Tender Scriptures and Lessons

Hopefully those of you in need of picture posts are satisfied...between the retreat recap and the pictures of the book signing. Now I have to tend to the desert-reading crowd.

Before I continue, I need to say this. I have wrestled back and forth about whether or not to put this bit of information in here right now, but I'm choosing to include it. My reasons for doing so are many and maybe someday I'll post why. You need to know that in present day life, Isaac and I are not together. The journey is no less valid and certainly no less real because of it, but it's important to me that you know it at this point. I hope you'll keep reading anyway, because the whole point of this story is not supposed to be about Isaac and me anyway. It's supposed to be about what I learned in my desert.

In case you've forgotten, the last part of the story you read was when Isaac and I had a date at Nate's. Something you may not remember (because I haven't mentioned it for a while) is that Isaac was right in the middle of a big life/job change. At this point in telling you the story, he was about three weeks away from his last day at his job - and from moving, as well. Obviously events of that magnitude create all sorts of emotions within a person...

...Emotions that I can't understand because I've never experienced something just like that before. I tried my best to use my imagination and feel what he was feeling, but I couldn't quite grasp it.

What I did begin to grasp in the two weeks that followed that date, was just the beginning of something God was about to unleash in my life: the soothing teaching of Scripture and the personal distribution of lessons from His Hand to my heart.

The first instance came in our Sunday School class. I don't remember what we studied that day, but we talked about these two verses... John 15:7-8: “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”

The word remain appears NINE times in that section of John 15. NINE. If God mentions something NINE times, chances are good He wants you to notice it. I took a pencil and underlined each appearance of the word remain in my new Bible. And since the Bible I'd chosen to purchase was a key word study Bible, I took the opportunity to look up the word remain in the lexical aids in the back just to see what it meant.

I found this: to abide, dwell, endure, last, persevere, stand firm, wait for, hold out, be patient. I had no idea in that moment, God was about to teach me, hands-on, what it meant to remain in Him. In that moment, I was much more interested in the part of the verse that said I could ask whatever I wished and it would be given to me. I had a list.

Later that week, I struggled heavily with what to do in this relationship. I was here and he was there. I was dealing with a significant family situation, and Isaac was dealing with his pending move. Our relationship was brand new and neither of us knew quite how to be what the other needed. And as I sorted through it all, I happened to think of this verse that I learned many years ago: "...I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day." - 2 Timothy 1:12

When I was growing up, one of my pastors was a loving man named Fred Littlefield. I was in upper elementary/lower junior high when he and his sweet wife, Naomi, were at our church, but I have never forgotten this one thing he said in a sermon: If we deposit Scripture in our memory bank, God will withdraw it at just the right time. And when that verse from 2 Timothy popped in my mind, I remembered Fred's words, too, and knew they were very true. I was thankful I'd taken time to commit that verse to memory earlier in my life so it could come back to me that day when I needed the reminder of His sovereignty.

The Saturday before Easter started out with a very sweet prayer time with the Lord in the early (well…for me…) morning. I wasn’t used to beginning a day with prayer and had no idea that in the days to come, such prayers would be so necessary to even get out of bed. I journaled as I sat in bed: Teach me, Lord. I can’t sleep. I’m waiting for my good morning call, and I’m having a very precious time of hearing Your voice speak to me. Like Isaac and I talked about, our job is to complement each other. Your job is to complete us. Help me to release my Isaac to you. He’s not mine. He’s a gift from You. Help me to release control of him to You. You see what I need in my heart and life. Compel his heart to be that for me. Teach him to lead. Teach him to trust. Teach him to comfort me. And teach me to let go.

I had no idea in the world what I asked for either one of us with that prayer. And honestly, had I known, I never would have prayed it. The beauty of God’s mystery.

Later that day, I had this experience, which I blogged about back at the time, but I want to mention it again, because it came to be significant in the desert.

Today I came home from helping decorate the church for Easter, and I laid down on the bed, my heart vacillating between fear and peace. I didn't even say words out loud...I just asked God in a heart-whisper to please teach me. Please speak to me. Please show me how to gain victory in this situation.

And He did.

He reminded me of something I heard long ago and had completely forgotten about until I asked for help today. I don't know if someone told me this or if I read it somewhere, but I remember learning that someone struggling with fear and control learned to open her hand. Physically open her hand until her palm was flat toward the sky and her fingers spread wide. And in that physical act of opening her hand, she learned to let go. Let go of the fear. Let go of the control. Let go of whatever consumed her. It reminded her of Who really is in control.

And so, stretched out on my bed, I uncurled my hand and spread my palm wide toward Heaven. And I knew He had everything in His hand...and was much more able to work with me now that I'm not trying to run the show.

I loved those visual lessons. I needed them. And I was about to get more.


Easter Sunday night, Isaac called to say he wasn't feeling well at all. I hated being so far away when he felt sick. I wanted to be there, with him, to take care of him, but the geographical distance separating us made that impossible. Instead, I wrote in my journal the only thing I knew to do...I’m praying Ephesians 3:14-16 over him right now – “For this reason I kneel before the Father from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being.” Jesus, strengthen him. Hold him now. Hold me. Show me how to love him.