Bits for Sunday, January 17, 2010

In a very uncharacteristic Bekah moment, I elected to take a mini road trip…in the fog…and the dark…with interstate driving involved. Mom said that the Bekah of old never would have done such a thing. Well the Bekah of new wasn’t too sure about it, but I survived.

So did the horse and buggy I didn’t see until I was nearly upon them.

The adventure started yesterday afternoon, when I drove to and from the Gaither store. The drive home was definitely more difficult. As I sailed along, I noticed a large barn to my left and thought Hey isn’t that kind of close to a stoplight? I looked up and found the stoplight right in front of me. I was glad I at least knew the area…the landmarks helped.

But on trip number two yesterday, I found myself in the dark, on unfamiliar roads, trying to drive while reading directions, and that was a bit more challenging. At first I liked driving in the dark fog better than the daylight fog, because at least drivers all used their headlights. But the longer I drove, and the farther into the country I went, the fewer lights I saw, and the claustrophobic feeling began to descend. Fortunately, my trip to the Gaither store had yielded a new Vocal Band CD, so I cranked that up and joined as their sixth member to calm myself.

A couple of times throughout the drives, God and I had some emergency talks…and it was during one of those talks that I continued yapping and mentioned that the fog hugging my car reminded me of how I feel about life.

I’m such a planner. You know that. As soon as I’m done writing this, I’m going to rummage the day planner out of my luggage and carefully script my week. I’ll open up the planner tomorrow when I get to work and coach myself through timelines of accomplishing everything I’ve written down – and carve out some extra moments for all the last minute things I’ll add along the way.

Planner-people don’t like foggy lives. Anything less than full visibility into the steps ahead is just plain annoying. And yet there are days – like the ones this weekend – when life is full of thick, heavy, choking fog. And while I technically did have a choice about whether or not I was going to drive in it, life does not offer the same option. Life must be lived.

But just like the fog outside my car caused me to occasionally turn down the music and turn up the prayers, the foggy life drives me to my prayer journal and my open Bible. I recognize…more than ever…in those moments that I am dependent…because I can’t see. And I have no power to change that.

Eventually, fog clears. I hope. I told Mom that I don’t remember the last time I saw two full days of such thick fog. But I’m assuming that one day I’ll wake up to sunshine and miles of viewing. It may be a while before that same gift is extended to my real life, but I’m going to live in the hope that one of these day…I just might be able to see a bit into the distance!