Thirty Kinds of Ridiculous

I am, indeed, ridiculous. I like to think it's part of my charm. Others may raise an eyebrow at that statement. But you're about to see how ridiculous I was in the early days of love!

Thursday night of his vacation week, we were chatting online really late. I was exhausted but I'd missed him and talking to him certainly trumped the need to sleep, so I willed my eyes to stay open long enough to complete the conversation.

And then he was gone.

He just stopped responding and from everything I could tell, the chatting system was working correctly. I waited quite a while and then tried texting him - just in case the chat box wasn't working. No response there either.

Y'all, panic ensued. I just knew he'd died right there in his bed and because it was the middle of the night, no one would know about it for hours. I launched into desperate prayer for his health and safety, and finally, knowing I had no other option, I curled up to sleep.

I've never been so relieved to hear my phone ring in the middle of the night as I was at 3:30 that morning. It was a text...of profuse apology. He'd fallen asleep (because the chat box wasn't working and he thought he was waiting on a message from me...much as I thought I was waiting on a message from him...) and he felt horrible. He felt horrible that he'd fallen asleep, and he felt horrible for waking me up to tell me that's what had happened.

He was safe! He wasn’t dead! I cried tears of relief as I responded and tried to reassure him I wasn’t angry. My heart broke that he felt he had to apologize for getting sleepy in the middle of the night! Was I treating him right? I told him not to worry. And then...he told me he missed me.
He MISSED me! Oh how long had I waited to be missed! And by someone who hadn’t even met me. And he was thankful for me? God was answering prayers left and right.

The next day, I had a vacation day, so we had a chance to chat for a while in the morning. He sent such beautiful words my way that I mostly just sat in bed giggling and blushing. I loved it that he wanted to make sure I'd had enough time to rest. He was worried about me even though I'd kept him up half the night talking and then the whole ridiculous worry thing....

My vacation plans were to depart for a scrapbooking haven with two friends. I knew the place had internet access, so I’d still be able to talk to him, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to hide my silly grin and my texting and chatting from the two of them. No one outside of my office and best friend knew I had this fledgling relationship, and I didn’t want the news to spread back to my parents until I’d had a chance to tell them.

That night, from the scrapping haven, I wrote to the Lord, Thank You for hanging in there with me…Last night…my own drama told me he was dead….That was a real battle for me. A real battle. Satan got me good…God, I was so scared. So sick to my stomach. So afraid You were pouring this blessing in my life only to take him away at two in the morning.

God, my heart is so full of joy – to feel so cared for and cherished. I loved making cards for him tonight. I want to bless him. Make him smile. Make him feel…I can’t write the word.

Have I mentioned I’m so ridiculous? I absolutely ache to be with him. ACHE. And I haven’t even met him. I love it that he tells me he misses me, and I have sorely missed talking to him today. My heart skips a beat when I think about talking to him tomorrow.

Streams from yesterday (which I should have read then) says, “Biblical heroes of faith…remind us not only of the necessity of faith, but also the patience required for faith’s work to be perfected.” You’re working so hard on me.

Today’s says, “The greatest challenge in receiving great things from God is holding on for the last half hour.” God, please help me to persevere. I don’t want to get all caught up in the drama that surrounded my relationship from before. I believe – and this scares me even to say – that You have a future for this. Oh God , do not let me mess this up with my fears. Help me to find deep trust. I need to know that You are over this and that I can trust him. I guess I have bigger issues than I thought.

I had no idea what would be required of me to find deep trust and for God to prove to me that He was over this relationship.

I waited and waited for Isaac to get online that night and he didn’t, so finally I went up to my little twin bed in the row of beds in our room. At 1:13, my phone buzzed under my pillow, and Isaac's text said, “You up? If not, I’ll talk to you soon.” It only took me 3 seconds to bound out of bed and head back to the crafting room to the computer. In the process, I accidentally dialed Mom on my cell phone and scared her to death with the middle of the night call and subsequent shuffling of sounds (since I didn’t realize the phone was on). Woops! Almost gave away the secret to her before I was ready!

I finally broke down and told one of my friends at the craft place about the new man in my life. And it was a good thing, because Saturday afternoon, the three of us were scrapping when my phone buzzed. I glanced down at the phone to see if the text was from him. Only it wasn’t a text. The phone said, “Call from Isaac.” My eyes lit up and I grabbed the phone. I shot an EEEE!! It’s him! look to the friend that I'd just told and scrambled out of the room. I scurried upstairs to our bedroom, closed the door behind me and sprawled out across the bed to talk to him. I think he called me almost as soon as he left the cabin. I loved it. One hour and twenty-two minutes later (though it only seemed to have been about fifteen minutes!) I got a text from downstairs that said it was starting to look strange that I'd been gone so long. I hated hanging up, but I knew I needed to. I told Isaac I’d try to call again later that day if I could.

I had to get creative about hiding the next call. The house had an amazing whirlpool tub, so I asked if I could take a bath. I sat in there for 64 minutes (without the jets running because I didn’t want him to know where I was) talking to him even more.

And it still wasn’t enough. We had to talk some more. So, under the pretense of wanting to wash my hair, I decided to go take a shower (did anyone wonder at my need for cleanliness?) and called him for another 19 minutes. Each time he answered, he was eager to hear from me and we picked up our conversation right from where we’d been!

That night, I told the Lord, God, I am one giggly pile of goo. We have talked THREE TIMES today. And none of those times seemed long enough. Why do I feel so strongly so quickly? I’m falling fast…

I love it, God. I love it that he loves to talk to me. I love it that he’s so thoughtful.

How much do I love his tenderness? I love how he already leads. I love how he seems to cherish me. Like I asked You earlier – am I falling in love?

Streams says, “May we never express our faith as these disciples did, in the past tense – ‘We had hoped.’ Yet may we always say, ‘I have hope!’”

God, the peace and the positive signs I see lead me more and more to believe he is my good and perfect gift from above.