorations to add to it. But in less than half a month, I'm no longer welcoming snow in my life, and all the pink hearts will need to go back in their box for another year, too. So I'm lookin ahead to March/April spring décor. I have a few specific Easter decorations in my arsenal, but I don't have much that's just spring. So this post was inspirational for me! Anyone else ready to put away wintry décor in favor of welcoming spring?

Six.

My sister knows (and feeds) my love for books, so one of my Christmas gifts this year was a delightful, full-color book called Shed Décor. Lori and I share a fondness for tiny homes, she-sheds, and all such cuteness, so this book was a nod to that love. When I first received it, I immediately flipped through it to look at all the pretty pictures, but I wanted to go back and officially read it, so last week I did just that!

The book is written by Sally Coulthard, and apparently she had previously written a book called Shed Chic, which was a book-tour of all different kinds of sheds and cabins people could have, as well as giving them ideas for how to use them in practical ways. That book had more to do with the construction and use of the buildings, but this one is more about the decorating.

My. Happy. Place.

Since my only degree in interior design is fully granted by way too many hours of decorating shows on TV, it's fair to say there are many things I don't actually know about design and décor. This book explains (in easy-to-understand terms) the differences among styles like rustic, vintage, retro, country, etc. It also shows the different elements you can use to achieve the actual style and not a mish-mash that only proves you didn't quite know what you were doing.

Sally explains how to use different textures together to achieve a pleasing look, which is especially important in a really small space. Everything matters in a small space, if you don't want it to look cluttered and cause you to feel overwhelmed.

Throughout the book are pictures of actual sheds used for all different kinds of purposes. From little backyard hideaways to guest spaces to art studios to garden sheds, there were tons of ideas! She also gave instructions on how to equip the sheds to be useful as well as decorate them to be pleasing.

(About halfway through, I wanted to pack up and head to the Treasure Mart here in town to apply my newly learned shopping techniques!)

Though I don't feel that I'm ready to take on a new career in design, I did learn a lot from the book and it was almost like a virtual vacation to get to visit all these little sheds in a variety of unique settings. (Ryan, I promise not to ask for a she-shed of my own. Today, anyway.)

Who should read this book? If you enjoy reading or learning about design, there are many things for you inside this book. If you have a secret (or not-so-secret!) fascination with she-sheds and tiny homes, this book will feed your hungry imagination. If you like to look at pictures as much as (or more than) reading text, this is a great pick, because the pictures are plentiful and of excellent quality!If you like a good coffee-table style book to have on display or in your library, this is a good one.

Thanks, Lori, for my fun book! And thank you for inspiring me to think about specifics in my decorating. I feel some shopping trips looming. Don't tell Ryan. :)

Valentine's Day

Happy Friday, friends! Hope you're having a good start to your day. Anyone else glad to see a weekend arrive?

We didn't get to have our traditional Valentine's Day this year, because we were on duty taking care of Ryan's mom. It was still important to me to celebrate the day as much as we could and as normally as we could, so I did my very best to make that happen.

Ryan surprised me when I woke up by supplying not just coffee, but my favorite donut and some beautiful roses! (There isn't a picture of the donut. It didn't survive long enough to be photographed - ha!)

Ryan went to work and I spent the morning trying to get chores done around the house, so we could have our Valentine's Day celebration when he came home for lunch! It wasn't an impressive lunch in terms of food (hello, leftover pizza!) but we did exchange our gifts, since it was the only time we would really be able to have alone together the entire day.

I think I win the prize for biggest card given. Isn't it great!!?!!?

His gift from me was an underwater camera. We go on all these adventures that involve water, and we live in fear of messing up our phones and cameras, so I thought it was high time we got a waterproof camera. That way whenever we kayak or hike around waterfalls or whatever, we're all set! (He was excited about this...mostly because I think it was an invitation to more adventures that stretch me beyond my comfort zone.)

In addition to the roses, Ryan got me candy (YAY!!!) and a great new shirt. My old coffee shirt is starting to show a lot of wear and tear, so this will be a fantastic replacement. I love it. (He's also planning a date for later this weekend to make up for what we weren't able to do on the actual day.)

After he went back to work, I spent the entire afternoon putting together what I hoped would be a good dinner for us, even though we wouldn't be together just the two of us. I made a white chicken lasagna soup (Dashing Dish) and cheddar biscuits, which are a clean eating version of the Red Lobster biscuits. I made a pan of double chocolate raspberry brownies for dessert and packed it all up for our trip to see his mom.

We tried to take an official Valentine photo when he got home, but I think my camera needs a good cleaning, and we were apparently also not on our game, because out of thirty attempts (not exaggerating) this is the best I have.

We headed toward his mom's house, and yes, this was taken safely at a stoplight.

We shared dinner with her, and she said it was good! She was pretty tired last night, and we were glad to see that she was able to rest better than she had on our first stay of the week. That night was a rough one!

I felt we did a pretty great job of celebrating, even though the day and night were both full of things that didn't lend themselves to quietness and romance. (We did sneak in a quick dance in the cabin after she went to sleep. That was sweet.)

Thanks for making the day wonderful, Ryan! I hope you felt as loved as I did!

Layers of Love

Happy Valentine's Day!

For all of you who may not be huge fans of this day, I send a big bloggy hug your way. I remember the years of pizza, Blizzards, and dressing in black, rolling my eyes at every flower delivery that came into the office. I'm sorry today hurts.

For all of you (married or single) who don't care about this day one iota, that's okay too! Enjoy your Thursday!

Today, though, as we observe our Valentine's Day here in Shafferland, I want to talk about layers of love.

I remember our first Valentine's Day and how excited I was to finally have a Valentine. I'd never had a boyfriend (or fiancé) on Valentine's Day in my entire life. I still never have. One year I was single on that day and the next year I was married! But I so looked forward to that day and having someone to spoil. Ryan made my dreams come true by sending me flowers at work (another first for me), and we had a romantic dinner at home that night, which we made and enjoyed together.

We've lived a lot of life since that first Valentine's Day back in 2013.

My excitement for the day hasn't changed. I'm still looking forward to spoiling Ryan. I'm still excited to get flowers. I've planned a special menu for us. This day still matters to me every bit as much as it did six years ago.

But there are more layers to our love now than there were back then. The excitement isn't less. But it is deep.

I thought about it the other night, when I watched Ryan staying up later than I knew he wanted to so he could study his Bible for a while longer.

It made me remember our dating days, when we first studied the Bible and prayed together. We were excited to do those things, but we were nervous to share our thoughts so vulnerably for the first time. And now, we are many layers deep into that part of our relationship. We love to study. We love to share things we've learned in our own personal study times. We love to pray together. We love praying for one another even when we're apart. We have layers to this part of our love that weren't there back then.

I thought about it earlier this week when I watched Ryan take care of his mom. His patience is unending.

While my patience level has grown from the nonexistence it used to be in my teens and twenties, I am still amazed at just how patient he is all the time. Even when he's tired. Even when he's exasperated. Even when there's no end to the need. He's always patient, always upbeat, always encouraging. And while I've never been one to subscribe to the theory that if you want to know how a man will treat you, watch how he treats his mother, I will say that I know the same love and respect he shows to her every time he cares for her reflects the same love and respect he shows to me and everyone else in his path. I knew he was a good man when I married him, but this journey has shown me layer after layer after layer of goodness and patience.

I think about it every day when I see the new love note he's left in his February project of love notes.

Every day he hangs a new heart on my dresser, and every one has a note of something he loves about me. About us. And I know talk can be cheap, so let me say that these notes (which I ADORE, by the way) are just one way he shows love. He gives me living love notes all the time. Earlier this week he happened to remember that I enjoy affogatos when we're out on dates, and he made me one at home. (He doesn't even like them, but he makes a good one!) He remembers to turn on the mattress warmer on the bed every night so it's toasty when I crawl in. He pours my first cup of coffee every morning. He cleans up after Braeya when she gets sick because he knows fluids aren't my forte. He puts gas in the car because he doesn't want me to have to stand out in the Polar Vortex to do it myself.

I knew he was considerate and generous when I married him, but I'm learning new layers of how he shows love every single day. He's consistent and yet constantly new in his offerings.

This love thing really does get deeper with time. I'd read about it in books before I was married, but it's true. Ryan provides a great example for living in love. I learn from him all the time, and I'm very grateful to have a husband who does more than buy flowers and dinners on Valentine's Day - though I will give three cheers for that. He offers layers and layers of love for me and for all who encounter him.

Happy Valentine's Day, Ryan! Thank you for giving layers of depth to this love we share. I love you so much!

Filled Up

I'm working on material for a women's retreat, and the theme is Fill My Cup. Talk about an appropriate topic for this season of life! I love it so much when I'm given a speaking topic and end up learning so much personally as I prepare. I think that's one of the best bonuses of this work I do.

As I've created my outline and begun to write the talks, I'm immersed in Scripture and illustrations that help me understand the importance of allowing God to fill my cup and making sure I'm living in such a way that I'm ready to receive whatever He has to offer.

And then He sent yesterday.

These last two months have been kind of like hibernation for me. The extreme cold, the crazy mix of ice and snow, the potential for germs...they've all kept me tucked away at home. I am not complaining about that, because I haven't forgotten the commuting days of being forced out in all those messes. I'm beyond grateful to be able to stay home when it's rough. But apparently two months of staying home makes me long for a little human interaction.

Early in January, I had plans to meet with one of the pastors at our church, but I had to cancel on her, because our plans fell in the middle of Nita's ICU stay. We finally rescheduled, and our meeting was yesterday.

We met at a coffee shop, so obviously she didn't get any resistance from me on that. :) We ordered our coffee and hunkered down in a back corner that looked just like a living room.

And we stayed for two and a half hours.

We talked about absolutely everything under the sun that I trust was out there somewhere, even though it wasn't visible in Indiana.

We talked as pastor to church attender. We talked as friends. We talked as women. We talked as co-laborers in ministry. We talked as fellow dreamers.

It was lovely in every single way. (There might be a chance she was mentally slowly backing toward the door and/or wishing she could text an SOS to someone to rescue her, but if so, she graciously never showed a sign of it.)

I left the coffee shop feeling so full - and not of coffee. Full of life. Full of excitement for new opportunities. Full of relief that I'm not entirely crazy. Full of affirmation that I'm doing a few things right. Full of the reminder that I'm seen and loved.

Fill my cup, Lord. I've prayed it recently. I've prayed it in preparation for the retreat, and I've prayed it for my own needs. And yesterday He poured a big pitcher of life straight into my winter-weary soul.

If you're in need of a fill-up too, I hope God sends you an extra special blessing today!

When the Sickness and Health Aren't Your Own

Yesterday you saw the pictures of the ski trip...today we bring you the stories! (And a few other fun peeks at the week...)

Listen here

Ryan and I didn't have traditional wedding vows. In case you haven't figured it out by now, we don't do anything the traditional way. :)

Our intent in choosing the words we did was to keep the focus on our relationship with God and remind ourselves that if we live our lives unto Him first, He will guide us in our relationship with each other.

But because we chose these different-from-the-norm vows, we didn't have the standard "in sickness and in health" promises that most couples make. Just because we didn't say the words doesn't mean we don't honor the spirit of them, though.

We've limped along together through all manner of man-colds, Bekah-colds (which are actually far worse than man-colds), pink eye, oral surgery, two gallbladder removals, and a handful of other things that aren't coming to mind at the moment. Right now, though, we're in a season of sickness and health that doesn't involve either one of us. And in some ways, that might be even harder. I'd never thought about it until just this week.

Please don't misunderstand. I don't say any of this to complain. Sometimes I just need to process out loud, and you all tend to be my kind audience that allows me to do that. (Bless you.)

When you're dealing with your own versions of sickness (and health, but let's be honest: it's mostly about the sickness) you are the ones who get to call the shots. You make the decisions and schedule the appointments. You figure out what works best and you find your own rhythm of how to handle it. The road may be long and hard but you're right there together all the time to do what you need to do when you need to do it. It's not easy, but it's contained in a way that we tend to take for granted.

When you're helping someone else walk a road of illness, it's very different. It's kind of like living two part-time lives. Maybe even two full-time lives. You have your own life, with your responsibilities, expectations, appointments, tasks, etc. And then you have the life you travel to, where you help out as part of a team, but where you're only one of many voices making decisions. And somehow you have to blend those two lives together as seamlessly as you can, though much of the time, the seam looks like a sleepy toddler's attempt.

That's our reality right now.

We've chosen to walk this part of life's path hand-in-hand. So on the days when we're the caregiving team for Ryan's mom, I spend most of the afternoon cooking the meal we'll take with us to share with her. I carefully strategize the entire day to make sure I can get all the must-be-at-home-to-accomplish tasks completed before we have to leave, and I pack a bag with all the rest of the work that can be done remotely. I have a short list of things I hope to accomplish, even though I know there are unlikely to be enough hours in the day to get them all done before we have to put on our helper hats.

Even though Ryan does the bulk of the actual caregiving while we're there, I'm present, doing my best to live out the part of my vows where I promised to strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage him. And he, in return, fulfills his promises to offer me his deepest love, fullest devotion, and tenderest care - in a million little ways.

We only get about four hours of sleep those nights, but we reach out with grace the next day, understanding our respective need for naps and extra rest whenever we can find it. We do the best we can with clean eating and working out and try to remind ourselves not to be upset when we can't be on the schedule we would choose in another season. We are diligent to schedule time together, to put as much of a protective hedge around our marriage as we can, but we also understand that right now, our normal methods of date-planning just don't work.

We communicate often, but sometimes we fail. We think we said something out loud and discover later we only thought it. We carve out space for things each of us truly need - like my need to be a hostess to our friends a couple of weeks ago or Ryan's need for a skiing day.

We do our best to shift back and forth between the two lives, giving our fullest and best to each side while present in that side.

"In sickness and in health" didn't show up in our vows, but we did promise to live first unto our God, and right now, this is what He's calling both of us to do. So we do it together, we figure it out as we go, and we are grateful for the strength we find on a daily basis to do this journey to the best of our ability. Even when we're flat out worn out, He is faithful to give strength for the day.

Ski Day 2019

A year ago in January, Ryan and his friend Shawn went skiing at a place down in southern Indiana called Perfect North Slopes. (You can read about that here if you need a Monday throwback.) They decided it was so much fun that they should make this an annual outing. 

Because of Ryan's mom's health, we haven't really felt comfortable making plans for adventures, so the guys didn't end up scheduling a ski trip this year. But a couple of weeks ago, Ryan dared to wonder if the ONE free Saturday we had in February might just happen to work out for Shawn, so he asked. He didn't expect it to work, but it did! So they tentatively planned a trip, understanding they might need to cancel at the last minute. But when this past Saturday arrived, the weather was amazing, everyone was healthy, and the trip was ON!

We got up crazy early, Shawn arrived at our house, and we headed out...to Starbucks. Gotta have a good start, right?

I look so awake there, don't I?

I wasn't.

Ryan was so good to me (because he knew I was going to do day-in-a-ski-lodge-with-a-million-youth-groups, round two) so before we ever set foot on Perfect North's property, he took me to the donut shop. 

THEN it was time to ski. Because it was such a great day, this place was packed. It was even busier than it had been last year (if that is even possible).

You may or may not remember this, but my day in the lodge last year gave me a myriad of germs that ended up leaving me with a disastrous cold, pink eye, and all sorts of other winter fun. Because I was determined to NOT repeat that, I told Ryan we needed to show our respective ski gear:

Ha! I did not wear my mask and gloves all day, but its possible I'll come to regret that. 

The guys headed out to start their 8 hour day, and I hunkered down inside the lodge to read, write, and people-watch. (Yes, Ryan is wearing a really old Colts jersey. Last year he wore his black coat and black hat, and I couldn't find him on the slopes for pictures. He hoped the brightness of the jersey would help me find him, and it worked!)

They had a fun morning skiing! 

They came in for a late lunch and to give me a bathroom break.

Then they went back for more fun, and Ryan even conquered Center Stage. He tried it last year but couldn't bring himself to do it. This year he did it THREE TIMES. I was so proud of him!

Having fun!

I did really well in the lodge until about the last hour. I was able to stay really occupied, but eventually I couldn't focus anymore, and the chaos behind me was just too much. 

But that was okay, because they were almost done!! SUCCESS!!

We called it a night, headed home, stopped at Skyline Chili again like we did last year, and got home about 10:30 that night. 

They're already planning next year's trip. ;)