For Those of You Who Hurt Today

I told Ryan the other day that his presence in my life has drastically increased my popularity! I’ve had more friend requests on Facebook in the last three weeks than the last three months COMBINED. J And it seems a few more of you hang out here at Bekah’s Bits to read our love story – and of course, I love THAT!

But the truth is…I don’t know who you all are. Some of you leave comments, a bunch of you send emails to me, which I love, but I know there’s a host of you out there who read that I don’t even know by name. And even more, I don’t know you by story. I don’t know what you’re walking through right now and I want to pause for one second to talk to you before I rush on with all my gooey gushiness.

I read a lot of blogs, and I read about people in all stations of life. Single, married, married with kids, you name it. And sometimes (depending on the day) they can be hard to read. You know what I mean. When you ache for something and you read that someone else has what you long for – and then they’re longing for something else – and you just want to leave a perhaps-hastily-written comment to let them know they should sit down for 30 seconds and be grateful for what they do have because some people would be happy just for that much.

Know what I mean?

Loving Ryan has been such a fast and surprising thing in my life. Never, and I mean never did I imagine that we would be a couple. But once he came to me and shared his feelings and we began to pray for God’s leading, God opened floodgates of love like I have never known in my heart, and after whirling through such a brief amount of time, I find myself about to marry him and I ask myself How did this blessing happen so quickly? Wasn’t I just hurting just a few months ago? Wasn’t I just sure there would never be anyone for me? Wasn't I smiling on the outside but not always on the inside?

I remember one night, catching up on some blogs (because dating had me REALLY behind) and I discovered one AmyBeth had written several weeks before. You can read it here. She was one of the few “single girl” blogs I read and both she and the other single girl I read about regularly were planning weddings. I read this post about “waiting for one day” when she wouldn’t have to eat dinner alone anymore and how “one day” had finally arrived.

I had tears in my eyes as I read, and I remember Ryan sitting across the living room, asking if I was okay. I said, “Yeah. Just makes me sad to read this post. Her dreams are coming true.” He looked at me with much confusion and said, “But yours are too. You don’t have to eat dinner alone either.”

I just stared at him. Oh yeah! I was so used to being the one left out in love that I forgot this time – I wasn’t. This time my “one day” had arrived too!

This past Sunday, in both Sunday School AND church, we read from Deuteronomy, where God urged the Israelites to NOT forget the pain of their past as they entered the blessing of the future. And I prayed (again) that God would keep that at the front of my mind. That though I am wildly excited for my “one day” to have arrived, elated to be planning my wedding, overjoyed in knowing that Ryan and I will be sharing a home together and making beautiful memories to last a lifetime, there are those of you who visit this blog every day and you do still hurt. You are still waiting for your “one day” – in whatever area of life you long to see an answer. You might even have to close some of these posts some days because it’s too hard to read so much happiness when you hurt so much. I get that. I have had those days too.

But can I just say this to you? It’s  the same message I whispered to myself over and over and over on the lonely-dinner, cuddleless evenings: He hasn’t forgotten me. He hasn’t. God hasn’t forgotten you. He’s working, even now, to bring answers to you. How long before you see them, I do not know. But He has not forgotten you.

And if it’s love you’re waiting on, please know that while I cannot contain my joy at being in love with Ryan, I also have not forgotten the painful past that I endured for so many years. It drives me to tell Ryan multiple times a day how thankful I am for him, how proud I am of the man he is, how much I eagerly look forward to our life together, and how blessed I am that he chose me. And it causes me to thank God that much more for this Promised Land after such a deep, dark, lonely wilderness.

I’ve started reading through Psalms for this season of my life – these remaining days before my wedding, and I found this verse in Psalm 1:

He is like a tree planted by flowing streams; it yields its fruit at the proper time… (v.3)

Stay firmly planted, my sweet, hurting friends. Let God’s love and life flow into you and when the time is right – which means when GOD’S time is right – you’ll see the answers. You will. He promised.

Engagement Pictures, Round 2

My mother asked me how many pictures we had taken in our engagement shoots. When I told her, she said, "MY WORD. I don't take that many in a year." Who is she kidding? She probably doesn't take that many in a DECADE!! But I remain undaunted and quite happy with the (almost 300) pictures we had taken between the two shoots. Thankyouverymuch.

 

We wanted to do a photo shoot in dress clothes. (And straight hair for me. He kept the same hair.) The night of this shoot, we only had about an hour of daylight to work with, so we had to scurry. :)

 

You'll notice we didn't lose our sense of humor:

 Did get some great sunset light. :)

 One of my faves. Think I'll put this one on my desk at work. :)

 A definite keeper. Love everything about it. And that has NEVER been said about one of my profile pictures before. Ohhhhhh that nose.

 It had been 30 seconds or so, so we sneaked in a little kiss.

 Our wedding date on a pumpkin.

 This fence is not as comfortable as you might imagine. See how I'm holding his arm? That's a grip for life.

 I know. Barf. (But isn't it so cute?)

 Awwwwww.

 It's true. But I look the part. Thankyouverymuch.

 This one has been very popular among our friends. One of the first ones she took that night, too!!!

 And one of the last:

So there you have it!!! Aren't you glad you didn't have to sit through all 300?

It's the Weekly Recap!

* Sunday, y'all, I was POOPED. We'd had a crazy busy weekend, so after church, Ryan and I came back to my house and he sat down in the fat chair to watch the Colts and I sat down beside him for a nap. (Hear I didn't miss much with that game...) We spent the rest of the day working on wedding details and got quite a bit done, actually!

* Monday evening was HUGE - and I'm so bummed that right now I can't post that much about it! It was wedding dress shopping day! I had a whole entourage with me (we were kind of the Fort Wayne version of "Say Yes to the Dress") and inside of 45 minutes I'd found the perfect dress. WHICH, of course....I cannot show you...because my fiance reads my blog! I can, however, show you this very happy bride-to-be leaving the store WITH A DRESS IN HER HAND!

 

* Tuesday evening Ryan and I had our second round of engagement pictures; this time we went out to his mom's house...a beautiful property! Want a sneak peek? Yeah, I kind of thought you might!

* Wednesday night was cold and rainy and nasty, so we hung out at my house and fixed hot chicken salad and worked hard on wedding plans. Funny how a small wedding still has so many pieces and parts! But we're having a BLAST planning together. Love it. So glad he enjoys the planning portion too!!

* Thursday night I didn't get to see Ryan :( so I worked hard on plans for a special date I'm planning for him next week. It's coming together!! Can't show you pictures of that either. It would spoil the surprise!! (And he keeps trying to get me to spill SOMETHING about it. So far I've managed to stay strong.)

* Friday night, Ryan and I went to Kokomo to a party at his boss's house so I could meet his co-workers! I hear so much about them and feel like I already know them, so it was GREAT to meet them in person. They were all kind and welcoming and OH so funny. And his boss - oh my goodness, he can COOK! We had the equivalent of a Thanksgiving feast on a Friday night. WOW.

* Saturday, Ryan and I went to Fort Wayne to knock out some SERIOUS wedding shopping. And we DID. We even impressed ourselves! :) Among other things, we went to Build-a-Bear to make these cute little guys which I'll have to explain more about later:

Pinterest Inspiration: Do I look like a girl who has had time to even GO to Pinterest this week?



Some Engagement Pictures

I gave you a sneak peek of the engagement pictures we had taken in Matter Park last week, but I thought I'd show you a few more! Ryan's mom took all these for us...and I think she did an amazing job. We so appreciated all her time, both the night she took them and in the hours she spent editing after. We took over 200 pictures for this round (eeek!) and these are some of the best!

 

This photo inspired by the fact that I was freezing by this time in the shoot!!

 Really broke our hearts to have to kiss for pictures.

 The band shell at the park. I had my picture taken here during the scavenger hunt Amber and I did last Good Friday. Had NO idea then that I'd be back inside of a year for engagement photos!!!

 All googly eyed...

 One of our favorite things to do...dancing!!! Who needs music?

 And of course, it's not a date unless we have coffee! (Coffee doubled as a warming agent.)

 Yeah it was Pinterest inspired...

 The actual proposal was much less windy. :)

 So sweet.

 The "&" symbol was a Pinterest inspiration. The pose was Ryan's idea.

 Last photos of the night taken under this tree....

 One of my very favorites - and the one we used to make thank you cards. :)

 I love black and white pics.

 This was the very last one.

So many great photos to choose from - you have a fave??

Some Details...

Someone emailed me the other day and said she feels like reading this blog right now is like reading a book. Boy if that's true, and this would have been a college assignment, I'd be receiving a big fat F in "flow." I'm all OVER the place! I really am sorry but I'm scrambling to try to tell everyone everything they need to know.

So today, I thought I'd tell you some of the wedding details, because y'all, I AM SO STINKING EXCITED TO GET MARRIED!!!!

First things first. Let's talk about the date. Wanna? December 2!! Oh my word, people! That is in 44 days!!!! Yes, December 2 of this year. The reason I haven't had time to catch up with everyone personally is because I've been running around picking people up off the floor when they find out how fast it is.

Of course the next question is always either "Why so soon?" or... "Is that date significant?" Well, the why so soon is because, bottom line, we know marriage is what God has for us, and because we really hate saying goodbye at night. Why keep dragging that out if we don't have to? We're in our 30's, we know, and we see no reason to wait for the sake of waiting. The date is significant to us, but I think I'm going to just leave it at that for now. Maybe someday I'll dive into that story publicly. For now, it's one of our sacred things.

After I pick everyone up from sharing the date, they typically fall right back over when I tell them where the wedding is taking place. We decided to get married on the beach in Florida.

Shut. Up.

I know some people aren't very happy with our decision to go away - because it makes it virtually impossible for most of our friends and even some of our family to attend. So (friends and family, LISTEN UP!) please hear this: we are not doing that on purpose to be mean or rob you of the joy of celebrating with us. Seriously.

It was always my secret dream to get married on a beach, but let me tell ya (if you're not from the fine Hoosier state) - we just don't have them here. I knew everyone would expect me to do the traditional thing and have a big church wedding here with everyone, so I killed my dream.

But as the song says Then when He's certain it's not born of man...He calls for the fire to rekindle again...and He asks me to know in my heart what's not seen with my eyes...and the dream never dies. One day (before the proposal, but after we knew we would get married) I was at work, and I just had this overwhelming sense in my heart that we should go away to get married. Away to a beach. Away to the water where I hear God so clearly. Away where it's sacred and just us. I told Lynne all about it and she got the warmest smile on her face and said, "You should talk to Ryan about it."

Just a few minutes later, he texted me and said, "Hey I have some thoughts about our wedding. I talked to David (that's his boss) about them and he thinks they're good ideas. Can't wait to tell you about them later."

After work I called him, practically before I got to my car and said, "So tell me!" He said, "I think we should go away and get married on the beach."

When two of us who never spoke of these plans aloud to the other felt pressed to do the same thing on the same day - I call it a God-print.

So we made plans to go away - to the beach - to get married. A handful of people are coming with us - not because they are extra chosen or we love them more or anything - but just because it's worked out for them to be the ones to go (something I believe is also God-ordained).

When we come back....we'll plan what we've named the "Shaffer Reception Plus." I don't know all the details yet, so obviously I can't tell you what they are, but I can tell you this: There will be food. There will be a wedding video to watch (collectively...not like it's playing in the background). There will be some elements that we would have used in a big, traditional church wedding if we'd had one. We will wear our wedding attire so everyone can see it. We will celebrate with ALL of you who would have come to our wedding here (had there been one).

And just one more thing - and then I'll stop because this is way too long for one day. Last summer, I was so honored to be a bridesmaid in my friend Olivia's wedding. I loved being part of her day. I did NOT love standing in front of 250 (or however many) people on a hot day in heels. The minute I got to the front of the church, I kicked off my shoes, grabbed the side of the piano for stability and spent the wedding praying I wouldn't pass out from nerves. I did pause to enjoy the vows and the kiss but missed most of the rest because crowds just make me SO NERVOUS.

And y'all, this is my wedding day. I want to enjoy every detail of the day I pledge my life to Ryan. And I know I'll enjoy it a lot more on a beach, breathing in sea air with my toes digging into the sand. It is no less a wedding because it's taking place away from here. It's no less special because it's small. It's no less meaningful because it's not the rigid script I once planned. It's our wedding day. We love it. We can't wait.

A Little Fall Fun

First of all, thank you all SO much for your comments and emails of encouragement yesterday. They meant so much to both of us! Thanks for hearing this excited bride's heart.

 

PS. Still SO weird to write the word BRIDE. In reference to ME! EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

 

Thought I'd lighten the mood a bit today by showing you a fun date Ryan and I had a few days back.

 

Tim Hawkins was in Fort Wayne, so we went to see him! I'd never seen him live - and neither had Ryan - so we went and laughed until our cheeks hurt!!! He is SO FUNNY!! If you've not seen him - check him out on YouTube - and if you find out he's in your area, go hear him!!

 THEN we lost a short period of time of our life waiting to get out of the parking lot. With nothing better to do, we took pictures.

 THEN...we went on a little outing to Steele Farms in Decatur, IN. I love this place!!! I went last year with Rachel Ashley and had so much fun....

We ate dinner there - hot dogs from the concession stand, which we loved. (Because we love hot dogs!! Hate it that the weather has prevented us from having hot dogs out at the fire pit this fall!)

 While there, Ryan got to meet the Crandalls - because they bundled up all of their kids and came to meet us! We love meeting each others friends and family - and this was a fun night of doing more of THAT! By the time we were done socializing with them, it was pretty dark, but that didn't stop us from doing a little photo opp with the cutouts...

 You'd be cranky too if you woke up with that much of a beard (for me) or a bun (for him)!

 Lookie what they have!! A CORN MAZE!!!!

 Never been in a corn maze after dark before, and I'm not going to lie - I was nervous! But check out my rockin' outfit - rain boots, skinny jeans, a hoodie, and gloves. Again - so lucky he loved me BEFORE this.

 Yeah we were lost from the get-go.

 And cold. It was SO COLD that night!!!

 We wandered around for a while and finally found an exit, so then we headed over to the pumpkin patch, where you can pick your own pumpkins!

 I shouldn't play with tools.

 A quick stop in the market before we went home to buy our pumpkins and some fall treats - peanuts and candy corn for the trip home!!!

We loved our day so much. And if you're in the area, Steele Farms is open until the 28th of October (I think) so check them out! Such a fun trip!

Formulas

I'm writing this post today because it's weighing on my heart, and I want to interrupt the Ryan 'n Bekah scrapbook long enough to share my heart. Sit with me and hear my thoughts?

I dearly wish I could find my Experiencing God workbook from this summer because I wanted to quote this to you outright...but alas...I've hidden it in a house showing adventure and I don't remember where!

But the bottom line was this: the authors said that the problem with Christians (and I would dare even to say the problem with people) is that we want a formula. We want to crack open the Bible (or any book) and find this perfectly tested outline that tells us exactly what steps to take - and when - to live this life. But life isn't like that. Life is not a formula.

And in all the joy...in all the excitement...in all the whirlwind that has been my relationship with Ryan, I find that I'm peppered with a lot of questions. Don't get me wrong. I don't mind the questions. I welcome the questions. I'm not afraid of them. Some of you have commented questions or emailed me questions and I love that. Ask me! Sometimes it helps me see what things you want to know about this love story, and already some future blog posts are swirling in my mind because I'm eager to fill in the gaps in this story so you can know it more fully.

But my heart is burdened today because (as with anything in life) there are skeptics. There are the eyebrow-raisers. There are those who feel nervous because of the crazy speed at which this relationship has moved. There are those who question things about it. There are those who are angry because things don't look...well...to be honest, they don't look like a formula.

* It is unorthodox, I understand, to date for two months, be engaged for two months, and then get married. People tend to expect a nice two year dating span, followed by six months to a year of engagement. Any shorter and people call it rushing. Any longer and people wonder which one in the couple is afraid of commitment. But let me tell you this. I spent the entire decade of my twenties preparing for marriage. I have read books and attended seminars and prayed Scripture and done a host of other things (some of which I shared with you and some of which I did not) to prepare for marriage. Ryan and I took time apart before we ever dated to pray about whether or not to even pursue a relationship. We sought counsel. We sought Abba. And we know - we are sure of each other and we are sure that God is leading us together. We realize some are surprised at the timing, and in some ways, we're surprised too! But as the verse on the left of my blog (ironically my 2012 verse, given to me by God at the start of the year) says - my ways are not His ways. His are higher.

* We have chosen to have a small wedding, not the big hoopla that I had long envisioned and that most probably expected me to have. There are those who are disappointed in this decision, and I do understand that. But I also know that this wedding fits us. Our entire relationship (proposal excluded) has been filled with moments that just include the two of us and God. We want to continue that with our wedding. We'll have a big party later - don't you worry. We'll give you a chance to celebrate with us. But the wedding - that is our sacred time with God.

* I am not pregnant. (I hate even writing that but it's been asked and I want to be SURE to shoot down that rumor.) Ryan and I have not had sex and will not until our wedding night. We are getting married quickly because we desire to begin our forever life together - and that is all there is to that.

* I realize there are A LOT of holes in this story. I love it that you all read this blog. I told Ryan the other night that it baffles me that the girl who was utterly invisible for so many years, now has a family of readers so big - she doesn't even know them all. And I can't imagine for the life of me why some of you hang out and take interest like you do, but I'm GLAD you do. And I know you are itching to know more - to know the rest of the story. But I only write one post a day. And they all can't be as long as this one. :) So I'll get to it eventually. I'll tell you the bits and pieces - about Ryan, about us. But it will take some time.

* There might be some unanswered questions. I believe God has asked me to use this blog as a ministry and I love it when I get emails from you saying how much you have been encouraged by something you read. I'm so grateful Ryan is open to having his life shared on the blog along with mine. I'm grateful he shares in my calling. Embraces it as his, too. Having said that, we won't tell you everything. Some things are just sacred and they're ours. There's a difference between hiding something and protecting the sacred. If I don't tell you something, it's not because I'm hiding it. It's because I'm protecting it as ours.

I love you...all of you who read. You bless and encourage me with your comments. I love it (we both do!) that so many of you are SO excited with us. I can't tell you how many women I talked to Saturday at the wellness fair who said to me, "Oh you're the girl who got engaged! I loved that!" We love it that you rejoice with us. We do.

It's hard to not let the two or three hurtful comments speak louder than the dozens of supportive ones. But we are convinced that God has ordained our love, and we're anxious to begin this life together. Even if it looks nothing like a formula.

Thanks for hearing my heart today. I hope it made sense. And I hope you'll still love hanging out here at Bekah's Bits!

Day Trip to Brown County

If you're not from Indiana, you're missing out on the treasure that is Brown County. It's in southern Indiana, and it is GORGEOUS. I think it was three years ago, now, that I spent a weekend down there with Julie Crandall - and then last summer (as in a year ago), right before I started my job at the station, I went down there for a week with Rachel Ashley for a writing retreat. It's just such a serene place!

 

Ryan and I had on our bucket list to go down there for a day this fall, but it seemed like every time we tried to schedule a day, one of us couldn't get out of work. Sadness indeed. So at the last minute (but before I knew about the engagement) we decided to take Friday off and head down there. I was SO GLAD we did that, because after the Thursday proposal, I'm not sure I could have focused to work on a Friday!!

 

We drove down that morning, making wedding plans the whole way down. The area was scheduled to be yucky and cold all day, but when we arrived, it was sunny and not too cold, so we decided to go to the state park first in case the rain showed up later.

 First order of business was to climb this fire tower. Let me back up and remind you I'm afraid of heights. And objects in photo are taller than they appear...

 It took several come-to-Jesus moments, but I made it to the top. You'll notice I did NOT let go of the railing or of Ryan. He told me later he considered proposing to me here. I'm glad he didn't. He never would have gotten my fingers uncurled enough to put a ring on my hand!

 He had to take over all photography once we got to the top because I seriously COULD NOT let go. My hands are cold just typing about it.

 We were really REALLY up there.

 We thought maybe this would be a good first home...and we plan to register for doors. What do you think??

 More self-timer/tripod magic.

 We hiked around Ogle Lake, which is the same lake Rachel and I hiked around in the 23904 degree heat last summer. The trees were starting to turn and it was GORGEOUS out there.

 I am in love with this man who carries a tripod for us. (His idea, no less, thankyouverymuch.)

 Hiking...hiking...hiking...

 We took our time, stopping several times just to talk. It really was the perfect morning. PERFECT.

 Photo opps outside a little picnic cabin at the end of the trail. We got some strange looks from passers-by, but do we look like we care? Didn't think so.

 I love this one!!!

 By the time we were done there, it was past lunch time, and we were hungry!! So we drove into Nashville (which is the little touristy town in Brown County) and had some massive tenderloins for lunch. They were SO GOOD.

 Then, you know - a quick trip to the courthouse...

 HA! Just kidding. I mean we did go up there for the picture, but we did not get married. HELLO!!!

We spent a couple of hours just shopping around. We got some stuff for ourselves and we did some Christmas shopping too!!

Then it was time for our afternoon coffee break.

 During which time, it started pouring....and we finally gave up and ran (or galloped, as he described my running in ballet flats and too-long jeans) through puddles back to the car.

 One look at that hair makes me glad he already loves me!! :)

On the way home, we stopped at these outlet malls and did a little shopping!

And that was our post-engagement day-trip!!