Gender Reveal Parties

Ryan's sister is pregnant, and a few days ago, she told me they were going to have a gender reveal party. I realized (unless I'm totally spacing a day in my past) I'd never been to one before! How is this possible? I know a million babies! How have I never been to a gender reveal party?

Ryan didn't even know what a gender reveal party was until I filled him in. (He doesn't have Pinterest, so it's okay that he didn't know.)

I really didn't know much about this particular party until we arrived. I know sometimes the parents know the gender, and they're revealing it to everyone else. I know sometimes the parents don't know, and they're finding out at the same time. I wasn't sure which way it was for Andrew and Bre, nor did I have any idea how they planned to do the reveal. Balloons? Silly string? Cupcakes?

Well, I discovered when I arrived that they did know already, and so did Ryan's mom and his other sister, and maybe a few more, I'm not sure. They didn't ask for guests to cast a vote (which I know is also common at these parties) and I was kinda glad because I had no leaning at all on this. Normally I have at least a guess, but I had no clue on this one!

Proof that I was at the party:

Our friend Shawn was there too. (He's the good friend who went skiing with Ryan in January so I could sit in the lodge and gather germs.)

This ended up being the reveal method. They had these little scratch off cards! I hadn't seen them before. Pretty cute!

I was trying to get a picture of Ryan and Shawn scratching off, but the stinkin' light from the door was killing the focus on my phone, so it's a little fuzzy. But I think you can catch Ryan's reaction! This is right before he yelled, "IT'S A GIRL!"

And I believed him.

But it's not.

Bre pulled out the ultrasound pictures. They'd gotten one of the fancy ones - 3D, 4D, some kinda D. The ones where you can see actual baby features, not just circles that may or may not be the head. (I'm so ultrasound-reading challenged.)

Ryan and Shawn trying to read the ultrasound. I wasn't sure why it was requiring such intense study until I found out they were looking for boy proof. LOL!! Turns out that section wasn't featured on this strip of pictures.

We ate lunch together and Ryan talked to his family for about two hours. LOL! For some reason, I was crazy tired that day and could NOT keep my eyes open. When we got home, I collapsed on the couch and slept HARD.

So we are excited for Andrew and Bre. The baby is due in July, so we have a few months yet, but we're happy for them! :)

Faith's Fab Fortieth!

We've settled in with some of our biggest memories from our fifth grade year for podcast Tuesday this week! We also have stories from the parties we attended this weekend (including the one featured in this post)!

Listen here!

We're smack in the middle of all my friends turning forty. I am still not sure I'm ready for that to even start, if that tells you where I sit with the whole thing.

This past Friday, forty came to my friend Faith. We've been friends since college, back when we looked a little more like this:

We've come a long way, I like to think. :) 

Faith's parents and daughters threw the party for her, and they did a really nice job of making it exactly the kind of party she would like. I loved it for her! Much attention to kind words, many pictures, and music from the Greatest Showman!

I took pictures for her, so here are a few glimpses into the festivities of the night:

Do you like her pretend surprised face? (She knew the party was happening, so she wasn't really surprised, but she had no idea what they were going to do AT the party, so all of that was the surprise.)

She spent some time mingling with friends who came to celebrate with her, and then we all gathered for the party entertainment:

Her mom shared some thoughts, and then her daughters gave their top ten favorite things about their mom:

She loved it so much:

And then it was snack time! (And pictures!)

 I stole a picture too. My good friends Trudy and Savannah were among the guests, and it's been too long since I've seen the two of them. What a fun treat!

We ended the night with a few gifts:

And a few more pictures! This girl right here is such a special part of my life. I was in the delivery room when she was born, and I've been Aunt Bekah her whole life. :) She's not yet outgrown the hugs. I love that!

So it was a fun night - and a fun way to spend our monthiversary! Happy birthday, Faith!

63 Months!

Last Friday we marked 63 months of marriage! It was the kind of day that was so busy, it almost felt like we didn't properly pause to observe the occasion, but it also was a great example of the ways in which we enjoy working together and just being together, and that's really what it's all about.

Last Friday was also my friend Michelle's funeral, and I was reminded in fresh ways how grateful I am to have another monthiversary with Ryan. We both have been reminded of the fragility of life and how an ordinary day can become a critical day with little warning. So despite our busyness, and despite the normalcy of a number like 63, we were grateful for it.

Michelle's friends and family offered a "wear red for Michelle" challenge that day, so we did. Ryan wore a red shirt to work under his scrubs, and I wore a red scarf with my outfit, and throughout the day, we were reminded to pray for Michelle's family and to cherish each other and our life together.

(Things you can't see in the background include our incredibly messy kitchen I hadn't gotten around to cleaning yet because curling my hair won.)

After Ryan got off work, we had to hurry to Marion to go to my friend Faith's 40th birthday party! I was on picture duty for her (she's a scrapbooker like I am) so I needed to get there early to make sure I had everything all lined up. I'll tell you more about the party part tomorrow, but here are a few shots of us at the party.

The party was at her church...no one was wishing the worship center a happy birthday.

The classic Shafferland photo attempt:

And then the "proper" photo:

After the party, we went to Culver's for dinner, but we were so hungry, we didn't document that at all. (But it was really good.)

We had to stop by my parents' house on the way home so I could drop off some business cards for my mom, and before we left, Ryan tried on my dad's sunglasses:

And this is why I love him. He never fails to make me laugh. Ever.

Thanks for 63 fun-filled months, Ryan! Thank you for being willing to go with me to my friends' parties and for making me laugh every day of my life. I love you so much!

The Shafferland Shuffle

Guess what we saw this week? THE SUN!!! I have missed it so and am ridiculously eager for spring. :) I'm sure we're not done with winter yet, but a girl can dream, can't she?

* Last Sunday morning, we wrapped up the retreat where I spoke and drove over to Fort Wayne, where we got to meet up with TWO sets of friends! It really was a wonderful day! Coffee, BBQ, games, lots of conversation and laughter - oh yes please!

* We both had Monday off work and spent the day in Fort Wayne. It all started because I had a dentist appointment, but we added in all kinds of other fun things, like a visit to see my WBCL friends and a meal at Chick-fil-A! It was a stunning day - perfect for being off work and having fun!

* I so dearly wanted to decompress and process my weekend on Tuesday, but it was just too busy of a day. I had volunteer work to do and Bible study to prepare for, so I didn't get much down time. When I did pause for a few minutes, though, Braeya camped right out on my lap. I think she missed me. Our Bible study friends pitched in with delicious treats and when the night was over, Ryan and I finally got to sit down on the couch together and zone out.

* I finally got my processing time on Wednesday, and I even caught part of Billy Graham's service at the Capitol Building. It was such a nice day that Ryan and I went on our first outdoor run of 2018, and my time improved SIGNIFICANTLY from the treadmill! We stopped by to check on Pheebs that night, since she was home alone for a while. I think she was happy to see Ryan!

* Thursday evening we went to a viewing for our fifth grade teacher's husband. There was a long line, but we got to see many people we knew, and when we were done, my parents took us out for dinner! OKAY!!! :) (That's my friend Amber with us. She got to experience her first Shafferland funeral visit. She may never go again.)

* Friday was a full and busy day! I'll have to tell you more about it next week. It was our monthiversary, for one thing, so happy 63 months to us! It was my friend Michelle's funeral, although that took place out of state, so we couldn't go. We did wear red in her honor, though, and prayed for the family so hard all day. And that night, we went to my friend Faith's 40th birthday party! We had fun, and I even got to see some friends I never get to see anymore!

* Ryan had to work yesterday, and when he got home, we had to go grocery shopping. We were completely out of food. Is it bad when you decide to buy toilet paper NEXT week because you're spending enough on food as it is? And then Ryan was enticed by a sandwich shop on the way home from the store, so I still didn't have to cook! :) Last night we started combing through my convoluted part of our taxes. Someone send chocolate. It stresses me out so very much.

So there you have it! Our week! Happy last week before the time change. I can't talk about it yet.

The Saturday Six

One.

I've had a couple of people ask if there's any kind of fundraiser or donation site set up for my friend Michelle and her family. They actually do have a GoFundMe page that someone set up for them, so I'll give you that link in case you're interested.

Two.

One of my friends sent me this link because, as she so articulately stated it, she knows I sometimes have "ring separation anxiety." YES I DO! Do not make me take off my wedding ring! I get very cranky! I've seen these kinds of rings before, but I liked these styles in particular!!

Three.

I love these paper art projects. I feel like these are the sorts of things I have enough talent to accomplish. It's almost like quilting with paper.

Four.

This is a really cute little laundry cove. It's similar to ours (though we have front loaders) and has much more personality than ours does. I am trying to figure out what to do to make ours a little less sterile looking. Since it does my laundry, I do want it to be somewhat actually sterile. LOL!

Five.

One of my jobs at the school where I volunteer is to unpack preschoolers' lunches for them. I've learned that Lunchables are extremely popular options for busy moms to pack. Here are some ideas for making your own similarly styled (but homemade) lunches. Cute!


Six.

Source

I am excited to tell you about the latest book I've read, because I have a feeling several of you are in the target audience for this one! And even though I'm technically not, I have to buy the hard copy of this book and do proper underlining and note-taking, because I learned so much from it that can help me as a friend to others! (I read a digital pre-release copy. Can't properly mark that up!)

I met Brenda Yoder last summer when I attended the Speak Up Conference in Michigan. She was actually one of my roommates; I'd never met her before, but I left feeling like I had a new friend. I loved that! I knew she was working on a new book, and when she sent me a pre-release copy to read, I was excited to see the outcome of the work she'd been doing!

Wow.

This book is titled Fledge, and since you might not know what that means, allow me to tell you! The official definition refers to a young bird who has developed feathers large enough to support flight, and also to adding feathers to an arrow so it can fly. In the case of Brenda's book, she writes about equipping your children with the resources they need to fly the nest when they reach the appropriate age.

As an (ahem) almost forty-year old, I have a large number of friends who are now parenting teenagers. This is crazy to me. I still feel like a teenager myself. I watched all of them read a positive pregnancy test and rush out to buy a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. I watched them begin to discover the personalities of these smaller versions of themselves and rush out to buy copies of whatever books could help them navigate the terrible twos and the school years and even the teen years. But where's the resource to help them finish well with the at-home years? These friends of mine who realize college and beyond is so much closer than they want to acknowledge need something to help them push through these final years with purpose and intention.

Enter Fledge.

Brenda's walked the road. A mom of four, she's fully fledged two of her children. The third is in college and the fourth in high school. Brenda and her husband have done their best, and tucked into their best, they've lived through mistakes, difficult moments, disappointments, and more. And bless her, Brenda is willing to share transparently for the good of other parents who are now in the throes themselves. 

She speaks candidly about the legitimate grief mothers feel as they watch their children grow up and consequently need them less and less. She talks about the importance of building a solid foundation on Jesus Christ to equip your children in the best way you possibly can for the life they will go forth to live. Regardless of how old or young of a parent you are, the world your children know is nothing like the world in which you grew up. Parenting requires intention, strategy, and hard work, and as not just a mom, but also a former teacher and licensed counselor, Brenda can offer sound advice on how to do that.

She encourages parents to create a strong home atmosphere, form family ties that last for years to come, and to wisely navigate the many changes that come with fledging children. (For example: as the first kids leave home, everything about the temperature of the home changes for the kids still living there just as much as it does for the parents. How can you make sure your younger kids handle those changes in a healthy way?)

Brenda addresses discipline, disappointment, and dilemmas that face families every day. She helps parents understand how to give up control and embrace the paths their kids desire to take. And she reminds everyone that life is not picture perfect. Parenting isn't always about making flawless memories. 

And the book isn't just about parenting. It also covers the importance of taking care of yourself in this season of major life change and remembering to cultivate yourself, your marriage, and your friendships.

The season of graduation is nearly upon us. Perhaps you have some mom-friends who need Fledge to face a fledging season of their own. Perhaps you know moms of younger kids who will be ready to fledge before they know it. Perhaps you know moms who have already fledged, but they seem to be floundering in its wake. Brenda's book is for all of them. It offers hope from Scripture, sound advice, and camaraderie from a mom who has been there. 

I've never seen a resource like this one, and I'm excited one now exists! Congratulations, Brenda, on a well-constructed, thought-provoking book that will help many to flourish in the fledging!

** I received an advance copy of this book at no charge, but all opinions are my own. ** 

Living (and Leaving) a Legacy

It's been a couple of weeks since I first came to you with the story of my friend Michelle, but I realized I never told you the full story of what happened during her last few days on earth, so I wanted to take the time to do that today. Today is actually her funeral, several hundred miles away from here. Since I can't go, I wanted to honor her here by sharing her legacy with you. (I'm borrowing her own words, as well as the words of her husband, since I can't state it better than they did.)

This is one of her husband's first posts about Michelle after everything started:

"You opened your eyes." I wrote this last Thursday but I thought on Wednesday it would never happen. On Wednesday I was a mess. The love of my life was struggling to survive on Valentine's Day. I remember the day like flashes. Your eyes rolled back in your head, CPR, the blare of the Code Alarm through the PA, once twice three times that day, each time blasting your floor, your unit, you. I remember Dr. Davis looking at me and saying "Brother, if I don't do this right now, she dies tonight." Do what?

ECMO.

I'd never heard of it. Was it life support? Open heart surgery? Dangerous? Necessary?

All of the above. God had you in his hands. You coded three times that day. They transported you to Charlotte with an open chest on life support.. your heart was exposed except for some kind of surgical saran-wrap keeping the germs out. All these people reading this, all these people praying, the whole wide world from South Korea to China to Canada to Africa to Albania to Greentown, IN and Six Mile, SC were praying to keep you safe. God heard those prayers. God answered those prayers. You are alive and I am more thankful than ever to have you here with me. I told you the other day that I feel like I have lived a lifetime with you in this room. I don't know how to repay the kindness everyone has shown us through this time, but I've always been a great storyteller and I can tell a story today and hopefully pay it forward.

Four people drove down from Charlotte that night to get my wife. Their names are Kelly, Kellen, Shellie, and Nicole. Their shift ended at 7 pm. They did not go home to their husbands, boyfriends, wives, children, cats or dogs until 1:30am. They needed two transport techs and two ECMO techs...the transport team was understaffed so two ECMO specialists who were certified to transport volunteered and two more ECMO specialists went as your ECMO techs. If they hadn't volunteered you would have not transported until much later that night. You may not have made it that long because you needed extra support when you got to Charlotte. Greenville put in two cannulas, one to take out and one to put back in. Charlotte put in a third to remove even more pressure.

God used and has continued to use our ECMO team to help us through this. I cannot repay them. The joke I have when they come to sit beside for 12 hours without the option to leave is "Are you a Christian yet?" your faith through this trial has been a constant light in this ICU. God is working through us and through this team to bless us.

We have been blessed through this time. As difficult as it is, your love and trust in God has been and continues to be beautiful. I don't know how to pay back all the love and the gifts that have allowed me to stay here with you. I don't know what to do. The ECMO team, Christian or not, has been God's hands and feet to us during this time. They have bought your breakfast from Panera, sat up chitchatting with you until 2 am to take your mind off your shivering, brought you a sewing kit with blunt plastic needles since you're on blood thinners, brought you Moe's (ECMoe's) and did your hair and been friends more than nurses.

Today we pay it forward. Go Donate a unit of Plasma, a unit of platelets, or a unit of packed red cells this weekend. Michelle has used several units of these almost each day this week. Four weeks ago Charlotte ran out of platelets. They had to pick and choose who got them. It will take two hours. I can't give my heart away, but I can do this.

Donate whole blood (30 minutes), packed red cells, platelets, or plasma (2 hours). Make sure you're an organ donor.

Be the change.

God's got this. We are just his witnesses. Comment if you donate or change your donor status. My wife's illness has had a ripple effect of God's grace and goodness in this world. We don't have to wait until Heaven to live in God's Kingdom. God is making the world better through his kingdom right now, right here. Be his kingdom and make the world a better place. 

After Michelle died, Kevin posted these words:

For a long time I thought the miracle was her healing. Looking back, I think she died on Valentine's Day and the miracle was those seven days she was awake on ECMO. She was loving and caring and my everything. She saw the girls, she steady preached until her last words, and she loved me like I've never known another to love me. Unconditionally. I've made so many mistakes in my life. She remained the hands and feet of Jesus Christ to me. I don't know how to go forward without her.

Michelle had Viral Cardio Myopathy, not Post Partum. Some virus inflamed her heart and made her so very sick. She got a transplant and things were going ok, but she kept having problems with blood clots. The doctors think that maybe her body reacted to the blood thinners in a negative way, creating clots and thinning her blood at the same time. They said it's very rare but possible.

A blood clot entered her brain and caused her to have a stroke. By the time we caught it, it was too late. She died of an ischemic stroke, but she's not dead. Her last words to me were this:

"I'm good either way. I go to Jesus today, or home to you and the girls."

I'm not good this way, but I want to honor her. I want everyone to know that God did not disappoint us. God gave us seven days to say goodbye. If you'll remember, I told her that I felt like I lived a lifetime with her in that hospital room. I could have lived a thousand lifetimes with her.

The world is a sadder place today. But Michelle wanted me to tell you that the kingdom of heaven has come near. And if you want to see her again, to experience her love and her smile, to hear her sing a lullaby and wrap her arms around you in a hug, join that Kingdom.

I love you babe. I'll see you soon.

-Kevin

I also found some of Michelle's own final posts, which show the legacy she lived and has left: 

Guess what! You can have your heart made new today and it doesn't have to start with a 5 am meeting with a transplant team. Let God carry and transform your heavy heart today. We weren't made strong enough to carry ourselves.

How can I be on life support in heart failure waiting on a match when I finally have realized how to truly love? My husband, daughters, parents, family and friends are all the best. Still hoping and trusting God to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me.

Love my God, husband, children, parents, sisters, family, church, friends...and can't wait to do it with my new heart if that is the Lord's will.

***

I leave you today with these photos. I know Michelle the best from being part of the Marion Easter Pageant with her. (It was a play about Holy Week that both of us were part of throughout our entire childhoods.) This photo is, as far as I know, the last one have of both of us in that role. It was taken almost exactly eighteen years ago, which would have made Michelle about 13 years old. (She's in the pink. I'm in the brown.)

And here she was just a few weeks ago with her beautiful family:

Michelle, you lived a lot of life in 31 years. You have left a beautiful legacy. I am grateful to have known you. 

Bonus Fun!

I told you about the retreat where I spoke over the weekend, but that was just the start of our adventures! We had a few bonus plans, too!

Months ago, I realized I had a dentist appointment scheduled for this past Monday. It seemed kind of silly to drive from the lake back to our house (about two hours) on Sunday afternoon, only to turn around Monday morning and drive up to Fort Wayne (almost two hours again). Besides, February in Indiana could be any kind of weather, couldn't it? So I asked Ryan how he felt about taking a vacation day on Monday so we could just travel the 45 minutes or so from the lake to Fort Wayne and spend the night. I didn't have to twist his arm too hard.

Then, just a couple of days before the retreat began, I learned that Mark and Lynnette were going to be in Fort Wayne on Sunday! What are the chances that both of us would be in the same town on the same day? (Thanks for orchestrating, God!) We haven't seen them in person in over two years, so this was amazing timing.

We left the campground around noon on Sunday, grabbed some lunch in Fort Wayne and then met Mark and Lynnette for coffee!

After we left them we went to visit our friends Wayne and Shari, who had graciously opened their home for us that evening. They had set up the most lovely little guest room for us, and I even spied someone's book living in high company!

They treated us to dinner at one of our favorite BBQ places. We hadn't enjoyed it since the day I left the station, so we were drooling and ready!

After dinner, we went back to their house for dessert and coffee, and we played games (which I lost) and had all kinds of fun!

We slept so well and the next morning? Shari had cooked a whole spread for breakfast!

Yes, that is a breakfast casserole, coffee cake AND fruit. So delicious. Kept us full most of the day!

Next up?

Guess what? Got another good report! It was my first time to go six months between checkups since my oral surgery. They said I'm doing a great job with home maintenance and I get to stay on the six month plan. YAY!!!

And then?

We went to visit my station buddie! Ryan hadn't been back since I left almost three years ago, and it was fun to take him with me. Some people were gone for the day, but we got to see most of them, and it was great! :)

And we were hungry. So when in town...

MMMMMMMMMMM.

By the time we got home, Braeya was beside herself, and she cried pretty much the rest of the day. But we sure had a great 24 hours, full of friendtastic fun!