The Sound of His Voice...

I'm sitting here in a pink fuzzy bathrobe with sunglasses on my head. Don't ask. Writers have wardrobes that defy explanation. I do, however, have the cup of coffee and the cat at hand. That makes me authentic. I bring all this up simply to say I was so nervous about sharing this journey with you - and believe me, I'm about to bite off my newly manicured nails about parts to come - but I am also really enjoying the opportunity to share with you. Thanks for leaving me notes so I know you're looking forward to the next chapter too! And speaking of...

...another Sunday rolled around. That morning I felt the presence of the Lord in a way I’d not experienced in months – years, perhaps. His Spirit hovered over me in church and I worshiped fully. Deeply. His attention to that longing of my heart unleashed some amazing adoration within me.

That afternoon, my best friend called. We hadn't talked for a few weeks, but I wasted no time in spilling the entire story to her. Start to finish. Together, though hundreds of miles separated us geographically, we cried over the enormity of it all. She understood my fears. She calmed my heart with words of wisdom...God knew what He was doing when He made best friends.

Isaac and I emailed back and forth a few times that day, and that evening, we chatted online again. I knew the next morning, he'd be leaving for a week of vacation with his family, and I had no idea how much - if any - I'd get to talk to him while he was gone. I knew it had only been a week, but we had grown so accustomed to emailing throughout the day and chatting for hours at night, and I just wasn't sure I could un-adjust. I got the impression he felt the same way.

He asked for my phone number (loved it!!) and immediately sent me a text...so I knew if nothing else, I'd hear from him that way while he was enjoying his vacation.

That night, I said to the Lord: Isaac, Jesus. He called me pretty. HE CALLED ME PRETTY! Did You hear that!?!?! Is he as pitiful as I am…thinking about me like I think about him? He said he feels like he’s known me forever. And didn’t I JUST say that? Please keep him safe while he drives…and please don’t let him forget me.

We texted a bit Monday morning, and for reasons I now no longer remember, my Monday lunch date couldn't meet me that day. So I went home and ate alone. About halfway through my lunch hour, I got a text from Isaac – just making small talk. I told him I’d just finished lunch and then I wondered…would he call?

Sure enough, the phone rang, and the screen flashed “Call from Isaac.” I squealed in delight and wondered what his voice might sound like…

Our first conversation was filled with moments of overdone laughter – not because we forced it, but because we were both so nervous to finally be talking out loud to one another. Per the counter on my phone, the call lasted 29 minutes and 42 seconds. It would have lasted longer, but I was standing outside my office door, just about to cross the threshold into “too long of a lunch hour” so I had to end the call.

I'm not going to lie to you - I loved the sound of his voice. I tried to match it to the pictures I'd seen - but really I just wanted to meet him in person.

That evening was strange, because he was busy with the family and couldn't chat like normal (can you create a new normal in a week's time?). But while I had some free time, I did more study in my Sunday School book on prayer. I found this quote: “What if tomorrow everything I received depended on acknowledging its being from God today? If I did not thank God for air and lungs today, there would be no air tomorrow, and my lungs would collapse. Few of us realize how totally dependent on God we are. We do not acknowledge God as the source of everything we have.”

I knew it was true, and I wrote in my journal, Such a great point. I’ve been trying to be so vocally thankful, but I know I fall short.

I fell short and I had no idea that all too soon, I would learn as I never had known before what it was like to be totally dependent on God, because I would be totally depleted in myself.

I also read from Streams: “God often seems to place His children in places of deep difficulty, leading them to a corner from which there is no escape. He creates situations that human judgment, even if consulted, would never allow. Yet the cloudiness of the circumstance itself is used by Him to guide us to the other side. He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. You will be unable to ever thank God enough for doing exactly what He has done.”

Jesus, please direct me. I love it that he’s so sweet and yet I know it might not last forever.

In just weeks, I would know clouds like I’d never seen before…and I would fight to learn how to learn lessons that would leave me unable to thank God for doing exactly what He has done.

I also wrote in my journal that night…He called me today – at lunch. I loved it. I am not sure how I feel so strongly so quickly. I love it when he says sweet things that make me blush and giggle and get goose bumps. He even chose to talk to me instead of getting in the hot tub tonight. I love that because I know he loves hot tubs!

Know what else I loved? Waking up to an email he wrote me at 1 in the morning while I was falling asleep thinking about him.